And They/Them Undid It All

[ CW: Transphobia, Ableist slurs ]

To think all it took was They/Them
Two single syllables was all it took to dismantle a timeline
They/Them vetoes years of our time
It still leaves me shook how abrupt the effect was
You couldn’t even bring yourself to hold me
As I mourn on the anniversary of my mother’s passing

They/Them undoes holding my hand down Forrest
Comparing our spoils from the capsule machines
People watching from the park benches
They/Them undoes trying to squeeze in time
During a school night hiding in Gratham’s backstreets
With your hands up my shirt, cigarette in mouth
They/Them undoes kissing the back of your neck
All the way down to your backside
While illuminated by the Itallian sun
People tell it’s been far too long to still be mad about it

You’re damn right, it’s been a year and a half and I’m still mad
I tried to sit on these feelings to get this verse just right
But time after time I find, that I just get more mad
When it dawns, all the little ways you’re still hurting me
Cos last night when I walked towards you at Royal Centre
Was the same night I couldn’t reach out to the woman I adore
She was calling out for me under the fluorescent lights
I couldn’t bring myself to lend her an ear

All because of the things you taught me during our time
That you can’t trust when someone says they care for you
That everyone’s love for you is conditional
That people can look you dead in the eye
Spin a lie that you’re the one that makes them high
Only to find out they were seeing through you the whole time

What ever happened to our time huh?
What happened to me being a consideration huh?
What happened to splitting the bill for the wine
On Autumn nights in central London
As you look me in the eye and tell me
How you thought it was so sad I didn’t see a future for myself
That you wanted to give me one yourself
That you wanted to have my kids one day
That you didn’t want to see a future without me
Fuckin’ They/Them undoes all of that huh?

So sorry about upending all our plans
Yeah it matters you won’t respect that I’m trans
Taking out all your bullshit out on me
Just because you never learned any tolerance
We’re not here to take the bullet for you
Just cos you wanna stay in the closet
Just cos you don’t wanna process your dysphoria
Yeah I wash my hands of it, it’s not my problem anymore
Die a miserable cis women for all I care
I could’ve talked you through it
Could’ve talked you through all your feelings
We could’ve started you on your best life
But you wanna destroy that you see in yourself
As you’d rather stop anyone from being themselves
Just cos you don’t wanna admit your own feelings

Well fuck you, I’m not gonna downplay myself
I’m a nonbinary, traumatised, gay as fuck spastic
I’m at full power now, I’m not gonna be quiet
I’ve never been happier in my own skin
I found the family who takes care of me
I found the lover who sees the enby in front of them
To which They/Them makes us stronger
Meanwhile you’re stuck lying about your life
I pray this is the last thing I ever write about you
I just recall you like a cringe schoolyard anecdote
Cos you’re a disgrace to the culture
A disgrace to Polyam folks
A disgrace to Kiwi’s worldwide
A disgrace to Autistics everywhere
I’m embarrassed I ever knew your transphobic ass
Fuck. You.

Sebastian Noël

UK Trans Blues

[CW: Transphobia, suicide mention]

Wake up, butter toast, go shower
Check phone, read your notifications
Get reminded of the bounty on your trans ass
Swallow bile, shake off the fear
Knowing the demise of your people’s being planned
By bored white soccer mums after the book club meet
Trying to slide in behind the scenes
Unsheathe concern culture while backs are turned
*Vrrt Vrrt* Check notifications
Looks like they’ve poisoned political parties too

They wanna keep you battered and obedient
To keep you considering going back on commin’ out
Leaves me in front of the mirror shouting “Marco”
To no reply like you’ve been visited by Nosferatu
Gotta drive a steak in my ears and stop listening
Cos living wrong’ll lead to the noose
And they’ll turn a blind eye while you choke
“Oh that’s awful” they say from the VIP seats
Meanwhile they lobby behind the scenes
Praying to god to get the suicide rates higher

Trying to preach to the world about womanhood
They go “Mmmphf Mmmrr Mrrph”
Ah sorry, hard to understand what your saying
With all that Nazi cock in your mouth
Daddy slaps his trunk on your cheeks
Before handing over your pocket money
“Good girl” he sends you on your way
Suddenly propaganda appears in the ladies toilet
Suddenly the Kickstarers get funded
But I’m sure it’s just a coincidence

I’d love to dismiss ya without a seconds notice
The last kicks of life of a hate group on it’s way out
Occupy the same space in the history books
As the British nationalists and psychos
But this shit’s contagious, inspires insipid minds
Like those looking to clean the gene pool
Down at the local swimming pool
Two women blocking a 6 year old from changing rooms
All cos they can’t stop thinking about little kids fucking
But instead of being put on a register
They get put on a slot on daytime TV
Jammie Dodges and a cup of tea in the green room
Schofeild checks in to see if you need a refill
First class treatment for the type that’d put a bullet in a kid’s skull
Bet they’d spread their legs and piss on the corpse while they’re at it

Might I suggest your feminism stinks?
When you fight to keep a patriarchy intact
As you hold the door open for all your friends:
Eugenics Nazis and anti-abortion evangelicals
As they try and keep the men superior
Keep ‘em an Aryan squeaky clean
Trying to keep women inferior
Defined solely by their oppression
What for? Cos you know once the binaries broken
That you’ve dedicated your entire life to a fight
The white woman’s fight, losing the spotlight
That you’ve defined your entire identity
Based solely on the hole you piss out of
What’s a few trans lives to keep the delusion alive?
That’s why you let him slap your jaw with his bellend
Maybe Parker and Davies can join in a double team?
They do the boober and balls, while you take the rimjob
Anything to keep the worst men happy and in charge

Happy #NationalPoetryDay
I’ve snapped

Sebastian Noël

Reintroductions Are In Order

[CW: Gender & Body Dysphoria mentions]

Another product of content indoctrination
A malicious movement disguised as empowerment
But accepting who you are only gets you so far
When it’s a far cry from who you need to be
Oh my man, you didn’t treat me so good
But that’s nothing compared to how you treated yourself

Every time you catch your reflection unawares
In the puddle, shop windows, rear view mirrors
A cold sigh, an empty nod
I don’t even greet my greatest enemies like that
But you swear down there’s nothing behind it
As long as it lets you ignore the savagery of time
As it enunciates your feminine figure as the years march on
Cos content culture doesn’t allow for that kind of discontent

But alas, a lifetime spent with womanhood
And all it’s ever done, was do you dirty
It clipped your wings with a premature time limit
On behalf of maternal obligations and a biological clock
It’s always ticking away in the back of your skull
Putting a damper on your travelling plans
Just leaves you with seething jealousy
For those on the other side of the binary
A father at 55? Not sus in the slightest
A freedom you’ll never know, having lost the biology lottery

But alas, a lifetime spent with womanhood
And all it’s ever done, was do you dirty
Stuck with aesthetics disconnected from your soul
Deafened with compliments, so you never thought to check
If your most lauded traits ever brought you joy
Your curved hips, those slender legs
Them gargantuan eyes and stacked behind
Calls of envy from your peers distracts for a spell
But you notice it starts to make your stomach churn
It never fit, it didn’t work, it doesn’t make sense
You get you energy from Mars, not Venus
The future is dreadful, sends you pining for pre-pubescent times
If only you knew then what you do know
The maybe you could’ve put a stop to this…

But alas, a lifetime spent with womanhood
And all it’s ever done, was do you dirty
In hindsight, it had to be why you reacted with venom
As I was on my way out of the binary
The programming didn’t want to accept it viable
All very well as a hypothetical for someone else
But to see it staring at you from a lover
Just makes you remember how you’re 30 years too late
But it’s never too late, there’s no expiry date
To drop the act and live a life that’s true
50 years of beautiful honesty, vs. all 90 years in bullshit?
Oh it’s never too late to embrace the god of war’s power
In fact I pray the next time we cross paths
In the bowels of Dalston, or prematurely in Victoria
You’ll have started your HRT
And reintroductions are in order

Sebastian Noël

Written at the request of S