Breakfast Bap Blues

Your so close to dying
A molecule based misery seeps from the floor
On a not unexpected, but disappointing 5 past 10
Your dodging english again to escape the rainpour
While an egg yolk begins to weep for you
As you take another bite of your morning bap
It’s as miserable of a picture as it sounds
And all you got is the classic English morning for company

You don’t even know when it went wrong
But you know that look when it cuts you
Reserved for the most fiendish of miscreants
As he finds any excuse to pull his hand away from yours
An itch, checking the phone, pointing to a bug eating dogshit
A mere millimetres separate you, but your continents apart
He even was in rush to kiss you at the door
And there goes a boy, who didn’t want to be here in the first place

Was it something you said? Or did?
Did you miss the cue to deliver your line?
Fuck the line, I don’t think you ever got the script
Maybe he’s right, maybe you never do listen
How do you apologise, you know he’ll just ask why?
And if you’re short of an answer
Then that’s as good as telling him to fuck off
Maybe if you got him that album he’s always talki…. mmm…
That’s when a clairvoyants flash slips into your mind
And it slowly starts to dawn, that it’s futile

So you sink further into the diners throne
Your face covered by azure curls
In your Totoro hoodie, and your copy of Wild World
As you stomach that there’s nothing you can do
To make the clouds part and the sun beam
So you might as well just waste your time…

Lnc0

Where I Grow

Can I grow here anymore?
I look at those who fled with cautious eyes
They took a dash to make distance from themselves
Ignoring what the cast in champagne tinged company
They’ve all something to prove to their peers
Who materialize as stones that make these towers

I assumed I’d follow suit when I go
But after a winter of hugging my shadow
He’s written me up an personal reference
“Sebastian hereby accepts his self, where ever he goes”
So without bias I can wonder and see
What waits outside of these borders for me

They’re already dead
Every artist, every dreamer
Something colourless and callous has taken them
And now they have the answers; they cannot grow anywhere
Colchester’s devoid of romantics
Devoid of a sense of curiosity
And I do want to show the soil my love
And if I ingrain, could I never find another
Who looks my way like the first present on Christmas morning
Without the blindfold youth and ignorance provides
I think I already know

But I have no idea where they’d go
My reflection given a conduits form
Maybe the nature of symmetry relives me of worry
The place where I can grow…. Surely they too will roam

Lnc0

Recovery

More then bruised, more then battered
She left this one with scratched lens
All he could see in himself was her reactions
The sigh as she looked him up and down
But these made him forget the fundamentals
That in life the quality of the self has little bearing
On the eyes people use to gaze at you
It’s how you wear the threads life deals you

It’s a Saturday eve at the gathering place
The gale obeys his order and bursts the door open
Each step, each passing glare creeping below sunken brows
A flare signalizing his presence
Cementing his right to occupy this space
With the artists, the models, the glamours, the glyphs
But did he really do anything to elevate himself here?
Or did his body decree it? And we all choose to listen

The slime starts to melt and the clay starts to petrify
He’s collected every fragment of what he’s lost
The looks and chatter start to matter again
When you discard the means to their appearance
He’s a titan, he’s become his own goddess
And if the world is blind to that grace
He’s taken the clerics responsibility
To make his appearances an event once more

While they chase the marble clad faceless idols
You remove the mask and wear the cracks like jewellery
No façade, your a damaged vessel
But you move through Midgard as any force would
You’re not an example of defeat, but of adversity
If you stand here any one of us could

Anything you see me as is a part of the trick
But I’ll take a lie as a means to inspire
Like all Nephilim I exist in betwixt and between
I’ll shine brighter and justify my placement in your stories

—————————————————————-

This poem was written to be preformed by a trio as followed:
Female
Female
Male

Lnc0

Gross To Me

Is it cynicism? Is it jealousy? I dunno
But happiness just seems gross to me
Like eczema on the back of your leg
The person inside of me, needs tending
Always poping up on the places of my body
When I’m making my way through existing
There’s nothing wrong with that devotion
A singular narrative with two combined lovers
But I think of it like a three-legged race
Like it or not, somethings gotta give

Where ever you roam, breaking out on your dome
They’re there with a smile and a comment
Does it really have to be this way
Does it have to be so symbiote?
Like a wayward bumper car ride
Can’t love bloom through collision?
Guests in each others home
Visitors on the path
I want you to be forever by my side
But if you were to appear in front of me
Or lagged on behind me
I just have no idea of what I’d do

To greet the next coming day
Hand in hand, always connected
But without doubt, we’re in our own universes
But our proximity is what defines us
Defines us as lovers, as soulmates
You intrude when I need you
You book the day off when I need my own time
All with the chains, staying firmly in our heads

Can such a love not bloom?
In a chasm of uncertainty?

Lnc0

The Gaze

We always fall prey for the routine every time
While we’re still imprisoned under the gaze
This is no time for honestly or vulnerability
It’s time to re-pose the action figure
Arms behind your head, back arched
Not a glimpse of even a fraction
Of the crippling pain that washes over you
And makes you cry into your pillow every night

And what about when an innocent bystander
Decides to wander into the cross-hairs
And decides they want to be a part of your fable
How can you disappoint those sweet eyes?
Pull back the curtain and reveal
Your feeling just as much hurt as she is
And what if the gaze catches a glimpse
Of your weakness, of your humanity?
So just keep the power pose on auto
And maybe if we lie hard enough
The fallacy can become the reality

But isn’t that how it went last time?
To me and the owner of the gaze?

Lnc0

Why Me? [Draft]

I just can’t do it
Rimming around the outskirts of my mocha
Trying to grab the clauses from the air
To build us something resembling small talk
Cos that’s what sane people would do right?
Keep it all composed
Shoot eachother satin laced nods and smiles
Where so happy to hear that of each other
Except we couldn’t possibly be in reality could we?
Just tell me why, why didn’t you come?

Where the fuck have you been?
I remember during toaster filtered summer nights
Tearing up in your bedroom, clutching my paws
You were so afraid we’d drift so far apart
You said you didn’t want me to ever leave
That you wanted to do everything to keep me around
I bet you applauded yourself for that one, Oscar worthy even
You can count me among those who fell for it

I know how much more stimuli you get now
From your new life with all the temporary high cads
But when your alone at night….
Who am I kidding? A girl like you is never fucking alone
A slightly fawning cough and they run up in miles
But lets say you could bring yourself to be alone once
Do you never flick thorough the blackbox
And remember the times you said you’d be there
The times you said it killed you to see me hurt
When I’m veiled top to bottom in sulking tears
With my arms covered in blood
Concealing the blade in my jacket pocket
Did you ever think that got any better with time?
Do you just not care anymore?
And if you don’t…. Tell me why?
What made you stop caring?
Weather or not I lived or died?
Why… What did I do? Why me?
Aren’t you worried about me? …Why?

I know I got more rancid as time went on
I arrived as a beacon of lost hope
And turned into a broken brake light
I got so much worse as time went on
I stopped trying to look any good
My hair got more shit and grim
I got so much more fatter
I stopped being someone you could show off
I kept feeling sick around your friends
Because how embarrassing it must of felt to be around me
I could never be like the ones you fawned over
Never be clean cut, Never be cute and nerdy, Never be a virgin
Was that a mistake when you first met me?
Did you smile start to drop when it dawned on you
The real me
The worse me
The fucking worse and worse and worse me
Wrong in every fucking capacity
Then why? What business did you have with me?
Tell me why? Just… Tell me why?
What’s happening to me?
Why me?

Acting Submissive With The Clubbers Of Colchester

You don’t have to yell at me so loud
I’m trying my hardest to have a good time and crack a smile
But in the midst of this murder of scavengers
The type that pick apart the scraps of poor lost lambs
Who have lost the sparkle in their eyes
I see you spread out in the back of the bar like a corpse
I wish I could obey the green lights at the racetrack
But I can’t find the heart to reach out and take it

Oh and you make your disappointment in my discomfort known
If I had a penny for every time I am under criticism
Cos’ I refused to fall in line for the male stereotype
I’d of brought the taxi home to save you the embarrassment

I wish I could tear your focus away from your phone screen
Trying to gather the scraps of a good night out
I just want to grab you by the wrist, and pull you up
Into the phantasm of the violet lights
And dance the dread away, loosen up them thighs
Run your hair inbewteen my fingers
And plant the sweetest embrace
But you’ve lost your willpower you just want to sink into the seats

Oh please let me go!
I can’t stand to see you like this anymore
You fidget and squirm like a child in a push-chair
We just aren’t comfortable together it would seem
I didn’t mean to be such a disappointment
I didn’t mean to make you so sad
I didn’t mean to fail you as a man
Maybe it’ll be better if I just went home

Created as a counter part to this poem
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/84961086712/acting-domineering-with-the-clubbers-of-colchester