Shout out to the side beas

There’s a hole in my soul
There’s a hollow in my passenger seat
My future set in muck
Does that make it all in vain?

You mean the times cruising up the country
With my lady speeding toward the sunset
Cos our knack for being late is impeccable
The way we scour the place top to bottom
The way we share a wine in a hidden slice of heaven
The way she shakes my soul with the hips Eros blessed her with
All in vain was it?
Oh fuck off

This thing we got going here is perfect
And it’s a thing people never think to perfect
They say it’s just the puppy love you feel on the way
To be discarded when the gold hits the finger
God bless Polyamory for providing another way
To keep that energy alive in it’s own right
“But after a while surely you gotta….”
My guy, we ain’t gotta do a damn thing

The nesting thing? Yeah that’s for someone else
But I can hear them chiming in now
“Oh that’s good till you find…”
Find who? I got a future built for two
Any endgame without her is not one worth reaching
Who’s the governing body for relationships anyway?
Do you get yours verified? I never knew you had too
But I got the backing of: Me, Myself and I. So I’ll be fine

Cos it’s nearly been two rotations around the sun
But she dominates my thoughts like a schoolyard crush
Comes into my daydreams like she’s entitled to it
Keeps me paralysed from her perfect ass to perfect mind
But that’s from the Patriarchal point of view
Cos I know how it really is
I’m her summer break, her holiday home in Yarmouth
And I thank god everyday she occupies my time
It’s something they never rate on the silver screen
Domestic bliss isn’t the end of the voyage
People like us want it all; we’re greedy with pride
But I expected a coffee with my Sunday roast
But I got the whole damn parfait, so hold off on the meat
I need a lifetime or two to get to grips with her

So shout outs to my fellow side beas
And the time frames that we make ecstatic
They’re the milestones of my life
It’s so good it’s got the bystanders jealous
They’re trying to throw every Monogamous lore they can at us
But when you’re holding me for ransom on platform 4
While waiting on that midnight train back home
Who can blame ‘em?

Sebastian Noël

As Three (If Only)

Wedding bells, wooden cribs
Holding hands as indie singles turn vintage
A sure shot if the soul didn’t prevail
But a noise roared from the inside
And the silence becomes deafening
It must’ve agonising to recognise it
As momentum comes to a snails crawl
But do you remember who gave my heart language?
She was 20 years just like us

You had to have noticed off the bat
When a sadness ever present before
Begins to make itself absent
Around the time she crept into conversation
Then when we started to gather together
It was closest I’ve gotten to drinking from heavens canals
Your optimism complimented her cynicism perfectly
You tried to pick up her frown at the kids park
But nothing we did could stop what was hurting her
We were exactly what was hurting her
Her condolence and passive words weren’t without motive
And it’s not like I weren’t reciprocating

Oh baby can you ever forgive me?
For treating you both with equal agency?
I don’t mean to belittle our legacy
But with just one of you something feels empty
It’s such a tough thing to describe
I wanna give you every second of my time
But she’s keeps intruding into my mind
The casual perfection of her eyes
Her jeans barely containing her thighs
Ignoring the guilt that gives rise

Oh god I adore you so much, how could I?
I’m in love again and it’s a terrible thing
It was supposed to be so pristine, so secure
But I can’t stand us when she’s not there
I want her there was we lay in the living room
Commenting with spite of trash reality TV
Then when the time settles on the night
She’d be resting on my shoulder
And you’d nuzzle on my right
I’d kiss you on the lips
While I run my fingers through her hair
I’d work my way down to biting your neck
Before running my tongue down her breasts
Helping each other get undressed
We’d collapse in the aftermath on our king size
All lose consciousness hand in hand under the sheets
And regain it in the morning the same way
I want to kiss you goodbye for work
And kiss her good morning in the kitchen
I didn’t want to betray you, I didn’t want to destroy you
No one was meant to get hurt
It was meant to be so good, it was gonna be so good
This wasn’t meant to happen

Sebastian Noël

Who’s Really On The Side?

His mind’s slowly escaping his grasp
As he’s trying keep his feet planted in reality
And give the Sunday roast his full attention
Masquerading the neighbours new car as interesting conversation
But it’s no use, his short term memory is relentless
He’s staring at his wife’s face but nobodies home
It all ends up becoming flashback
To 2 night’s ago in a grotty hotel in Hull
Just him and an ethical side bea
She’s whispering clairvoyance in his ears
And it’s not  long before the results are in
The predictions start to parallel our time line
As her lips leave a trail down his stomach
While his wrists turn blue from the discount restraints
Her eyes peek from above the belt line
As the leash drags him back… Into the present that is
Cos it’s time to pick up his daughter from tennis club
He kisses his wife with absent conviction
All while he pretends to be excited for tonight
When he’ll meet back with her in the bedroom

She notices the mark on his neck
She notices the burns on his wrist
She notices the lipstick on his chest
She notices the perfume on his musk
It’s not like her schedules barren
It’s not like her sides have fled for winter
It’s not like her secondaries fall short
It’s not like she’s tasting the backside of a veto
Her loins turn blue
As her face goes red
She hums a forced gleeful tune
As her hubby goes out the door

A werewolf in Sylvanian families
A hurricane in full house
It’s not my job to give a fuck
Your name’s on the contract
And I’m out to get mine
A 150 hotel roam doesn’t scream apprehension
Shred your plastic guilt
You want nothing else
Now apply your restraints
Let me veto your right to abstain
I know you can’t stop thinking bout me
I’m the trauma to your PTSD
I’m creepin’ when the mundane thrives
Tax returns with the wife, I’m there
Visiting the parents, I’m there
Arguing about being late, I’m there
Sitting through your kids recital, I’m there
Checking texts on the train, I’m there
Candle lit Tesco’s finest, I’m there
The car ride to Great Yarmouth, I’m there
Bills come in the post, I’m there
Looking forward to getting out the house, I’m there
Dreading having to vacate the hotel room, Cos I’m there
You can’t escape me, I’m always there

Sebastian Noël

Intended to be preformed by a trio

I made the mistake of thinking of trying to get back into Poly communities in the UK/East Anglia again, looked online and jesus there is NOTHING the only things are really fetish based rather then people looking for a relationship which y’know… far from a prude but that isn’t really what I was after. Dating sites? Fuggedabout it, unless there’s a secret one I’ve missed: Nothing

Ugh I hope the Cambridge community is better, a little out of the way but got a meet-up comming up next week, seems a lot more romantic based so I hope I can find luck there with like at the very least meeting like minded people for advice!

Cos if not well…. guess it’s a life of repressed Monogamy for me! 

Know oneself, Know Nothing else [W.I.P]

Plump, full and pristine
They make the act fulfilment look easy
Success stories plastered all over the tag
But like a Polaroid sex selife
That’s a lot of effort put into looking effortless
“I’m like this all the time” through crocodile teeth
Thanks for the vote of self-consciousness
Cos surely, oh surely it isn’t just me
Screaming for affection, echoing back retaliation
Looking at success and content, like a Roswell autopsy
I recognize elements for sure, but they’re so far from me

Surely I’m not the only one beating their heart against a wall
Drawing dust from the monument of the lovers call
It wouldn’t be so bad if I was packing with ignorance
We’re all twiddling our clits and dicks on a conveyor belt
Picking our social barraging chips from the shelves
A pinch of E for you, a doctors prescription for me
What I mean to say is I never wanted the barrier to increase
For the quota to get even more precise then before
But you’d think I’d just struck the gold mine
Ticket tape parades on the park benches
Congrats! Now you know a lot more about yourself!
But now I know less about my world then with my eyes shut

Now, I don’t mean to be cynical but this doesn’t feel better…

I can’t repeal the ideal outcome from my mind
A single bedroom pad, with resources seconds away
Come barging back from another book signing
The Queen and The Goddess both turn in tandem
Grasping salvation in my hands; a family meal deal
And after they both pin me down, teeth gritting, demands in hand
Complying line by line, like a good slave oughta
There’s no doubt in the efficiency the format provides
As we’re recovering our vitality arms in arms
To white trash youtube until the break of dawn
But in a world of keyword comms, what’s of point of it?
1,000 pets and funnymen won’t posses the quota of wit

Cos surely, oh surely it can’t just be me?
That’s had every dream and idea, slowly taken away?

In Duality [W.I.P]

Another bitter passing on the digitised hall way
A chat to the entrepreneurs and golf owners
As I rest my head on my knees
On the glass floor below, dreading the work on the field
Another bitter taste of a dead brand
Her eyes fall like [bowling balls] on a bungee charity dive
The Greek alphabet in your alphabetti spaghetti?
She can’t believe her bloody rotten luck

I’m dishing out a bread crumb trail from myself
At the tail end of a royal family banquet
They ain’t got a damn thing on me anymore
The flake on the fussy kids whippy, leave on the side
It won’t bother us if none of it got on the cream
I heard you can get ones without if you just ask!
If I just asked, I bloody asked, I asked again and again
I made my body into a neon sign pointer
And pointed it to the decaying state of my cranium
I am defined by duality, it’s written on my face, I’m two-faced
But in the lonely throw of the night time
Selective sight seems to inflicted the whole nation
Can you change it? Will you change it?
If they just got to know me will the slots come up different?
No it’s a con, a fixed game all along, you knew that
I can’t help the visage of death knocking on my door
Even when hands tied in the love hotel
One side bloated, the other dying of hunger
Side-A a cringy love song, Side-B a nocturne of disappear
I live my life in fucking duality
A Summertime 7 inch with no bleak underbelly
It’s an ideal we’ve all been taught to crave
But what of us that live their lives in duality
The singularity leads to silent nights in
Staring at gluttony in action
One side fed, the other sacrificed to an Oxfam advert
I live my life with the burden of duality
A sentence to never be happy, a life of imbalance

– Lnc0