Valentines Day Scribbles ‘16

Your presence in this den indicates you must agree
That this day isn’t for the betrothed and connected
It’s for the wondering hearts floating in the ocean
A chance for us to get back on the beaches
To stretch our arms, and bend our knees
As I ask “What does this world owe me?”

I know this conversion was born of depravity
But don’t be content feasting on the scraps
Spit them out into your hands and cleanse the shame
With clean palms and conscience embrace your desires
Now I’m not so arrogant to claim I house all your wants
For all I know better men may be hiding in this soirée
But judging by the way we’re both smiling right now
During classic get away convos in the guest bedroom
I feel I can make a case for me being a good use of your time

Even when we separate to the other attractions
As you sample the home-made cocktails
While I lay down with the stoners and the deceased
We always make a little effort to keep an eye on us
We wouldn’t dare take a step outside this circus
Without the other firmly grasping our wrist

If only I could tell myself the things you tell me
I’d be soaring like a supernova in the Antarctic
My quips must sound like peewee league pep talk
But I hope I got the point across at least
That every inch of you that comes into my vision
Is like drops of Kushinada’s sake in my eyes
The details of your skin like The Starry Night
The divinity of your thighs, brings tears to my eyes
Break my legs and leave me to die
So I can bask in glory till the day I expire

Lnc0

Breakfast Bap Blues

Your so close to dying
A molecule based misery seeps from the floor
On a not unexpected, but disappointing 5 past 10
Your dodging english again to escape the rainpour
While an egg yolk begins to weep for you
As you take another bite of your morning bap
It’s as miserable of a picture as it sounds
And all you got is the classic English morning for company

You don’t even know when it went wrong
But you know that look when it cuts you
Reserved for the most fiendish of miscreants
As he finds any excuse to pull his hand away from yours
An itch, checking the phone, pointing to a bug eating dogshit
A mere millimetres separate you, but your continents apart
He even was in rush to kiss you at the door
And there goes a boy, who didn’t want to be here in the first place

Was it something you said? Or did?
Did you miss the cue to deliver your line?
Fuck the line, I don’t think you ever got the script
Maybe he’s right, maybe you never do listen
How do you apologise, you know he’ll just ask why?
And if you’re short of an answer
Then that’s as good as telling him to fuck off
Maybe if you got him that album he’s always talki…. mmm…
That’s when a clairvoyants flash slips into your mind
And it slowly starts to dawn, that it’s futile

So you sink further into the diners throne
Your face covered by azure curls
In your Totoro hoodie, and your copy of Wild World
As you stomach that there’s nothing you can do
To make the clouds part and the sun beam
So you might as well just waste your time…

Lnc0

Where I Grow

Can I grow here anymore?
I look at those who fled with cautious eyes
They took a dash to make distance from themselves
Ignoring what the cast in champagne tinged company
They’ve all something to prove to their peers
Who materialize as stones that make these towers

I assumed I’d follow suit when I go
But after a winter of hugging my shadow
He’s written me up an personal reference
“Sebastian hereby accepts his self, where ever he goes”
So without bias I can wonder and see
What waits outside of these borders for me

They’re already dead
Every artist, every dreamer
Something colourless and callous has taken them
And now they have the answers; they cannot grow anywhere
Colchester’s devoid of romantics
Devoid of a sense of curiosity
And I do want to show the soil my love
And if I ingrain, could I never find another
Who looks my way like the first present on Christmas morning
Without the blindfold youth and ignorance provides
I think I already know

But I have no idea where they’d go
My reflection given a conduits form
Maybe the nature of symmetry relives me of worry
The place where I can grow…. Surely they too will roam

Lnc0

Hate Lasts Forever

I want it to be like the old times
I want the sound of my name
To make you sick to your stomach again
To make you quake in your boots again
And to treat my confirmed sighting
Like a time bomb in your proximity
God knows what could happen when the timer goes
God knows what damage it’s gonna do again

Love and devotion comes and goes
But hatred lasts forever
You get nowhere being pleasant
Infamy has brought me nothing but immortality
Love makes me question my visibility
But malice is the uncanny proof that I’m still alive

I tried to get down on my knees
I tried to indulge in the art of worship
But they only showed me a sigh
People get bored of getting what they want
Only by taking you to Nirvana then cutting you off
Does true devotion really begin

Lnc0

In Review

You know if it’s real
When you let it all go
Let it dash into the woods
And see if it ever comes back

I know it’s just human nature
To regret taking the actions which end up hurting
But it’s better to know
So much better then to never know

While drawing circles in the dirt
As I piddle time away, waiting for your return
I couldn’t pin point the things at stake
It wasn’t the cute peak points, they’re all gone
It wasn’t understanding, you never lent an ear
Maybe you did on summer nights
But on troubling winter noons, you’re nowhere to be seen

So I pick up my bags and head off
It’s shit to know your not coming for me, yeah
All the memories now come with a bitter after taste
But time could be better spent
And if I’m not their, if you never come back
Then don’t fret cos remember
You only know it’s real
If it comes back, after you let it go

Lnc0

If Or When And Possibly, If Ever

We could still never meet yet
Roll snake eyes while the other nets double sixes
An unfortunate turn out in the code of genetics
When the groves of our souls completely align

God knows how anyone like us meets
Both yearning for romance in our low income cages
What are the odds we’ll both have the dosh
To escape the confines, at the same time?
And even then in that niche, the gamble starts again
That we both have errands in the library
Or need to soul search over a caramel latte
Zero to nothing, if anything

But if the stars aligned at all by divine luck
And in that niche of niches we’d have the nerve to converse
I don’t think we’d have to follow any signals
Switch on the autopilot and let the motor run
We know what we’re hungry for
Something even less sacred then smutty nights

Snapshots, validation, one step away from a framed contract
Sharing condensation vapours on the winter walk home
What a great thing to reminisce about
Swapping doodles by the lake during the swan season
What a great narrative for my next status
Anything to hang on the fireplace, to validate

But we’re happy bathing in the security we provide
And it’s not like the stars don’t shine brighter when your near
Galaxies twist, turn and fuse as we sway to the beat
For all the complexities and philosophies
We put onto love, romance and the nature of the heart
Maybe the one’s who get it right rely on the simplest notes
Another life who fills your electrolytes
Who surrenders control of the smile when your near…

Maybe the simplest theory on love is true
You just need to meld with a soul that completes you

Lnc0

Gross To Me

Is it cynicism? Is it jealousy? I dunno
But happiness just seems gross to me
Like eczema on the back of your leg
The person inside of me, needs tending
Always poping up on the places of my body
When I’m making my way through existing
There’s nothing wrong with that devotion
A singular narrative with two combined lovers
But I think of it like a three-legged race
Like it or not, somethings gotta give

Where ever you roam, breaking out on your dome
They’re there with a smile and a comment
Does it really have to be this way
Does it have to be so symbiote?
Like a wayward bumper car ride
Can’t love bloom through collision?
Guests in each others home
Visitors on the path
I want you to be forever by my side
But if you were to appear in front of me
Or lagged on behind me
I just have no idea of what I’d do

To greet the next coming day
Hand in hand, always connected
But without doubt, we’re in our own universes
But our proximity is what defines us
Defines us as lovers, as soulmates
You intrude when I need you
You book the day off when I need my own time
All with the chains, staying firmly in our heads

Can such a love not bloom?
In a chasm of uncertainty?

Lnc0

The Gaze

We always fall prey for the routine every time
While we’re still imprisoned under the gaze
This is no time for honestly or vulnerability
It’s time to re-pose the action figure
Arms behind your head, back arched
Not a glimpse of even a fraction
Of the crippling pain that washes over you
And makes you cry into your pillow every night

And what about when an innocent bystander
Decides to wander into the cross-hairs
And decides they want to be a part of your fable
How can you disappoint those sweet eyes?
Pull back the curtain and reveal
Your feeling just as much hurt as she is
And what if the gaze catches a glimpse
Of your weakness, of your humanity?
So just keep the power pose on auto
And maybe if we lie hard enough
The fallacy can become the reality

But isn’t that how it went last time?
To me and the owner of the gaze?

Lnc0

Shipping Real Life People

I feel the inferno of your glare
Leaving coffee rings in the back of our heads
You’re franticly checking your script
Up and down, Up and down, of course it doesn’t match
But you bask in all our moments
The way we synchronise
The bloom of our strobe lights
Making all the features of a broken England
Feel a little more tolerable the next day

Gagging for a next chapter
This can’t be the cut off point
Hiding all the little developments
For the sequel that’ll never come
But you yell, that we entwine better
Then a grandma’s Christmas sweater
There’s no way it could be possible
Outside the hand in hand sunset context

If there’s no hope for us
Then what chance have you got?
If we can’t patch up
Then what hope do you and her have?

Programmed by bestsellers
A middle aged nostalgic retrospective
The coming together of aching exs
To reclaim a lagging present
I hate to burst your bubble
But we’ve never been a slave to narrative
We were never gonna be normal
Just the way we were born I spose

Tearing up and gasping for air
Rainbows reflecting from the moonlight
Because if we can’t make
Then who the fuck can?
Maybe no one really can
And ain’t that bloody typical

If there’s no hope for us
Then what chance have you got?
If we can’t patch up
Then what hope do you and him have?

Flavours (Ver.2, W.I.P)

The day starts of wet and ends up dry
A entire film reels of wallpaper starin’ passes me by
I roll the dice, I spin the wheel on my phonebook
And lands on a name, god knows how it got there

We go for shakes
Trying to grasp why we’ve both left the door ajar
We go for mochas
Step 2, trying to think when we walked past each others door
We go for Ales
That’s when it hits us, fuck it, does it even matter?

You slip me the funds to refill my strawberry overflow
Now hang on, are you aiming to slip into V.I.P access?
Cos at this pace, you’ll soon own the deeds to my house
Well whatever you want, you can do it, and do it in spades
If the next round of banana split’s on you

Well colour me surprised
With Betty’s brand colouring or the more fancy shit
The syrup of your expertly crafted profile
The froth of your fringe has formed magnificently
The sweetness of your grin, the sourness of your tongue
Mixes to create a caramel explosion of impressions
You’ll have to forgive how far back I was taken
It’s rare you find this quality of life, on a chance

Slip a loyalty card in my jacket when I’m in the zone
I’ll carry the idea of diving in for seconds, wherever I may roam
Whatever tastes your concoction will conjure up next
Especially now I’ve added myself to the ingredients
Count me first in line, with my buds quivering like crazy
Just to feel you down the back of my throat again
I’m counting the pennies in my pocket
I’ve calculated the digits on the plastic
No commodity is a wasted expense I assure you
Your my new routine, my entire day hinges on you