(end)/

I weighed up my values side by side
Placed ‘em on the scales and seized them up
As I try to visualize a rerun of the program
The tears, the hope draining from her eyes
Having to witness the defamation of herself
And great it not with violence, but with a smile
A hug and empty attempts to save her from harm
Because who snuck that poison in the first place?
I hope wisdom would steer you on back to the road
But you were never heading that way in the first place

It’s embarrassing to admit the time it took
To take the binds from the eyeballs
Cos that girls a glutton for punishment
She smacks those who offer her a hand
And kisses those who would slap her
While the cosmos grants her wishes
To turn the allies of the state on each other
She tells us to strike down the evil doer
While leaking our advance to the adversary
Reporting how the republic stands to tear them apart

But it’s no tall tale, for sure he’s a low life
The kind that needs to see his girl’s soul shatter
To justify his bitter existence
As he tells another one, how he’s calculated her worth
But I might need to sell my Riot Grrrl records
Seems I’ve been mislead about the woes of violation
As she bows down at this for more lashes
After she slams the door in his face

Now my back really fucking aches
From all the times you collapsed in my arms
It’s tough to see that hard work go to waste
As you materialized, handcuffed to his knees
Only after a spectacle, a Broadway in pain
Staring at us in the box seats, to make sure we’re looking
Before you rupture my fragile heart with your cry
We scream and shout for you to turn your head
Are you okay? Are you safe!?
As you close the scissors on the radio line
And you edit the script for your alone time
You crawl on your knees, and proceed to beg
“Please bruise me, leave me black and blue
Call me retarded, call me pathetic, call me unworthy
But please wait until the eyes are looking this way
So they react to me in the aftermath”

But darling I truly do love you
In ways indescribable to the human tongue
We truly borrowed thoughts from the same realms
They could switch our DNA and nothing would change
My aspiration, my idol, my pipe dream
To be with you, To BE you, to be everything around you
A wife, A doppelgänger, the origin of all power in the earth
Crumbling to shreds in my very claws
We know in this age, all your heroes will let you down
The lens has been torn away, I barely kept my lobes
I’ve spent these years emulating a character in my head
And the proof we can escape torment dies with you too
Understand that you’re a bad omen for me
Cos I’ve always been more woman then man
And if someone with your potential can’t break free?
Then what chance do us mere mortals have?

Lnc0

Another End Of The Night, No Joy [W.I.P]

Loves me, Loves me not, Loves me
Who’s in charge of these prayers anyway
I’m lacking on the send address on my declaration
I just gotta ask you man, what can I do?
To speed up this process you got going on here
I feel like I’m spoiling faster then the wall plaster

Is there a chant I have to perform
Or a potion I gotta mix in my teacup?
To make the figures start popping up
To have that gaze cover me head to toe
What does it take, be straight with me man
To be looked upon by the surrounding
To get the same intensity of the light-beam
As I dish out there way
In that magically hopeless way
That hopeless romantics do

Then to pinball off the story boards
To come into contact with my palms
To make me feel pretty
That same feedback the ladies gorge on
Maybe I want to feel it too
That world changing shift from just being there
Maybe it’d make me feel more worthy
Worthy of anything given to me

Lnc0

Echoes

Echoes I wish you were kinder to me
To have some special awareness for the context
And reconfigure yourself on my behalf
To make the wait a little more bearable

Cos even when interceptors pause your return
They’re not much kinder to me
Even when the slots fit the wounds
And we recite our medication from memory
They still refrain from embracing me
Even when the evidence continues to mount
That there’s no one better equipped in this life
For our car wreck existences
Still even when we’re standing here
Crying, vulnerable and dying
They refuse to embrace me
Echoes please tell me why?

Don’t I give them the euphoria they crave?
Don’t I sustain all their needs?
How much more of myself to I have to carve out
Before they embrace me again?
Can you tell me that echoes?
I don’t know how much more waiting I can do

Lnc0

So Are You Just… About Now?

I just wanna swarm you like paparazzi
Cos I got so many questions to relay on to you
When exactly did you come back around?
To roam the streets and to haunt my beats?
But like a Sirens hiding the Kraken beneath her seas
Those sparkling head lights still make me weak at the knees

Could I hit the roulette on lucky 13?
And be graced with the report that you still remember me
The smile you flash as you scan my way
Implies your memory hasn’t progressed another day

Your glitz, your sleaze, the perfection of your tease
Your lips, Your curls, my minds on a downward twirl
The way you add class to every damn place
Are you sure your still of the human race?

You’ll be at awe of the abysmal excuse I’ll use
When I’ll relay a love note, with the digits I swore I’d lose
The time you’ve cameoed in my life has been slight
But now nostalgia’s grip on the synapse is tight

Lnc0

The Start Of The 4 Nights Of Hell

I still think I’m going to get married to you one day
As all the onlookers gaze with smug interpretations on their face
As if they could see everything 5 moves ahead
Maybe I can give them a little ask from years from the past

Cos I just wanna tell you, how much flows on the inside
Everytime life deals yourself on my plate
No matter how much fortification we erect around ourselves
We can’t ignore the life force we surge into ourselves
I’d give up any future that was guaranteed for me
To shatter the glass barricades for only a day
That glass I know has to be shattered one day, a mere delay
So I can one day tell you their’s no amount of time I can wait
Your still the only one who can breath the life veins into me
Reverse this petrified heart of mine and see

I’m in and out with the world’s pallet
And lord knows I tried, I tried so hard
To get them to understand my heart
Get them to flow into me
But try as I might there’s nothing I can do
I just can’t love anyone as much as I loved you
I can be good, I can be everything
I can be anything, I can be nothing
I can be all you want, I can be your blood,
I can be your soul and beat through and through
Cos I don’t love anyone at all
At least nowhere as much as I love you

But I know I won’t get married to you one day
There’ll be no satisfied theorist to give us away
I know I’ll be no good, I know I’ve never been good
Cos it’s gotta be him, never me and you

Lnc0

From the ‘The 4 Nights Of Hell’ series

————————————————————————–

Little extra backstroy on this one, this poem was less written more ‘found’ on my hardrive, I must’ve written this while drunk at the end of a night out, at the start of the 4 nights these next few poems will be based around, thought I did punctuation and spelling corrections, I didn’t change anything, this is just what I wrote and it’s so sad to know there’s a part of me that’s hurting this bad