Still Vibes

It’s another still night in Colchester
Everyone’s gaze is exclusive to surface level
And a vibrant facia pallet of fauna
Is indistinguishable from the cold grey tarmac

And I’ve honestly got nothing interesting to say
No mythological comparisons to make for my Tuesday
And definitely no darling in sight to glorify
Nothing remarkable about a still vibe

Cos without my know-how
My subconscious has be sorting out rations
Keeping my personality for ransom
Not to exert every kilojoule, not quite yet
On winter time dates in the warm
That can’t even muster a flat spark
I run to the hills with delight painted on my face
Only to be greeted by a horde of the dead

Their ain’t nothing remarkable about a still populous
And if everyone’s keeping their love off the line
What good is currency anyway?
If all it’s doing is leaving ache in your chest
Best to wait for the ripples in the blue
And cannonball accordingly
Until then the cold locks up the receptors
Stops anyone from detecting what anyone’s feeling
So it’s best to shut down completely
Until we’re back into stormy waters again

Lnc0

When They Say “I Wear The Trousers” They Mean…

I’m seeing your name in every textbook
I feel your gaze in every corner
I’m sensing the way you haunt me at every turn
I see the emulation as I perform your diction
Walking down the street like you do
Spouting your inside jokes, with exact timing to boot
I know it’s you rushing inside my veins
Jousting my body like a puppeteer
Ready to crawl out of my skin
When you can confirm assimilation is complete
I’ll give up my heritage, my title, my life
I surrender everything for you to love me some more

Your damn right you want me to love you more
Claw your way to me on the floor
And don’t you ever forget I’m the one you adore
Whisper your worship to me, or I’ll show you scorn

When your running low on my attention
I want you seeing red, panic as the meter empties
Pulling your hair out, writhing on the settee
As I tell you I ain’t got a free minute till tomorrow
Your beginning and end all hinge on me
Every quirk shown, every sentence spoken
All born from my influence, my inspirations
I’m here to stay in your mind, if you like it or not

Lnc0

What’s Bad About Wanting Attention?

I’ll level with all of you reading at home
I’ll take dramatic over bored any day
Dancing with the butterfly knifes
Over decomposing in my chair
My circles looking at me with concern
Over looking right through me
The growl of death over the waltz of life
…Well At least in theory

You can call it attention seeking
…Well yeah what else would you call it?
But I noticed no one else has to ask
As if it’s a necessary human need
As if my world curls and breaks
While I fester through another lonely Costa afternoon

I mould at the back of the place
Keep my gaze on the peepshow outside
I see the peppy mid-twenties darlings
Their follicles in constant contact
And my heart starts to sink
I look at my skin like collapsed timber
Do the creases feel like razor blades?
Would it feel like ash if you stroked my hands?
Does every inch of my thigh feel like splinters?
When did my body start to disgust people like that?

So I plan a season finale
A fall from grace, a decent from the heavenly throne
Courtesy of Head Street
Jeered on by the stone gargoyles
With enough eyes on me
That I’ll get empathy systematically
And then maybe they’d visit me later
While I take a break in the trauma ward
And they’ll look at me and they’ll say
“I’m glad your still alive Sebastian”
That’s more vindication in a single breath
Then I bleed out from my lovers and allies
In what feels like the 3rd lap of my lifetime
Attention seeking? Why of course

What else could you possibly call it?
But am I not entitled to it?

Lnc0

☆~(✿◕w◕)~☆

I’m sorry if it’s making you uncomfortable
The way I frown through a gaping smile
I’m troubled I honestly am!
Cos it’s been a awful long while
Since you’ve crossed my windowsill
Flaunting that precious grin
I can’t stand it, it breaks me heart!
I don’t even know your name
And I’ve only caught you through 2nd hand glances
But I’m gonna change that!
I’ll get your favourite flavour milkshake
And I’ll ask you what happened?
To chase away the smile off your face?

Who did this? What was her name!?
What was she like? Why did she do that?
That sounds like it gets worse and worse…
Well what do you like? What would you want?
Where do you wanna go? Do you wanna go now?
If you wanna go with me, I’ll sweep the sadness away!

I jot down a note of all the things that make you happy
All while I try and mislead you into thinking I’m funny
I wanna pull the loose threads of your favourite jacket
Before pulling the firm threads of your sideburns
Just to antagonize you enough to instigate a playfight
So I can get my hands on that fluffy mop on your skull
And maybe you’ll let me inspect you up and down
Your eyes, your cheeks, your lips, your ears
Your chest, Your giggle, Your attempts at appearing grumpy
Oh god I love them all! They’re all on re-run in my head all day!
So please don’t feel you should hide yourself from public eyes
What on earth did we do to deserve that?
Your the best part of my daily routine!
So please don’t leave it at home

Lnc0

I’m Thinking About People I Dated Years Ago Again

Aurora reflecting pre-school shape fitting toys
Are the most cumbersome demands
A prediction of inevitability from the womb
A manuscript of bypassed pleasure at the tomb
If the remains of collision based research
Can exfoliate the grooves of my psyche
To allow the glue to poor, leak and stick
Then I’ll know all the fables articulated truths

But our portraits have turned into code
A proximity execution in a sea of padded cubicles
How likely could the dust of our erosion
Crawl into the sheets of our nostrils
The framed stone tablets always prophesied
Their colours are destined to mix in the dish tray
To be worthy of such a scenic fuchsia collaboration

Lnc0

Hate Lasts Forever

I want it to be like the old times
I want the sound of my name
To make you sick to your stomach again
To make you quake in your boots again
And to treat my confirmed sighting
Like a time bomb in your proximity
God knows what could happen when the timer goes
God knows what damage it’s gonna do again

Love and devotion comes and goes
But hatred lasts forever
You get nowhere being pleasant
Infamy has brought me nothing but immortality
Love makes me question my visibility
But malice is the uncanny proof that I’m still alive

I tried to get down on my knees
I tried to indulge in the art of worship
But they only showed me a sigh
People get bored of getting what they want
Only by taking you to Nirvana then cutting you off
Does true devotion really begin

Lnc0

If You Like Man

It’s your funeral man!
I’m not saying their aren’t perks
As you hook your talons
On the collar of my shirt
As I begin the insurmountable task
Of unlocking the my front door
While a squadron of gin and tonic
Puts it’s paws over my eyes

But you have to know right?
After the light show of glares
Like a scene from The Birds
As you gather another Rum and Cola
Those aren’t looks there for fun
Or to imply some childish jealousy
Like the landing lights of a runaway plane
They’re warning sirens

And count me among them
The demons are still there
He has a name and a face now, sure
And they even give you the means to subdue him
But he’s far from gone you know
And all it’ll take is to cross him once
And he’ll be glad to come out and play
I’m destined to break your heart, you have to know

But like I say, it’s your funeral man

Lnc0

You Have To Want To Help, Therein Lies The Problem; You Don’t

I bid them adieu
I say sayonara, au revoir
As everyone who kept close
Starts to board for smoother seas
They’ve grown so tired of my shit
They don’t have to say
Especially in the current climate
Where I take a look away as a stab in the back

It’s always a bad prophecy
Like a siern’s perish song
Any resemblance of affection
Always destined to change
Under the blood moon’s ray
Into venomous slurs and bile

I see your attention fading
A sure-fire sign
I know it’s gonna sting
So why prolong it?
I always bombard you with tragedy
Your loved ones put a price on my head
Objectively I make your life worse
So why not rip the band-aid early?
So you can avoid any guilt
I’ll just get it over with and tell you to fuck off

There’s no prayer that can save me now
I’m too deep into it now
Drop the flash grenade
And head for the hills
Cos once your marked
It’s impossible to wash it away
And it can only end in tears
Unless you really can save me
Keep an ear out for my cries
Douse the fire in my soul
But I know you’re all the same
If it’s not an obligation to domestic misery
It’s the flipside: a full-time infatuation sceptical
A much better use of your time
Then to be used on a lost soul like me
So don’t get my hopes up, stay away from me

Lnc0

Dating Quips #1

Are you seriously suggesting that’s the issue?
That I have to hack my legs of to stay on your plane?

Please forgive the disbelief, you have to understand
I didn’t come from the pre-teen catwalk
I’ve been on this low baseline for as long as I’ve been
So to be the recipient of that look is curious

What about self betterment intimidated you?
The courage to escape your own skin?
My drive to establish my lore?
You can let it seep into yourself too!

But does that prospect unnerve you
Years of being an enigma deemed irrelevant
In the presence of a denizen outside the bubble
Your just human we all are
But the what which that makes you uncomfortable
That’s no one’s fault, but unfortunate

Lnc0

In Review

You know if it’s real
When you let it all go
Let it dash into the woods
And see if it ever comes back

I know it’s just human nature
To regret taking the actions which end up hurting
But it’s better to know
So much better then to never know

While drawing circles in the dirt
As I piddle time away, waiting for your return
I couldn’t pin point the things at stake
It wasn’t the cute peak points, they’re all gone
It wasn’t understanding, you never lent an ear
Maybe you did on summer nights
But on troubling winter noons, you’re nowhere to be seen

So I pick up my bags and head off
It’s shit to know your not coming for me, yeah
All the memories now come with a bitter after taste
But time could be better spent
And if I’m not their, if you never come back
Then don’t fret cos remember
You only know it’s real
If it comes back, after you let it go

Lnc0