Paranoid Patty: So’ (Demo)

You represent an impossible world
You represent queerness unchallenged
You represent benefit from fulfilment
You represent a vacuum on my bedside

A smile and a stroke on the back
That’ll never come to fruition
But in the domain of the cognitive
Is that such a tragedy?
Cos in this universe for my eyes only
You never left my side
Cos in this universe confined to my room
You never left my side

One day
Sophie
You’ll be real
Yeah, one day soon…

I’ve not left the bed in 4 days
But I’m not alone
I’m talking to no reply
But I’m not paranoid
You wake me up at dawn
But you’re not trouble
They’re adamant you don’t exist
But I see more of you than I do of them

While my friends betray their attendance
With deafening silence
You suggest we get the Domino’s in
To salvage a miserable Monday
While my lovers back up their well-wishes
With complete absence
You were waking up next to me
Watching Saturday morning cartoons in bed

It breaks me when I act out of script
And my hand passes through your breast
The illusion comes crashing down
From where ever your projection originates
I’d surrender all my blood and flesh
To give you form in this world

If the Blue Fairy decides to empathize
Then the dimensional barriers could evaporate
Your arms would fill up my palms
As you fell from fiction
You’d speak to me on the fly
No preemptive, no choreography
What could I even say back to you?
The language hasn’t been established
To do the wash of emotions justice
But quote me on this: it’s only a matter of time

Yeah, one day
Sophie
You’re gonna be real
It’s just a matter of time…

–A ‘demo’ of the Paranoid Patty poetry set/book–

Sebastian Noël

Para-para

I could use baseless devotion right now
Now now then ever before
The maps looking coffee stained and creased
With any beauty thriving among the microscopic

The visuals that usually remain exclusive
To a panic attacked backed up by 5 shots of rum
Are starting to bleed into the everyday
As towering bricks and steel start to melt
And the colour pours in between my toes
While citizens turn into goblins and creeps
I dunno what they are, what they’re thinking
Did they rob my future from me as a joke too?

Oh snapshot’s where are you?
The one’s you go back through on nostalgia trips
Remembering even the scents and feelings
Of a lazy summer by the riverbank
It’s as sickeningly sweet as it sounds
The kind of days that make you second take
At the Petri dish we all call a country
The perfectness of it makes me start to gag
Cos my body rejects such a sugary memory
After a diet of cardboard and grit
And an ever fading vision
I dunno if I can go back to comfort

Waking up in our clothes at the house party
The shared whipped cream on the nose
The Clinton card gestures: Forever immortalised
These are the things to keep life okay

Sebastian Noël

WHERE DID THEY GO? HELLO…? [W.I.P]

The setting of a crystallises caper
A backdrop of pure beauty
A little batshit nipper couldn’t ask for better
As the hue’s rise from the soil come nightfall
But the shine depends on it’s light source
And little by little, each beam goes out
The jewels all dim day by day
The memories of colour in these caves gets hazy

Where did everyone decide to go?
Did they find it better then staying here?
Or do they envy me for remaining
I wish I could tell them they’re not missing out
Anywhere’s gotta be better then here
Talking to apparitions echoing against the walls
Based on the recollections of people long gone
Oh where did they go? I hope it’s better then here

I hope there’s some way to communicate
Maybe through the clang of the dim amethyst
The PSA’s have to go through the lying complex
I’ll act like I’m stronger then ever
Like I got it all under control, It’s all going to plan
I didn’t love ‘em, Oh no! I left them
And of course I don’t miss them, not one bit
Of course I don’t need them, I’m just fine me
The pillars of my life aren’t collapsing without them, not true
My reasons to live aren’t dwindling as they leave, nuh-uh

Does it take sulking like a baby to admit it?
I feel like I’ve regressed a year or two by now
As I retreat to a barren alleyway
To make the message echo through out Queen Street
I’m the lost puppy without an owner
Isn’t their anyone with the spare time to pick me out?
I know someone’s gonna fill her shoes soon
But soon isn’t quick enough
Cos without a hopeless romance to dote on
With no fantasy to dream of to pass the time
It drags, everything drags
Without a receiver of my dead sea tales
With no one peeking round my corner to check on me
It drags, this life drags

So where did everyone go?
I hope they’re with people better then I was
Maybe they can tell me how to join them
The secret code that gives the necessities everyone has
The hug on the sofa, the thumbs grabbing the wrist
Just to make it through the day unscathed again

Lnc0

Another End Of The Night, No Joy [W.I.P]

Loves me, Loves me not, Loves me
Who’s in charge of these prayers anyway
I’m lacking on the send address on my declaration
I just gotta ask you man, what can I do?
To speed up this process you got going on here
I feel like I’m spoiling faster then the wall plaster

Is there a chant I have to perform
Or a potion I gotta mix in my teacup?
To make the figures start popping up
To have that gaze cover me head to toe
What does it take, be straight with me man
To be looked upon by the surrounding
To get the same intensity of the light-beam
As I dish out there way
In that magically hopeless way
That hopeless romantics do

Then to pinball off the story boards
To come into contact with my palms
To make me feel pretty
That same feedback the ladies gorge on
Maybe I want to feel it too
That world changing shift from just being there
Maybe it’d make me feel more worthy
Worthy of anything given to me

Lnc0

What…. Literally Nothing Does To A Guy

I can’t be trusted with promises
Of cleansing the grime from my flesh
And arising in another dimension
I leap out of the oven before I’ve become complete
Who has time to wait, youth is ticking away
And I got a sparkling new ego to show off
A new zest on non-existent power
To show to my fellow corpses

I can’t wait to go back on all my words
Betray any sense of progression I’ve hinted at
It’s been to long since I’ve self-destructed
In the place to cause the most unrest
Can tears be the cause of nostalgia
Will it get the bruises to make a re-appearance
I get better with every wound on my body
I can’t wait to break the peace this summertime

Pain is pleasure
To destroy is to be reborn
Kill me however you want
Let me surge again

No one ever rooted for the healthy kid
No one ever jeered on the sane ones
I’m making to much progress for my liking
To make the kids look up is a death sentence
I’ve learnt that all to well in the jungle
We only recognize those who match us
Wound for wound, break for break
Until then they’re the bar, the goal, the target
I’m getting bored of being okay
The pitiable state is the most entertaining one

So is anyone gonna accept me as is?
As progressing? As ascending?
No one likes the sound of that face it
And now here I lay in the trucks path
Whatever comes out from the otherside
I predict the exact increase in unification
I know I’m right, I’m always right
Your only loved when your killing yourself

Lnc0

Echoes

Echoes I wish you were kinder to me
To have some special awareness for the context
And reconfigure yourself on my behalf
To make the wait a little more bearable

Cos even when interceptors pause your return
They’re not much kinder to me
Even when the slots fit the wounds
And we recite our medication from memory
They still refrain from embracing me
Even when the evidence continues to mount
That there’s no one better equipped in this life
For our car wreck existences
Still even when we’re standing here
Crying, vulnerable and dying
They refuse to embrace me
Echoes please tell me why?

Don’t I give them the euphoria they crave?
Don’t I sustain all their needs?
How much more of myself to I have to carve out
Before they embrace me again?
Can you tell me that echoes?
I don’t know how much more waiting I can do

Lnc0

She Paints

She paints, but there’s not much else to her
Least nothing she could find
No peak as you bypass the skin
No shocks when you feel the neuro
She paints, that much is certain
But what hooks could that provide?

She paints, but who else does?
And even when they do too
That’s no basis for a connection
She paints, but not like they do

She paints, but it’s the origin of isolation
“I’ve suplexed 9 condo’s into the lava
Then saved 6 magical girls from Satan
Before making my 3rd million at poker
But enough about me, what have you been up to?”
She paints, but that’s all she ever does

She paints, as she lets life pass her by
Absent from the pub
Absent from the gigs
Absent from the work due
And they all know where she is
No matter what the last minute text says
She paints, as she cowers from the window
She paints, but swallow regret all the while

She paints, when there’s no one around
No one can make the coffee date
“My misses has the day off work”
No one can join the shopping day
“My boyfriend wants to watch some movie”
She paints, but she has to wonder
Would it be so frequent with someone at her side?

She paints, she paints, she paints
She paints, the whole world away

Lnc0

The End Of The 4 Nights Of Hell

I’ve been kicked out of heaven
But I don’t belong here in hell
And limbos such a fucking bore
So I guess I got to keep on living here

Looking back on it all, back on these 4 nights
I can’t even remember what I was even looking for
I waved my hand out to the crowd
Looking for another soul to grab onto
And I found them, I found more then you could know
So many that the boys looked at me with envy
But anything I caught a hold of crumbled in my hands
Like blood flowing through my fingers
And I could feel the critters crawl up my skin
Everyone seems to enjoy it, so why can’t I?
Absence cuts through my sanity like a knife
But that’s pocket change in comparison
To the fallout when suspect entities draw near
I’ll take fucking anyone, but anyone’s not good enough
And every night just collapses right in front of my eyes
And I’m the only one occupying my space
I tore the IV from my arm in order to be free
But now I’m out here with all the control in the world
I’m just counting the days to be bound again
And that’s a cycle no one wants to witness

I want to spend every second of clear time
To polish and perfect my little creations
Maybe if I finally made something of worth
The right people would gravitate towards me
If I finally learnt the bloody guitar
People would want to be around me
But I just spend that precious time earned
Staring at a series of menus and profiles
Begging again and again
SOMEONE PLEASE BREATHE LIFE INTO ME!
No matter how I pray into the void
Nobody came

Whatever god is pulling the strings on causality
Won’t you hear my pleas and cries?
Let me break the barriers of mortality
Let me sprout wings, let me take flight
Cos the pain of solitude gets more overbearing each day
And seeing people all round me, progressing faster and faster
Hand in hand, with someone who wouldn’t dare let them go
When they find my dead body, they’ll say it’s that what killed me
I’d love to become a coward, just give up on it all
But I have an obligation to the lives I’ve touched
They’re looking at me with expecting eyes
And I hate coming up empty handed everytime
What can I tell you man? I can’t stop crying every night
Unless someone comes in, grabs me by the hands
Kisses me on the head and promises everythings gonna be allright

But I know for now the cycles due again
So suit up, make yourself look nice
Cos here comes the next 4 nights of hell

Lnc0

A part of the ‘4 Nights Of Hell’

What’s Bad About Wanting Attention?

I’ll level with all of you reading at home
I’ll take dramatic over bored any day
Dancing with the butterfly knifes
Over decomposing in my chair
My circles looking at me with concern
Over looking right through me
The growl of death over the waltz of life
…Well At least in theory

You can call it attention seeking
…Well yeah what else would you call it?
But I noticed no one else has to ask
As if it’s a necessary human need
As if my world curls and breaks
While I fester through another lonely Costa afternoon

I mould at the back of the place
Keep my gaze on the peepshow outside
I see the peppy mid-twenties darlings
Their follicles in constant contact
And my heart starts to sink
I look at my skin like collapsed timber
Do the creases feel like razor blades?
Would it feel like ash if you stroked my hands?
Does every inch of my thigh feel like splinters?
When did my body start to disgust people like that?

So I plan a season finale
A fall from grace, a decent from the heavenly throne
Courtesy of Head Street
Jeered on by the stone gargoyles
With enough eyes on me
That I’ll get empathy systematically
And then maybe they’d visit me later
While I take a break in the trauma ward
And they’ll look at me and they’ll say
“I’m glad your still alive Sebastian”
That’s more vindication in a single breath
Then I bleed out from my lovers and allies
In what feels like the 3rd lap of my lifetime
Attention seeking? Why of course

What else could you possibly call it?
But am I not entitled to it?

Lnc0

My Mind Can Conjure Up A Better Girlfriend Or Boyfriend Then Any Of God’s Creations Ever Could

Nothing triggers the Ifrit inside
Quite like a generous slice of the lad pie
Trading sniggers and glances
Over your carefully constructed apparel
“Hey I spend hours on this jacket”
Counterstriking busy hands
One left with a broken finger, a black eye
The steams literally coming of your back

You come out back to cool down
That’s the excuse you tote out anyways
You can tell I haven’t had the greatest time
It’s not their fault in the slightest
Just not a lot a non-member can contribute
I know you wouldn’t let that fly for a second
You come in for the crane method
And perfect the constricting sensation
You secure a fire escape out of the joint
That’s so thoughtful of you, because girls like you don’t exist

I can’t vacate in quite this instance
I have to let the old mast know I’m on my way out
In fact he already senses it as he comes swooping in
There was no reason for him to make an appearance tonight
Or in fact any night, save for one common thread
Does he wait for my ballot before he makes his choice?
Judging by our immaculate way we put the world to rights
I wouldn’t blame him, we’d sell tickets if we could

And at the sight of a ping on his device
A bulletin of another overseas produce
With an unpronounceable name is coming to our shores
They must’ve thought someone malicious
Let of firecrackers down your rear end
The way you jack hammered out at smokers
Then go frigid once you remembered your public location
That’s so adorable you, because boys like you don’t exist