Tag: spilled writings

Why Me? [Draft]

I just can’t do it
Rimming around the outskirts of my mocha
Trying to grab the clauses from the air
To build us something resembling small talk
Cos that’s what sane people would do right?
Keep it all composed
Shoot eachother satin laced nods and smiles
Where so happy to hear that of each other
Except we couldn’t possibly be in reality could we?
Just tell me why, why didn’t you come?

Where the fuck have you been?
I remember during toaster filtered summer nights
Tearing up in your bedroom, clutching my paws
You were so afraid we’d drift so far apart
You said you didn’t want me to ever leave
That you wanted to do everything to keep me around
I bet you applauded yourself for that one, Oscar worthy even
You can count me among those who fell for it

I know how much more stimuli you get now
From your new life with all the temporary high cads
But when your alone at night….
Who am I kidding? A girl like you is never fucking alone
A slightly fawning cough and they run up in miles
But lets say you could bring yourself to be alone once
Do you never flick thorough the blackbox
And remember the times you said you’d be there
The times you said it killed you to see me hurt
When I’m veiled top to bottom in sulking tears
With my arms covered in blood
Concealing the blade in my jacket pocket
Did you ever think that got any better with time?
Do you just not care anymore?
And if you don’t…. Tell me why?
What made you stop caring?
Weather or not I lived or died?
Why…  What did I do? Why me?
Aren’t you worried about me? …Why?

I know I got more rancid as time went on
I arrived as a beacon of lost hope
And turned into a broken brake light
I got so much worse as time went on
I stopped trying to look any good
My hair got more shit and grim
I got so much more fatter
I stopped being someone you could show off
I kept feeling sick around your friends
Because how embarrassing it must of felt to be around me
I could never be like the ones you fawned over
Never be clean cut, Never be cute and nerdy, Never be a virgin
Was that a mistake when you first met me?
Did you smile start to drop when it dawned on you
The real me
The worse me
The fucking worse and worse and worse me
Wrong in every fucking capacity
Then why? What business did you have with me?
Tell me why? Just… Tell me why?
What’s happening to me?
Why me?

If Only I Could Overcome The Social Stigma and Ask If You’re Okay

What a sight for sore eyes, right smack in the middle of a birthday due
It’s been an Autumn and a Winter, since I caught wind of your silhouette last
A lanky young marsupial perched over in the corner of the bar
Leaking from the ears in dark ale from the latest special offer
Entertaining two mysterious characterise you might of called darling
Desperately scrambling in your pockets for the antidote
That might keep this conversation from dying
With very minimal success

The blood in your veins runs thinner, to make room for the booze
You could tell by the 3rd glass of JD that slipped through your fingers
And found it’s way in segments onto the dancefloor
You dodge the bouncers gaze like it was choreographed
Demand in slurred tongue they play Last Nite again
You shoot a look my way every now and then
I can see you visibly wince when you saw me in his arms
And soon after you disappeared out the door

Then it hit me like a ton of history revision books
Tomorrow was a dire date indeed to remember
It was when your beloved Empress departed from our planet
Suddenly all your movements became see through
Something, anything to wake up to on that horrible morning
To clutch you in their arms, to kiss you on the head
To tell you it’s all going to be allright
To offer you a tour of the arcades to take your mind of things

You were last seen slouched against the wall of V-Bar
Wiping your tears away with an empty bottle of Desperado
You moved your head like a periscope as if waiting for something
Checking your phone as every second passed as if your life depended on it
And with the way your cover up your arms
And the way you rubbed the inside of your legs
And how you massaged that scar on your throat
Who knows? Maybe it really did

Did I do this to you?
If I stuck around after you unlocked the cuffs
Could I stopped you getting this way?
I wonder as I find my way back to my home