The Eyes

My adoring public
I can hear your calls loud and clear
And I promise I got all your nice letters and gifts
But something ain’t sitting quite right with me
I’m standing here in a coat of saliva
Reflecting of the strobe lights, the jazzy sonics
But the brain doesn’t feel any less at ease
The cancer of isolation is slowly taking it away
Cos I’m running on empty this night
And I dunno what it is I really need
Can I find the elation that only company can provide?
Can I find the worth to which only praise can comply?
Maybe the silhouettes shaking in the smog can set me free?
As one snaps back into reality and approaches me

She moves through the night like smoke
Pins me to the wall gagging for life like monoxide
Pythons running through my shirt
While she barks through forked tongues
The haze of your 5th rum intake
Translates the howls and barks more colloquially
“I want every atom and line of code
That created your being, all the time, every time”
But when your soul starts to radiate
As soon as you unleash the locks from your jaws
Will it decay the budding rose
Will your verse turn into pesticide?
Her claws try to relax the buttons of your jeans
But does she really care about what’s inside?

You defragment and collect yourself in another scene
But try as you might you can’t escape it
The eyes undress you, they molest you
They grow in numbers as they surround you
Your so beautiful, the most prettiest thing they’ve seen
But your just beautiful, just the prettiest thing
And the panic starts to set in
The anxiety really starts to rev up
You dunno what it was you ever wanted
But you’ll never find it here
You die inside, you just want to cry
Your soul starts to quiver and freeze
What is that you’ve done?
Do you really even know?

Lnc0

From The ‘4 Nights Of Hell’ Series 

The Start Of The 4 Nights Of Hell

I still think I’m going to get married to you one day
As all the onlookers gaze with smug interpretations on their face
As if they could see everything 5 moves ahead
Maybe I can give them a little ask from years from the past

Cos I just wanna tell you, how much flows on the inside
Everytime life deals yourself on my plate
No matter how much fortification we erect around ourselves
We can’t ignore the life force we surge into ourselves
I’d give up any future that was guaranteed for me
To shatter the glass barricades for only a day
That glass I know has to be shattered one day, a mere delay
So I can one day tell you their’s no amount of time I can wait
Your still the only one who can breath  the life veins into me
Reverse this petrified heart of mine and see

I’m in and out with the world’s pallet
And lord knows I tried, I tried so hard
To get them to understand my heart
Get them to flow into me
But try as I might there’s nothing I can do
I just can’t love anyone as much as I loved you
I can be good, I can be everything
I can be anything, I can be nothing
I can be all you want, I can be your blood,
I can be your soul and beat through and through
Cos I don’t love anyone at all
At least nowhere as much as I love you

But I know I won’t get married to you one day
There’ll be no satisfied theorist to give us away
I know I’ll be no good, I know I’ve never been good
Cos it’s gotta be him, never me and you

Lnc0

From the ‘The 4 Nights Of Hell’ series

————————————————————————–

Little extra backstroy on this one, this poem was less written more ‘found’ on my hardrive, I must’ve written this while drunk at the end of a night out, at the start of the 4 nights these next few poems will be based around, thought I did punctuation and spelling corrections, I didn’t change anything, this is just what I wrote and it’s so sad to know there’s a part of me that’s hurting this bad

Tonight Luke Switzer DIES!

I’ve got you on the ropes now
Naked, bruised and begging for your life
I can’t believe after everything the time has come!
Tonight’s the night I come and take your life

It makes me ill to look at your face
Honestly I don’t even recognise you anymore
Let alone associate your actions with my own
You’ve hurt so many people as an ignorant brat
You let so many loves of your life walk away
It’s going feel so fucking good when I snuff out your life

Your father thinks you a buffoon
Discouraged your uni dreams knowing your to stupid
Your mother thought you a glass cannon
Destined for the destruction of all things, especially yourself
She even put it in scribe lest you forget even after she’s gone
And you know what? They weren’t wrong
You’re a toxic failure, contaminating everything you let down
So you see? No one will miss you when I steal your life

Oh god I’m so excited, I can’t contain it!
I dunno if I can keep the belt on my jeans
Cos It’s been a long time coming
Now I’m hear to take you out!
Yes tonight will be the night
Where the pathetic, selfish, useless, decaying
Failure of a man Luke Switzer dies
And the charismatic, talented, determined, beautiful
And essex’s greatest lover: Sebastian Noël will rise
And not just temporarily this time

Lnc0

Sad, Except Not? But I Guess I Am Now

Abort! Abort! Operation could not be found!
What a bizarre sensation
When decay visits your head-space
But comes too at a loss
What’s dedication to a feeling without origin?
It’s just like trying to cry with dust
Pointless and painful
Everything’s getting better
But your hearts missed that memo
What a confusing bus ride this is

I’m a float belly first
In a flood of a profound melancholy
For what fells like decades
The mere notion…. Everythings okay!?
My heart rejects it
“You thought this last time!”
There’s never a point in your time
The laser points, NOT aimed at your head!
You might crave happiness, but rest assured
These endorphins lead only to pain again

So stay as you are
Holding back dry tears
Cos the bus is gonna be 5 minutes late
To arrive to the appointment you don’t have
The way your shoes feel today?
Spots on your skin? Yeah cry over that too!
Trust me man, it’s so much safer this way
So cry your little heart back to safety

Lnc0

Why Me? [Draft]

I just can’t do it
Rimming around the outskirts of my mocha
Trying to grab the clauses from the air
To build us something resembling small talk
Cos that’s what sane people would do right?
Keep it all composed
Shoot eachother satin laced nods and smiles
Where so happy to hear that of each other
Except we couldn’t possibly be in reality could we?
Just tell me why, why didn’t you come?

Where the fuck have you been?
I remember during toaster filtered summer nights
Tearing up in your bedroom, clutching my paws
You were so afraid we’d drift so far apart
You said you didn’t want me to ever leave
That you wanted to do everything to keep me around
I bet you applauded yourself for that one, Oscar worthy even
You can count me among those who fell for it

I know how much more stimuli you get now
From your new life with all the temporary high cads
But when your alone at night….
Who am I kidding? A girl like you is never fucking alone
A slightly fawning cough and they run up in miles
But lets say you could bring yourself to be alone once
Do you never flick thorough the blackbox
And remember the times you said you’d be there
The times you said it killed you to see me hurt
When I’m veiled top to bottom in sulking tears
With my arms covered in blood
Concealing the blade in my jacket pocket
Did you ever think that got any better with time?
Do you just not care anymore?
And if you don’t…. Tell me why?
What made you stop caring?
Weather or not I lived or died?
Why…  What did I do? Why me?
Aren’t you worried about me? …Why?

I know I got more rancid as time went on
I arrived as a beacon of lost hope
And turned into a broken brake light
I got so much worse as time went on
I stopped trying to look any good
My hair got more shit and grim
I got so much more fatter
I stopped being someone you could show off
I kept feeling sick around your friends
Because how embarrassing it must of felt to be around me
I could never be like the ones you fawned over
Never be clean cut, Never be cute and nerdy, Never be a virgin
Was that a mistake when you first met me?
Did you smile start to drop when it dawned on you
The real me
The worse me
The fucking worse and worse and worse me
Wrong in every fucking capacity
Then why? What business did you have with me?
Tell me why? Just… Tell me why?
What’s happening to me?
Why me?

THE Look (W.I.P)

It’s always at the festive time of year
Do the jokers just wait till now to be dealt out?
Just a jack of Christmas shopping in my hand
The he goes ahead and gives me THAT!?

A flashback or two brushing me by
Weather from two years, two months
Or hell even two seconds ago
Despite existing on different times and context
There’s one thing that binds them all
And it’s they all feel the need to whip out that look
Not even by choice, as if something compels them
As they skirt on by in and out my life

Weather I loved them
Weather I used them
Weather I adored them
Weather I loathe them
Weather I’d beg them back
Weather I’d take a plane to get away
No matter what
That look prevails

But what It means I’ll never know
Does it mean you wanna stop me
And ask me if it’s going okay?
Or is it the fear I’d do the same
Is it roar to keep my distance
Or a way to beckon me near
Did you recognize me from the get go?
Or did it take you a second or two?

It always feels like it’s more then the face
What’s brought you all back again?
Have I got a lesson to learn
Or are you vindication I’ve already learnt it?

Lnc0

The Ribbon On The Everything

A loss of a life on the M25 buys me another hour
A once in a life time chance
To render claims things aren’t like they were
Unjust with a recollection of tonight
The minutes are leaking away
As I’m juggling 99p candles out of my hat
Anything to recontextualize the tone
That dead pork roasting on flames can conjure
Especially when spoiling in a council owned cage
40 on the clock and I’m fumbling by the stereo
Trying to recall a reaction
To each enlistee from a car boot CD collection

25 on the clock and I’m panicking at the wardrobe
Did the blue suit reminder her of her old teacher or…
She’s due at the door any second now!
I know it’s not much, I know we ain’t got a lot
But I’d like to think the results count
At least for more then the thought could
Things feel so still right now
But if we got each other it’ll be a little better

Safety Net’s A Bitch [W.I.P]

You couldn’t find the time to squeeze us in
Not when it’s 2 hours left until the derby
But you’ll be fine, no need to sigh
Not when old Brain’s waiting by your bed side
So a pat on the head, a kiss on the cheek
And I watch you trot out of the door
I’ll just sit here and document 8 rows
Some good, most allright
Finishing off the last of our spiked lemonade
It keeps the utensils in the drawers for another night

You can’t find the heart to miss the showing tonight
Not when it’s a Netflix season premiere
So it’s due again the next fortnight I spose?
So a pat on the head and a kiss on the cheek
And another round of spiked coke cola
I’ll sit here and document another 8 rows
Each one being worse and worse then the last
Contemplating where my life even went

3/31

Away

Shifting gears for pinker skies
The kind of sold on the front of seaside postcards
Each one of my friends a Hephaestus in their craft
Each lover a Kikuri-Hime of their circles
Maybe if I could bend reality to my whims
A tangle taffy version of my arms could reach the port
Drag myself along the ocean
And tag along the festivities as the observer
The ticker tape apocalypse
An absolutely brutal assault on the eyes
Courtesy of a lexicon of primary spin off’s
A fuchsia, goldenrod on the back of a cinnabar sapphire

I could fake it you know, I could invent the craft
A world renowned speugerlist at JUST 23?
I’d blend in as a icon in a shit stain
The ones to make this an origin to be proud of
No one would have to know otherwise
They can’t hear my cliff note records
Vs. Your encyclopaedia volumes across monthly installs
When faced with the riddle; “What you been up too?”
They don’t have to see me wait in silence
As blood brothers recount the resumes of quests
Grit teethed in the thick of the crowd
Pleasantness with those who could adore
“I wrote something this week but… It’s not your thing”
“I know you couldn’t come, it’s allright”

To them it’s like a gap in persona’s never occurred
We’re all still arm in arm cheering on for the next day’s barrage
Planning escapes and anticipating breakouts
To them, that’s still how it is
No one will have to know the wiser
Please just cast of while I’m putting on my shoes
Oh can’t you find it in yourself to stay?
But I know none of us win, if you don’t go away

– Lnc0

0 – The Fool (Draft 2)

Like a cup of a half filled luke-warm tea
Left to freeze, at the mercy of a breeze in a picture perfect winters setting
I am slowly losing the properties linked to my overall purpose
But it’s of no fault of a good for nothing tenant
Who’s jolted the mug from it’s coaster in the living room
And relocated behind the curtains of the study
But a day dreaming priss, too meek to shift his glacier stained feet
Left to drink the pisswater that is his cooled down tea

It’s an easy routine to play out on long weekdays
It’s the upbringing, the unemployment, It’s the undesirables
It’s the crippling depression holding the door shut
Metaphorically, theoretically, possibly, Definitely!
As you chuck another Chicago Town box across the room
But parentheticaly, you know none of that turned on the telly
And made you watch that Man Vs Food marathon
But oh, it was such an easy routine to fall back on
A routine well due for another run around
And after the tax on your nerves the week has sprung on you!

Your groans don’t bounce off much in an empty room
Nothing that could recontextualized the vibrations you sent out
Mush up what you insinuated, and lather up what they inferred
And send it back your way on the silver spoon express
Making sure to seal away the output of groans
Catching all the little things you don’t wanna hear on the bib
Until you’re full and numb and empty of any debilitation
The worst way to debilitate yourself in the first place

Poor wounded dippy soldier
There’s no need to cover the spoon marks on your skull
Poor-or, idioms, sympathetic, congratulated!
A lovely assortment of flavours and spices
To smear around your perception
Dulling and sweetening the few senses left functioning
To make your ingrained into the leather a fantastic experience
Watch the hours fly away like dance recitals and funerals
Turning even the slow deterioration of your lobs
Such as the Wright Show into something vaguely enjoyable

It’s a comfortable thing to rest on, puffy fluffly reassurance
It IS a comfortable thing, yes! Well done
But the floorboards are far more triumphant
I’m sick of the soft creamy taste of easy living
I miss the salt and the spit running from my face
As I bulldoze my heel into the stage at the cafe
Screeching to rise above the idle chatter,
They should’ve all enacting basic human interactions for you
The shrugs, disinterested looks, the bloodbath for relevancy
I mean the rudeness; THE GALL!
Inhaling and exhaling as a means to communicate aloud!
The kind of words I rely to you people now

Don’t let the nostalgic dreams of angry teens suede you
The ways I had to remind myself, I was alive where abhorrent
The tightening of the chocker, the fists behind your door
A reminder you could fuck up someone’s day
The dignified exits, parallel to the pining returns
A reminder you where something to objectify
Fuck that, I’m not a tool in anyone’s narrative
I’m something your damn near mortified to see lost
I’ll take that notion of shining like the brightest star
And melt all your faces off with all 27 million degrees of it

Now everything is changing
No footholding, No excuses, No handholding
No spare tenner for Pizza Hut
Just 65,825 ways to go about the plains before me
With an extra 154,529 methods of tripping it up
On the concrete, not like the turf from before
I guess I should face it all with a smirk
And get on with it

As preformed by Domestic

– Lnc0