Tag: XXXXXXXXX

The XXXXXXXXX series

Here’s a compilation of them poems I christen the ‘XXXXXXXXX’ series in what is in many ways a chronological order of events, some of these take years before I finish them so if you want to see my heart be destroyed in a canonical timeline, now you can!

1) XXXXXXXXX
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258028267/xxxxxxxxx

——————————————————————————–

2) Byakko
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143784812282/byakko

3) Another Draft Of History
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/146711143547/another-draft-of-history

4) Feeder
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/145360464887/feeder

5) Detachment Blues
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143989454096/detachment-blues

6) Being Honest
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147257267742/being-honest

7) Aftermath
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258954067/aftermath

Sebastian Noël

XXXXXXXXX

A burden lifted, a job relieved
Must’ve been Christmas come earlier
Like if the addicts stash grew legs
And filed the restraining order itself

Oh XXXXXXXXX
This is good for us I swear
You’ll miss the biscuit tin rises when taken away
But when your gorging on the 5-star moments
As your creation takes centre of an exhibition
While your published 2nd half to be, he grabs you tight
Kisses you on the head, and tells you how proud he is
You won’t be missing us then I promise

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Dry your eyes princess, this is no time to fret
There’s no glory keeping the Griffin in the cage
You were never mine, you belonged to the Gaia
To fuel those needing souls with inspirations
So they can join you sipping wine at the Tate Modern
Tell the kids it’s just a matter of time
Tell them we can all be like you XXXXXXXXX

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Know that despite time, I’ll always love you
For anymore I’ll doubt such a sappy claim
But for you it’s a sure fire
It’s just I’m a mystery to myself
And I’m a weaker man for it
No need for you to get caught in this mess I’m in
I’ll take the bullet, I’ll survive the bleeding

And when we come across each other again
When we lock eyes in the street
You’ll be wearing the nicest outfit
Arm in arm with an Adonis
You’ll look my way
And I’ll look back with a smile
Cos I know I made the right choice
Oh I’ll never escape loving you XXXXXXXXX
Only love can motivate such a suicide
But don’t worry I’ll make my own way

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series
Originally written 6 years ago, tarted up in 2016

Being Honest

It doesn’t make it any better being honest
Walking down Old Heath road with an explained expression
Didn’t exactly make the times any easier to swallow
Saying the scimitar lodged in my gut may be forever

And what if I become honest with the scripture too
Paint colourful metaphors about the daily life
How the morning toasties taste worse and worse
How my face is succumbing to age and pruning up
How I’ve lost all motivation to keep in shape
You’re lost to the first guy who’ll raise their fist

So what’s the point?

Recollection hangs around like a spectre
Inciting the grmiore of comparison to ruin the mood
How can I progress in the world with this curse looming
Cos I couldn’t help but notice she can’t carry a joke like you can
She ends things 1 punch line too short
She doesn’t get as silly, not prone to knocking things over
Doesn’t get so excited that she screams through her laugh
Or says a diss so loud you command silence in the room

And we talk she sticks to the safe havens
Always people and events again and again
She wasn’t born a great person not like we were
You couldn’t get us away from out ideas
We swear we’re gonna make it in some way
And if we brought up something we didn’t know
There’s no popularity contest: We just don’t know
And we’d be excited to be taught by our favourite person

And when we make our way home
I can’t help but notice she’s not as experimental as you
She doesn’t take the lead like you did
You were sub at heart but not afraid to lay your demands down
There’s no flow with her, not like we’re in sync at all
You were so far on the wavelength you finished my thoughts
And if we wanted to try something new?
No demand was to taboo to see the other smile

But it’s time to accept the dealers hand
There’s no other option but to move on
Into the hands of the less inclined public
The kind to make a roll call based on minutes
“His name isn’t Simon and he wears his ring like THAT!?”
Oh joy, and to think I have to fight for their affection
I dunno if that’s the way round it should be
It’s all statistics, it’s all defensive
No way to let sweet love bloom
When everyone’s hiding a knife behind their masks

The nagging sense that follows from wake till break
Well it alleviates when we wasted any time together
But why don’t you value that? Like all others do?
“I don’t need a best friends” you exclaim
But without irony bust your romances lack of synergy
The key to our woe’s is staring us right in our faces

The novelists dream is right here on our path can’t you see
What’s keeping your veil firmly wrapped XXXXXXXX?
I can’t vision the rewards in store that keeps your back to me
A domestic bronze medal is your ambition? Just seems silly

My friend’s still tease me about it you know
“So are you still in love with XXXXXXXXX?”
Did anyone need confirmation?
I’ve left my psyche at the mercy
Of schizophrenics, narcissists and neurotics
To beat me into the perfect man for you
But it’s still not enough for you
Well nothing would be enough for you
You’re not in the race, you’re not on the market
But just for the 0.1% odds I thought…. Maybe
You’d be enticed by the things in your dreams
But reality bites, don’t it XXXXXXXXX?

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Another Draft Of History

If minds could break out
Of the matter that confines them to our heads
I’d sore across the collective conscious cosmos
I’d wag on the laws of time and reality
All to loan out myself for a spell
The mind of now, inhabiting the form of then

When ever I ended up when I entered the cockpit
Maybe it’ll be just as I call for the curtains
Equipped with 5 years of pain, on account of isolation
And the scene by scene of your dying soul
Well…. I’d collapsed on sight at your feet
Whatever ignorance did to tempt my young heart
It’s not worth it I swear
We found something radioactive right here
The kind of things poets and writers hypothesise about
A real home with someone, a real peace

An espers access to each other brain waves
As we pre-emptively cushion a devastating blow
The sensibilities that we leave to fade
While another improv act plays out
During a pub date, down the local dive
An audience of no one, with critical acclaim
That’s the kind of feeling I mean
When proximity produces happiness

If my mind enveloped that body, I’d tell you straight
“There’s no discovery that matches up
No chase will yield a worthy catch
My only will to live was to see us through
And with your absence I don’t know what else to do”
A plea from the future, one that’s true

Oh what a pity it is XXXXXXXXX
That we found each other way too early
To really understand what it was we found
I thought maybe it was a delusion
That it was young love’s nostalgic echo chamber
But is it really XXXXXXXXX?
Could it not be we are the means to be happy?
I’m sure you’ll escape abusive means one day
And find the one to give you a greater feeling
But what of lonely mortals like me?

Cos the fact remains from day 1
That I wanna die everyday I’m not yours
Please show me that love
Please XXXXXXXXX

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Detachment Blues

I feel like I’ve been chewing on
The contents of a Sunday morning
Ever since I told you to go fuck yourself
And you complied with my demands

Just feels like the clouds hurdle around now
And the vibrance seeps from the canvas
The victim of all my favourite thoughts
My favourite page when going through the memories
Feels like I’m resurrecting from my grave
Simply when I populate your atmosphere
Every time you validate my appearance before you
When you specifically call me to the plate
It’s the closest I’ve come to a believer
When I see the image of god in your eyes

Your imprinted in my cellular make-up
But I’ve had to have you extracted
A chips appeared in the narrative facade
And I got to cut of the dead weight
Cos I’ve seen you gather that surge from another
And it breaks my heart to know your vision
Doesn’t interpret me in your life
The same way I do to you, in mine
Your welcome to add the beauty to their world
I welcome back the erosion of mine

But that doesn’t mean your positions been filled
Heck it doesn’t mean your even fired
I’m hoping for that grand parade of invasion
Where the walls collapse from you to me
For the sake of that grandiose apology
Then you’d reattach your veins to mine
And I can accept god in my life again

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Byakko

I want to drown in hypothesis
Or at least have the calculus running
In the background as it always has
The hum that helps me fall to sleep
Recollection of injecting the joy into your husk
Truly discard the armour for just a moment
Tracing out clouds, comparing daisies collected
The closest we get to a single digit percentage
To a state they call ‘genuine’
Single moment where all the poems and verses
About the light of the invisible pulls
Start to creep into the reality I inhabit
The rumour they call love

That verbal hypnotism gives me that glow
Of a hundred kisses given under the sheets
And if you ever contacted me with those lips
I’d dissolve with the fauna’s pollen
And I’ll cease to exist in this world
As pure and innocent as I entered it

Can I really let that wane?
Turn of that white noise
And find a way to peace in the silence
Find comfort in the realm of nothingness
I know the symbiote nature has to cease
I’d gladly donate all my insides
But not to see you die in my sight
Again and again and again

If only I’d of intervened with your destruction
And wasn’t obsessed with the perfect timing
Kept endgame to the side
And my heart to myself
The way it beats no different right now
Then time wasting nights in Williams and Griffin
The beats no different for these 7 years
If I was weak to love you then
Then this can only be complete devotion
Not a single atom hasn’t been in your grasp

But I’ll revoke those custody rights
No matter how much it’ll kill me inside
Cos I can’t bring myself to relay
Just how much I’ve loved you
How many times I’ve howled in my cage
Weeping over flashbacks of holding you tight
We was so damn sure we’d never let go
In the company of one born in the same dimension
Everyone else feels like an abstract collage
You were the only thing in focus
And now nothing makes sense
But can you tell me? To really nail the coffin in

Did you ever feel the love come around again?

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series