Forever Pressured To Write Love Notes

I hate this understated pressure I have as a poet to produce the most fluffy and positive content around, people think poetry is the stereotype of delving into all sorts of depressing subjects but it ain’t. It’s like anything else people want that sugar coated fake reality. I can feel the sighs from my followers as I post another poem that isn’t about fucking a girl, people really do want bubble gum love notes and rain day heartbreak stories or happy word rides

AND THAT’S FINE. Tbh I wouldn’t mind giving what they want either. But I don’t feel happy, I’m hardly heartbroken and shit no one’s looked at me romanticly for half a bloody year as I am cancer given human form, I can’t write shit about things that just aren’t happening to me in my life, I can only write about self-discovering cos that’s all I have in my life right now, it’s so bizarre poetry has no problem glorifying the process of feeling sad, when you can slap it on an easy beat rap in front of a London audience of everyone preforming the same poem. But when you wanna get serious about it and talk about the real shit, real mental health and disorders who gives a doddle

Makes me wanna delete this blog and pack this shit in sometimes, no one cares unless your words beam happiness, but i’m alone, stuck in a shitty flat and no one loves me, so how in gods name do people honestly expect me to write about the bubbly shit while my life’s like this? It isn’t fair! Their’s so much beauty in sadness itself and using art and expression to bring people together for a comman understanding, why can’t I be good at doing that? Sucks

23 [W.I.P]

An eon or two, on tippy toes~
Trying to be heard across the mass
The place felt pretty desolate before
Now it’s 8 units, 8 flames of life, 8 experiences
With the noise of 50,000 roars
I sware it wasn’t so hard to be heard
But now everyone’s up and gone I’m lost in the heard

Cos they don’t give a shit when your 23
What’s your AK0′s?
Yeah 23′s gotta be the age…
Where the solitary ready to ruin alone

Accomplishments that would result in tribute
End up nothing but a cough during a symphony
But maybe that ain’t so bad
The only critic that matters is your own monologue right?
I spose’ but I miss them misty eye’d looks
To make my near vicinity, a source of invigoration
Ooohh what a feeling, what a bargaining chip!
I didn’t think I’d lose the moment so soon

Cos they don’t give a shit once you hit 23
What’s gonna be on your tombstone old man?
Yeah 23′s the age, for sure
From cocoon to moth, you

metamorphosize.on your own

Safety Net’s A Bitch [W.I.P]

You couldn’t find the time to squeeze us in
Not when it’s 2 hours left until the derby
But you’ll be fine, no need to sigh
Not when old Brain’s waiting by your bed side
So a pat on the head, a kiss on the cheek
And I watch you trot out of the door
I’ll just sit here and document 8 rows
Some good, most allright
Finishing off the last of our spiked lemonade
It keeps the utensils in the drawers for another night

You can’t find the heart to miss the showing tonight
Not when it’s a Netflix season premiere
So it’s due again the next fortnight I spose?
So a pat on the head and a kiss on the cheek
And another round of spiked coke cola
I’ll sit here and document another 8 rows
Each one being worse and worse then the last
Contemplating where my life even went

3/31

He’s Not Always Like This

You’re not the only thing in your orbit anymore
But you’d never catch that with a still life of us
Sullen eyebrows and penny drop silences
Hypnotised spouses and distress signals
I try to break through the atmosphere with choking
Inquires and concerns squeeze through a closed windpipe
But I get the feedback of a crackle in a crash site
We’re joint at the hip, but I’m so alone

I make the same impact entering your vicinity
That a knock knock joke makes at a funeral
The disinterest is making me dip dye into madness
Nothing baits it more then your own thoughts echoing off the wall
I need to start taking chemistry on the side
Cos I don’t know which formula hidden in the air
Turns my cries for help into a defensive reaction from you
Each outstretched arm like a knife in your hide
Each yearn for affection; a threat to your precarious ego
Not when your bacon is smeared on these support beams
The change of oil, scented candles, a premium dota account
Like fuck should I dare take that way from you
So I guess I’ll sit back and take in the atmosphere
We locked ourselves in here, but I’m still so alone

I just really like you
About as much as you’ve become sick of me
I keep liking you more and more
Maybe at the same rate of you become weary of me
We’re on route to be betrothed, but I’m so alone

I miss giving rasberries on your neck
I miss tickling the inside of your palms
I miss neglecting the stars for a full view of you
I really like you, but I’m so alone

Now I have no idea where I am
Leaving a leeches impression on his neck
Leaving a tally with my nails on the toilet cubical
I feel weird
My skin feels like it’s peeling off my arms
As he runs his fingers down my silhouette
My spit feels foreign, My tears feel like waste
And as I whisper worship to him, he breathes life into me
I don’t know him and he can do it, anyone can
Anyone who isn’t you can breathe life into me
I don’t like him, but now I feel I’m in reality again
I feel so weird

I can’t stand missing you, when I see you everyday
I reek of substance and perspiration
But it’s still not enough to raise an octave out of you
A nod, a twitch if I’m lucky, and then back to null
I feel super weird, I feel like I wanna die
I take his 50 and your old parka
I take anything I call my own into a bag
I dodge tear stains and haste together a cliff note
“Fuck you
Anyone could do it and you choose not too
Just fuck you!”
I jump into his car and make a dive out of your field
You’re the only thing in your orbit now
But did you even notice anything different
Can anyone else do it too?
Now I’m across the toll booth
I feel so fucking weird
Now I’m really alone
And now I don’t know what I feel…

October Poetry Month 1/31

Anti The Anti Anti

I’m so anti, anti movement, anti perspiration, anti anything
Anti leaving, anti sleeping, anti anything, stay in anti
Don’t move, don’t sing, don’t come alive
The anti’s of that, they will come out in force
That way you drink your coffee in the morning aggravates me
That anti milk in your anti spoon, just cast it away
Consider the anti’s when you wave thorough life
The anti’s up the ante when you anti their calls
You dare skirt 5 meters near that feather with that skin
Don’t claim anti on my words, I’m not anti that skin
I just can’t anti my skin, and I’m totally anti that
You can’t anti that, you’ll become the anti anti!
I’m anti even trying to compete with that logic
I wouldn’t want them dirty anti’s to my name
Clogging up the gaps in my jacket
I’m anti jacket, I’m anti life, I’m anti the ending of all suffering
Did I become that, did I anti the process of being anti?
Was I just born anti? Anti juices dripping of my skull?
Destined by my skin colour to become the anti?
Can’t I anti that anti? Without become the anti anti?
I’d do anything to stay away from the anti anits, I’m anti that
I’m the anti anti anti, but I’m just so tired
I’m tired of all forms of anti, I can’t handle the antis
I just want some pro’s so the day isn’t so anti anymore
If your anti this, then your anti that!
Your anti’s are clogging up my kitchen floor!
So just call me the anti anti anti anti
I’m anti any of this noise

– Lnc0

Just A Man

They knew you as broke-ass Baxter, from the shadows of the estate
The classic story of a candy wrapper tainting a cherry blossom garden
With your beat-up leathers and monochromed dyed trainers
And with one rouge blonde curl that no force was able to keep down
The way you teeter your cigarette left and right when the gears turn
And the little cracks in your laugh when something was especially hysterical
I always noticed them all, from the corner of the snooker hall
So when your eyes wondered trying to track down an ignition for your fag
I jumped at the chance, just for an excuse to give you my name
I can’t get enough of the way you sway in the queue
Who knows what ideas your plotting in that little mind of yours
Miles and miles away before the line starts to move
And maybe, you can take me their one day?

I snuck out by the bathroom window, on a waxing crescent moon
I met you outside the snooker club but there wasn’t much to do
So you led me through the wire traps and we end up at the coast
I perch on seaside debris, clutching the last tin you gave to me
And you begin tell tales of old sweethearts and rebellious youth
The content may of felt short, but god it’s just you just tell it so well
I push the fat of my cheeks up and make sure every inch of you is in my gaze
I couldn’t give a fuck about what your chatting, it’s just the way you tell it hon’
And maybe, I wanna listen to you everyday

My dear all your fallacies are false, can’t you see I’m just a man?
But can’t you see, your so much more then a man to me?
Well lets see if you share that opinion later on still
When you peer at me through the cracks of the door
And you catch me in the midst of an ‘um’ or an ‘err’
It doesn’t matter how much you take my fables
And stitch together An-Frankenstein’s Garfield
It’s all just a character to get excited about
Another one to exaggerate about in prose on lonely nights

How much of me do you wanna see?
I wanna see straight through you
And everything that makes you
Are you prepared to wince and sigh?
Are you prepared to not be amazed by something that makes me?
But you got me to come this far
I want to discover everything you could be
I just hope you feel the same thing for me

As preformed by Domestic

– Lnc0

Objectify Me

You put on a cabaret to convince yourself
and your allies that you don’t come for the hunger
And that your heart was always true
you didn’t want to let the boat float away into the ocean
It’s just life tends to get in the way of your 7 day clear schedule
Their was nothing you could do!
Now your belly is full you send me on my way
And put your fingers in your ears and scream

I was never a human to you was I?
The idea of personality and emotion never once came to you
What state I’m left in is of no fucking concern
You strip me in your mind of all human qualities
I’m not a man, I’m not a human I’m just a thing
A thing for you to use and throw away in the trash
I have no name, no face, no life,
I’m just a fucking dick tonight and everything else is useless
My heart carries no love, I’m just your dick,
My mind carries no idea, I’m just your dick
Just your big fucking dick, just your dick,
just your dick, your fucking dick, just a dick

Affection is just a tired concept made by weak individuals
To lead stray lambs to sensual liberation
A dick has no need for affection right?
Companionship is for the weak minded
Who can’t survive without a human crutch isn’t that right?
A dick has no need for a companion
Love is for delusion you trip over the lives of other people
Because they can’t sustain their own
A dick has no need for love right?
As long as you get yours who fucking cares right?
I’m nothing, I’m no one, I’m just your thing

JUSTADICKAFUCKINGDICKJUSTABIGDICKIMNOTHINGBUTADICKJUSTADICKNOHOPENOFUTUREJUSTYOURFUCKINGDICKNOFEELINGSNOLIFEJUSTYOURFUCKINGDICKBIGDICKFUCKINGDICKDICKDICKCDIKDKCICIKICJJIOEHC423G4Y34553YH34YG4UJ80G9JB MN

Natrual 2nd Place

Insanity is doing the same process again and again
I can feel the membrains in my skull slowly melt away
When I scroll through Reed for the 30,000 time
Expecting a different result from before

Hours and hours of ironing out your personalty
Out of every word and movement on inspection day
All for a condescending smirk while they show you door
And that’s the last you’ll ever hear from them again

Even being kicked to the curb provides no salvation
Hypocritical bottom feeders begin to throw their pebbles
They were only face down in the gutter last week
It’s all to easy to forget your past with all that money

What do I have to do to earn their respect?
Flagellate myself with a secondary whip?
Don’t I have the right to toil and slave?
Don’t I have the right to self worth?

Of course not
It’s hopeless
The pharaohs
And emperors
Seek perfection
Second natures
And buzzwords
You’re ignorant
And broken
Why don’t you
Lay your head down
Feed on our
Generosity
You could never
Live your life
Like normal men
Sleep tight
My angel
No one’s
Going to judge
Sleep tight
My angel

A hundred million virgin souls
Strung up by blood soaked rusty wires
All for that taste of the 9 to 5
Something in this world has got to give
It’s either their unrealistic expectations
Or it’s my cervical vertebrae upon the rope

26/03/06 > 03/04/10

I sit in the aftermath of a rotten moment
Bathed in the darkness of modern designs
Head perched in hands my mind fades back
And I move my head to your direction

I could swallow domestic sadness on any other day
But on the eve of parental celebration I do struggle
The guest of honour was never expected to show
It still seems impossibly so

I’m sorry I never think of you, as much as I should
But I never had the heart to do so before
Somehow if I tilt my head towards the heavens
I think my words reach you, where ever they go

I’m sorry I never speak to you, as much as I should do
It’s not as if I couldn’t speak about you
I’m sorry I moved on too fast, the others needed me too
Stability is the only thing I could do
I’m sorry if I kept it all to myself, no one would see me through
To be a burden is something I won’t do
I’m sorry if this all isn’t needed, but I felt I had too
On the eve on a day dedicated to you

I’m sorry for the sharpness of my tongue; I pardon myself for my French
I’m sorry for the distance I keep; I know you wouldn’t agree with it
I’m sorry for my wild instincts, your furniture deserves better
Even if you can’t hear, I feel I should’ve still
There’s still a while to go, I still couldn’t do you wrong
I only hope

I’m sorry for every time for the times, I’ve moped about all day
I know you’d kick me for acting that way
I’m sorry for how I tired to soften the blow, and kept you away
I just wouldn’t know what else to say
And I’m sorry it took so long, for even through song to say
As we slowly approach the month of may
This is the last time I’ll use you now, to vent my selfish ways
I promise next time we’ll talk on a good day

Just cos I never came through till the end
Don’t think I never loved you
When I forgot to call you back when I was out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I locked myself upstairs and refuse to come out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I freeze at the sight of tears
Don’t think I never loved you
When I stayed downstairs when I heard you moan
Don’t think I never loved you
When I didn’t cry when it was all over
Don’t think I never loved you
When I saw that smile on your passing face
I knew you finally found peace
And when I grinned after I left your room
But it was only cos I loved you

Dedicated to ma’

Megaten has done it again

If I may have an off-shoot for your regular poetry content I’d like to talk about some of the life lessons and video game named: ‘Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner Raidou Kuzunoha Vs. King Abaddon’ has taught me and maybe speaking about will inspire 1 or 2 of you too

Many kids at our age these days are plagued with misfortune and despair, weather not objectively the volume of their cries coincides with the weight of their aliments matters not. It’s easy to scorn those who writhe in despair who only live to stand directly opposed to your morals and way of living, it’s easy to plunge into despair yourself as a result of their need writhe in their situations, to abandon the mantle you have taken on yourself, a mantle to which you took on because you didn’t want to see people suffer at the hands of misfortune any more. But no matter how endless their strife may seem you can serve as a spark in order to make people stand up and take lives into their own hands and end their madness, even those you act as your polar opposites if you stay strong and refuse to abandon your mantle then you can bring them hope. I abandoned that mantle once and lost a lot of people I cared about, but I shan’t do that again and try and bring hope to as many lives as I can, me ma taught me that and I’m glad some beautiful god damned people from the land of the rising sun made an amazing game to reinforce that lesson. Videogames.

“You have become a witness to this spectacle, abandon the mantle of ‘Raidou’ your actions of hope will only bring despair” – Shadino