True Femininity

A familiar drone infests the bar like tinnitus
It’s that of a innocent young thing of feminine decent
As tonight’s sideshows swarm to the last safe-heaven
Their clammy mitts play the role of the intruder
To locations only devotes and nannies should dare to probe
As she just stays stationary to the whole affair
Waiting for the horns of the masculine resistance
To come from the hill tops

Oh how refreshing it was to see you: stanced like a barbarian
As you watch his fingers slowly hover to the fringe of your jeans
Micro-molecules from collision, like a samurai wielding her katana
Your nails tear through his insufferable clans reptilian emblem
At a drop of a brow, he’s out the door

Oh sweet dear Bodacia
I’m unapologeticly devoted to you
Just bind me up do what you want to too
To feel the rush of a gash wound
From the heel of your regal studded boots

I’m yours to command, tell me what to do
I’m inspired by the mere comprehension of you
When I see the school dinner line of boys
Extending from where you stand at the bar
With their tails between their legs, Faces dropped like a Bulldog
There’s no misunderstandings, no unconsenting advances
A regular Kathleen Hanna for the Topshop age

Oh sweet dear Joan of Arc
I’m blind-sighted by the concept of you
Pin me up by the trachea till I turn blue
Drop me to the cobblestones under the moons hue
The boys might migrate to the smokers
When you showcase the canine choppers
But their isn’t anything I wouldn’t do
To get that look from you

Natrual 2nd Place

Insanity is doing the same process again and again
I can feel the membrains in my skull slowly melt away
When I scroll through Reed for the 30,000 time
Expecting a different result from before

Hours and hours of ironing out your personalty
Out of every word and movement on inspection day
All for a condescending smirk while they show you door
And that’s the last you’ll ever hear from them again

Even being kicked to the curb provides no salvation
Hypocritical bottom feeders begin to throw their pebbles
They were only face down in the gutter last week
It’s all to easy to forget your past with all that money

What do I have to do to earn their respect?
Flagellate myself with a secondary whip?
Don’t I have the right to toil and slave?
Don’t I have the right to self worth?

Of course not
It’s hopeless
The pharaohs
And emperors
Seek perfection
Second natures
And buzzwords
You’re ignorant
And broken
Why don’t you
Lay your head down
Feed on our
Generosity
You could never
Live your life
Like normal men
Sleep tight
My angel
No one’s
Going to judge
Sleep tight
My angel

A hundred million virgin souls
Strung up by blood soaked rusty wires
All for that taste of the 9 to 5
Something in this world has got to give
It’s either their unrealistic expectations
Or it’s my cervical vertebrae upon the rope

26/03/06 > 03/04/10

I sit in the aftermath of a rotten moment
Bathed in the darkness of modern designs
Head perched in hands my mind fades back
And I move my head to your direction

I could swallow domestic sadness on any other day
But on the eve of parental celebration I do struggle
The guest of honour was never expected to show
It still seems impossibly so

I’m sorry I never think of you, as much as I should
But I never had the heart to do so before
Somehow if I tilt my head towards the heavens
I think my words reach you, where ever they go

I’m sorry I never speak to you, as much as I should do
It’s not as if I couldn’t speak about you
I’m sorry I moved on too fast, the others needed me too
Stability is the only thing I could do
I’m sorry if I kept it all to myself, no one would see me through
To be a burden is something I won’t do
I’m sorry if this all isn’t needed, but I felt I had too
On the eve on a day dedicated to you

I’m sorry for the sharpness of my tongue; I pardon myself for my French
I’m sorry for the distance I keep; I know you wouldn’t agree with it
I’m sorry for my wild instincts, your furniture deserves better
Even if you can’t hear, I feel I should’ve still
There’s still a while to go, I still couldn’t do you wrong
I only hope

I’m sorry for every time for the times, I’ve moped about all day
I know you’d kick me for acting that way
I’m sorry for how I tired to soften the blow, and kept you away
I just wouldn’t know what else to say
And I’m sorry it took so long, for even through song to say
As we slowly approach the month of may
This is the last time I’ll use you now, to vent my selfish ways
I promise next time we’ll talk on a good day

Just cos I never came through till the end
Don’t think I never loved you
When I forgot to call you back when I was out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I locked myself upstairs and refuse to come out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I freeze at the sight of tears
Don’t think I never loved you
When I stayed downstairs when I heard you moan
Don’t think I never loved you
When I didn’t cry when it was all over
Don’t think I never loved you
When I saw that smile on your passing face
I knew you finally found peace
And when I grinned after I left your room
But it was only cos I loved you

Dedicated to ma’

I sigh entranced by the husk of cheap larger
Clawed onto the wood of the desk
Never has the fate of my psyche rest so delicately
On the fringe of a single number

Oh who knows what lies behind
The other side of reactionary protocols
Did you answer my pleas?

Or did you leave the screen on
While you open another bag of caramel popcorn?
Did you grit your teeth
As you reluctantly offer an arm?
Did your eyes start to moisten
As you demand to know of my lack of heart?

The entire globe can be undone, just after a click of the button
I’ll pull back my chair and make another brew downstairs
“After this one I’ll find out, though I said that 47 brews ago
But I swear I mean it this time!”

As I pour brew number 53
Into the mug you got me for my birthday
I slowly drag my heels up the stairs
And into your line of sight once again

I don’t deserve to have even gotten your attention
I don’t pray for much, but please god…

No Dream Gal (W.I.P)

While you relive and recite the terrible accounts of today’s shift
The same accounts everyone else present has been through too
But somehow they seem to keep it under wraps, funny that
The joints in my fingers are starting to ache and stiffen
As I reach the end leg of this 1,000 curl hair twirl marathon
With dandruff unapologeticly gathering on the shoulders
I start to gaze out of condensed glass and begin to wander
How i’d be spending my time if the slots had stopped in my favour

We’ll first trade glances at the new years due
I see your mugshot pop up on my computer screen
I must be grasping at straws for a mutual interest
If I’m claiming we have a shared passion for The Fall

But if that’s what it takes to get me talking to you
About which blockbuster you’d like to see next week
I can fake it easily, just for you my darling
I throw a date, a time, an offer round about your way

If only people flowed so naturally together, or maybe they do
And maybe it’s a joy a niche existence like mine will never know
I start to zone in and hear how your manager unfair-
Okay time to zone out again, now what would happen next

You’ll pop round mine uninvited, banking I’d still be in the clutches of my sheets
In your arms you’ll clutch a box of hors d’oeuvres, ripped from a dying relatives 97th
With a flavour of confidence in your vocals, you let it slip we’re bathing in the sun today
We’ll be tasting the finest processes, protruding from the coldest machines

With a tinkle injected into my sockets, I rush upstairs to get ready
But suddenly I’m stopped in my tracks, by a choke-hold on my collar
Gasping for an explanation she curves around my form and explains it to me clearly:
“not without getting your imprint on my navel first”. Oh yes how I’d kill for that

If only people flowed so naturally together, or maybe they do
And maybe it’s a joy a niche existence like mine will never know
I start to zone in and hear how the new iOS is on the fritz
Oh great…

I still believe it can happen one day
And the diamond of my eye is laying about now
Writing about how she dreams of her ideal lad
In the middle of mundane coffee dates in the spring time

Signal Bells

It was right in the middle of Jan’s christmas due
I’d notice little preludes to your character before
The laughs echoing from the tavern walls on a Saturday night
The reflection of them blue gemstones in my beer mug

I’d never have the courage to talk to you at all
Not until I’ve necked another Snowball
A little lie about musical preferences never hurt anyone at all
Just to smooth things over I mention that I adore your guffaw

I try to keep it on the low
As we run to the mistletoe
Yeah a little cliché I know
But how else am I meant to get you home?

Poison

All I ever wanted to do was shower them with prizes
To latch onto as they travel through the darkest days
The kind they’d open up a jewelry box to their grand kids
And tell them exaggerated tales of the golden years
But as I watch them fall head first into the night, time and time again
As a common denominator you do have to wonder don’t you?

I’m the doubt in their voice
I’m the pause before the retreat
I’m poison
I’m the doubt in their abilities
I’m the sigh in the night
I’m poison

All I ever wanted was to see my girls sore into the night
With or without me by their side, eyes dilated with glee
Whatever the method may be, no matter the price
Because If I have to see another one fall from grace
I may just put the next bullet in my brain instead
I don’t want to do it to them anymore, not again

I’m the lack of scale in their thoughts
I’m the bar that’s been set low
I’m poison
I’m the cracks in the mirror
I’m the 2 for 1 concealer
I’m poison

Panic In The Evening

I feel like a hoodlum standing outside a memorial
With cans of neon lit paint in my backpack
Complimented by a small armies worth of explosives
Ready to set hell on a beloved artefact with my insignia
All to quell my impulsive decisions

Yeah, that’s how I feel right now
When your perched upon my mattress in the afternoon
With the slits in my curtains raining on your skin
Showing just how perfect your design really is
Each curve tailor made to my exact specifications
Each imperfection made to compliment your excellency
Laying my grubby fingers upon you now
Would be the worst fucking crime I could conceive
Like rubbing grease all over a Mozart sheet

I just wanna die
If it means I can cower out of this mess
Run for the hills before I poison you anymore
Your flying with angels on pale light nights
And I’m greasing the gears behind the scenes
Please just pull the trigger and leave for good

As I continue to deface your form even more
You permit my ascension to the sacred place
The fumes starts to slowly creep inside of me
I start to hear the taste of each bead of sweat
As it tunnels into the folds of my mind
I can’t feel the guilt I should be
I can’t feel anything anymore
You don’t deserve this, not even for a second
I can only provide a fraction of what you deserve
Olympians soaring from the coast docking on Clacton’s shores
Travelling from miles on end just to get a glimpse
Of that smile on your lips

Take It In Your Stride

A simple request I’m sure for a pair of young lovers
But I wouldn’t dare articulate the tar that ruins my face
I can sympathize with your perspective darling
It’s a horrible sight to see your lover writhe in the night
But a young loner can’t open the gates to hell
To an audience who are staring at their own reflection

I understand that your first world is ending
The milks gone bad and the dog won’t stop barking
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

Not even a month in and I’m sure you want answers?
Why during the perfect picturesque winter dates
I choose to drop all the smiles and head on home
Oh darling I’d love to drop all my defences and let it go
The way memories slip from my mind like loose change on the floor
The way my emotions ricochet of every word you say
The way I’ve lost the colours from my world, that I may of never had
But I know you’d ignore every word I say, when your phone’s on the fritz

I understand that your first world is ending
Your dad’s making you walk the mutt again
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

Oh it’s a two way street
Knowledge given
Needs a ear to receive
I know where your priorities lie
And they aren’t with me, not yet
I’ve done damn fine keeping things
All to myself
Don’t get upset when
I decide to tighten the lips
You’ve got to earn these truths
If you can’t work for it
I can’t put up with it

I understand that your first world is ending
Jenny called you fat again
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

You’ll Never Know

You don’t have to tell me it’s wrong
Tell me you won’t reciprocate
I know how a confession would go
So you’d be damn sure that you’ll never know

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
No doubt that’d I do them all

Oh baby I know it’s wrong
After years of work on the reconstruction
Of our minds after the jeckels have been at them
To look at you with these kind of eyes
But when that your body glistens in the light
And when you bite them lips so tight
All I can think of is the mountains of ways
That I’d blow your mind

You don’t have to tell me it’s wrong
Tell me you won’t reciprocate
There’s only one way it could ever go
And of course you’ll never know

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
Baby I’m all yours to control

Please open your eyes man
I can see the strings she pulls from over here
It’s supposed to be enforced by dates in the park
Not fondles by the opponents after dark
Oh what I wouldn’t give to take you away
From them forcing you onto the main stage
But darling I know it’s far to late
That there’s far to much at stake

Oh I know everything about you
Like the back of my hand
There’s nothing I won’t do
For a little taster of you

But I know everything about you
I know about all the things you do
I can do all the things they joke about doing
And I’ll show no signs of stopping at all

Baby please don’t tell me it’s wrong
Beacuse everything’s all wrong
Darling please you got to know!
Darling please I need you!

If I was born a girl
I’d stow you away
If I was born a girl
I’d treat you right
If I was born a girl
If only…