Loop

The cosmos is merciless
The kingpin of duress
The quill on the script
The drug that causes the trip
There are no exceptions, you’re expected to dance on beat

Another coffee husked afternoon to add to the pile
Wasting time re-writing the same lines everyday
He wants to push past, write something that’ll last
But when mind and the sword don’t align
The loop starts its never relenting swipes
Stuck like VHS, feels like an unwelcome caress

Starts to write about the birds chirping in the trees
Another line about her expensive smile proceeds
Wants to write to make the world better
But look, yet another line about her crystal eyes
About the majesty of her thighs
Her cutting sense of humor
Her child heart
Cool clothes
Unending tallent
Think im being unfair? Well remember who’s holding the pen

The cosmos is merciless
The reason you regress
The strings in a marionette
The assassin of your alphabet
You have no choice in the things you scribe

A classic sonnet, a Blake competitor
Both out of your reach if you bite your tounge
Your hearts aflame; supernova, cos this story isn’t over
She’s got tabs on you, they have tabs on you
The entire populous with eyes have tabs on you
Your life’s consumed, unless romance blooms

Art can only dely so much
Life’s creeping on you
Put the pen down son
Doomsdays comming your way

Sebastian Noël

The XXXXXXXXX series

Here’s a compilation of them poems I christen the ‘XXXXXXXXX’ series in what is in many ways a chronological order of events, some of these take years before I finish them so if you want to see my heart be destroyed in a canonical timeline, now you can!

1) XXXXXXXXX
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258028267/xxxxxxxxx

——————————————————————————–

2) Byakko
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143784812282/byakko

3) Another Draft Of History
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/146711143547/another-draft-of-history

4) Feeder
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/145360464887/feeder

5) Detachment Blues
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/143989454096/detachment-blues

6) Being Honest
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147257267742/being-honest

7) Aftermath
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/147258954067/aftermath

Sebastian Noël

Aftermath

It’s out of my hands
I gotta keep reminding myself of that
It’s all the past, the handiwork of Luke
That’s not got a whole lot with the person you are now

But what to do now?
As I said I’ve come out a clone of you
Maybe though…. That ain’t so bad
If life’s a repetition I could get another shot
But maybe as the mistress this time
Maybe everything I felt for you
Statistically someone could feel that for me?
Could I be the conclusion to a fleeting heart?

Imagine such a thing!
Their face would animate daybreak as I enter the room
All my actions and decisions becomes to their liking
They’d forget to dream, cos reality is indistinguishable
Every inch of my body is their idolisation
They’d fetishize my very existence
Every time I crash they’d reveal in bringing be back up
In fact they’d take a perverse pride in it!

It’s gotta happen one day right?
In this world where people go out of there way
Not to even know me
It’s got to happen even for a little shit tyke like me
To penetrate the smog that surrounds me
And see their future….

As much as the romantic would like to proclaim
How I’d chase you to the ends of the earth
Force every atom to prove my love to you
Proper ‘Notebook’ it y’know?
I know there’s no way in hell
You’re trapped in domestic bliss, no thanks to me
But I don’t wanna carry the blame anymore
It’s 1 to 1,000,000 in finding a new love
But I’m liking them odd’s
I won’t lie and say the door isn’t left open or anything
But maybe in time luck will be on my side
And someone will reward devotion by returning it

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

XXXXXXXXX

A burden lifted, a job relieved
Must’ve been Christmas come earlier
Like if the addicts stash grew legs
And filed the restraining order itself

Oh XXXXXXXXX
This is good for us I swear
You’ll miss the biscuit tin rises when taken away
But when your gorging on the 5-star moments
As your creation takes centre of an exhibition
While your published 2nd half to be, he grabs you tight
Kisses you on the head, and tells you how proud he is
You won’t be missing us then I promise

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Dry your eyes princess, this is no time to fret
There’s no glory keeping the Griffin in the cage
You were never mine, you belonged to the Gaia
To fuel those needing souls with inspirations
So they can join you sipping wine at the Tate Modern
Tell the kids it’s just a matter of time
Tell them we can all be like you XXXXXXXXX

Oh XXXXXXXXX
Know that despite time, I’ll always love you
For anymore I’ll doubt such a sappy claim
But for you it’s a sure fire
It’s just I’m a mystery to myself
And I’m a weaker man for it
No need for you to get caught in this mess I’m in
I’ll take the bullet, I’ll survive the bleeding

And when we come across each other again
When we lock eyes in the street
You’ll be wearing the nicest outfit
Arm in arm with an Adonis
You’ll look my way
And I’ll look back with a smile
Cos I know I made the right choice
Oh I’ll never escape loving you XXXXXXXXX
Only love can motivate such a suicide
But don’t worry I’ll make my own way

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series
Originally written 6 years ago, tarted up in 2016

Being Honest

It doesn’t make it any better being honest
Walking down Old Heath road with an explained expression
Didn’t exactly make the times any easier to swallow
Saying the scimitar lodged in my gut may be forever

And what if I become honest with the scripture too
Paint colourful metaphors about the daily life
How the morning toasties taste worse and worse
How my face is succumbing to age and pruning up
How I’ve lost all motivation to keep in shape
You’re lost to the first guy who’ll raise their fist

So what’s the point?

Recollection hangs around like a spectre
Inciting the grmiore of comparison to ruin the mood
How can I progress in the world with this curse looming
Cos I couldn’t help but notice she can’t carry a joke like you can
She ends things 1 punch line too short
She doesn’t get as silly, not prone to knocking things over
Doesn’t get so excited that she screams through her laugh
Or says a diss so loud you command silence in the room

And we talk she sticks to the safe havens
Always people and events again and again
She wasn’t born a great person not like we were
You couldn’t get us away from out ideas
We swear we’re gonna make it in some way
And if we brought up something we didn’t know
There’s no popularity contest: We just don’t know
And we’d be excited to be taught by our favourite person

And when we make our way home
I can’t help but notice she’s not as experimental as you
She doesn’t take the lead like you did
You were sub at heart but not afraid to lay your demands down
There’s no flow with her, not like we’re in sync at all
You were so far on the wavelength you finished my thoughts
And if we wanted to try something new?
No demand was to taboo to see the other smile

But it’s time to accept the dealers hand
There’s no other option but to move on
Into the hands of the less inclined public
The kind to make a roll call based on minutes
“His name isn’t Simon and he wears his ring like THAT!?”
Oh joy, and to think I have to fight for their affection
I dunno if that’s the way round it should be
It’s all statistics, it’s all defensive
No way to let sweet love bloom
When everyone’s hiding a knife behind their masks

The nagging sense that follows from wake till break
Well it alleviates when we wasted any time together
But why don’t you value that? Like all others do?
“I don’t need a best friends” you exclaim
But without irony bust your romances lack of synergy
The key to our woe’s is staring us right in our faces

The novelists dream is right here on our path can’t you see
What’s keeping your veil firmly wrapped XXXXXXXX?
I can’t vision the rewards in store that keeps your back to me
A domestic bronze medal is your ambition? Just seems silly

My friend’s still tease me about it you know
“So are you still in love with XXXXXXXXX?”
Did anyone need confirmation?
I’ve left my psyche at the mercy
Of schizophrenics, narcissists and neurotics
To beat me into the perfect man for you
But it’s still not enough for you
Well nothing would be enough for you
You’re not in the race, you’re not on the market
But just for the 0.1% odds I thought…. Maybe
You’d be enticed by the things in your dreams
But reality bites, don’t it XXXXXXXXX?

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Will I Do, For You?

A cleaned up version of an unfinished poem I found
I reckon I started this way back in 2011

He doesn’t listen to you, he doesn’t return your calls
He’s done one on you ain’t he?
Chewed you up and spat you out proper ain’t he?
And no message you spend in a bottle
Will ever reach his shores
You’ve been hustled out of your intimacy

You can’t stop going over the scenario
All the possibles and probably could’ves
The next holiday, your first child’s name
But you’ve been hoodwinked good and true
It pains me to see the pain crawl on your face
But I can’t help but succumb to a grin
This is the most I’ve ever seen you in a week
I always want to see you, but only now you agree

You can’t get the boy you want
But you can get me, I guarantee
You always had me whether you knew it or not
You had me good and proper you did
Cos I never feel more at home at all
Unless I’m sharing the same soil as you
As we see the day to an end
On a cul-de-sac hillside, wondering why

I know I’m not the working class atlas
I know I’m lagging on the witty pace
But nothing amounts to the glee
I feel when you’re in my vicinity
But maybe that’s just dead selfish of me
You might be better keeping me at bay

Sebastian Noël

The Ballad

People can find familiarity in the strangest places
I think we’ve landed in the same funk you and I
Blind to the cheers sent our way
We can only see 2ft in front of us
And it all points to one burning question
Just what is the point of us?
Why are we so useless?
And where can we find the universes plan for us?

I’m a dreg with no means to rebel
I’m a teacher with no wisdom to impart
I’m a poet no one listens too
Baby do you ever feel so pointless
That you wonder why you were even born?
Maybe you feel it too?
Could it be we were destined for something so base
As keeping each other company tonight?

Hey you won’t hear me grouch for now
Not while the playlist’s going this strong!
Maybe I was made for dancing tonight
Highlighting the bias to adolescent anthems
As our chests collide to a Cribs single
Holding our potions for the night
“Hey, you running low on your White Russian?
I got the funds to fix you up for the rest of August”
Come on baby I’m begging you please
Just give me purpose for one night
Cut me up and put me back together
In any way your heart desires

Oh I don’t mean to sound morbid
But do you ever tired with just ‘you’ as a concept?
Same old dreams, same old destiny
No matter how you swerve on the road
You just end up at the same place as always
I just wanna mix and match myself until something sticks
Change my name, my gender, my race
Refusing to call one match-up undeniably me
Keep changing until something sticks
Keep changing till we’re heading somewhere else
Do you ever feel like that honey?
Then maybe we can help each other till we’re there

Sebastian Noël

Clean or True

People hate to see you pulling a mood out of a Mardi Gras
But we got plenty of reason to be miserable these days
If you were to view love as a utility
Well this is it ain’t it?
The heroin shot in between your shifts tonight
As he tells you he’s to collect your favourite brand of wine
That little kick you need to get through a domesticated night
A means to an end in the end, yeah I suppose

Is there much to living life clean though?
Cos that’s the hand I got

Another price hike on the bills, another redundancy notice
But you got a safety net
It’s the bath he runs you to cush the blow
With the bombs and rose petals to tease the eyes
As he leaves you to yourself for an hour or two
You don’t love him sure, but you can’t argue against this
Just as well cos he may not love you too
But the smug duty of a man feels so right to him

Is there much to living life honestly?
Cos that’s the hand I got

Sebastian Noël

Another Draft Of History

If minds could break out
Of the matter that confines them to our heads
I’d sore across the collective conscious cosmos
I’d wag on the laws of time and reality
All to loan out myself for a spell
The mind of now, inhabiting the form of then

When ever I ended up when I entered the cockpit
Maybe it’ll be just as I call for the curtains
Equipped with 5 years of pain, on account of isolation
And the scene by scene of your dying soul
Well…. I’d collapsed on sight at your feet
Whatever ignorance did to tempt my young heart
It’s not worth it I swear
We found something radioactive right here
The kind of things poets and writers hypothesise about
A real home with someone, a real peace

An espers access to each other brain waves
As we pre-emptively cushion a devastating blow
The sensibilities that we leave to fade
While another improv act plays out
During a pub date, down the local dive
An audience of no one, with critical acclaim
That’s the kind of feeling I mean
When proximity produces happiness

If my mind enveloped that body, I’d tell you straight
“There’s no discovery that matches up
No chase will yield a worthy catch
My only will to live was to see us through
And with your absence I don’t know what else to do”
A plea from the future, one that’s true

Oh what a pity it is XXXXXXXXX
That we found each other way too early
To really understand what it was we found
I thought maybe it was a delusion
That it was young love’s nostalgic echo chamber
But is it really XXXXXXXXX?
Could it not be we are the means to be happy?
I’m sure you’ll escape abusive means one day
And find the one to give you a greater feeling
But what of lonely mortals like me?

Cos the fact remains from day 1
That I wanna die everyday I’m not yours
Please show me that love
Please XXXXXXXXX

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Para-para

I could use baseless devotion right now
Now now then ever before
The maps looking coffee stained and creased
With any beauty thriving among the microscopic

The visuals that usually remain exclusive
To a panic attacked backed up by 5 shots of rum
Are starting to bleed into the everyday
As towering bricks and steel start to melt
And the colour pours in between my toes
While citizens turn into goblins and creeps
I dunno what they are, what they’re thinking
Did they rob my future from me as a joke too?

Oh snapshot’s where are you?
The one’s you go back through on nostalgia trips
Remembering even the scents and feelings
Of a lazy summer by the riverbank
It’s as sickeningly sweet as it sounds
The kind of days that make you second take
At the Petri dish we all call a country
The perfectness of it makes me start to gag
Cos my body rejects such a sugary memory
After a diet of cardboard and grit
And an ever fading vision
I dunno if I can go back to comfort

Waking up in our clothes at the house party
The shared whipped cream on the nose
The Clinton card gestures: Forever immortalised
These are the things to keep life okay

Sebastian Noël