Will I Do, For You?

A cleaned up version of an unfinished poem I found
I reckon I started this way back in 2011

He doesn’t listen to you, he doesn’t return your calls
He’s done one on you ain’t he?
Chewed you up and spat you out proper ain’t he?
And no message you spend in a bottle
Will ever reach his shores
You’ve been hustled out of your intimacy

You can’t stop going over the scenario
All the possibles and probably could’ves
The next holiday, your first child’s name
But you’ve been hoodwinked good and true
It pains me to see the pain crawl on your face
But I can’t help but succumb to a grin
This is the most I’ve ever seen you in a week
I always want to see you, but only now you agree

You can’t get the boy you want
But you can get me, I guarantee
You always had me whether you knew it or not
You had me good and proper you did
Cos I never feel more at home at all
Unless I’m sharing the same soil as you
As we see the day to an end
On a cul-de-sac hillside, wondering why

I know I’m not the working class atlas
I know I’m lagging on the witty pace
But nothing amounts to the glee
I feel when you’re in my vicinity
But maybe that’s just dead selfish of me
You might be better keeping me at bay

Sebastian Noël

Another Draft Of History

If minds could break out
Of the matter that confines them to our heads
I’d sore across the collective conscious cosmos
I’d wag on the laws of time and reality
All to loan out myself for a spell
The mind of now, inhabiting the form of then

When ever I ended up when I entered the cockpit
Maybe it’ll be just as I call for the curtains
Equipped with 5 years of pain, on account of isolation
And the scene by scene of your dying soul
Well…. I’d collapsed on sight at your feet
Whatever ignorance did to tempt my young heart
It’s not worth it I swear
We found something radioactive right here
The kind of things poets and writers hypothesise about
A real home with someone, a real peace

An espers access to each other brain waves
As we pre-emptively cushion a devastating blow
The sensibilities that we leave to fade
While another improv act plays out
During a pub date, down the local dive
An audience of no one, with critical acclaim
That’s the kind of feeling I mean
When proximity produces happiness

If my mind enveloped that body, I’d tell you straight
“There’s no discovery that matches up
No chase will yield a worthy catch
My only will to live was to see us through
And with your absence I don’t know what else to do”
A plea from the future, one that’s true

Oh what a pity it is XXXXXXXXX
That we found each other way too early
To really understand what it was we found
I thought maybe it was a delusion
That it was young love’s nostalgic echo chamber
But is it really XXXXXXXXX?
Could it not be we are the means to be happy?
I’m sure you’ll escape abusive means one day
And find the one to give you a greater feeling
But what of lonely mortals like me?

Cos the fact remains from day 1
That I wanna die everyday I’m not yours
Please show me that love
Please XXXXXXXXX

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Feeder

You take to the skin peeling of your innocent face
With a fragmented thumbs up and a fake smile
And when we’re sounding the alarms to check if your alive
You show us the back of your hand, how dare we care
But you see empathy isn’t a renewable source
You keep spendin’ and spendin’ and it’s gonna run dry
Your jaw drops to the floor when I turn back around
But honey I’m handing out diamonds, and your treating them like copper

You say this isn’t love
And you ain’t wrong
I’d say this wasn’t love at all

Cos your a feeder through and through
You feed any evil that comes knocking at your door
We offer our hands out to help your up
Only to be treated with bites and scowls
But what of the hands that only want to give you slap?
Well your on your hands and knees for them aren’t you dear?
So it’s clear where our time falls on your scale of worth
And I know I’m at least worth a lot more then that

You think your the only one suffering
Some of us aren’t content licking our wounds dry
And of course your running low on time to help with that
But watch the spare time pour out of your pockets
When the scorpions are low on their ego quota
That is till he stings you in the back again
Then it’s back to me, hands and knees for the hand out
But no more, I’m above tending to the leaches

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

SHOULD LOVE STING? [W.I.P]

God it pisses me off when you love me
But being mad ain’t no fun either
I guess I just want to reside in the battlefield
Where romance stays Hollywood, no matter the cost
For every wound we tend to
We make sure another replaces it
Sure beats making a bed in the ashes
Bored as can be

My greatest memories were never content days
Is anyone’s best memories the content days?
I remember the times you said you loved me
Just moments after telling me to die
The times you’d poke the land mines
Just to see if it was still live
Repugnant to the on looker
Polarising to the sane
But nothing made me thank god for this life
Like seeing the fire come to life in your eyes

You could never second guess our devotion
When the price of admission was so high
As you make the journey to square up to me
Only as you arrive, to end up kissing me
Cos lord knows I love it when your pissed at me
Cos being mad with you is a hell of a lot of fun

Lnc0

Stormy Seas

I know what ‘difficult’ is a codeword for
No one ever makes it though those 9 letters unscathed
It’s not as if anyone’s raised the white flag
But it’s clear we’ve been playing different games all along

Of course it’s better then to stay ignorant
But I’ll kick and scream at the predictability
Can I not gain the foresight to spot the 3rd act
After the 2nd ice cream pallor meet up
I’m scared of dipping my toes into that world again
So much effort, so much time, on a non starter
I know it’s the risk we all have to take with majesty
But I’m terrified

Lnc0

The Spark -The First Movement-

The 9-5 method of preservation
Just to fund the monthly sink to hasten the decay
As he whispers cynical realities into your ears
Clip the wings, petrify the soul
So escape seems impossible
So settling seems inevitable
Cos if you could fly away
Then we all could escape the loop
And the notion of effort couldn’t repulse him more
So he jots down a script, time to dose the fire

But channel out the equalisers
Your destiny was always to become The Spark
Soar into the second reality
Become the lighting rod to power us all
To make our plasma supercharged
Break free of the confines
Taste our dreams resting upon our tongues
We’ve put more stock into you then is healthy

But The Spark’s duty comes at a cost
Especially in front of the malicious kind
Who need to be the top of their podiums
They’re content with moulding into the tarmac
They can’t have you excelling at all
Not at the risk of smelting their gold into bronze

So they’ll tell you anything they can
Show you a descending ladder into crystals
And then they’ll ‘Welcome you to reality’
Then if you start to ascend that ladder
You become ‘The Idiot’ you become ‘The Retard’
Turn the world into the hopeless one

If only you could see the grace in you, that we do
That you’re potential incarnate
The working class heroine the snake pit deserves
You gotta show us a world where it’s possible
To escape the blindfold of the abuse cycle
Deleting the failsafe installed at birth
That we have to take the very little we can get
That safety comes at cost of your entire life
None of us want to believe any of that’s true
I know for a fact you don’t wanna think that’s true

So come on XXXXXX you can’t fall here now
Your lowly doppelgängers just want to believe
Because if it’s all hopeless and you fall here now
Then I’ll pull the fucking trigger

Lnc0

BBQ At Mine Tonight

You love me so much
When their are girls to impress
I’m your only baby
When their are girls to impress
You never wanna let me go
When their are girls to impress
You wanna tell them about us
When their are girls to impress
You actually like my friends
When their are girls to impress
My laugh doesn’t annoy you
When their are girls to impress
It’s me and you fffoooorreevvveerrr
When their are girls to impress
You imply stuff about my dick
When their are girls to impress
You can’t wait to fuck in the toilets
When their are girls to impress
It’s all fucking bollocks
When their are girls to impress

‘Cos when their are no girls around
You look at me like a pile of vomit

Lnc0

Confused For The Sake Of Being Confused [2016 Remake]

For a romantic debut, I think I could’ve done better
Just to think, nary 2 nights ago we were rolling in the mud
Exerting hot air with no substance to it what so ever
But does it matter? Two teeny bopers shooting the shit
Aiming nothing substantial to be immortalised in the stars
I can’t think of nothing more beautiful in hindsight

Such a cosmic contrast to a classic Essex bust up
Hanging on the thread of another request to be put on hold
Twiddling my toes, finding ways to kill time
While a flood of possibilities pass me by the roadside
Did you do it in the cubicles? Or in the cinema?
Fantastic ways to waste your time on the weekend
I’ve no doubt your trading sucker punches with another fella
Already a jab on it’s own, but the part that really stings
Is the confirmation that love wasn’t the motive to this crime
You just could, that’s it

I try to put it to the back of my mind
This is my first love, and maybe I just don’t know any better
Maybe everyone goes through this too! It’s just process
That’s the key I use to get out of this prison
I’ve curated for myself with absolute precision
With every imagine conjured up designed to incite anguish

So I get my coat and stroll out
The evening’s air has done nothing but aid me thus far
And then I’m greeted by a gorgeous sight
The sight of you patrolling the night with him round the bend
We exchange the looks
I want to scream out, but my mouths locked tight
It’s the restraints I used to lock myself back in the prison
But not before I turn my head to check what I had seen
To check that’s it’s really the end
It’s agony

So I’m back to serving my sentence
Except my imagination’s become fact
A buzz on the phone
The sounds of a moan
I think I knew it all along
But confusions a great delaying tactic ain’t it?

Lnc0

————————————————————————-

As hinted at above, this poem is a remake, infact it’s a remake of THE VERY FIRST POEM I EVER ‘PROPERLY’ WROTE. I’ve never posted it cos y’know Tumblr wasn’t a thing in my life in 2007, but here it is, written by 17 year old me in all it’s embarrassing glory:

By the time the moon has made the lap another 2 times
Your off slinging your hooks with some other guy
To think 2 rotations ago i was sure you was mine
But now i’m a victim of change and at the mercy of why

I wanna be at home and to go alone
I’m not sure anymore
From When to Who and Why and back to Where
I’m shrouded in doubt

Doubt that love was ever the motive behind this most henious crime

I’m strolling about the town again, to find a preaty sight
The sight of you and 2 other guys patroling round the bend
We exchange the looks;
sad in
glad out
but the mouths are shut tight
I turn my head for one last check, to check it’s realy the end

I wanna be close and i wanna be away
I’m not thinking anymore
I rush back home, but i’m feeling regret in confort
I’m left wanting more

So i sit here, on the night alone, only with a brew to call my own
A buzz on the phone
The sounds of a moan
Just please, i need a minuite alone

You can’t put me down for being mad for wearing this frown
It’s just that i can’t bealive i was up aginst half the fucking town

[17 year old] Lnc0

Dead

Kiss, cradle, sizzle sizzle
I can’t do anything to make you hate me
No achievement can elevate me
No enslavement makes me intimidate
I’ve lost all humanity In the gulf
The only thought that keeps me marching
Is the writhe, the pain, the agony
Taking every inch and transplanting onto you

They come in single file
I have to turn ‘em all away
Your not good enough for my scheme
You’ll hardly graze their arm with that shot
It’s really gotta get underneath their nails
The thought of us has got to cause unfathomable strain
Oh honey of course your the most beautiful thing
But it’s about more then that now

Your remorseless
Unabsolvable by any god or deity
You withdraw into the nest
Free of consequence or reaction
I wanna slip in through the cracks
Tear your bubble open
And consume you
As you see the level I’m operating at
You’ll start to feel regret
You’ll put someone above you for the first time
Just want you to feel that bullet hole
Regardless of weather or not it’s their

I just want you too feel dead
Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead

Dead Like me

Lnc0

A part of the ‘4 Nights Of Hell’ Series

I Still Don’t Know What Love Is

A stare blanker then safety fire
That’s the aesthetic as I’m hit with the feeling again
AS you glance at the floor mid waltz
I dunno where you went, but I hope it was better then here
I’m your precious little life support
As you browse the isles for methods to get out
A recent decline you’d assume
But I’m cynical enough to suggest my MO was transplant duty

Our intimacy is sub zero
Our chemistry as acid and alkaline collide
My ears can’t ignore the boredom in your voice
Our affection, brotherly
Our conversations, small talk
My heart can’t deny your indifference

I don’t think anything will modify at this rate
I can’t believe you can’t pick up on the stillness
No matter how much feeling I inject
Your expression stays the same
Like cordyceps growing from a corpse
You can hardly call this living, call this love

I’m happy I was service to your life
But my power is pouring from the cracks
I’m sure you can see the damage that’s done to me
But the method to protecting this shell is simple

Just
Stop
Caring
A million faces are smiling back on me
How moronic to just focus on one

Lnc0