I Wish Someone Told Me

I don’t know you, know if I’ll ever know you
Know if you’d ever wanna now me too, but dear you regardless
Cos I see you, my brothers and sister of the same mind
With your head 40 degrees up and your eyes another 40 down

I know the world feels alien, more and more each day
No matter the time you clock in, it never gets less cryptic
You always feel like your just a few steps out of time
And your peers look more like aspirations then reflections

But it doesn’t mean as much then you think it does
Ya’ll probably sick of being told that, but damn it’s true
That’s coming from a fellow spastic, no condescending here
That stepping in line doesn’t afford you the magic key
The key to make normal conversation: Nah
The key to feel belonging in a room: Nope
The key to streamline the life stream: Hell no
There’s no shortcut, but you weren’t heading that way anyways

I wish when I were young; another aspie was around
To give me permission to feel, like I was okay
Okay to like the things you like, talk about what you like
And if anyone goes for the gag then they’re the cunt
If anyone’s got an issue with your excitement: Drop ‘em
Wish they told me that it’s not normal when people hone in on differences
The clothes you wear, the food you eat
The words you use, the things you like
To be so obsessed with your taste buds, your nerves, your time
That’s weird man, it’s on them not you

I wish someone was there to tell me sexuality isn’t a race
That virginity isn’t a stigma, not to hand it over to any two-bit
And that when you cross the finish line to keep an eye open
That people will exploit your naivety for their own gains
That they’ll tell you how you’re a pussy if you don’t let them in
Get you too drunk to consent, as there eyes light up
What dabbling in a little assault to make your ex jealous?
Wish I was taught to cover my ears
To those who say violence, sex and destruction is masculinity
To not surrender your body, your health to the malicious

Wish I was told to not keep a lid on my troubles
To not take “Oh you could never tell” as a compliment
You should be able to tell, that’s an embarrassment otherwise
We’re everywhere, some basic adjustment isn’t a luxury
Wish I was taught never to pass, was told my behaviour is uncomfortable
Fuck it, I’ll click my Rubix Cube, stick my tongue out when thinking
Info dump all the bullshit facts I can remember, pick my nose in public
If your irritated: Fuck you, you don’t get the grace of our company

Yeah, of course I know it now, I never let anyone trample on my toes
But like you it was terrifying getting there
So bothers and sister heed my words
Whether your killing time institutionalised, wasting on the dole
It’s a fucking brutal life for people like us
But the world is ours too, to live in not just survive till the grave
If people try and curb anything your proud off: Fuck ’em
If people wanna use your fears to recruit you: Fuck ’em
It’s you or fuck you, your time and life have value
No one gonna tell you that, so let me repeat myself:
Your life and time are the most valuable thing you have
And a million people are gonna tell you different
You’ll be the punchline, the meme, the anti
Well you drink their milkshake, encroach on their space
You tell them “You’re threatened by by me?”
And you walk knowing your stride’s worth 24k
No one will tell you, I know cos they never told me:
But you got the makings to be above human

– Sebastian Noël

Never Trust A Compliment

“Oh Seb, why do you have such low self-esteem?”
While a magnitude 7 transpires in my pocket,
As if to answer that very question.
A letter in the bandwidth arrives on my shores,
Meticulously designed to remind me:
I was born of flawed clay and to there I’ll return.
Any avenue not filled they’ll find there way;
Whatsapp, Insta or Kik. It’s all game.

Don’t tell me the lens focuses ‘Too much’ on the anti,
Cos every pleasantly is temporary.
All smiles turn into frowns, if given time.
Offers to hang out turn into reaching excuses.
She’ll let you know “Boy you’re so valid.”
She’ll say “You try so hard to illuminate those in your gaze.”
Two crumbs of Twix on her shoes later however:
I’ll epitomise a callous generation of dregs.

Danni holds my hand by the riverside,
When I accidentally get some water on her dress.
“I never asked to be with such a mental case.”
She advises me to get the 47 bus home.

Allie smiles over her mocha on our anniversary,
When I ordered a gingerbread latte when I meant hazelnut.
“You don’t know how to love anyone, and never will.”
I’m left alone with a cold drink I didn’t even want.

I’m staring Christine down the alter,
Her hand in mine, as we say our vows.
With a decade of hardships behind us,
With an extra year or two of love to call our own.
I look my bride longingly in the eyes,
And accidentally put the ring on her index finger.
“Everything they said about you is true, you’re such a cunt.”
SEB!? WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH LOW SELF-ESTEEM!?

I can be the apple lodged in someone’s eye
And a thorn infesting their side by tomorrow.
The slander is what sticks,
While compliments are temporary,
Until you start to taste foul in their mouths
And we all know that nothing is succulent eternally.
So I believe what everlasts,
Not what only stays present on good behaviour.

Sebastian Noël

IT’S SHIT

You ain’t shit, I ain’t shit, no one’s shit
Then what’s the shit? Is anyone shit?
Everything’s shit, It’s gone to shit
Shit through my mail box, straight to my inbox

I’m the shit, least it’s pending shit
Dress like shit, get free shit
Cos if I need anything in life; it’s more shit
It’s pointless to be present, perks of vacancy
The senses plead to no pleasure
I blind myself to keep a possibility alive
It’s a ball gag in my eyes baring the Zara logo
My worth’s in verse, sponsor my body to any ol’ shit

Everything’s shit, It’s gone to shit
Shit filling my wardrobe, shit covering my Insta

People don’t want love, they want shit
Any old shit over the arm
Any shit under my covers will do
Shit’s, shit init?
There’s nothing pleasent inhabiting the psychical
And you don’t wanna know how they left the mental
If the soul has prevailed somehow in this world
It’s cowering someplace my lifespan can’t reach

Everything’s shit, It’s gone to shit
Shit’s chilling at the bar, shit’s filling the dance floor

Want my shit? 30 shit’s plus post and packaging
Why do you want shit? Is it good shit?
Do you pity my shit? Every sale a show of kinshit?
Well shit…
We crave something that’s free; a nodding head
A mirrors image, a “Yes okay, good”
We’ll do anything to get our hands on that shit
Spend hours on a feed looking for the next idea to pilfer
Some worthy of ourselves, converted into presence
Anything to magnetise, so that maybe we’ll like ourselves
Everything else is just shit

Sebastian Noël

What It Means To Stay Alive [W.I.P]

No one really knows what to say
A long awaited recess from the infirmary
No icey words, she can only jump right in
She says that you made a impact
She speaks it in a uplifting tone
You’ll never see the effects in your life time
It’s not until your rotting in the soil
Will the fruits on your life will ripen
In the lives of those you brushed past
To the lives you’ve created electricity with
As your show comes to a close
May it be now during the darkest skies
Or a time where the earth itself raptures
May it be when your clock stops ticking
Or if you remove the gears yourself
The burden of carrying on your meme’s
Falls on every man and child
Who carrys the things you’ve passed down
While you silently die inside, in the night
All they can see is your legacy
They see the way you cut away your life-lines
The things that gave you magnificent joy
Just to cleanse the ire of another
A thousand years of pain in one go
To make sure they don’t feel even a strain
You’ll die a villain in their eyes
You’ll die a hero in the eyes of those with eyes
She pauses again, hovers palms against your arm
If you’ll always be waiting for the rise
Take comfort in the seeds you’ve planted
You did good…. In the best way