Legion

An ancient infantry tactic, resurrected and rebranded for 2016
I think they call it “The Esteem Team” these days
All to get out of meeting your lost love’s gaze
Cos who knows what it’d stir if we got empathy involved

Surrounded by the lighthouse beacons
Why you gotta show me your back again?
With your eyes fixated on nothing
Acting like your above the entire planet?
But your scouts gave up the ghost
Giving me the up and down, filing the scriptures
Like a flock of bees relaying to their queen
You can see everything without looking at me once

But that begs the question, why the cabaret?
What is it your hoping to keep out of view?
Don’t you like the implication that naturally follows
With looking a fellow homosapien in the eye?
It’s the only indicator that you still kept a part of your humanity
But what then? When the weasels whisper back to your ears?
I’m not gonna stay invisible for your convenience
I won’t flash puppy dog eyes to fuel your narrative

Cos I know it’s not what you wanna hear
But I’m doin’ just fine, even if unlike you
I may be lacking the trench coat romance
But maybe I’m better then ever
Free to say what I do and don’t like
Without a vice grip choking my personality out

And does it creep you out
To see all the boys and girls in the bar
Handing out stares like they’re charity?
Creating more and more evidence as they go
That life continues outside your storybook
And that we’re not waiting on the bench
Counting down the seconds to be written back in
Cos the sequel might just outsell the original

So while the platoon’s still in the legion formation
You best retreat to the corner of the place
Cos what you saw as power, was sweet life blooming
And that’s something that is no ones to take
You see these vanilla cream enlistees?
The one’s you spoke of like a raisin in a Victoria Sponge
They offer me the Parma Violet quips
All while intending to leave me intact
Somehow, I think I’ll survive you

Sebastian Noël

In Review

You know if it’s real
When you let it all go
Let it dash into the woods
And see if it ever comes back

I know it’s just human nature
To regret taking the actions which end up hurting
But it’s better to know
So much better then to never know

While drawing circles in the dirt
As I piddle time away, waiting for your return
I couldn’t pin point the things at stake
It wasn’t the cute peak points, they’re all gone
It wasn’t understanding, you never lent an ear
Maybe you did on summer nights
But on troubling winter noons, you’re nowhere to be seen

So I pick up my bags and head off
It’s shit to know your not coming for me, yeah
All the memories now come with a bitter after taste
But time could be better spent
And if I’m not their, if you never come back
Then don’t fret cos remember
You only know it’s real
If it comes back, after you let it go

Lnc0

Why Me? [Draft]

I just can’t do it
Rimming around the outskirts of my mocha
Trying to grab the clauses from the air
To build us something resembling small talk
Cos that’s what sane people would do right?
Keep it all composed
Shoot eachother satin laced nods and smiles
Where so happy to hear that of each other
Except we couldn’t possibly be in reality could we?
Just tell me why, why didn’t you come?

Where the fuck have you been?
I remember during toaster filtered summer nights
Tearing up in your bedroom, clutching my paws
You were so afraid we’d drift so far apart
You said you didn’t want me to ever leave
That you wanted to do everything to keep me around
I bet you applauded yourself for that one, Oscar worthy even
You can count me among those who fell for it

I know how much more stimuli you get now
From your new life with all the temporary high cads
But when your alone at night….
Who am I kidding? A girl like you is never fucking alone
A slightly fawning cough and they run up in miles
But lets say you could bring yourself to be alone once
Do you never flick thorough the blackbox
And remember the times you said you’d be there
The times you said it killed you to see me hurt
When I’m veiled top to bottom in sulking tears
With my arms covered in blood
Concealing the blade in my jacket pocket
Did you ever think that got any better with time?
Do you just not care anymore?
And if you don’t…. Tell me why?
What made you stop caring?
Weather or not I lived or died?
Why… What did I do? Why me?
Aren’t you worried about me? …Why?

I know I got more rancid as time went on
I arrived as a beacon of lost hope
And turned into a broken brake light
I got so much worse as time went on
I stopped trying to look any good
My hair got more shit and grim
I got so much more fatter
I stopped being someone you could show off
I kept feeling sick around your friends
Because how embarrassing it must of felt to be around me
I could never be like the ones you fawned over
Never be clean cut, Never be cute and nerdy, Never be a virgin
Was that a mistake when you first met me?
Did you smile start to drop when it dawned on you
The real me
The worse me
The fucking worse and worse and worse me
Wrong in every fucking capacity
Then why? What business did you have with me?
Tell me why? Just… Tell me why?
What’s happening to me?
Why me?

THE Look (W.I.P)

It’s always at the festive time of year
Do the jokers just wait till now to be dealt out?
Just a jack of Christmas shopping in my hand
The he goes ahead and gives me THAT!?

A flashback or two brushing me by
Weather from two years, two months
Or hell even two seconds ago
Despite existing on different times and context
There’s one thing that binds them all
And it’s they all feel the need to whip out that look
Not even by choice, as if something compels them
As they skirt on by in and out my life

Weather I loved them
Weather I used them
Weather I adored them
Weather I loathe them
Weather I’d beg them back
Weather I’d take a plane to get away
No matter what
That look prevails

But what It means I’ll never know
Does it mean you wanna stop me
And ask me if it’s going okay?
Or is it the fear I’d do the same
Is it roar to keep my distance
Or a way to beckon me near
Did you recognize me from the get go?
Or did it take you a second or two?

It always feels like it’s more then the face
What’s brought you all back again?
Have I got a lesson to learn
Or are you vindication I’ve already learnt it?

Lnc0

So Ugly (I Am) [W.I.P]

It’s okay to feel secure right?
To enjoy all the confectionery of your romance
To rest on the foundations we’ve made together
There’s no chance of being usurped
BUT FROM THE LEFT! ZWAP! POW! SWISH!
HOLY FUCK!
You never see it coming a blow to the body
A strike to your face, and sneer from the shadows
And suddenly it all comes raining down
Someone’s stolen your love, no it’s even worse
You never had a love to lose in the first place
It can’t be I couldn’t of lost it all
Not to a kilobyte of spectlyte, anti socialite, vomit inducing, gargoylyte

But you’ll find that the biggest victories
Come from the unlikeliest of places!

YOU! Oh get a load of you, your entire being optimizes
All those autistic mannerism, aspects, stereotypes
I de-fragmented out of my systems!
You, the collection of things I hate about myself
You used them against me, left me swaying to and fro
You’re the MVP, you’ve taken the jackpot home
You can’t of won you version 1.0 digitalyte
A post patch pansy, boretisitc snorzamel

But you’ll find that the biggest victories
Come from the unlikeliest of places!

A bleeding sandbag, a colourful corpse
That’s the state you left me this Monday morning
Dragging my tails from the London bridge
On a one way ticket, on my carriage heading up Nowrich
He got me good that fuckwading shit stained kitted jumper toting dweeb
That predictable app-uling swallowing, belenginiring dork
That limp amateur hour, hormone deprived, second class Jiggalo
That one note, deaf tone, flatline to everyone’s summer jam
That crocodile smiling, reptilian skinned, asphalt of a man
That stuAAARRGGHHH I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT!

I know that the biggest victories in history
Come from the unlikeliest of places!
But if I’m a Blue Ribbion to his Crunchie Bar
Then what am I?
Something so awful it can’t be describe

A deafening silence, that’s what I am
And that’s worse then anything I could call anyone
That’s worse then nothing

If Only I Could Overcome The Social Stigma and Ask If You’re Okay

What a sight for sore eyes, right smack in the middle of a birthday due
It’s been an Autumn and a Winter, since I caught wind of your silhouette last
A lanky young marsupial perched over in the corner of the bar
Leaking from the ears in dark ale from the latest special offer
Entertaining two mysterious characterise you might of called darling
Desperately scrambling in your pockets for the antidote
That might keep this conversation from dying
With very minimal success

The blood in your veins runs thinner, to make room for the booze
You could tell by the 3rd glass of JD that slipped through your fingers
And found it’s way in segments onto the dancefloor
You dodge the bouncers gaze like it was choreographed
Demand in slurred tongue they play Last Nite again
You shoot a look my way every now and then
I can see you visibly wince when you saw me in his arms
And soon after you disappeared out the door

Then it hit me like a ton of history revision books
Tomorrow was a dire date indeed to remember
It was when your beloved Empress departed from our planet
Suddenly all your movements became see through
Something, anything to wake up to on that horrible morning
To clutch you in their arms, to kiss you on the head
To tell you it’s all going to be allright
To offer you a tour of the arcades to take your mind of things

You were last seen slouched against the wall of V-Bar
Wiping your tears away with an empty bottle of Desperado
You moved your head like a periscope as if waiting for something
Checking your phone as every second passed as if your life depended on it
And with the way your cover up your arms
And the way you rubbed the inside of your legs
And how you massaged that scar on your throat
Who knows? Maybe it really did

Did I do this to you?
If I stuck around after you unlocked the cuffs
Could I stopped you getting this way?
I wonder as I find my way back to my home

A Matter Of Time Pt. 2

Now be reasonable what was a young man ment to do?
Everyone’s femurs where getting cracked in the crossfire
It’s better one man gets broken completely then that
So I treat you like an ulcer before band practice
I took every single bullet with pride
Until I’m a corpse floating in the river to you
Did you fall for it hook, line and sinker?
Or did you see through it like a silk?

I send this reasoning in little scrolls
Drop them in the handbags of your social circle
And maybe one day it’ll come around your way
Like the back page of a crossword book
I hope it gives you all the answers your looking for
Now here’s the question that keeps up all night
Will you react with a sense of relief, the lights have gone green
Will you spit on the paper, the lights have been smashed

I know there’s probably nothing I can do
To stop the filthy glares at the bus stop
And the way you cast your rod in everyone’s pond
Just to get the hint of a nibble on the hook
I imagine your eyes light up at the thought
Of being able to bring me up in conversation again
Are you trying to drop the same scrolls to get my attention?
Or are trying to burn the soil so nothing can grow again?

You like to deny but either way, you really are like me dear

*Written For National Poetry Month – 21/30*

This poem is a sequel too this one:
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/82818526063/a-matter-of-time

Wings

Oh it’s oh so clear to me now
I may of spent a few hundred million years
Scratching the desk and knocking over my beer cans
To cold call a league of philosophers at my door
Man the tantrums seems so silly now
When I’m arm in arm with comrades of old
Gliding down the streets screeching our anthem to the sky
Oh yeah it’s so clear to me right now

They told me I couldn’t find anything better
And too take the lashing like a good little slave
They swore it never got any better then this
I was lucky to even grab where I was by the fingertips
They promised they were right
Far be it from me to question your motives for telling me that
Is this what you have to do to people to stay confident?
I’m confident that’s the case

You had to make me feel like dirt
In order to make yourself feel alive
All I had to do start living my life
In order to make you feel like dirt

All you ever wanted to do was clip my wings
Use me to shield you from the deathray
You fired straight at the mirror
Hey no biggie I’m just damaged goods right?
Well I didn’t hear the others complain
The only one who’s complaining is you
As you lay yourself in the same mousetrap
Scrape another lover to use from the highway

*Written For National Poetry Month – 14/30*

A Matter Of Time

It always conducts a glissando up my spine
When I spot your clan tracking at my sanctuaries
I don’t claim to have the deeds to these locals, but surely you know?
I wouldn’t leave these premises just for your consideration?
Are they scouts? Sniffing for my co-ordinates?
Are you hiding in smokers planning your tactics
Using the finished cocktail glasses
As chess pieces like a military tactician

Are you under the impression I’m still enamoured with you?
I’m not saying the hypothesis isn’t true
It’s just when you find yourself stuck to me like glue
I wonder, what exactly are you planning to do?

Each heckle the dogs give me on the street,
Each Chinese whisper forcefully relayed to me
Each WooWoo beaker thrown at my head
Feels like the tick of the clock
I don’t think I could call in sick for this appointment
Not even if I wanted to
I can imagine you coming up to me at the bar now
With a familiar smile, and a view to kill

Are you under the impression I still think of you all day?
If you don’t mind I’ll keep the answer to that one at bay
But when you do decide for us to meet in your little play
I wonder, what exactly were you gonna say?

This Poem Has a squeal:
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/83517596383/a-matter-of-time-pt-2

*Written For National Poetry Month – 13/30*

The New Life

To throw away old childhood heirlooms
Those cob webbed covered conduits of nostalgia
Into the incinerator never to act as the gateway again

That’s exactly what your demanding
When you hold out your hand by the garden entrance
To pull me away from another month spent reminiscing

But what of all the loose ends?
The stories left unfinished like a figurine catalogue
My fair murderer she’ll be left wandering in the crib

Oh what concern is it of yours?
If they want to pacify themselves on old dish water
In the face of the new life

I’ve grown soft from the old life
Where once stood armour lies a one street to my heart
That’s before I consider all the new information fed to me

Different names to scream
During the tail end of the journey to the north street light
And to express gratitude to midst a flood of impulses

Different wounds to lick
When the horns sound from the capital signifying their boredom
It’s reached it’s peak before I could even get used to their pillows

Oh what concern is it of yours?
If they want to pacify themselves on week old cherryade
In the wake of the new life

*Written For National Poetry Month – 9/30*

Read the epilogue to this poem here:
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/84360470482/the-new-life-epilogue