Breakfast Bap Blues [Ver.2]

Your so close to dying
A molecule based misery seeps from the floor
On a not unexpected, but disappointing 5 past 10
Your dodging english again to escape the rainpour
While an egg yolk begins to weep for you
As you take another bite of your morning bap
It’s as miserable of a picture as it sounds
And all you got is the classic English morning for company

You don’t even know when it went wrong
But you know that look when it cuts you
Reserved for the most fiendish of miscreants
As he finds any excuse to pull his hand away from yours
An itch, checking the phone, pointing to a bug eating dogshit
He’s just millimetres separate from you, but you’re continents apart
He was even in rush to kiss you at the door
And there goes a boy, who didn’t want to be here in the first place

Was it something you said? Or did?
Did you miss the cue to deliver your line?
Fuck the line, I don’t think you ever got the script
Maybe he’s right, maybe you never do listen
How do you apologise, you know he’ll just ask why?
And if you turn up short of an answer
Then that’s as good as telling him to fuck off
No matter how many ways you try to solve the sum
Distract his melancholy with treats and trinkets
And cement the cracks with his fave’ band t-shirt
You always come up with bad remainders
And it slowly starts to dawn on you; that it’s futile

So you sink further into the diners throne
Your face covered by the azure curls
In your Totoro hoodie, with your copy of Wild World
As you try and stomach; there’s nothing you can do
To make the clouds part and the sun shine
So you might as well just waste your time…

Lnc0

Breakfast Bap Blues

You don’t even know when it went wrong
But you know that look when it cuts you
Reserved for the most fiendish of miscreants
As he finds any excuse to pull his hand away from yours
An itch, checking the phone, pointing to a bug eating dogshit
A mere millimetres separate you, but your continents apart
He even was in rush to kiss you at the door
And there goes a boy, who didn’t want to be here in the first place

Was it something you said? Or did?
Did you miss the cue to deliver your line?
Fuck the line, I don’t think you ever got the script
Maybe he’s right, maybe you never do listen
How do you apologise, you know he’ll just ask why?
And if you’re short of an answer
Then that’s as good as telling him to fuck off
Maybe if you got him that album he’s always talki…. mmm…
That’s when a clairvoyants flash slips into your mind
And it slowly starts to dawn, that it’s futile

So you sink further into the diners throne
Your face covered by azure curls
In your Totoro hoodie, and your copy of Wild World
As you stomach that there’s nothing you can do
To make the clouds part and the sun beam
So you might as well just waste your time…

Lnc0

14/02/16 – And A While Prior

This feels like writing a eulogy
I guess in a way it is
But on account of arrogance
It’s just a little overdue…

Is there any chance you still think of me?
In passing? Even if for a micro-second?
Cos for me, given the time of year
The second that clock hits February, I can’t help myself

It may of been just a blip, a tick, a glitch if we’re being cynical
But I think the smallest durations can be the most intense
I’ve had years and years of accompaniment before
But they never got me like you did, in a mere duo of months

Silky waves on a crystal beach
Lukewarm breeze on lost jacket nights
A sight to dilate
Brings the crack of smiles
To a mourning frown
And to bruised skin
An exercise to the creative soul
And an expansion to the creative mind
You were this and so much more
The most elating memory I know

So does your mind, drag you back in time too?
Does it leave your day bleak, and your future blue?
To reminisce about all the little ways
We’d make divinity out of early work days

Is it only me that reserves a prayer or two?
That despite the magnitude of earth that now separates us
That somehow come February the 14th
When I step outside into a standard blistering night
Our frequencies will somehow align
And no matter where I choose to sulk
I’ll be greeted by them platinum dollar eyes
Then maybe I could just drop the facade
Act like not even 1 second has past since I saw you last
And just tell you how much I’ve missed you

Still dedicated to B.B

Lnc0

A sequel to this Valentine relic of 2 years:
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/77842940245/14022014

I’m Thinking About People I Dated Years Ago Again

Aurora reflecting pre-school shape fitting toys
Are the most cumbersome demands
A prediction of inevitability from the womb
A manuscript of bypassed pleasure at the tomb
If the remains of collision based research
Can exfoliate the grooves of my psyche
To allow the glue to poor, leak and stick
Then I’ll know all the fables articulated truths

But our portraits have turned into code
A proximity execution in a sea of padded cubicles
How likely could the dust of our erosion
Crawl into the sheets of our nostrils
The framed stone tablets always prophesied
Their colours are destined to mix in the dish tray
To be worthy of such a scenic fuchsia collaboration

Lnc0

The Gaze

We always fall prey for the routine every time
While we’re still imprisoned under the gaze
This is no time for honestly or vulnerability
It’s time to re-pose the action figure
Arms behind your head, back arched
Not a glimpse of even a fraction
Of the crippling pain that washes over you
And makes you cry into your pillow every night

And what about when an innocent bystander
Decides to wander into the cross-hairs
And decides they want to be a part of your fable
How can you disappoint those sweet eyes?
Pull back the curtain and reveal
Your feeling just as much hurt as she is
And what if the gaze catches a glimpse
Of your weakness, of your humanity?
So just keep the power pose on auto
And maybe if we lie hard enough
The fallacy can become the reality

But isn’t that how it went last time?
To me and the owner of the gaze?

Lnc0

Evil

I can imagine you now in your basement
Grinning by candlelight
Picking up and arranging chess pieces
All with our names etched into the sides
Only the diabolical thinking of a puppeteer
Could’ve arranged tonight’s events this way

“Oh what a coincidence!” She exclaimed
“Fancy running into sour-puss here”
As you bump into me, at my local round
There’s nothing coincidental about precise timing
Just the right amount of time after my split
The right balance of loneliness and rational thinking
“Oh I’m so sorry to hear that, but how weird!
I’ve not long split since my fella too”
So now the gaunlets really been thrown
You know your available, and you know I wanna hurt her
I don’t even have the care to play along with the facade
So I just ask “My place or yours?”

Oh man you really are a villain aren’t you?
No a sign of remorse or regret in your eyes
Just a grin of ecstasy as you lead me to your lair
Like a black widow dragging back her prey
You can feel the rubble of foundations in your fingers
You can smell the burning of bridges
It brings you back to life
Returns your skin to it’s natural glow
You got blood on your lips
And sludge pouring out of your eyes
Playing by the rules was never your style
And playing nice was really suffocating you
It gives freaks like us a purpose
So drag me down and give my life meaning

Signs of the devil remain, where you lay your hands
I stain your bleach blonde locks, when I grab your hair
You poison my blood when you bite into my veins
I mark the skin around your neck with my grip
You bruise my face, whenever spasms dictate
Sink your fangs into my limbs
To keep my consciousness in this world
And serve me severed thighs, with your nail line
You scream like the valkyries
As your 4 support beams begin shake
Your entire temple collapses onto me
That filthy grin, only served by a fallen angel
The thought of those we’ve just stabbed in the back
Keeps those spasms going for another second
We’ve seeped into each others blood stream
It’s a pact now, a deal with evil

The Post Diagnosis Post-mortem

There’s no point stressing, there’s no point in crying
No need to cause any carnage, stir up any chaos
Because nothing you’ll find inside, will familiarize
Anything people used to recognize, has been recontextualized
No wayline leads you to anywhere you remember
I’ve said it before in a poem, and it bears repeating
While it’s nice to learn ‘how’ your cogs work
But I could’ve done without ‘why’
Like a switch to a tinted lense filter
I question the beauty previously seen
Actions of bravery, once redeemed
When taken upon malicious sirens
The sort cherry picked to do you harm
Well ‘harm’ as maybe once interpreted
Because I don’t feel very heroic anymore
Infact like a pretentious student film
It turns out I’m the one who’s all wrong
Taking a bedding of serenity and security
And throwing it out to the casualty list
The hypocrisy of the hateful approach
Tying myself to the train tracks when I’m the driver
I just wanted you to care, with a care in the world
But care can’t thrive in the danger zone
And shit, am I ever in danger now
It didn’t have a name and a face before
But if only I knew then what I know now
We could’ve both solved the mechanics inside

The Ribbon On The Everything

A loss of a life on the M25 buys me another hour
A once in a life time chance
To render claims things aren’t like they were
Unjust with a recollection of tonight
The minutes are leaking away
As I’m juggling 99p candles out of my hat
Anything to recontextualize the tone
That dead pork roasting on flames can conjure
Especially when spoiling in a council owned cage
40 on the clock and I’m fumbling by the stereo
Trying to recall a reaction
To each enlistee from a car boot CD collection

25 on the clock and I’m panicking at the wardrobe
Did the blue suit reminder her of her old teacher or…
She’s due at the door any second now!
I know it’s not much, I know we ain’t got a lot
But I’d like to think the results count
At least for more then the thought could
Things feel so still right now
But if we got each other it’ll be a little better

So Ugly (I Am) [W.I.P]

It’s okay to feel secure right?
To enjoy all the confectionery of your romance
To rest on the foundations we’ve made together
There’s no chance of being usurped
BUT FROM THE LEFT! ZWAP! POW! SWISH!
HOLY FUCK!
You never see it coming a blow to the body
A strike to your face, and sneer from the shadows
And suddenly it all comes raining down
Someone’s stolen your love, no it’s even worse
You never had a love to lose in the first place
It can’t be I couldn’t of lost it all
Not to a kilobyte of spectlyte, anti socialite, vomit inducing, gargoylyte

But you’ll find that the biggest victories
Come from the unlikeliest of places!

YOU! Oh get a load of you, your entire being optimizes
All those autistic mannerism, aspects, stereotypes
I de-fragmented out of my systems!
You, the collection of things I hate about myself
You used them against me, left me swaying to and fro
You’re the MVP, you’ve taken the jackpot home
You can’t of won you version 1.0 digitalyte
A post patch pansy, boretisitc snorzamel

But you’ll find that the biggest victories
Come from the unlikeliest of places!

A bleeding sandbag, a colourful corpse
That’s the state you left me this Monday morning
Dragging my tails from the London bridge
On a one way ticket, on my carriage heading up Nowrich
He got me good that fuckwading shit stained kitted jumper toting dweeb
That predictable app-uling swallowing, belenginiring dork
That limp amateur hour, hormone deprived, second class Jiggalo
That one note, deaf tone, flatline to everyone’s summer jam
That crocodile smiling, reptilian skinned, asphalt of a man
That stuAAARRGGHHH I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT!

I know that the biggest victories in history
Come from the unlikeliest of places!
But if I’m a Blue Ribbion to his Crunchie Bar
Then what am I?
Something so awful it can’t be describe

A deafening silence, that’s what I am
And that’s worse then anything I could call anyone
That’s worse then nothing

He’s Not Always Like This

You’re not the only thing in your orbit anymore
But you’d never catch that with a still life of us
Sullen eyebrows and penny drop silences
Hypnotised spouses and distress signals
I try to break through the atmosphere with choking
Inquires and concerns squeeze through a closed windpipe
But I get the feedback of a crackle in a crash site
We’re joint at the hip, but I’m so alone

I make the same impact entering your vicinity
That a knock knock joke makes at a funeral
The disinterest is making me dip dye into madness
Nothing baits it more then your own thoughts echoing off the wall
I need to start taking chemistry on the side
Cos I don’t know which formula hidden in the air
Turns my cries for help into a defensive reaction from you
Each outstretched arm like a knife in your hide
Each yearn for affection; a threat to your precarious ego
Not when your bacon is smeared on these support beams
The change of oil, scented candles, a premium dota account
Like fuck should I dare take that way from you
So I guess I’ll sit back and take in the atmosphere
We locked ourselves in here, but I’m still so alone

I just really like you
About as much as you’ve become sick of me
I keep liking you more and more
Maybe at the same rate of you become weary of me
We’re on route to be betrothed, but I’m so alone

I miss giving rasberries on your neck
I miss tickling the inside of your palms
I miss neglecting the stars for a full view of you
I really like you, but I’m so alone

Now I have no idea where I am
Leaving a leeches impression on his neck
Leaving a tally with my nails on the toilet cubical
I feel weird
My skin feels like it’s peeling off my arms
As he runs his fingers down my silhouette
My spit feels foreign, My tears feel like waste
And as I whisper worship to him, he breathes life into me
I don’t know him and he can do it, anyone can
Anyone who isn’t you can breathe life into me
I don’t like him, but now I feel I’m in reality again
I feel so weird

I can’t stand missing you, when I see you everyday
I reek of substance and perspiration
But it’s still not enough to raise an octave out of you
A nod, a twitch if I’m lucky, and then back to null
I feel super weird, I feel like I wanna die
I take his 50 and your old parka
I take anything I call my own into a bag
I dodge tear stains and haste together a cliff note
“Fuck you
Anyone could do it and you choose not too
Just fuck you!”
I jump into his car and make a dive out of your field
You’re the only thing in your orbit now
But did you even notice anything different
Can anyone else do it too?
Now I’m across the toll booth
I feel so fucking weird
Now I’m really alone
And now I don’t know what I feel…

October Poetry Month 1/31