No Empathy (W.I.P)

You come to me with testimonies and expect empathy?
I’m supposed to share the pain I’ve felt this whole time?
Where’s your credentials? Where’s your references?
Check the year, it’s time to prove your rape

Did you not record the walking on eggshells?
Did you not snapchat them saying “No one else does this”?
Did you not video them calling you pathetic cunt?
Did you not get a witness when you couldn’t see your friends?
Did you not get a time sheet of when they were your best friend
Only to desert you when the 2nd woman comes by?
Did you not get an x-ray of them invading your space?
Along with a voice recording of you saying no
Each and every time their claws came around?
Then why would I believe you at all?

Your opening up is phoney
Your cries are all fictional
Your standing up is hurting us
Your experience is stereotype
Your suffering is invalid
You can’t prove a damn thing to me

This is the state we’ve been reduced
A victim can’t just be a victim, you must prove your rape
Your abuse isn’t as abusey as their abuse
That’s an abuse of the abuse tag!
It’s now a world where the walls of speaking up are higher
It’s not the just the gaze of the predator you gotta avoid
Now empathy is a thing to earned, not received
And the victim is more silent then ever before

Sebastian Noël

No Ambition Blues

I’m an A student running on D fuel
You put that together and you get a C life
And that was a fine way to live for me
I definitely never asked for the greenlight to ascend
But with your eyes drenched in tears
And your hands tied by a freshers wristband
You’re not letting me have a choice in the matter
Progress or perish, the narrative my Dear John contains

Nirvana is what we make of it, so what if mine’s on the ground floor?
With the ice cold burgers from the local caff’
Decor as gloomy as the staff, as miserable as the weather
You’d look up at me from your mouldy egg sandwich
Playing D.I.Y Pictionary with a few napkins and my Biro
But still ‘Gone With The Wind’ is out of my artistic scope
You fight through the aesthetics and conjure a smile
That’s when I theorised that we could withstand any pressure

But you’re content to get other people involved
“You could do so much good for the world”
But I don’t want to do the world any fucking good
I just want to do you some good
Evaporate the floods from your vision
Flow life back into your tired face
Fill a silent living room with your laughter
Calm you down when the family sends an opinion
That’s all the good I wanna do
Thoese are the accomplishments I hang on the fire place
Don’t send me off on a Hercules errand
I have no will to harness what I’ve got to offer
You’re where the ambition starts and ends
So let me sink the flag pole with you and a call it a life

Sebastian Noël

But what should arrive on an unassuming afternoon?
With grace powerful enough to make renaissance portraits blush
And the charm to talk a bullet back into it’s chamber
You could hear the Velcro damn near tear as she pulled me from the wall

Sebastian Noel

Pacifier (W.I.P)

Everything fine, but is that the danger?
It’s okay from a progressive standard
But it leaves him feeling a little mismanaged
The employee tag says devoted other
But I don’t think that’s what she sees
She can call him useless to Karen down the pub
But it’s all smiles and well wishes
When she gets home and prepares the roast

Getting onto month 5 on the dole
It’s no one’s fault in theory
When the agency feels like rolling the dice again
It’ll all be back to the normal for the lad
He’s not the kind of boy they keep an eye out for
Only to be given grace, never given a chance

Until then he’s left to monitor the ticks of the clock
For the time the nursing home loosens her cuffs
His heart gives rise at the sight of her
Her heart sinks as the side job merely begins
He can’t seem to get anything right
He can’t enjoy her cooking try as me might
He couldn’t remember the chores in time
He coudln’t remember her favourite colour
He struggles to find the right words to say
Every word he digs from his pockets go down awfully

Why doesn’t his brain work like everyone else?
Why can’t he just do these simple fucking things?
Why is he such a stupid fucking cunt?
The questionnaire that pushes past her fangs
His dream is growing callous working the machine
To keep his life in permanent stasis
Did her patience eroded over time?
Or maybe he just didn’t notice it was always like this
Her eyes uncover, a lover; pacified
The feeling that fastens over time, before his very eyes

Sebastian Noël

Next Season Previews

Drying my feet in the ensuing turbulence
Cos I’ve just dipped my toes into a wormhole
I can’t quite believe what my eyes have witnessed
I’ve seen stone return to it’s fleshy form
As social fossils reanimate from the soil
Did the screams from the soul piqued their hearing
Gasping for air fighting against the cesspool’s tide
Become deaf to the group chat drama for but a moment

It goes no further then a snapshot in time
But in another life it’d serve as the prelude
To a 5 part symphony ringing through the halls
That ends with a parting nocturne outside your door
But not discredit the ringtone minuet currently occurring
Even the Nokia hardware would shake my soul
It’s the calling card left at the crime scene
Clueing me in, what I thought I lost, isn’t quite dead yet

If I blinked enough, I could trigger a hallucination
My skin would start looking fairer, my voice softer
And the only things that would exit these lips
Would be the passions I’ve carried with me
I know were I wanna go, I’m not lost just on a detour
Ambition given is ambition to be returned
Eye contact goes headlights as you start to perform
You know where you wanna go, you know how your getting there
The outlook surpasses greed and nothing shows our youth more
Mrs. Roosevelt would christen us as great indeed

The last 4 years suddenly feel invalidated
I slipped into stasis for a spell while the time kills
Now I’ve slipped back into my suit
I’ve returned to a boy of 20 years
When I’m so close to abandoning my soil
Maybe this has all become a sign?
That I’m not leaving home, oh no
I’m coming home world!

Sebastian Noël

Every Rumour Is True

I hate to admit it’s the case
But maybe it’s time to vacate
Resort to a back tracking slate
And join those who told me so late

They said Colchesters beyond repair
And all it ever breeds is despair
But was that always the script?
I feel like I’ve given up on you
Your’s was the pristine setting
Of a spotless prime time family sitcom
I would’ve let go of so much ambition
Just to be cast in that security
But why didn’t you want it too?
Every attempt leads me to be refused
I rip the canvas apart to be true
But your content to leave me black and blue
The vacant stares, the missed messages
The short talks, the disappearing effort
You never used to turn down my love
What on earth’s changed, to earn your disdain?

I just want to time travel my soul
My morals, My outlook, My cells
Back to walks in the forest
And awfully planned picnics in the park
In the pouring 4AM rain, just passing the sunset
Eating peanut butter sandwiches in the shade
Who was that with? Krissy, Rosie, Nikki?
I don’t know anymore
Their faces have degraded into blanks
The memories are becoming fabrication
Who’s memories am I stitching together?
They feel like strangers in my own remembrance

Tears are making a comeback in my eyes
Cos the town I’ve loved with all my heart
It doesn’t recognise me anymore
It wants me out, It can’t stand the sight of me
I’ve happened upon your corpse wondering Yomi
Your face twisted and contorted
Am I a foreign object, pollen to be excreted?
Cos that’s exactly how it feels
Apathy poisoning my pours
My skin dries and my heartbeat slows to a crawl

Colchester… I don’t recognise you anymore
I don’t feel as safe on your soil like before
This love isn’t healthy, for a creature of my imagination
I need out of you, as much as you need me out too

Sebastian Noël

VHSVCRABC

Thing about memories is that they’re like a VHS
Record over those junk food recollections
With a brand new call back
All it takes is pressing REC with me

We’ve been broke from our silky confines
With new forms, with new names
Yet we can’t ignore the guarantee
Left behind by our predecessors, as a memento

Cos I can see a future not to distant from ours
I see eyes trying to escape to the back of your head
I see nail marks down your spine
I see a smile crack through Armageddon

Summers been actin’ mundane thus far
The nights haven’t delivered on their promises
The day to day starts to blend with no spike in sight
Didn’t you say you weren’t doing nowt after your shift?

Cos yours is a face I wanna collide with in the dark
I hope mine’s a face you wanna keep a fugitive in your thighs
I hope I’m still the kind of boy you wanna make mischief with
The sugar facade hiding syrup clad intent

I’m only in town for a month hence
But you can dictate the rest of my days
Towering above you, or bowing at your feet
You got me by the choke collar girl
I ain’t going anywhere not without your say-so
So take your possession to Pasteur, and lets make your night

Sebastian Noël

Domestic Bliss

I would do a lot of under cuff stuff
To get a million miles from your position
Forced to swallow coffee drops
And perform the ventriloquism required
To perceive the illusion your gorging on the same
Delicately you were on moonlight ridden nights in the park
Inviting a kaleidoscope of fauna in your a gaped jaw
As your follicles all shoot out, like grasping for photosynthesis

And tell me, is he courteous enough to believe the lie?
As he takes vague sentences and defiant dodges
As you would a wedding vow
Cheesy smiles and arm prisons installed on your shoulders
While you go home to the sex your not having
Something about being 1/12th of a wish puts him off
Does the molasses of guilt pour from his gullet?
While you spend another Saturday night, deciding your Rustlers Flavour

What of your intention? Or least your means to indulge them?
Is the fate of cobweb covered antiques
Something that really speaks to you?
What of the voice calling to nostalgia?
As you beam with pride at the foot of V-bar
While transcribes get passed around the joint
But those Chinese whispers come back to haunt you
Why not release the Molotov?
And remember the rumours front to back
From mildew stained bath tiles
To the majestic caress of the hotel sheets
It kills me to see you drown in dissatisfaction
So won’t you trade a quip or two with me?
And transition to the recollection of a life time

Sebastian Noël

Ab-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b

I can’t call it what it is
My genetics haven’t earned that yet
I don’t know what you’d call it then
Maybe we ain’t gotta call it anything
Cos even without a name it’s marks made clear
The apprehension that colours the bar
As a Walkers crisps ash haired beauty comes through
Clashing teeth on her fraying wool
That’s just like a darling like you
I guess?
But I can’t help but feel you’ll make a mug of me
The blame for that rests a million miles from you
I don’t even need to think much about the one responsible
You can find her like an aging marble of Magdalene
Surrounded by eggshells of her own creation
Stuck on a menacing grin
All her declarations are interchangeable
All her loves are replaceable
That’s when affection loses it’s value
That’s when defection loses it’s weight
But without a source of verification
Who’s gonna verify that outside of the two of us?
Who’s gonna babysit the love that blooms?
I’ve been beaten down to the state of an infant
Burning any bridge I called my own
For a 1/100 odds of a pacifying narrative
Cos freedom isn’t the sobering conclusion it once were
Like a spatula on sunburn, it’s agony
How’s a spade a spade in a world like this?
How’s anyone chatting honestly under surveillance?
You hide the rouge tinted mitts behind your back
None of this is your handiwork you reiterate
I don’t see anyone else with the keys to my coat
If anxiety is the excuser of all malice
Then boy are WE all fucked!

Sebastian Noël

You Cannot Claim Isolation, Then Swipe Away The Hand That Heals

Hey Seb, Please Seb, Why Seb,
Please talk to me Seb, Hey Seb
Why Seb, How Seb, Please Seb
Can’t you see me? Can’t you hear me?
Please Seb, Hey Seb, Answer us Seb
Can’t you feel me? Can’t you touch me?
Let me know I’m still real, Please I gotta know
That you can see me, that I can still be?
Open the door Seb, Please Seb
Or did you give up? And only a spectre remains?
Why Seb, Answer the phone Seb, Please
Why did you decide to see through me
Is that why I can’t prophesize you
Stay alive, Please, Why Seb
Don’t you see me? Don’t you need me?
You could’ve called me anytime
Why wait till your writhing
You can end the suffering anytime
You know you could
Why keep going Seb? Please stop it
Touch me Seb, Why, Love me, Please
Don’t you believe me? Please
Why continue not to see me?
Why can’t you embrace me?
What keeps you in the torture chamber?
Come on Seb, Please, Why can’t you? Please
Illuminate my collided crystallines
Permeate my gilded leather
Contextualize my deserted skin
Oh god why? Anything Please, I can’t watch
Penalise my eyes, bypass corroded ties
Why do you want me to watch you die?
Anything to brutalise
The one man you want to pulverise
Stop it Seb, We care about you Seb, Stop, Please
Why you wanna hurt so bad?
How can you hate anything that bad?
Why Seb, Please Seb, No Seb, Stop Seb

Sebastian Noël