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Drying my feet in the ensuing turbulence
Cos I’ve just dipped my toes into a wormhole
I can’t quite believe what my eyes have witnessed
I’ve seen stone return to it’s fleshy form
As social fossils reanimate from the soil
Did the screams from the soul piqued their hearing
Gasping for air fighting against the cesspool’s tide
Become deaf to the group chat drama for but a moment

It goes no further then a snapshot in time
But in another life it’d serve as the prelude
To a 5 part symphony ringing through the halls
That ends with a parting nocturne outside your door
But not discredit the ringtone minuet currently occurring
Even the Nokia hardware would shake my soul
It’s the calling card left at the crime scene
Clueing me in, what I thought I lost, isn’t quite dead yet

If I blinked enough, I could trigger a hallucination
My skin would start looking fairer, my voice softer
And the only things that would exit these lips
Would be the passions I’ve carried with me
I know were I wanna go, I’m not lost just on a detour
Ambition given is ambition to be returned
Eye contact goes headlights as you start to perform
You know where you wanna go, you know how your getting there
The outlook surpasses greed and nothing shows our youth more
Mrs. Roosevelt would christen us as great indeed

The last 4 years suddenly feel invalidated
I slipped into stasis for a spell while the time kills
Now I’ve slipped back into my suit
I’ve returned to a boy of 20 years
When I’m so close to abandoning my soil
Maybe this has all become a sign?
That I’m not leaving home, oh no
I’m coming home world!

Sebastian Noël

Every Rumour Is True

I hate to admit it’s the case
But maybe it’s time to vacate
Resort to a back tracking slate
And join those who told me so late

They said Colchesters beyond repair
And all it ever breeds is despair
But was that always the script?
I feel like I’ve given up on you
Your’s was the pristine setting
Of a spotless prime time family sitcom
I would’ve let go of so much ambition
Just to be cast in that security
But why didn’t you want it too?
Every attempt leads me to be refused
I rip the canvas apart to be true
But your content to leave me black and blue
The vacant stares, the missed messages
The short talks, the disappearing effort
You never used to turn down my love
What on earth’s changed, to earn your disdain?

I just want to time travel my soul
My morals, My outlook, My cells
Back to walks in the forest
And awfully planned picnics in the park
In the pouring 4AM rain, just passing the sunset
Eating peanut butter sandwiches in the shade
Who was that with? Krissy, Rosie, Nikki?
I don’t know anymore
Their faces have degraded into blanks
The memories are becoming fabrication
Who’s memories am I stitching together?
They feel like strangers in my own remembrance

Tears are making a comeback in my eyes
Cos the town I’ve loved with all my heart
It doesn’t recognise me anymore
It wants me out, It can’t stand the sight of me
I’ve happened upon your corpse wondering Yomi
Your face twisted and contorted
Am I a foreign object, pollen to be excreted?
Cos that’s exactly how it feels
Apathy poisoning my pours
My skin dries and my heartbeat slows to a crawl

Colchester… I don’t recognise you anymore
I don’t feel as safe on your soil like before
This love isn’t healthy, for a creature of my imagination
I need out of you, as much as you need me out too

Sebastian Noël

VHSVCRABC

Thing about memories is that they’re like a VHS
Record over those junk food recollections
With a brand new call back
All it takes is pressing REC with me

We’ve been broke from our silky confines
With new forms, with new names
Yet we can’t ignore the guarantee
Left behind by our predecessors, as a memento

Cos I can see a future not to distant from ours
I see eyes trying to escape to the back of your head
I see nail marks down your spine
I see a smile crack through Armageddon

Summers been actin’ mundane thus far
The nights haven’t delivered on their promises
The day to day starts to blend with no spike in sight
Didn’t you say you weren’t doing nowt after your shift?

Cos yours is a face I wanna collide with in the dark
I hope mine’s a face you wanna keep a fugitive in your thighs
I hope I’m still the kind of boy you wanna make mischief with
The sugar facade hiding syrup clad intent

I’m only in town for a month hence
But you can dictate the rest of my days
Towering above you, or bowing at your feet
You got me by the choke collar girl
I ain’t going anywhere not without your say-so
So take your possession to Pasteur, and lets make your night

Sebastian Noël

Domestic Bliss

I would do a lot of under cuff stuff
To get a million miles from your position
Forced to swallow coffee drops
And perform the ventriloquism required
To perceive the illusion your gorging on the same
Delicately you were on moonlight ridden nights in the park
Inviting a kaleidoscope of fauna in your a gaped jaw
As your follicles all shoot out, like grasping for photosynthesis

And tell me, is he courteous enough to believe the lie?
As he takes vague sentences and defiant dodges
As you would a wedding vow
Cheesy smiles and arm prisons installed on your shoulders
While you go home to the sex your not having
Something about being 1/12th of a wish puts him off
Does the molasses of guilt pour from his gullet?
While you spend another Saturday night, deciding your Rustlers Flavour

What of your intention? Or least your means to indulge them?
Is the fate of cobweb covered antiques
Something that really speaks to you?
What of the voice calling to nostalgia?
As you beam with pride at the foot of V-bar
While transcribes get passed around the joint
But those Chinese whispers come back to haunt you
Why not release the Molotov?
And remember the rumours front to back
From mildew stained bath tiles
To the majestic caress of the hotel sheets
It kills me to see you drown in dissatisfaction
So won’t you trade a quip or two with me?
And transition to the recollection of a life time

Sebastian Noël

Ab-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b

I can’t call it what it is
My genetics haven’t earned that yet
I don’t know what you’d call it then
Maybe we ain’t gotta call it anything
Cos even without a name it’s marks made clear
The apprehension that colours the bar
As a Walkers crisps ash haired beauty comes through
Clashing teeth on her fraying wool
That’s just like a darling like you
I guess?
But I can’t help but feel you’ll make a mug of me
The blame for that rests a million miles from you
I don’t even need to think much about the one responsible
You can find her like an aging marble of Magdalene
Surrounded by eggshells of her own creation
Stuck on a menacing grin
All her declarations are interchangeable
All her loves are replaceable
That’s when affection loses it’s value
That’s when defection loses it’s weight
But without a source of verification
Who’s gonna verify that outside of the two of us?
Who’s gonna babysit the love that blooms?
I’ve been beaten down to the state of an infant
Burning any bridge I called my own
For a 1/100 odds of a pacifying narrative
Cos freedom isn’t the sobering conclusion it once were
Like a spatula on sunburn, it’s agony
How’s a spade a spade in a world like this?
How’s anyone chatting honestly under surveillance?
You hide the rouge tinted mitts behind your back
None of this is your handiwork you reiterate
I don’t see anyone else with the keys to my coat
If anxiety is the excuser of all malice
Then boy are WE all fucked!

Sebastian Noël

You Cannot Claim Isolation, Then Swipe Away The Hand That Heals

Hey Seb, Please Seb, Why Seb,
Please talk to me Seb, Hey Seb
Why Seb, How Seb, Please Seb
Can’t you see me? Can’t you hear me?
Please Seb, Hey Seb, Answer us Seb
Can’t you feel me? Can’t you touch me?
Let me know I’m still real, Please I gotta know
That you can see me, that I can still be?
Open the door Seb, Please Seb
Or did you give up? And only a spectre remains?
Why Seb, Answer the phone Seb, Please
Why did you decide to see through me
Is that why I can’t prophesize you
Stay alive, Please, Why Seb
Don’t you see me? Don’t you need me?
You could’ve called me anytime
Why wait till your writhing
You can end the suffering anytime
You know you could
Why keep going Seb? Please stop it
Touch me Seb, Why, Love me, Please
Don’t you believe me? Please
Why continue not to see me?
Why can’t you embrace me?
What keeps you in the torture chamber?
Come on Seb, Please, Why can’t you? Please
Illuminate my collided crystallines
Permeate my gilded leather
Contextualize my deserted skin
Oh god why? Anything Please, I can’t watch
Penalise my eyes, bypass corroded ties
Why do you want me to watch you die?
Anything to brutalise
The one man you want to pulverise
Stop it Seb, We care about you Seb, Stop, Please
Why you wanna hurt so bad?
How can you hate anything that bad?
Why Seb, Please Seb, No Seb, Stop Seb

Sebastian Noël

IT’S SHIT

You ain’t shit, I ain’t shit, no one’s shit
Then what’s the shit? Is anyone shit?
Everything’s shit, It’s gone to shit
Shit through my mail box, straight to my inbox

I’m the shit, least it’s pending shit
Dress like shit, get free shit
Cos if I need anything in life; it’s more shit
It’s pointless to be present, perks of vacancy
The senses plead to no pleasure
I blind myself to keep a possibility alive
It’s a ball gag in my eyes baring the Zara logo
My worth’s in verse, sponsor my body to any ol’ shit

Everything’s shit, It’s gone to shit
Shit filling my wardrobe, shit covering my Insta

People don’t want love, they want shit
Any old shit over the arm
Any shit under my covers will do
Shit’s, shit init?
There’s nothing pleasent inhabiting the psychical
And you don’t wanna know how they left the mental
If the soul has prevailed somehow in this world
It’s cowering someplace my lifespan can’t reach

Everything’s shit, It’s gone to shit
Shit’s chilling at the bar, shit’s filling the dance floor

Want my shit? 30 shit’s plus post and packaging
Why do you want shit? Is it good shit?
Do you pity my shit? Every sale a show of kinshit?
Well shit…
We crave something that’s free; a nodding head
A mirrors image, a “Yes okay, good”
We’ll do anything to get our hands on that shit
Spend hours on a feed looking for the next idea to pilfer
Some worthy of ourselves, converted into presence
Anything to magnetise, so that maybe we’ll like ourselves
Everything else is just shit

Sebastian Noël

Acting Domineering With The Clubbers Of Colchester [2016 Edit]

Why’d you have to shriek at me so fucking loud?
I’m trying my hardest to juice a bit of joy from this car wreck
But in the midst of this murder of scavengers
The type that pick apart the scraps of poor lost lambs
Caked in petrol station cologne, it’s a sickening sight
You slump in your seat as if inviting me to do the same
I was born with more class then that love
And besides what exactly have you done to sell me on the act?

All you’ve done is make your disappointment in my boredom known
If I had a penny for everytime I came under criticism
Cos’ I refused to fall in line for the male stereotype
I’d of brought you a taxi home, just to get you out of my face

You shell out a drug lords daily paycheck
To sit your arses in the in the side of the club
Snapping evidence of having a good night out
To justify your empty wallet the next day
But oh my god I’m falling asleep
There’s more to me then my Instragram page
I left my mothers womb 21 years ago to have fun
So why is it such a trail to get you on the dancefloor?
Lets put them litres of booze in us to good use!
Is this your idea of fun?

Oh please let me free!
I cannot put up with this anymore
There’s more to life then drinking and making evidence for it
Get a hobby, get a life, get a fucking clue
I wish you weren’t such a disappointment
I wish you didn’t make me so mad
I wish you’d just let me be myself, instead of a ‘man’
Maybe it’ll be better if you just fucked off?

Sebastian Noël

Compliment Poem

Acting Submissive With The Clubbers Of Colchester [2016 Edit]

You don’t have to yell at me so loud
I’m trying my hardest to have a good time and crack a smile
But in the midst of this murder of scavengers
The type that pick apart the scraps of poor lost lambs
Who have lost the sparkle in their eyes
I see you spread out in the back like a cramp
I wish I could obey the green lights at the racetrack
But I can’t find the heart to reach out and take it

Oh and you make your disappointment in my discomfort known
~If I had a penny for every time I am under criticism
Cos’ I refused to fall in line for the male stereotype
I’d of brought the taxi home to save you the embarrassment

I wish I could tear your focus away from your phone screen
Trying to gather the scraps of a good night out
I just want to happen upon the magic words
To cast merriment upon your comotose gaze
And reprogram the vibe that’s caught the night
Run your hair inbewteen my fingers
And plant the sweetest embrace
But you’ve lost your paitence along the way
You just want to sink into the seats
I wish I knew what I did wrong…

Oh please let me go!
I can’t stand to see you like this anymore
You fidget and squirm like a child in a push-chair
We just aren’t comfortable together it would seem
I didn’t mean to be such a disappointment
I didn’t mean to make you so sad
I didn’t mean to fail you as a man
Maybe it’ll be better if I just went home

Sebastian Noel

Compliment Poem

Thick [2016 Edit]

After our friends fuck off for a fag break
We find ourselves standing side to side
With our backs to the receding wallpaper
Under the sinking spotlights
It highlights the dread in your golden eyes
No matter how many times you lick those lips
You can never reach out and claim what’s rightfully yours
You never could let a good thing just be a good thing

You stare down at your feet, looking quite forlorn
You lament how they used to call you thick
The kind of girl that couldn’t solve 2 x 4
While stuck in the middle of a Casio showroom

I know you’d rather pass a kidney stone
Then to hear about how your the apple of my eye
But god every second I see you stuck in the dumps
It sucks away my spirit like a black hole

You stare down at your shoes, like I hit a trigger
You recall how they used to call you thick
The kind of girl that receives the sniggers
While deciding on a desert in the cafeteria

Please listen to the gospel that I’m shouting
Stop using what the dregs used to say
As an excuse to not shoot for what your wanting
I’m on my knees, please baby just embrace me!

I want to tickle your toes in the bathtub
Feed you strawberries by the lakeside
Trace circles on your palm during the book club
Turn you into a god when the confidence has died
Feel you hold my arm when your overcome with fright
To see you stamp your feet when I don’t pick up the slack
Kiss you on the head and make-up after a fight
Gnaw on your neck while you leave slashes on my back

Please, I’m fucking begging you now
Just listen to tremors coming from your chest
Before I start to grow callous
And my faith turns into dust

Sebastian Noel