Sad, Except Not? But I Guess I Am Now

Abort! Abort! Operation could not be found!
What a bizarre sensation
When decay visits your head-space
But comes too at a loss
What’s dedication to a feeling without origin?
It’s just like trying to cry with dust
Pointless and painful
Everything’s getting better
But your hearts missed that memo
What a confusing bus ride this is

I’m a float belly first
In a flood of a profound melancholy
For what fells like decades
The mere notion…. Everythings okay!?
My heart rejects it
“You thought this last time!”
There’s never a point in your time
The laser points, NOT aimed at your head!
You might crave happiness, but rest assured
These endorphins lead only to pain again

So stay as you are
Holding back dry tears
Cos the bus is gonna be 5 minutes late
To arrive to the appointment you don’t have
The way your shoes feel today?
Spots on your skin? Yeah cry over that too!
Trust me man, it’s so much safer this way
So cry your little heart back to safety

Lnc0

Gross To Me

Is it cynicism? Is it jealousy? I dunno
But happiness just seems gross to me
Like eczema on the back of your leg
The person inside of me, needs tending
Always poping up on the places of my body
When I’m making my way through existing
There’s nothing wrong with that devotion
A singular narrative with two combined lovers
But I think of it like a three-legged race
Like it or not, somethings gotta give

Where ever you roam, breaking out on your dome
They’re there with a smile and a comment
Does it really have to be this way
Does it have to be so symbiote?
Like a wayward bumper car ride
Can’t love bloom through collision?
Guests in each others home
Visitors on the path
I want you to be forever by my side
But if you were to appear in front of me
Or lagged on behind me
I just have no idea of what I’d do

To greet the next coming day
Hand in hand, always connected
But without doubt, we’re in our own universes
But our proximity is what defines us
Defines us as lovers, as soulmates
You intrude when I need you
You book the day off when I need my own time
All with the chains, staying firmly in our heads

Can such a love not bloom?
In a chasm of uncertainty?

Lnc0

The Gaze

We always fall prey for the routine every time
While we’re still imprisoned under the gaze
This is no time for honestly or vulnerability
It’s time to re-pose the action figure
Arms behind your head, back arched
Not a glimpse of even a fraction
Of the crippling pain that washes over you
And makes you cry into your pillow every night

And what about when an innocent bystander
Decides to wander into the cross-hairs
And decides they want to be a part of your fable
How can you disappoint those sweet eyes?
Pull back the curtain and reveal
Your feeling just as much hurt as she is
And what if the gaze catches a glimpse
Of your weakness, of your humanity?
So just keep the power pose on auto
And maybe if we lie hard enough
The fallacy can become the reality

But isn’t that how it went last time?
To me and the owner of the gaze?

Lnc0

In less “My personal life suucckkss” news my poetry hiatus will be over soon…. I mean regualrs will know this ‘hiatus’ is a brief pause compared to my uh…. usually SEVERAL MONTHS long breaks from before :L but this was intentional this time, I feel i’m at a new point in my life now, had a lot of stormy waters that i’ve just overcome and suffered like…. huge losses with family and friends, but I feel i’ve come out another person, like reborn

So consider all poetry from this point like a new wave, like a “Season 3” as I call it of Domestic, hopfuly this means with a new lease on life I can make better poems….. and not this be a pre-warning for when I go super shiiity haha

Why Me? [Draft]

I just can’t do it
Rimming around the outskirts of my mocha
Trying to grab the clauses from the air
To build us something resembling small talk
Cos that’s what sane people would do right?
Keep it all composed
Shoot eachother satin laced nods and smiles
Where so happy to hear that of each other
Except we couldn’t possibly be in reality could we?
Just tell me why, why didn’t you come?

Where the fuck have you been?
I remember during toaster filtered summer nights
Tearing up in your bedroom, clutching my paws
You were so afraid we’d drift so far apart
You said you didn’t want me to ever leave
That you wanted to do everything to keep me around
I bet you applauded yourself for that one, Oscar worthy even
You can count me among those who fell for it

I know how much more stimuli you get now
From your new life with all the temporary high cads
But when your alone at night….
Who am I kidding? A girl like you is never fucking alone
A slightly fawning cough and they run up in miles
But lets say you could bring yourself to be alone once
Do you never flick thorough the blackbox
And remember the times you said you’d be there
The times you said it killed you to see me hurt
When I’m veiled top to bottom in sulking tears
With my arms covered in blood
Concealing the blade in my jacket pocket
Did you ever think that got any better with time?
Do you just not care anymore?
And if you don’t…. Tell me why?
What made you stop caring?
Weather or not I lived or died?
Why… What did I do? Why me?
Aren’t you worried about me? …Why?

I know I got more rancid as time went on
I arrived as a beacon of lost hope
And turned into a broken brake light
I got so much worse as time went on
I stopped trying to look any good
My hair got more shit and grim
I got so much more fatter
I stopped being someone you could show off
I kept feeling sick around your friends
Because how embarrassing it must of felt to be around me
I could never be like the ones you fawned over
Never be clean cut, Never be cute and nerdy, Never be a virgin
Was that a mistake when you first met me?
Did you smile start to drop when it dawned on you
The real me
The worse me
The fucking worse and worse and worse me
Wrong in every fucking capacity
Then why? What business did you have with me?
Tell me why? Just… Tell me why?
What’s happening to me?
Why me?

The Best, The Least Likely

A Vocalized culinary of extraterrestrial psychotic suggestions
A back and forth badminton of complications over nations and cities
Has captivated my intrigue, more then a collection of synthetic collisions
And I’ve yet to even see you in the flesh

When are you coming back?

Lnc0

The Empathy Age (W.I.P)

Oh there’s nothing you can do, they’re all dead
No future for your favourite people, they’re all dead
Destined to smile though a bruised jaw
And a demolished ego, boy they’re already dead

Try as I might to babble through textbooks
Of analogy, quotes, self help propaganda
It appears I just don’t have the tongue for it
To get you see the spade as a spade

If only you were the only one
Ping, Ping, Ping, all day long
A breakdown censored by the sweetest smile
From all over Essex county

It feels like a task intended for meta-humans
To convince people they don’t deserve this
To be tendered and made to feel like dirt
If they have the audacity to think themselves human

What can I do if they’re already long gone?
I can’t convince them, they’re better then dead
How much empathy can I spare,
If the dead can’t find it in them to cling to life?

Does it earn attention away from my beloved?
To share the strain of empathy
Almost to strip the awards from her hands
For knowing she’s worthy of humanity

Oh what a horrible thing to say, to even think
But my heart can’t bear to ache anymore
Is it right to leave you to your grave
And spend that time tending to my wounds?

Lnc0

Not My Home To Demolish

If you un-fastened the straps on our mind
Then you’d see neither of our intentions are righteous
You can drop the nice guy bollocks now
No good boy sulks around this part of town

I got personality painted demons to quell
Plus another night of suicide to postpone
And I’ve been where you are now too many times
I’d recognize that shit eating grin you wear on anyone

I don’t know what she did to incur your wrath
But I hope it cuts her up inside
When you print a molar shaped insignia
Right on the showcase angel that is my neck
I hope the bridges you were aiming for get burned
As you cup the silhouette around my breast
And I hope you start to feel sick
When you look upon my glorious disease
Inside your bedsheet the next morning
And you realise the gravity of what you’ve done

And the gravity of the devil you’ve now committed with

I Never Thought I Could Say It And Mean It

No time for concern
No time for solace
Too busy with bathing in your flower bed
No windows in inhaling family matters
No gaps in soaking up romantic rewards
No pauses in revealing in your network

Here’s to the loneliest week of my life
No one’s got the time to check around
Under their boots, behind the sofa
For those of us without units
No friends to share a drink with
No family to send well wishes
No lovers to wake up with
Nobody at all on Christmas day

This has become the loneliest time of year
The isolation has turned me
Into a holiday special villain
I can say without doubt for the first time

I fucking hate Christmas

Lnc0

The Drunken Statment [W.I.P]

When the hunger escalates into a roar
All the fellow young ears start to perk
Spurned on by the illusion of a lovers ultimatum
The age fiction is over, let the hunger scream

Cos I’m young, free and innovative
Hexing Unagreable angles into a renaissance
None of you will know the alterations
As you gaze on my flawed image with awe

Cos we’re young, free and uncanny
And we won’t invigorate ourselves
So plug your thumbs into my neuro-network
And create a deva among deities

Lnc0