†-dressing (W.I.P)

“You’re so damn polarising” they say
“Just tone it down” They always tell me
But it’s just too much fun this way
Pick out aspects from the bed sheets
I shouldn’t be out of the house
I shouldn’t be out of my room
They send me cheques in the mail telling me so
When just getting up’s rebelling, what’cha to do?

Do you just keep it to yourself
Try and get away with it in the crowd
Or do you proclaim it loudly?
Put 2 out of 100 on double work load
Neither one feels like the right way
Nothing steeped in sane logical thought ever does
If I’m a lost cause anyway who cares?
I’m a major league on BBC4 with no rule book

So what I do is give in to absolutely everything
Until the outside feels like the inside
Slap on the leggings and the microscopic shorts
Hidden by grandma’s manufactured hand-me-down
Trying to emulate the only people I’ve admired
Till I’m the person they turn to admire
Then maybe they’ll treat me like them too
So sweet, so pure, so sought after
Eyes burning through my sweater; a dream come true
Outlined by the dance floor every Friday night

For better or for worse…

A finger nail marking down my sides
And the Mayans secure my place in the cosmos
Cos I was never born to survive
A laundry list of conversation stoppers
A hasty count town timer
Exchange the blind eye for pricing sight
To delay the snuffing out of my light
Do you think I look beautiful tonight?
Do you think I got the hang of appropriating right?
Cos I was born to a club that only ever hurt me
If I didn’t want to kill them where they stood
I wanted to rip their fucking tongues out
Have you ever been attracted to what disgusts you?
As their stubble scratches you in the moonlight

I’ll think I’ll just stick to the Yin
But I can’t help but compete with ‘em
I want to be the them they want to be everyday
I want them to be terrified of picking an outfit, lest we clash
So I guess it’s back to Yang with every intent to replace
What I’d give to receive the love you give them
That last puppy in the pound level of attention
To erase life itself, till your the prettiest girl in the room
Hand on heart reciting the psychotics oath
Cos there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to get that love
I’d go from Mr to Mrs to back again
I’ll let you call me anything you want
Dress me like a doll, put me on parole
Just to be wanted, just to be found
To be the centre of attention
The apple of anyone’s eye
I tell you I’ll do absolutely anything
And that ain’t no lie

Sebastian Noël

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