Tag: spilled thoughts

So Are You Just… About Now?

I just wanna swarm you like paparazzi
Cos I got so many questions to relay on to you
When exactly did you come back around?
To roam the streets and to haunt my beats?
But like a Sirens hiding the Kraken beneath her seas
Those sparkling head lights still make me weak at the knees

Could I hit the roulette on lucky 13?
And be graced with the report that you still remember me
The smile you flash as you scan my way
Implies your memory hasn’t progressed another day

Your glitz, your sleaze, the perfection of your tease
Your lips, Your curls, my minds on a downward twirl
The way you add class to every damn place
Are you sure your still of the human race?

You’ll be at awe of the abysmal excuse I’ll use
When I’ll relay a love note, with the digits I swore I’d lose
The time you’ve cameoed in my life has been slight
But now nostalgia’s grip on the synapse is tight

Lnc0

Before Her Time

Eyes as blank as the first semester canvas
Waiting for context to give ‘em colour
She’s wasting away in a half price deck chair
In the cage where dust fuses with dust
Spit collects in her mouth
Tears collect in her eyes
Momentum can’t cease this soon she thinks
She’s gotta have a few years yet till Ragnarök

She chisels hieroglyphics into her skin
So she can stay as a historical landmark
To remind the world she’s to be preserved
To inspire a committee before she’s lost her youth

Slinking through the pavement, under the fire of stares
But what does it even mean?
When like gargoyles in the heart of Paris
The embody the idea of being alive
The fast claws away at her life force
Down her throat and between her legs
Can anyone look at that collection of marble
Like a Tate modern tenant, just lost in the wild
Statistically that’s ridiculous, clearly they will
But when conversion is a thing of the past
The frost reaching the womb, dictates perception

Comparison can only thrive in this crater
How can she make the seals clap again
With the hypnotism hitting their eyes
In a way only the one possessed by Eros could
Fill the pigments with a hot pink grip
Before turning blood red from the tears of heartbreak
Emulating winces and frowns
In the sceptical that only youth allows

Only a year has gone by
And the visage remained beautiful
So what happened?
Why do the seas remain calm?
These eyes that used to grip their gaze
Dead
These legs that would be traced with their tongues
Dead
The tights that would interrupt their thoughts
Dead
The origin point of the nutrients that would invigorate
Dead
The whole world has died around her
And she’s lost all life as a result
The earth has forgotten her as time thrives
A glacier victim to decay, at just 24
No eyes will objectify her ever again
What a fate for one, which solitude only brings danger

Lnc0

A Life Time Of Love In Review

We’re coming up to the half a year anniversary
But I’m not feeling so vapid come this time around
Maybe it’s cos a familiar question is orbiting my lobes
And quite frankly I don’t have an answer this time around

What it is I’m even asking the stars for?
That which I could pluck from the gardens of my fellows?
With only the addition of readiness to entice the deal
Is that what it all boils down too?
Not a search for beauty, or for enchantment
But a treck for the treasure of convenience?

Maybe I don’t want a blue bird to show for my efforts
I just want the whirlwind of the engagements
The chest pains as I walk up to the meeting place
The stutters in my speech, the grasping for topics
Before tearing the walls down with our finger tips
As the distance between us regressed to decimals
Does it matter how it actually ends up?
If the means to get there were so joyous?

As I vocalize it, it becomes apparent
That we put love into such bizarre quantifiers
So many ounces of attractiveness
They have to hit a quota of earnings and possessions
Maybe those I’ve looked down on had it right
Nothing about them has to blow your mind
I just want to be liked in the most infantile way
For them to like me, like the way I talk
Like the way I dress, like my glass shattering laugh
Like my pointy nose, Like my scraggly hair
Like the way I write, Like the way I love
But above all that shite, the one thing they have to like
Is like the way I like them too
Maybe this isolation wasn’t in vain, to figure that one out

Lnc0

Confused For The Sake Of Being Confused [2016 Remake]

For a romantic debut, I think I could’ve done better
Just to think, nary 2 nights ago we were rolling in the mud
Exerting hot air with no substance to it what so ever
But does it matter? Two teeny bopers shooting the shit
Aiming nothing substantial to be immortalised in the stars
I can’t think of nothing more beautiful in hindsight

Such a cosmic contrast to a classic Essex bust up
Hanging on the thread of another request to be put on hold
Twiddling my toes, finding ways to kill time
While a flood of possibilities pass me by the roadside
Did you do it in the cubicles? Or in the cinema?
Fantastic ways to waste your time on the weekend
I’ve no doubt your trading sucker punches with another fella
Already a jab on it’s own, but the part that really stings
Is the confirmation that love wasn’t the motive to this crime
You just could, that’s it

I try to put it to the back of my mind
This is my first love, and maybe I just don’t know any better
Maybe everyone goes through this too! It’s just process
That’s the key I use to get out of this prison
I’ve curated for myself with absolute precision
With every imagine conjured up designed to incite anguish

So I get my coat and stroll out
The evening’s air has done nothing but aid me thus far
And then I’m greeted by a gorgeous sight
The sight of you patrolling the night with him round the bend
We exchange the looks
I want to scream out, but my mouths locked tight
It’s the restraints I used to lock myself back in the prison
But not before I turn my head to check what I had seen
To check that’s it’s really the end
It’s agony

So I’m back to serving my sentence
Except my imagination’s become fact
A buzz on the phone
The sounds of a moan
I think I knew it all along
But confusions a great delaying tactic ain’t it?

Lnc0

————————————————————————-

As hinted at above, this poem is a remake, infact it’s a remake of THE VERY FIRST POEM I EVER ‘PROPERLY’ WROTE. I’ve never posted it cos y’know Tumblr wasn’t a thing in my life in 2007, but here it is, written by 17 year old me in all it’s embarrassing glory:

By the time the moon has made the lap another 2 times
Your off slinging your hooks with some other guy
To think 2 rotations ago i was sure you was mine
But now i’m a victim of change and at the mercy of why

I wanna be at home and to go alone
I’m not sure anymore
From When to Who and Why and back to Where
I’m shrouded in doubt

Doubt that love was ever the motive behind this most henious crime

I’m strolling about the town again, to find a preaty sight
The sight of you and 2 other guys patroling round the bend
We exchange the looks;
sad in
glad out
but the mouths are shut tight
I turn my head for one last check, to check it’s realy the end

I wanna be close and i wanna be away
I’m not thinking anymore
I rush back home, but i’m feeling regret in confort
I’m left wanting more

So i sit here, on the night alone, only with a brew to call my own
A buzz on the phone
The sounds of a moan
Just please, i need a minuite alone

You can’t put me down for being mad for wearing this frown
It’s just that i can’t bealive i was up aginst half the fucking town

[17 year old] Lnc0

Book title brainstorming [Part 1]

Sebastian Noël –

“Premier”
“You Figure It Out”
“Convulsing Fashionable Hearts”
“Debut”
“Still Human”
“Stright From The Spastic’s Mouth”
“Text Dump”
“Talking Shit”
“vs. The Narcissists”
“The Definition Of Validated”
“Feat. A Sermon Of Slang”
“The Only One Left Alive”

The End Of The 4 Nights Of Hell

I’ve been kicked out of heaven
But I don’t belong here in hell
And limbos such a fucking bore
So I guess I got to keep on living here

Looking back on it all, back on these 4 nights
I can’t even remember what I was even looking for
I waved my hand out to the crowd
Looking for another soul to grab onto
And I found them, I found more then you could know
So many that the boys looked at me with envy
But anything I caught a hold of crumbled in my hands
Like blood flowing through my fingers
And I could feel the critters crawl up my skin
Everyone seems to enjoy it, so why can’t I?
Absence cuts through my sanity like a knife
But that’s pocket change in comparison
To the fallout when suspect entities draw near
I’ll take fucking anyone, but anyone’s not good enough
And every night just collapses right in front of my eyes
And I’m the only one occupying my space
I tore the IV from my arm in order to be free
But now I’m out here with all the control in the world
I’m just counting the days to be bound again
And that’s a cycle no one wants to witness

I want to spend every second of clear time
To polish and perfect my little creations
Maybe if I finally made something of worth
The right people would gravitate towards me
If I finally learnt the bloody guitar
People would want to be around me
But I just spend that precious time earned
Staring at a series of menus and profiles
Begging again and again
SOMEONE PLEASE BREATHE LIFE INTO ME!
No matter how I pray into the void
Nobody came

Whatever god is pulling the strings on causality
Won’t you hear my pleas and cries?
Let me break the barriers of mortality
Let me sprout wings, let me take flight
Cos the pain of solitude gets more overbearing each day
And seeing people all round me, progressing faster and faster
Hand in hand, with someone who wouldn’t dare let them go
When they find my dead body, they’ll say it’s that what killed me
I’d love to become a coward, just give up on it all
But I have an obligation to the lives I’ve touched
They’re looking at me with expecting eyes
And I hate coming up empty handed everytime
What can I tell you man? I can’t stop crying every night
Unless someone comes in, grabs me by the hands
Kisses me on the head and promises everythings gonna be allright

But I know for now the cycles due again
So suit up, make yourself look nice
Cos here comes the next 4 nights of hell

Lnc0

A part of the ‘4 Nights Of Hell’

Dear Daddy

It’s just the kind of world we live in
I could transcribe a perfect line portrait
But even with all the evidence and testimonies
But alliance is a fucking bitch, fucking efffooorrttt

So this recap is just for myself
Cos everyone knows it, even if they choose to forget it
But I’m struggling for the words honestly
It feels like nature at this point
The birds sing, the wind blows
And your the embodiment of evil
Your voice makes me shudder
I can stand to have you in my sight
You’ll take out anyone so you’ll stay the victim
You’ll play kids of against each other
You know your worth nothing
So you’ll beat everyone down to beyond anything
So you can stay on the top billing
And you’ll hold her grave hostage to get your way

There’s no word for a evil so concentrated
Just know I hurt myself in some way everyday
To make sure I can bleed your gene’s out of me
To remake myself in any other image

Lnc0

The Contrast // The Fairy Tale

I’m in the wild, I’ve been seen, I’ve been admired
But it’s not enough to patch up this folding heart
Like a leopard behind the glass at the zoo
The eyes pry with no intention of crossing the panes
The smiles, the joy, the inspiration
But still in a solitary context

Boys and girls like avatars of deities
Appearing in forms mortals can hardly believe
Beautiful people as far as the eye can see
It’s enough to make a guy suicide-y

I wanna break the dividers with my bare hands
I wanna ask you every little thing
What things make up you?
What things make you so beautiful?
I want that feeling of being so hooked
Without the reality of the scope of what divides us
Every thought of the day being consumed
I’ll donate a few of the night too
Even if the road leads to a dead end
The way my heart flutters on the way defines
I just want someone to take this energy away
I just want a reason to stay alive

Boys and girls like subjects of mythology
Appearing in ways to shape our destinies
Beautiful people as far as the eye can see
It’s enough to make a guy suicide-y

I know that when night’s cloak covers this town
That’s when dividers break down
And we all revert back to animals
But the angels behind the glass from the daylight
Are nowhere to be seen, returning to the staircase above
Nothing so pure could make it as a creature of the night
We can only ever meet at arms reach away
Never to speak, never to see
If you could deliver to me ecstasy
There’s no hope for me, that definitely makes a guy suicide-y

Lnc0

A part of the ‘4 Nights Of Hell’ series

Dead

Kiss, cradle, sizzle sizzle
I can’t do anything to make you hate me
No achievement can elevate me
No enslavement makes me intimidate
I’ve lost all humanity In the gulf
The only thought that keeps me marching
Is the writhe, the pain, the agony
Taking every inch and transplanting onto you

They come in single file
I have to turn ‘em all away
Your not good enough for my scheme
You’ll hardly graze their arm with that shot
It’s really gotta get underneath their nails
The thought of us has got to cause unfathomable strain
Oh honey of course your the most beautiful thing
But it’s about more then that now

Your remorseless
Unabsolvable by any god or deity
You withdraw into the nest
Free of consequence or reaction
I wanna slip in through the cracks
Tear your bubble open
And consume you
As you see the level I’m operating at
You’ll start to feel regret
You’ll put someone above you for the first time
Just want you to feel that bullet hole
Regardless of weather or not it’s their

I just want you too feel dead
Dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead dead

Dead Like me

Lnc0

A part of the ‘4 Nights Of Hell’ Series