Hell (W.I.P)

I can’t recall how many times i’ve seen the lunar display
Enhanced by the sheen of the beer goggles
Since I had to unlock the handcuffs on your wrist
The notion of a month passing makes the mind boggle

The hands of the analog
Are making they’re second whip around for the day
The bunions of our feet can take the strain no more
We stagger to the nearest bench to lay

I know there are better ideas then issuing a response
To your little Morse code tappings up and down my legs
Like juggling TNT’s at a pyrotechnic festival blindfolded
But lagging hearts can only think in the short term

I’ll endure your intent even while I bleed
Anything to stop the dreams
What was a suggestion has become a plea
What was a want is now a need

Oh I’m in hell
Trying to crack a smile
Oh I’m in hell
Pulling the smoke over my lies
Oh I’m in hell
Trying to enjoy it all the while
Oh I’m in hell
Stuck inbetween these two thighs

I Can’t Stop You From Appearing In My Dreams

It’s 3:52pm and it’s now I hear
That the broadcasts from down under reach their peak
Even I admit that’s a weak excuse
But anything to put off crawling to them sheets
Anything to stave off meeting you again
In the one place you van still Influence me
Smack in the middle of smoky storybook aspirations

Westbound to a plain of intangible letters and sentences
Only in this sector of the concious
Where desires are interpreted for temporary manias
Do you stand before me again

All grudges flow out through our pours like black tar
The hate seeps through the husk in our breaths
The spite flakes off our very skin
All I have left to remember is to how to stay betrothed to you
I was no one else’s to lose but yours my love

Utilizing my muscle memory you lock your fingers with mine
Like claws on a tow truck you whisk me away
We take a quick hike from the town centre to yours
With the parts I can’t recall replaced with golden plated bridges
Connecting my recollections together

The ingrates that poisoned you have been purged
Their mouths stitched shut to stop them from bringing you down
It’s just you and I with the audience of the washing up
There isn’t a thing to fret about
Just how the sunlight highlights your genius design

The smoke flows from the floor boards
I smear it through the threads of your scalp
You inhale it through your regulated pants
As it pours from the ducts into your irises

Trace the curves of optimum natural selection
Grasp the wrist of a submitted romantic intention
Groove to the rhythm of a calculated routine
Play it back those glossy sweet sugarcane memories

The Clock hits 9 and caresses my eyelids
The reality kicks in and the mist starts to disappear
I beg my master to release her grip from my limbs
But her grip stays aggressive just like an anchor

She sinks her claws, digging deep into my wounds
She tugs from within my arms to keep me pressed against her chest
I can’t stand the guilt, the oh so familiar sting
How naive of me, for it was me who brung you here in the first place

An interpretation that’s all you are
A reflection of the reality, with a sweeter taste
And smoothed out edges
A version of you that doesn’t berate my birth wronging
While you demand I clean the wounds on your arms
As you leave the ones under my legs wide open

The hate floods back into my veins
As if to cue the pins and needles
It flows to my profile and forces my eyes open
For another cycle I’m free from your grip
Until my eyes grow heavy and then I’m yours again

True Femininity

A familiar drone infests the bar like tinnitus
It’s that of a innocent young thing of feminine decent
As tonight’s sideshows swarm to the last safe-heaven
Their clammy mitts play the role of the intruder
To locations only devotes and nannies should dare to probe
As she just stays stationary to the whole affair
Waiting for the horns of the masculine resistance
To come from the hill tops

Oh how refreshing it was to see you: stanced like a barbarian
As you watch his fingers slowly hover to the fringe of your jeans
Micro-molecules from collision, like a samurai wielding her katana
Your nails tear through his insufferable clans reptilian emblem
At a drop of a brow, he’s out the door

Oh sweet dear Bodacia
I’m unapologeticly devoted to you
Just bind me up do what you want to too
To feel the rush of a gash wound
From the heel of your regal studded boots

I’m yours to command, tell me what to do
I’m inspired by the mere comprehension of you
When I see the school dinner line of boys
Extending from where you stand at the bar
With their tails between their legs, Faces dropped like a Bulldog
There’s no misunderstandings, no unconsenting advances
A regular Kathleen Hanna for the Topshop age

Oh sweet dear Joan of Arc
I’m blind-sighted by the concept of you
Pin me up by the trachea till I turn blue
Drop me to the cobblestones under the moons hue
The boys might migrate to the smokers
When you showcase the canine choppers
But their isn’t anything I wouldn’t do
To get that look from you

Natrual 2nd Place

Insanity is doing the same process again and again
I can feel the membrains in my skull slowly melt away
When I scroll through Reed for the 30,000 time
Expecting a different result from before

Hours and hours of ironing out your personalty
Out of every word and movement on inspection day
All for a condescending smirk while they show you door
And that’s the last you’ll ever hear from them again

Even being kicked to the curb provides no salvation
Hypocritical bottom feeders begin to throw their pebbles
They were only face down in the gutter last week
It’s all to easy to forget your past with all that money

What do I have to do to earn their respect?
Flagellate myself with a secondary whip?
Don’t I have the right to toil and slave?
Don’t I have the right to self worth?

Of course not
It’s hopeless
The pharaohs
And emperors
Seek perfection
Second natures
And buzzwords
You’re ignorant
And broken
Why don’t you
Lay your head down
Feed on our
Generosity
You could never
Live your life
Like normal men
Sleep tight
My angel
No one’s
Going to judge
Sleep tight
My angel

A hundred million virgin souls
Strung up by blood soaked rusty wires
All for that taste of the 9 to 5
Something in this world has got to give
It’s either their unrealistic expectations
Or it’s my cervical vertebrae upon the rope

26/03/06 > 03/04/10

I sit in the aftermath of a rotten moment
Bathed in the darkness of modern designs
Head perched in hands my mind fades back
And I move my head to your direction

I could swallow domestic sadness on any other day
But on the eve of parental celebration I do struggle
The guest of honour was never expected to show
It still seems impossibly so

I’m sorry I never think of you, as much as I should
But I never had the heart to do so before
Somehow if I tilt my head towards the heavens
I think my words reach you, where ever they go

I’m sorry I never speak to you, as much as I should do
It’s not as if I couldn’t speak about you
I’m sorry I moved on too fast, the others needed me too
Stability is the only thing I could do
I’m sorry if I kept it all to myself, no one would see me through
To be a burden is something I won’t do
I’m sorry if this all isn’t needed, but I felt I had too
On the eve on a day dedicated to you

I’m sorry for the sharpness of my tongue; I pardon myself for my French
I’m sorry for the distance I keep; I know you wouldn’t agree with it
I’m sorry for my wild instincts, your furniture deserves better
Even if you can’t hear, I feel I should’ve still
There’s still a while to go, I still couldn’t do you wrong
I only hope

I’m sorry for every time for the times, I’ve moped about all day
I know you’d kick me for acting that way
I’m sorry for how I tired to soften the blow, and kept you away
I just wouldn’t know what else to say
And I’m sorry it took so long, for even through song to say
As we slowly approach the month of may
This is the last time I’ll use you now, to vent my selfish ways
I promise next time we’ll talk on a good day

Just cos I never came through till the end
Don’t think I never loved you
When I forgot to call you back when I was out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I locked myself upstairs and refuse to come out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I freeze at the sight of tears
Don’t think I never loved you
When I stayed downstairs when I heard you moan
Don’t think I never loved you
When I didn’t cry when it was all over
Don’t think I never loved you
When I saw that smile on your passing face
I knew you finally found peace
And when I grinned after I left your room
But it was only cos I loved you

Dedicated to ma’

I sigh entranced by the husk of cheap larger
Clawed onto the wood of the desk
Never has the fate of my psyche rest so delicately
On the fringe of a single number

Oh who knows what lies behind
The other side of reactionary protocols
Did you answer my pleas?

Or did you leave the screen on
While you open another bag of caramel popcorn?
Did you grit your teeth
As you reluctantly offer an arm?
Did your eyes start to moisten
As you demand to know of my lack of heart?

The entire globe can be undone, just after a click of the button
I’ll pull back my chair and make another brew downstairs
“After this one I’ll find out, though I said that 47 brews ago
But I swear I mean it this time!”

As I pour brew number 53
Into the mug you got me for my birthday
I slowly drag my heels up the stairs
And into your line of sight once again

I don’t deserve to have even gotten your attention
I don’t pray for much, but please god…

No Dream Gal (W.I.P)

While you relive and recite the terrible accounts of today’s shift
The same accounts everyone else present has been through too
But somehow they seem to keep it under wraps, funny that
The joints in my fingers are starting to ache and stiffen
As I reach the end leg of this 1,000 curl hair twirl marathon
With dandruff unapologeticly gathering on the shoulders
I start to gaze out of condensed glass and begin to wander
How i’d be spending my time if the slots had stopped in my favour

We’ll first trade glances at the new years due
I see your mugshot pop up on my computer screen
I must be grasping at straws for a mutual interest
If I’m claiming we have a shared passion for The Fall

But if that’s what it takes to get me talking to you
About which blockbuster you’d like to see next week
I can fake it easily, just for you my darling
I throw a date, a time, an offer round about your way

If only people flowed so naturally together, or maybe they do
And maybe it’s a joy a niche existence like mine will never know
I start to zone in and hear how your manager unfair-
Okay time to zone out again, now what would happen next

You’ll pop round mine uninvited, banking I’d still be in the clutches of my sheets
In your arms you’ll clutch a box of hors d’oeuvres, ripped from a dying relatives 97th
With a flavour of confidence in your vocals, you let it slip we’re bathing in the sun today
We’ll be tasting the finest processes, protruding from the coldest machines

With a tinkle injected into my sockets, I rush upstairs to get ready
But suddenly I’m stopped in my tracks, by a choke-hold on my collar
Gasping for an explanation she curves around my form and explains it to me clearly:
“not without getting your imprint on my navel first”. Oh yes how I’d kill for that

If only people flowed so naturally together, or maybe they do
And maybe it’s a joy a niche existence like mine will never know
I start to zone in and hear how the new iOS is on the fritz
Oh great…

I still believe it can happen one day
And the diamond of my eye is laying about now
Writing about how she dreams of her ideal lad
In the middle of mundane coffee dates in the spring time

Poison

All I ever wanted to do was shower them with prizes
To latch onto as they travel through the darkest days
The kind they’d open up a jewelry box to their grand kids
And tell them exaggerated tales of the golden years
But as I watch them fall head first into the night, time and time again
As a common denominator you do have to wonder don’t you?

I’m the doubt in their voice
I’m the pause before the retreat
I’m poison
I’m the doubt in their abilities
I’m the sigh in the night
I’m poison

All I ever wanted was to see my girls sore into the night
With or without me by their side, eyes dilated with glee
Whatever the method may be, no matter the price
Because If I have to see another one fall from grace
I may just put the next bullet in my brain instead
I don’t want to do it to them anymore, not again

I’m the lack of scale in their thoughts
I’m the bar that’s been set low
I’m poison
I’m the cracks in the mirror
I’m the 2 for 1 concealer
I’m poison

Panic In The Evening

I feel like a hoodlum standing outside a memorial
With cans of neon lit paint in my backpack
Complimented by a small armies worth of explosives
Ready to set hell on a beloved artefact with my insignia
All to quell my impulsive decisions

Yeah, that’s how I feel right now
When your perched upon my mattress in the afternoon
With the slits in my curtains raining on your skin
Showing just how perfect your design really is
Each curve tailor made to my exact specifications
Each imperfection made to compliment your excellency
Laying my grubby fingers upon you now
Would be the worst fucking crime I could conceive
Like rubbing grease all over a Mozart sheet

I just wanna die
If it means I can cower out of this mess
Run for the hills before I poison you anymore
Your flying with angels on pale light nights
And I’m greasing the gears behind the scenes
Please just pull the trigger and leave for good

As I continue to deface your form even more
You permit my ascension to the sacred place
The fumes starts to slowly creep inside of me
I start to hear the taste of each bead of sweat
As it tunnels into the folds of my mind
I can’t feel the guilt I should be
I can’t feel anything anymore
You don’t deserve this, not even for a second
I can only provide a fraction of what you deserve
Olympians soaring from the coast docking on Clacton’s shores
Travelling from miles on end just to get a glimpse
Of that smile on your lips

Take It In Your Stride

A simple request I’m sure for a pair of young lovers
But I wouldn’t dare articulate the tar that ruins my face
I can sympathize with your perspective darling
It’s a horrible sight to see your lover writhe in the night
But a young loner can’t open the gates to hell
To an audience who are staring at their own reflection

I understand that your first world is ending
The milks gone bad and the dog won’t stop barking
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

Not even a month in and I’m sure you want answers?
Why during the perfect picturesque winter dates
I choose to drop all the smiles and head on home
Oh darling I’d love to drop all my defences and let it go
The way memories slip from my mind like loose change on the floor
The way my emotions ricochet of every word you say
The way I’ve lost the colours from my world, that I may of never had
But I know you’d ignore every word I say, when your phone’s on the fritz

I understand that your first world is ending
Your dad’s making you walk the mutt again
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride

Oh it’s a two way street
Knowledge given
Needs a ear to receive
I know where your priorities lie
And they aren’t with me, not yet
I’ve done damn fine keeping things
All to myself
Don’t get upset when
I decide to tighten the lips
You’ve got to earn these truths
If you can’t work for it
I can’t put up with it

I understand that your first world is ending
Jenny called you fat again
So let me run upstairs and lock the door tight
Grab the utensils and take it all in my stride