To Treat You As Less

My porcelain pride and the carnage laid to my hide
You say you admire the state of my life
The state despite the damage
And the method of my ambition
With no commentary on the worth of my devotion
I’ll take the flattery, but I’m losing my life signs
Just to know the price of your devotion
Can you see past an oddity
Can you sniff out my humanity?
Or is mine a view of a quirk?

I can’t turn blind eye to god’s immaculate placement
Of your freckles, the complimentary contrast
Of those crystalline eyes to the decaying nature
Of slouching bags that take refuge beneath them
But I know you want me to pluck my eyes from my skull
So I always do

Perfection an aggravating thing to put aside
I can’t lie
Even as I try to avert my gaze to the sky
My hearts goes awry
My concentration returns to my eyes
Onto to your eyes
No fucking surprise

But of course I’ll comply
There’s nothing more useless then a mutt who disobeys
So I’ll sleep within the wash of your light
Such elation is the only thing keeping me alive

Sebastian Noël

First Impressions

The nostalgia gets knocked out of me,
when you walk into the room.
Has it really been two years since
I wanted you too much for too long?
The memories of you wrapping me
around your finger and then cutting it off
come back to me. You never replaced
the affection I gave away so freely
and it sucked me dry at the age of 15.
I try to hide the bitterness behind my eyes,
after all I’m sure being away at university
has honed your repartee and wit.
My only problem is, I see now,
you’re just really not that fit.

It took me a minute to place you.
You were always clouded in a haze
of puppy love and high expectations.
The hedonism of higher education
has dulled my sense of the past;
everything in this town feels different
somehow. Time has softened the edges
of our interactions and space puts you
in a whole new light. You’ve filled out,
filled in the requirements and I can fill
your time with mine. Maybe I should give
you my phone number because,
oh god, you’ve gotten so fit.

Your jaw has dulled over time,
rugged rocks worn down.

Your cheeks are flushed,
highlighting those high bones.

Your nose has bumps and blemishes,
that I never noticed before.

Your hair makes my hand want
to dive in and curl you round my little finger.

Did your university days fill you out?
Or was I imagining an Adonis in your shoes?

Did you have that femme fatale physique
before, or is it a new addition?

You used to be my ideal model, the epitome of
teenage adoration, but the cracks are starting to show.

You used to be unrequited in my mind, I was your
half-boyfriend and you weren’t half-bad. But now?

I shift my gaze away from you,
I look eagerly at this woman in front of me
tear the paper in my hands,
try and gather dutch courage,
not wanting the awkward conversation.
desperately wanting to ask you out.
There was a time when I would beg for a scrap of your affection,
I made you work so hard for this moment,
my rose tinted contact lenses stuck in my eyes.
I owe you so much and plus there’s a bonus for me,
But now, you’re just really not that fit.
because, oh god, you’ve gotten so fit.

As performed by Domestic.

– Francesniff

Mutual Whatever

Kisses seal my letter of appreciation,
the timeless touch of blushing pilgrims,
passed down through the ages. Four full kisses you leant me,
after months of me trying to steal them.
I’ll try and hold onto this day
for as long as your kisses allow me to.

I’m sorry but the kiss jumped out of me,
trying to find a brief connection or a foothold for these feelings;
it wasn’t an admittance but a substitution.
My loneliness was an orbital pull and you were unlucky in your proximity.
Don’t get me wrong, the gloss on your lips is honey, not vinegar,
but I’m not a fly.

Does a kiss mean nothing at all to you?
With her they were exchanges of dying embers,
with you, like trying to ignite wet, weeping wood.
Typical of you to provide lackluster ignition,
and then blame the fuel.
Atypical of you to get so hung up on what is just
the meeting of flesh upon flesh and tongue upon cheek.

Goosebumps stood raised on my arm,
ready to tell what you were too blind to see;
my flesh was fuelled by the fantasies of what we could be.
Desperate indulgences feel real
when we’re only speaking with our lips.

Can’t you just give my kisses back to me?
Fill those blank spaces in your memory,
cover my indiscretions with shared moments of a platonic nature.
I’m not ready for one action to define our relationship, my dear,
don’t throw us away on a kiss

As preformed by Domestic

– Francesniff

Do You Hate Me?

That look of worry when you opens your eyes
See? She hates you
When you get out of my bed like a robot
See? She hates you
How you shrug my hand from your shoulder
See? She hates you
The way you hold that silent note
See? She hates you
That way you carry yourself down the stairs
See? She hates you
When you show my lips your cheek
See? She hates you
When you don’t say you’ll see me again
See? She hates you
And I’m just left waving to the door
See? She hates you

It never hurts as much as it does then
When you know they’re glad to be out of your door
Your love notes became a lot more dry since then
Devoid of letters or a personal touch
Using an efficient lack of words as you could
All to give the doggy his bone, not cos you wanted too
No explanation, no warning of what I did
I just wanted to hold you through out the week
All I ever did was try to make you feel my affection
But no she hates you

That’s just the way the dating game goes
She’ll come to hate you
Atoms clash at an alarming rate
She’ll come to hate you
We’ll share memories in the taxi
She’ll come to hate you
You’ll drain me of sensual ecstasy
She’ll come to hate you
But they always grow to hate you
She already hates you

Failed Integration

Dear diary, it happened again
Society has shown me the back of it’s hand
And all I tried to do was coexist
Dear diary, it happened again
Society has spat on my brand new shoes
And all I tried to do was understand it

I tried to let my guard down again today
Attempting to slowly peel away
The years of perfecting the perfect persona
But like a moth to flame I never learn
I have no idea what it is I did
Now they’ve illuminated me with their bright red glares
It’s time to slink back away to the drawing board
And stitch together a new persona all over again

Do you see the bloody towels?
And the birthday gifts gathering dust?
That’s what’s left of your last attempt
To integrating with the everyfolk
An animal can only learn to mimic human mannerisms
No matter how convincing the mask and the dance
They can see right through you like jelly
The closer you get the harsher the kickback

Dear diary, it happened again
Society has shown me the back of it’s hand
And all I tried to do was not get in the way
Dear diary, it happened again
Society has spat on my brand new shoes
And all I tried to do was ask why it had to be this way

I’m all out of fight, I submit to your will
Just tell me what it is you want me to do
I’ll sit gag, bound and tied up by the hands
And you can pick me up by the strings
And make me act like everyone else
The type of person people are glad to see
A version of me that wasn’t born in this defective way
Maybe it’ll make them happy
Maybe it’ll make me happy…

*Written For National Poetry Month – 22/30*

Always a (Nothing) Never a (Something)

I think that’s one litre too far
Of the infamous magical potion
Housed in the caves of the Spar
In exchange for credits I don’t have
Oh magical fluids grant me strength
To ignore anxieties and mistrust
She’ll be hanging around tonight
A beacon to my bug eyes
She was round here yesterday
Pillaging my passions
Placed her vicegrip on my throat
Conducted Electricity
With the iLoins charged
She’s off and out the door
Was I due a message in a bottle?
I don’t think I quite know anymore

Always a Tic Tac
Never the Sunday roast

From cute smiles
To vacant stares
From Admiration
To Deconstruction
From holding my hand
To shoving me away
From laughing at my jokes
To laughing in my face

Always a Little Chef
Never the Harvester

Last night; took me round the bend
Just to avoid association
She treats me like a joint
Smoke it before the teachers come
Now tonight; hides herself at the bend
Just to avoid conversation
She treats me like a mother
Don’t embarrass while she’s with her mates

Always the grab of the shaft in the car park
Never the drunken fuck in a hotel suite

They never cared
They’ll never care
It’s always like this
It’ll never be like that
They never cared
They’ll never care
It’s always like this
It’ll never be like that

*Written For National Poetry Month – 19/30*

If That’s How You Feel

I can’t say it doesn’t hurt
When it dawns on me I’m not the first thought of the day anymore
I can feel the stress of a stress relief weighing you down
As the distance between us only grows
Even when at arm’s length from each other
When you consider; locking fingers through suburban shortcuts
In competition to scrapbook filling crawls through the neon
It doesn’t take a philosopher to propose the theory
That your eyes don’t illuminate the dance floor
When you get a little love note form me, not anymore

If that’s the way you feel
Then hey that’s how you feel
I can’t change the way you feel
There’s nothing I can do about how you feel

I’d hate to start playing the blame game, as a way to cushion the blow
I don’t wanna call you a liar or that say you were untrue
But I’ll say you had to be exaggerating just a tad
I know it’s easy to carried away with a fresh out the box muse
To liken lazy days, tying our limbs together like shoelace knots
To the celestial phenomenon that blesses our skies every millennium
I bet you thought I was just getting carried away
I only wish that were true and that I didn’t mean every word

But hey if that’s the way you feel
Then that’s just how you feel
I can’t change the way you feel
There’s nothing I can do about how you feel

I bet even if the circumstances changed
And a blossom of blanks paraded your cache
You still wouldn’t feel a thing for me
That’s just the way they all feel

*For National Poetry Month – 1/30*

Obsess (W.I.P)

Gasping to fill the void in my lungs
Mimicking a fetus by the doors of the club
Old pastel hair walks on by and checks for a pulse
And a very special kind of cycle starts to whirl
It’s where I get a pretty young thing in sight
And she detonates the curiosity
Suddenly the prying eyes turn to blurs
I want her to Obsess over every square inch
To question the very way I walk
To notice every scar on my chin
She grasps my hair like leaves on a radish
She demands more nooks and crannies to investigate

But after you’ve peeked at the answers
At the back of a puzzle book, it becomes trash
Her attention wanes as the escape plan begins
A 4 week voyage to the bottom of the ocean
It’s where her aunt’s new flat is
She’s come to see her new proboscis worm
All to get me of her chest
And leave me scuttling on the floor
A blue bow’d lady checks to see if I’m alive
And the cycle starts again

Blue bow gets me down on my knees
Demands the anteating treatment
A one way ticket to get a glimpse of god
Through the medium of ASDA bed sheets
Once envisioned my thrills start to stagnate
I’m left crawling on cemented tiles
Like a leech without a belly to feed from
Holding back crimson waterfalls
With a mere forearm acting as the damn
Amber eyes hands me the dressing
Likens me to a NME cover model
And the cycle starts again

The Valentine No Show (W.I.P)

My eyes they dry like a Sunday morning washing line
My lungs press together with a vice of your presence
I’m struggling to stay alive, just walking to your door
The body’s willing but their’s no air
I’m gasping on the floor it’s to much to bare!
The grip on my fingertips is starting to weaken
The choke on my glands is getting righter
The blood in my hands is getting thinner

But the thrill of young lovers can be deceiving indeed
We met both strategically clad in our battle armour
Ready to wage war like a DVD cover of a 80’s road flick
And yet we act like business men, handing out contact details
To arrange a transaction which we feel could benefit our brands
While you tend to your needs, I’ll play happy couples

I think it’s easy to claim you’d lay in wait on my sofa
On the frost bitten evenings, to stroke my scalp
To unplug the scalelectrix whirling around in my brain
When i’m tracing the stairway to heaven on your navel
And sending your eyes away to the back of your skull
If I held it all for ransom, would you still come back to help me?

I’ll allways be your best man, the one your ashamed to admit
That you think about when your future homeowner misses the mark
But you can never be anymore then a charity case to me girl
As I sit starting at the walls on the hill of the roller-coaster
Where will you be when I howl into the night asking for your love?
Would you be anywhere if I couldn’t offer a surge in return?
Would you be somewhere else when someone can do it better?
I know you wouldn’t my sweet, and I know that’s your right

Looks like I won’t be seeing around this St. Valentines
I know I wouldn’t, and I know that’s your bloody right