The XXXXXXXXX series

Here’s a compilation of them poems I christen the ‘XXXXXXXXX’ series in what is in many ways a chronological order of events, some of these take years before I finish them so if you want to see my heart be destroyed in a canonical timeline, now you can!

1) XXXXXXXXX
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258028267/xxxxxxxxx

——————————————————————————–

2) Byakko
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143784812282/byakko

3) Another Draft Of History
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/146711143547/another-draft-of-history

4) Feeder
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/145360464887/feeder

5) Detachment Blues
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143989454096/detachment-blues

6) Being Honest
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147257267742/being-honest

7) Aftermath
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258954067/aftermath

Sebastian Noël

Aftermath

It’s out of my hands
I gotta keep reminding myself of that
It’s all the past, the handiwork of Luke
That’s not got a whole lot with the person you are now

But what to do now?
As I said I’ve come out a clone of you
Maybe though…. That ain’t so bad
If life’s a repetition I could get another shot
But maybe as the mistress this time
Maybe everything I felt for you
Statistically someone could feel that for me?
Could I be the conclusion to a fleeting heart?

Imagine such a thing!
Their face would animate daybreak as I enter the room
All my actions and decisions becomes to their liking
They’d forget to dream, cos reality is indistinguishable
Every inch of my body is their idolisation
They’d fetishize my very existence
Every time I crash they’d reveal in bringing be back up
In fact they’d take a perverse pride in it!

It’s gotta happen one day right?
In this world where people go out of there way
Not to even know me
It’s got to happen even for a little shit tyke like me
To penetrate the smog that surrounds me
And see their future….

As much as the romantic would like to proclaim
How I’d chase you to the ends of the earth
Force every atom to prove my love to you
Proper ‘Notebook’ it y’know?
I know there’s no way in hell
You’re trapped in domestic bliss, no thanks to me
But I don’t wanna carry the blame anymore
It’s 1 to 1,000,000 in finding a new love
But I’m liking them odd’s
I won’t lie and say the door isn’t left open or anything
But maybe in time luck will be on my side
And someone will reward devotion by returning it

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

XXXXXXXXX

A burden lifted, a job relieved
Must’ve been Christmas come earlier
Like if the addicts stash grew legs
And filed the restraining order itself

Oh XXXXXXXXX
This is good for us I swear
You’ll miss the biscuit tin rises when taken away
But when your gorging on the 5-star moments
As your creation takes centre of an exhibition
While your published 2nd half to be, he grabs you tight
Kisses you on the head, and tells you how proud he is
You won’t be missing us then I promise

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Dry your eyes princess, this is no time to fret
There’s no glory keeping the Griffin in the cage
You were never mine, you belonged to the Gaia
To fuel those needing souls with inspirations
So they can join you sipping wine at the Tate Modern
Tell the kids it’s just a matter of time
Tell them we can all be like you XXXXXXXXX

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Know that despite time, I’ll always love you
For anymore I’ll doubt such a sappy claim
But for you it’s a sure fire
It’s just I’m a mystery to myself
And I’m a weaker man for it
No need for you to get caught in this mess I’m in
I’ll take the bullet, I’ll survive the bleeding

And when we come across each other again
When we lock eyes in the street
You’ll be wearing the nicest outfit
Arm in arm with an Adonis
You’ll look my way
And I’ll look back with a smile
Cos I know I made the right choice
Oh I’ll never escape loving you XXXXXXXXX
Only love can motivate such a suicide
But don’t worry I’ll make my own way

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series
Originally written 6 years ago, tarted up in 2016

Out

I don’t wanna sound stuck up, but I gotta get out of here
My price tag overlaps the lot I find myself in
Not a class worth, but the value of the soul
I’m surrounded by corpses you see, in Sunday school

Colchester to Chelmsford to Southend
Not exactly the escape to New York City is it?
But it feels a substantial upgrade to fuck all
I can’t get on board with anyone here
Or maybe it’s better to say they’re not on board with me
And any previous investors are already hitting the trail

I’m under no illusions, course I’m running from myself
And the ghosts that constantly haunt me come Friday night
Haven’t the foggiest what I’m expect to find elsewhere
But maybe coming up with nothing is the better guarantee anyway

The vital stat re-roll, the pull of the slots
Maybe here people’s hearts are a slight ajar
Whatever their offering, hell I got the cash to spare
Maybe with a new head on my shoulders, things will be different
When the pain invades, they could materialize everytime!
Tongue will be parchment and a breach will cost
Cheeky to say, but maybe I’ll change in the same way
No ghosts, I’ll treat everyone right
In that way maybe I am different from the others
I come with no attachment to my current form, that shit’s gotta go

Sebastian Noël

Away

Shifting gears for pinker skies
The kind of sold on the front of seaside postcards
Each one of my friends a Hephaestus in their craft
Each lover a Kikuri-Hime of their circles
Maybe if I could bend reality to my whims
A tangle taffy version of my arms could reach the port
Drag myself along the ocean
And tag along the festivities as the observer
The ticker tape apocalypse
An absolutely brutal assault on the eyes
Courtesy of a lexicon of primary spin off’s
A fuchsia, goldenrod on the back of a cinnabar sapphire

I could fake it you know, I could invent the craft
A world renowned speugerlist at JUST 23?
I’d blend in as a icon in a shit stain
The ones to make this an origin to be proud of
No one would have to know otherwise
They can’t hear my cliff note records
Vs. Your encyclopaedia volumes across monthly installs
When faced with the riddle; “What you been up too?”
They don’t have to see me wait in silence
As blood brothers recount the resumes of quests
Grit teethed in the thick of the crowd
Pleasantness with those who could adore
“I wrote something this week but… It’s not your thing”
“I know you couldn’t come, it’s allright”

To them it’s like a gap in persona’s never occurred
We’re all still arm in arm cheering on for the next day’s barrage
Planning escapes and anticipating breakouts
To them, that’s still how it is
No one will have to know the wiser
Please just cast of while I’m putting on my shoes
Oh can’t you find it in yourself to stay?
But I know none of us win, if you don’t go away

– Lnc0

The New Life (Epilogue)

I’m starting to grow hungry
After a barrage of sleepless nights revaluating again and again
Each and every way I could’ve lived a previous life better

Oh but what use is that now?
I’ve already collected sacks of golden nuggets
Picked fresh from greenest of grasses from the otherest of sides

I’m not afraid no more
Of the long walks home after a failed start an unheard cry
It’s just a hour in a night in pursuit of lifetime indulgences

Different sparks to feel
Going up your spine when she grabs your arms under the streetlights
A detonates a new embrace to clear the air of clouded minds

Oh it’s no concern of mine
I’m ready to take your hand and jump the fence to the other side
Ready to embrace the new life

A Continuation of “The New Life”
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/82312249965/the-new-life

*Written For National Poetry Month – 30/30*

The New Life

To throw away old childhood heirlooms
Those cob webbed covered conduits of nostalgia
Into the incinerator never to act as the gateway again

That’s exactly what your demanding
When you hold out your hand by the garden entrance
To pull me away from another month spent reminiscing

But what of all the loose ends?
The stories left unfinished like a figurine catalogue
My fair murderer she’ll be left wandering in the crib

Oh what concern is it of yours?
If they want to pacify themselves on old dish water
In the face of the new life

I’ve grown soft from the old life
Where once stood armour lies a one street to my heart
That’s before I consider all the new information fed to me

Different names to scream
During the tail end of the journey to the north street light
And to express gratitude to midst a flood of impulses

Different wounds to lick
When the horns sound from the capital signifying their boredom
It’s reached it’s peak before I could even get used to their pillows

Oh what concern is it of yours?
If they want to pacify themselves on week old cherryade
In the wake of the new life

*Written For National Poetry Month – 9/30*

Read the epilogue to this poem here:
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/84360470482/the-new-life-epilogue

Once Again

I guess it all went according to plan
I could hear the bomb ticking off in the pit of my gut
I knew you couldn’t take another hit not in your state
It was time to push you out of the blast radius, and keep my heart shut
I knew exactly who to sacrifice to save my own hide
It’s the one who you referred to with spit protruding from your jaw
Them sorts of girls with no heart tend to be the invincible type
Returning every blow I throw at them, exposing my flaws
Now i’m sat in the badlands next to her carcass
Scrubbing the scent from the bottom of my lip
To leave you in the arms of a man more capable then me
Yeah that was the plan, one I was never meant to let slip

I’d love nothing more then to be the bigger man in all of this
But my dear the bare facts are these: I can’t keep myself away from you
The most mundane of accomplishments allways makes me reminisce
From petting the cat to whipping up a bacon-syrup breakfast
In the midst of complacency you forget how dull the world can be
People staring at their own reflection all day on the coffee table
Oh honey you can do absolutely anything you want to me
Kick me, bruise me, line me up on the receiving end of a curb stomp
Recite to me each any every crime I’ve committed under your watch
Shower me with hate, while clutching his hand tighter and tighter
Take everything you ever thought of me and throw it down the hatch
Oh anything just to hear them vibrations from your throat in my life
Once again

If you wish misfortune on me
Please be the one to rig the roulette wheel
If you want me to break down
Please be the one to say I told you so
If you want ruin my image
Please be the one to spread the rumors
If you wish me dead
Please be the one to deal the final blow
If it was you I wouldn’t mind
As long as your a part of my life
Once Again