26/03/06 > 03/04/10

I sit in the aftermath of a rotten moment
Bathed in the darkness of modern designs
Head perched in hands my mind fades back
And I move my head to your direction

I could swallow domestic sadness on any other day
But on the eve of parental celebration I do struggle
The guest of honour was never expected to show
It still seems impossibly so

I’m sorry I never think of you, as much as I should
But I never had the heart to do so before
Somehow if I tilt my head towards the heavens
I think my words reach you, where ever they go

I’m sorry I never speak to you, as much as I should do
It’s not as if I couldn’t speak about you
I’m sorry I moved on too fast, the others needed me too
Stability is the only thing I could do
I’m sorry if I kept it all to myself, no one would see me through
To be a burden is something I won’t do
I’m sorry if this all isn’t needed, but I felt I had too
On the eve on a day dedicated to you

I’m sorry for the sharpness of my tongue; I pardon myself for my French
I’m sorry for the distance I keep; I know you wouldn’t agree with it
I’m sorry for my wild instincts, your furniture deserves better
Even if you can’t hear, I feel I should’ve still
There’s still a while to go, I still couldn’t do you wrong
I only hope

I’m sorry for every time for the times, I’ve moped about all day
I know you’d kick me for acting that way
I’m sorry for how I tired to soften the blow, and kept you away
I just wouldn’t know what else to say
And I’m sorry it took so long, for even through song to say
As we slowly approach the month of may
This is the last time I’ll use you now, to vent my selfish ways
I promise next time we’ll talk on a good day

Just cos I never came through till the end
Don’t think I never loved you
When I forgot to call you back when I was out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I locked myself upstairs and refuse to come out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I freeze at the sight of tears
Don’t think I never loved you
When I stayed downstairs when I heard you moan
Don’t think I never loved you
When I didn’t cry when it was all over
Don’t think I never loved you
When I saw that smile on your passing face
I knew you finally found peace
And when I grinned after I left your room
But it was only cos I loved you

Dedicated to ma’

No Dream Gal (W.I.P)

While you relive and recite the terrible accounts of today’s shift
The same accounts everyone else present has been through too
But somehow they seem to keep it under wraps, funny that
The joints in my fingers are starting to ache and stiffen
As I reach the end leg of this 1,000 curl hair twirl marathon
With dandruff unapologeticly gathering on the shoulders
I start to gaze out of condensed glass and begin to wander
How i’d be spending my time if the slots had stopped in my favour

We’ll first trade glances at the new years due
I see your mugshot pop up on my computer screen
I must be grasping at straws for a mutual interest
If I’m claiming we have a shared passion for The Fall

But if that’s what it takes to get me talking to you
About which blockbuster you’d like to see next week
I can fake it easily, just for you my darling
I throw a date, a time, an offer round about your way

If only people flowed so naturally together, or maybe they do
And maybe it’s a joy a niche existence like mine will never know
I start to zone in and hear how your manager unfair-
Okay time to zone out again, now what would happen next

You’ll pop round mine uninvited, banking I’d still be in the clutches of my sheets
In your arms you’ll clutch a box of hors d’oeuvres, ripped from a dying relatives 97th
With a flavour of confidence in your vocals, you let it slip we’re bathing in the sun today
We’ll be tasting the finest processes, protruding from the coldest machines

With a tinkle injected into my sockets, I rush upstairs to get ready
But suddenly I’m stopped in my tracks, by a choke-hold on my collar
Gasping for an explanation she curves around my form and explains it to me clearly:
“not without getting your imprint on my navel first”. Oh yes how I’d kill for that

If only people flowed so naturally together, or maybe they do
And maybe it’s a joy a niche existence like mine will never know
I start to zone in and hear how the new iOS is on the fritz
Oh great…

I still believe it can happen one day
And the diamond of my eye is laying about now
Writing about how she dreams of her ideal lad
In the middle of mundane coffee dates in the spring time

Poison

All I ever wanted to do was shower them with prizes
To latch onto as they travel through the darkest days
The kind they’d open up a jewelry box to their grand kids
And tell them exaggerated tales of the golden years
But as I watch them fall head first into the night, time and time again
As a common denominator you do have to wonder don’t you?

I’m the doubt in their voice
I’m the pause before the retreat
I’m poison
I’m the doubt in their abilities
I’m the sigh in the night
I’m poison

All I ever wanted was to see my girls sore into the night
With or without me by their side, eyes dilated with glee
Whatever the method may be, no matter the price
Because If I have to see another one fall from grace
I may just put the next bullet in my brain instead
I don’t want to do it to them anymore, not again

I’m the lack of scale in their thoughts
I’m the bar that’s been set low
I’m poison
I’m the cracks in the mirror
I’m the 2 for 1 concealer
I’m poison

Take It In Your Stride

A simple request I’m sure for a pair of young lovers
But I wouldn’t dare articulate the tar that ruins my face
I can sympathize with your perspective darling
It’s a horrible sight to see your lover writhe in the night
But a young loner can’t open the gates to hell
To an audience who are staring at their own reflection

I understand that your first world is ending
The milks gone bad and the dog won’t stop barking
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

Not even a month in and I’m sure you want answers?
Why during the perfect picturesque winter dates
I choose to drop all the smiles and head on home
Oh darling I’d love to drop all my defences and let it go
The way memories slip from my mind like loose change on the floor
The way my emotions ricochet of every word you say
The way I’ve lost the colours from my world, that I may of never had
But I know you’d ignore every word I say, when your phone’s on the fritz

I understand that your first world is ending
Your dad’s making you walk the mutt again
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

Oh it’s a two way street
Knowledge given
Needs a ear to receive
I know where your priorities lie
And they aren’t with me, not yet
I’ve done damn fine keeping things
All to myself
Don’t get upset when
I decide to tighten the lips
You’ve got to earn these truths
If you can’t work for it
I can’t put up with it

I understand that your first world is ending
Jenny called you fat again
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

You’ll Never Know

You don’t have to tell me it’s wrong
Tell me you won’t reciprocate
I know how a confession would go
So you’d be damn sure that you’ll never know

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
No doubt that’d I do them all

Oh baby I know it’s wrong
After years of work on the reconstruction
Of our minds after the jeckels have been at them
To look at you with these kind of eyes
But when that your body glistens in the light
And when you bite them lips so tight
All I can think of is the mountains of ways
That I’d blow your mind

You don’t have to tell me it’s wrong
Tell me you won’t reciprocate
There’s only one way it could ever go
And of course you’ll never know

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
Baby I’m all yours to control

Please open your eyes man
I can see the strings she pulls from over here
It’s supposed to be enforced by dates in the park
Not fondles by the opponents after dark
Oh what I wouldn’t give to take you away
From them forcing you onto the main stage
But darling I know it’s far to late
That there’s far to much at stake

Oh I know everything about you
Like the back of my hand
There’s nothing I won’t do
For a little taster of you

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
And I’ll show no signs of stopping at all

Baby please don’t tell me it’s wrong
Beacuse everything’s all wrong
Darling please you got to know!
Darling please I need you!

If I was born a girl
I’d stow you away
If I was born a girl
I’d treat you right
If I was born a girl
If only…

Summer

Oh it isn’t a point of time you see
Or a location of the planet around the sun
It’s when the air itself begins to sway
And the grass itself begins to beam
Their’s pheromones in the air
Their’s hormones in the air

Oh the time has come again

When the men come to showcase
Hours of toiling in the winters gym
Over the beautiful game
When the music students gather
To break what little ice remains
With their hunks of wood

Oh the time has come again

When the ice creams at it’s ripest
And the beer’s at it’s coldest
And the coast is a at it’s nicest
When the ladies come out of woolly cocoons
With 3 inches of string cover the south
Oh what a glorious time to be alive

Oh the time has come again

Once Again

I guess it all went according to plan
I could hear the bomb ticking off in the pit of my gut
I knew you couldn’t take another hit not in your state
It was time to push you out of the blast radius, and keep my heart shut
I knew exactly who to sacrifice to save my own hide
It’s the one who you referred to with spit protruding from your jaw
Them sorts of girls with no heart tend to be the invincible type
Returning every blow I throw at them, exposing my flaws
Now i’m sat in the badlands next to her carcass
Scrubbing the scent from the bottom of my lip
To leave you in the arms of a man more capable then me
Yeah that was the plan, one I was never meant to let slip

I’d love nothing more then to be the bigger man in all of this
But my dear the bare facts are these: I can’t keep myself away from you
The most mundane of accomplishments allways makes me reminisce
From petting the cat to whipping up a bacon-syrup breakfast
In the midst of complacency you forget how dull the world can be
People staring at their own reflection all day on the coffee table
Oh honey you can do absolutely anything you want to me
Kick me, bruise me, line me up on the receiving end of a curb stomp
Recite to me each any every crime I’ve committed under your watch
Shower me with hate, while clutching his hand tighter and tighter
Take everything you ever thought of me and throw it down the hatch
Oh anything just to hear them vibrations from your throat in my life
Once again

If you wish misfortune on me
Please be the one to rig the roulette wheel
If you want me to break down
Please be the one to say I told you so
If you want ruin my image
Please be the one to spread the rumors
If you wish me dead
Please be the one to deal the final blow
If it was you I wouldn’t mind
As long as your a part of my life
Once Again

Combat

Pestilence incarnate cries at her loudest
Captivating the attention of the lucky young males
In droves they come throwing away their free wills for a taste

‘Droves’ being a stretch at best

And of course she’s had the worst pampering of life
Her paper thin troubles will net you a eternity of goose chasing
The Chupacabra you can never catch, the Bigfoot you can never prove was even there

If not a hearbreak in similes
What else is she ‘sposed to post for her followers?

She slams onto to the catwalk
Avert your eyes, cameras, guns, blades away from it
Even wounds feeds it’s insatiable hunger
After all a target needs to be aimed at

But a funny thing happened one morn
A million followers started to thin, picked apart one by one
The icon of a generation started to clear into a symbol of self indulgence

Who could’ve been so cruel?

It was me who picked the flowers in your garden
The one who gave man his tounge and made the blind see again
It’s not hard to bring the starstrucked back to the land of independant thought

The method is private i’m afraid

And to add salt to the wound
I did it with my hands tied behind my back
I hope you think of me when you chronicle your demise to the masses

‘The defective who took down perfection herself’

I Can’t Feel Anymore (Mostly With My Hands)

The cautious optimisms out the door by bomb 3
The realistic expectations pack it in on pint 2
The fear got a taxi home when I Introduced the woo’s
Cos these last 2 months I’ve had
There’s enough material seeped into their days
To pitch 7 movie plots to Hollywood
I don’t wanna let on that I sound desperate
But someone needs to hit the reset button: Fast
So point out which cocktails your ignorant too
We can take the plunge together

And the Subtly dies with the ‘Cherry Bomb’ special

Oh what’s her face’s best mate
Just tell me what I have to do
If there’s anything I can do
I’m so bored give me something to do
There’s something I really need to do

Maybe it’s slow release poison you’ve fed me with
Cleverly named after an old kids television show
But what I’m about to say sounds pretty tragic
I just can’t feel anything anymore
The grab of the wrist and flick of the hair
Doesn’t guarantee anything anymore
All it takes is a bat of the lid
From the next every man clad in this weeks brand
And your out of the door
What? ….No of course not, I brought that drink for you!

And the wit and charm dies after the White Russians

Oh my friends, ex’s mates classmate
Just tell me what I have to do
If there’s anything I can do
I’m so bored give me something to do
There’s something I really need to do

The outsiders and misfits are shunned in this environment
I won’t tell you to grab your coat
I’ll save the poetry for the pillows
So now i’m slumped outside V-bar once again
Pushing the fat on my cheeks, over my eyes
Just give me a sec, a few slaps to the face
And I’ll run back for round 2
If I sit around any longer they’re gonna recognize me
The slumped toupee, you can catch him around 20 past 1
Dry as a bone and alone

And the hope dies after the glass of tap water

Oh my cousins, friends, postman’s, daughters, teachers, half-brothers, gym teachers, dog walkers, sisters, hairdressers, ex-husbands, mistresess, plumbers, best man’s, step-daughters, BFF
Stop fucking around and tell me what I have to do
To spend a night with you
Just something to get me through

I Never Forget

In the middle of a crack of sunlight. chance brushing of atoms
The iris expands like a slapped jaw
A bead of sub-zero trickles down the side of your cranium
You betray your reactions feign indifference
A slip of the pencil and slip of the tongue
And once again your atom brushes against mine

You coax a recollection from the banks I use to reminisce
I feign ignorance and only recall the sound of your title
But I’d never let them memories slip in reality
They still regulate on the mill every now and then
No matter how repulsive the recollection gets
I’d kill to lick them wounds of yours

This atom doesn’t forget it’s conquests so easily

Several cycles separate this meeting
But I still smell the blood on my fingers
I can still see the shades of grey in my nails
From when I dug my claws into your matter
I may of taken more then I could off imagined
I may of just poked at the blister
Either way could you ever find the time
To show me them wounds, I’ll lick them clean
If only to open them again

This atom doesn’t forget it’s victims so easily

Their faces populate the zoetrope
Each one more detailed then the last
Their gasps infest the record player
Each one more delightful then the last
Their scowls bring life to the slides
Each one projects more on my back

This atom never inteded to forget anyone so easily