Tag: queer

I Still Got It

I still got it, got it, got it
Half a year on and I still got it
Still got that euphoria
Stemming from a more balanced wardrobe
From when the aesthetics keep people guessing
Even when catching the war gaze
Still got it, got it
Always had it, only now getting it
Finding the real me, only now just grabbing it
That hole in my soul, only now just filling it

But what I had to do to get it
My love, my mind, my status: All gone
Lovers saw the path, didn’t wanna walk
Say they love us, but couldn’t love me as one of us
Staring down the chambers, from every form of print
Reeling to see old friends, hesitate to lend to a hand
What else are they thinking? But never thought to say
Cos it wasn’t relevant, now it’s fucking relevant
Nothing to distract, from daily onslaught
Little fun with some company, notion long lost
All the smiles, turn into wretches of disgust
Liked better when they could squint, act like I was a man
Now they gotta see me, they don’t wanna know
My love, my mind, my status: All. Fucking. Gone

But there’s no way I’m gonna lose it
Not when I worked so hard to get it
It’s just a long process to wait
For everything in your life so far
To shrivel up, mould away and die
So summant better can take it’s place

Sebastian Noël

Reintroductions Are In Order

[CW: Gender & Body Dysphoria mentions]

Another product of content indoctrination
A malicious movement disguised as empowerment
But accepting who you are only gets you so far
When it’s a far cry from who you need to be
Oh my man, you didn’t treat me so good
But that’s nothing compared to how you treated yourself

Every time you catch your reflection unawares
In the puddle, shop windows, rear view mirrors
A cold sigh, an empty nod
I don’t even greet my greatest enemies like that
But you swear down there’s nothing behind it
As long as it lets you ignore the savagery of time
As it enunciates your feminine figure as the years march on
Cos content culture doesn’t allow for that kind of discontent

But alas, a lifetime spent with womanhood
And all it’s ever done, was do you dirty
It clipped your wings with a premature time limit
On behalf of maternal obligations and a biological clock
It’s always ticking away in the back of your skull
Putting a damper on your travelling plans
Just leaves you with seething jealousy
For those on the other side of the binary
A father at 55? Not sus in the slightest
A freedom you’ll never know, having lost the biology lottery

But alas, a lifetime spent with womanhood
And all it’s ever done, was do you dirty
Stuck with aesthetics disconnected from your soul
Deafened with compliments, so you never thought to check
If your most lauded traits ever brought you joy
Your curved hips, those slender legs
Them gargantuan eyes and stacked behind
Calls of envy from your peers distracts for a spell
But you notice it starts to make your stomach churn
It never fit, it didn’t work, it doesn’t make sense
You get you energy from Mars, not Venus
The future is dreadful, sends you pining for pre-pubescent times
If only you knew then what you do know
The maybe you could’ve put a stop to this…

But alas, a lifetime spent with womanhood
And all it’s ever done, was do you dirty
In hindsight, it had to be why you reacted with venom
As I was on my way out of the binary
The programming didn’t want to accept it viable
All very well as a hypothetical for someone else
But to see it staring at you from a lover
Just makes you remember how you’re 30 years too late
But it’s never too late, there’s no expiry date
To drop the act and live a life that’s true
50 years of beautiful honesty, vs. all 90 years in bullshit?
Oh it’s never too late to embrace the god of war’s power
In fact I pray the next time we cross paths
In the bowels of Dalston, or prematurely in Victoria
You’ll have started your HRT
And reintroductions are in order

Sebastian Noël

Written at the request of S

Sums Eurgh ‘un

Expelling the monstrosity from my ecology
Like a Chimera shedding traits enforced upon it
To think: perception under complete control
Bound, chained, an identity that’s yours to command

Give a pass on the tyrannical father figure thing
Give a pass on the bottom you feel entitled too
For those who focus and don’t leave it at a guess
And can see the kind of person I really am
There’s a spot in the greatest summer wasted just for you
Just to escape isolation and take it all

Eyes that ignore what they perceive
And tune into reality
That’s the source of my dream energy
Where abandoning my encapsulation
Doesn’t leave me with exasperation
A dream that’s deceptively gargantuan

Sebastian Noël

You’ll Never Know

You don’t have to tell me it’s wrong
Tell me you won’t reciprocate
I know how a confession would go
So you’d be damn sure that you’ll never know

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
No doubt that’d I do them all

Oh baby I know it’s wrong
After years of work on the reconstruction
Of our minds after the jeckels have been at them
To look at you with these kind of eyes
But when that your body glistens in the light
And when you bite them lips so tight
All I can think of is the mountains of ways
That I’d blow your mind

You don’t have to tell me it’s wrong
Tell me you won’t reciprocate
There’s only one way it could ever go
And of course you’ll never know

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
Baby I’m all yours to control

Please open your eyes man
I can see the strings she pulls from over here
It’s supposed to be enforced by dates in the park
Not fondles by the opponents after dark
Oh what I wouldn’t give to take you away
From them forcing you onto the main stage
But darling I know it’s far to late
That there’s far to much at stake

Oh I know everything about you
Like the back of my hand
There’s nothing I won’t do
For a little taster of you

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
And I’ll show no signs of stopping at all

Baby please don’t tell me it’s wrong
Beacuse everything’s all wrong
Darling please you got to know!
Darling please I need you!

If I was born a girl
I’d stow you away
If I was born a girl
I’d treat you right
If I was born a girl
If only…