Jan

Jan, hey Jan, help Jan
Broken jam jar’s are Jan’s jam
My pay slip smells like mouldy coffee Jan
Get Jan on that!
Jan’s on checkouts
Jan’s also on help desk
Jan’s in every strand of my DNA
I need a Jan to help with my son’s grazed knee!
Quick where’s Jan with her awkward racist Christmas joke!
Classic Jan that, CLASSIC
Isn’t that the JANIEST Jan you Jan’d
That’s dead Jan that
Buying the coffee mug that says ‘Cock’
BEEEP BOOOOP Jan alert
And alert designed to go off when Jan does a Jan
Can’t get enough of Jan, oh Jan’s dead good
I dislocated my jaw to fit more Jan in my life

My newborn has the sacred birthmark
Of a youth destined to be the manager of a Canvey superstore
The doctor leans in and whispers
“That’s Jan as FUCK”
Jan’s in Jan school to be as Jan and can be
Planning out her one story:
>Jan falling in the pond
>Jan called Mike, Mark in 1998
>Jan ate 5 crackers at break, FUCKING MENTAL
And when Jan Version 1.250 goes for cracker number 6
The SWAT team come in and blows her brains out
Cos that’s bridging into Jade territory that
No Jan can cotain such ‘What a laugh’-ness
Not for you Jan no no!
Now tell us how your 2 quid fell in the loo?
Or how your dog Janice barks sounds like ‘Fuck off’
Oh Janny Jan Jan Jan Jannarooo Jan Jan
Jantiy Jan Janiccsseeyy Jan Jan Jan Jan Jan FUCK

Sebasitan Noël

9 Till Die

The kind that still says chavs wear slapbacks
The kind that says people don’t fuck with the lights on
Well do they?
Not much of a view from Debenhams help line
A broken swivel chair in a cream cubicle
Just the one window on to Head Street
Where all the people look like ants
Devoid of connectivity
Again as far as she could know
No look in for the mortal coil

A futile attempt to keep poll position
From a world dammed to open it’s chest
Those cards don’t stay hidden for long
Nothing to show, something to hide
So she starts to feel a lag coming on
In expression and comprehension
Why can’t they communicate like before
A note’s off, a puzzle piece is missing

And I tell you darhl, you won’t find it soon
Not at the bingo, karaoke or disco night
Not when your accelerating towards age
And a blinding speed

Sebastian Noël

Optimistic Clairvoyance

Sugar cube crystals pouring from the kitchen side
Infusing my blood stream as it lands in my veins
It brings a technicolour focus to your moves
The way your shakes bend the support beams
Shift and shapes the claustrophobic closets
To a blooming lotus flower over shadowing a dead town
That way you sway it’s a catastrophe
Sounding off your unique brand of light beam

Girl I’m a prisoner, I always was
So before I suffocate completely
Tear the foundations apart and set me free
Self-destruct our fractured lifestyles like visionaries
No kindness, No bullshit, Let the heart unabashedly beat
Grab my hair, trap me in between those thighs
Embrace every cubic-second of me
Only we can understand and produce the perfect synergy

What do I have to do
What bones of mine do I have to break to show you
It’s do or die here tonight
And I’ll die again and again
Take any form it’ll take
To grab your eyes into that reality
Cos if it’s not you it’s constant misery
And I’ll ripen from the world tree till I get it right

Sebastian Noël

Aftermath – B-Side

Tell me has there ever been a time you’ve met me
That wasn’t a result of trading stern words with him?
If not it were a long while hence
Back to a time where our worries reached an apex
When wondering if we could make it under the sheets before dark
A far cry from the padlocks of stresses that keep us bound
You find yourself in an Alcatraz on earth
Where even your tongue is cuffed to the ceiling

So when you tell me your desperately searching for me in him
Honey, how else am I supposed to take that?
Other then a silenced vow of devotion?
Morse code hidden in the small talk
If I could upset the delicate balance we got going here
I’d reciprocate entirely
Take you in my arms, present you with my beating chest
Then I’d ask “Why search for me, when I’m right here?”

Cos I’ve always been your voluntary slave
And everyone, our friends, our sisters, they all know it
But not to speak out of line or anything
I just wish for once; you were free to speak honestly
Command me to connect with your lips
Then I’ll decommission the ground beneath you
We’ll fall into an uncertain abyss for sure
But we’d be falling arm in arm

Cos truth be told I’ve been looking for you too
In the hearts and minds of an uncaring and cold public
I’ve come damn close to finding you again sure
But no close call matches up to the original
They all took a step away cos they all knew
My heart was just on loan to them
Still waiting for it’s original owner to come back
To take it back into their possession

So won’t you take a Molotov to your domestic bliss
Then take back what’s rightfully yours?
Cos if I was tailored for loving you
Then I’m just a boy scout stuck in the Amazon without you
It takes so little to inflame the fuse
But the wires around your throat hold you back
I hate to end the romcom before the liar revealed
But… There is truly nothing I can do

The sunset’s serene that’s guaranteed
And everyone’s waiting for it
But if Juliet misses the casting call
Then again… What exactly is it we can do?

What am I supposed to do
When there’s nothing anyone can do
When I’m only alive to love you
But there’s shit all anyone can do

What to do?
No one can control a heart or a mind
What’s a boy to do?

Sebastian Noël

Loop

The cosmos is merciless
The kingpin of duress
The quill on the script
The drug that causes the trip
There are no exceptions, you’re expected to dance on beat

Another coffee husked afternoon to add to the pile
Wasting time re-writing the same lines everyday
He wants to push past, write something that’ll last
But when mind and the sword don’t align
The loop starts its never relenting swipes
Stuck like VHS, feels like an unwelcome caress

Starts to write about the birds chirping in the trees
Another line about her expensive smile proceeds
Wants to write to make the world better
But look, yet another line about her crystal eyes
About the majesty of her thighs
Her cutting sense of humor
Her child heart
Cool clothes
Unending tallent
Think im being unfair? Well remember who’s holding the pen

The cosmos is merciless
The reason you regress
The strings in a marionette
The assassin of your alphabet
You have no choice in the things you scribe

A classic sonnet, a Blake competitor
Both out of your reach if you bite your tounge
Your hearts aflame; supernova, cos this story isn’t over
She’s got tabs on you, they have tabs on you
The entire populous with eyes have tabs on you
Your life’s consumed, unless romance blooms

Art can only dely so much
Life’s creeping on you
Put the pen down son
Doomsdays comming your way

Sebastian Noël

Explaining Borderline: The Poem

So to pre-face and explain the beginning of this poem, when preformed live this poem is intended to INTERUPT the performance of another poem, so I wrote some generic love poem lines here but the poem that’s interrupted by the 2nd character can literally be any other poem
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were granted pause for one summer to explore
But I don’t think we liked what we found
It makes (SEB!) you reach by instinct
For nostalgia’s blanket (SEB!)
You and me Lying (SEB!) on the bedroom floor (SEB!)
And (SEB!) You uh… (SEB!)

SEB! SEB! SEB! SEB! SEB!

SEB! Stop with all this lovely stuff and consider your health
Cos if you don’t get us some much needed attention
I’ll make you hurt yourself
And not just a few scratches I promise!

So many thoughts going through the brain

SEB! Your friends haven’t spoken to you in a week!
Tell ‘em to fuck off, you could be getting better friends

It’s giving me a migraine

SEB! Look! She choose to meet that date over you
Split on that bitch! Get a new best friend, don’t matter who

I would literally walk tip-toe through hell

SEB! That’s the 5th happy couple you’ve seen today
So for fucks sake, make a shitty comment to keep ’em at bay!

To able to control my thoughts for a spell

Cos the Sertraline doesn’t work
Cos the Mirtazapine doesn’t work
Cos the Citalopram doesn’t work
Cos the Dopamine boosts don’t work
Cos the Qutetiapine doesn’t work
Cos the Lithum doesn’t work

My cells are slowly depleting
My heart rate’s increasing
The borders of my vision are blurring
But still she’s always lurking

SEB! You’re 23 and haven’t found someone to love
Or even some who even likes you? I’m losing hope
If you can’t find someone to help us soon
I’ll wring our hands around our fucking neck!

Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Seeeeb! Seb Seb Seb!
Sebby! Seb! Sebarrgoo! Sebbby! Seb!
Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb!
Se-Bas-Tee-On! Seb! Seb! Seeeeeeb!

Hey Seb! Our best friends are lovely aren’t they?
Let’s fantasize about how me we love them all fucking day
Hey Seb! Fuck it let’s just ask them all out, like a proper tit
Fuck the consequences let’s just do it, even if we don’t feel it
Hey Seb! We look like fucking shit
Let’s pour millions into clothes till something hits
Hey Seb! You never got that text from Sally!
So let’s get so pissed we wake up, fucked in an alley
Hey Seb! It’ll all be worth it for cheap thrills
It’s not like we’re gonna be hit with a huge phone bill
Hey Seb! No one fucking cares if we live or die! L-O-L
So let’s try and commit suicide off the cathedral bell

Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!

I’M NOT GONNA FUCKING LEAVE YOU ALONE
TILL YOU INDULGE WHAT I’M TELLING YOU SEB!

SEB!

Sebastian Noël

Nothing fucking destroys my confidence like poetry slams, went to another one and yeah…… mmmmmmm haha I preformed ‘Will I Do, For You?‘
[ http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147146779837/will-i-do-for-you ]
in case you were wondering, and yeah I’m shit performer and I fucking tanked the audience were um…. pretty savage

Like it’s shame on me cos I know what you guys like and what THEY the London crowd are two different tastes. But I guess maybe shame on me twice, I try so hard to fit in with them, doing little love notes in a OH MY GOD LIKE ME but it’s never enough for them, or anyone, or including myself. Its all too fake, fake in writing is great we all love fake. But there in front of people like…. I can never pull of fake, people smell the rat. But I guess It’s time for me to realise like being a weird shouty poet is my niche. Not doing poems about the coffee dates and sex illusions, but poetry where I shout milkshake a lot as an alagory for my life slipping out of my fingers. Not a poem about my dead nan, but poetry where I say one word a lot as a weird alagory for internet left wing culture. Not saying how I’ll write a letter to my 10 year old self, but screeching how Borderline and intrusive thoughts makes my life a shitter each day.

Like fuck the London crowd, tonight was my last nerve. Giving them what they want has got me nowhere, next time i’ll be more confident in what I like,and be as obnoxious and annoying as I possibly can. It’s goofy, but no less valid

The XXXXXXXXX series

Here’s a compilation of them poems I christen the ‘XXXXXXXXX’ series in what is in many ways a chronological order of events, some of these take years before I finish them so if you want to see my heart be destroyed in a canonical timeline, now you can!

1) XXXXXXXXX
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258028267/xxxxxxxxx

——————————————————————————–

2) Byakko
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143784812282/byakko

3) Another Draft Of History
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/146711143547/another-draft-of-history

4) Feeder
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/145360464887/feeder

5) Detachment Blues
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143989454096/detachment-blues

6) Being Honest
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147257267742/being-honest

7) Aftermath
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258954067/aftermath

Sebastian Noël

Aftermath

It’s out of my hands
I gotta keep reminding myself of that
It’s all the past, the handiwork of Luke
That’s not got a whole lot with the person you are now

But what to do now?
As I said I’ve come out a clone of you
Maybe though…. That ain’t so bad
If life’s a repetition I could get another shot
But maybe as the mistress this time
Maybe everything I felt for you
Statistically someone could feel that for me?
Could I be the conclusion to a fleeting heart?

Imagine such a thing!
Their face would animate daybreak as I enter the room
All my actions and decisions becomes to their liking
They’d forget to dream, cos reality is indistinguishable
Every inch of my body is their idolisation
They’d fetishize my very existence
Every time I crash they’d reveal in bringing be back up
In fact they’d take a perverse pride in it!

It’s gotta happen one day right?
In this world where people go out of there way
Not to even know me
It’s got to happen even for a little shit tyke like me
To penetrate the smog that surrounds me
And see their future….

As much as the romantic would like to proclaim
How I’d chase you to the ends of the earth
Force every atom to prove my love to you
Proper ‘Notebook’ it y’know?
I know there’s no way in hell
You’re trapped in domestic bliss, no thanks to me
But I don’t wanna carry the blame anymore
It’s 1 to 1,000,000 in finding a new love
But I’m liking them odd’s
I won’t lie and say the door isn’t left open or anything
But maybe in time luck will be on my side
And someone will reward devotion by returning it

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

XXXXXXXXX

A burden lifted, a job relieved
Must’ve been Christmas come earlier
Like if the addicts stash grew legs
And filed the restraining order itself

Oh XXXXXXXXX
This is good for us I swear
You’ll miss the biscuit tin rises when taken away
But when your gorging on the 5-star moments
As your creation takes centre of an exhibition
While your published 2nd half to be, he grabs you tight
Kisses you on the head, and tells you how proud he is
You won’t be missing us then I promise

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Dry your eyes princess, this is no time to fret
There’s no glory keeping the Griffin in the cage
You were never mine, you belonged to the Gaia
To fuel those needing souls with inspirations
So they can join you sipping wine at the Tate Modern
Tell the kids it’s just a matter of time
Tell them we can all be like you XXXXXXXXX

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Know that despite time, I’ll always love you
For anymore I’ll doubt such a sappy claim
But for you it’s a sure fire
It’s just I’m a mystery to myself
And I’m a weaker man for it
No need for you to get caught in this mess I’m in
I’ll take the bullet, I’ll survive the bleeding

And when we come across each other again
When we lock eyes in the street
You’ll be wearing the nicest outfit
Arm in arm with an Adonis
You’ll look my way
And I’ll look back with a smile
Cos I know I made the right choice
Oh I’ll never escape loving you XXXXXXXXX
Only love can motivate such a suicide
But don’t worry I’ll make my own way

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series
Originally written 6 years ago, tarted up in 2016