WHERE DID THEY GO? HELLO…? [W.I.P]

The setting of a crystallises caper
A backdrop of pure beauty
A little batshit nipper couldn’t ask for better
As the hue’s rise from the soil come nightfall
But the shine depends on it’s light source
And little by little, each beam goes out
The jewels all dim day by day
The memories of colour in these caves gets hazy

Where did everyone decide to go?
Did they find it better then staying here?
Or do they envy me for remaining
I wish I could tell them they’re not missing out
Anywhere’s gotta be better then here
Talking to apparitions echoing against the walls
Based on the recollections of people long gone
Oh where did they go? I hope it’s better then here

I hope there’s some way to communicate
Maybe through the clang of the dim amethyst
The PSA’s have to go through the lying complex
I’ll act like I’m stronger then ever
Like I got it all under control, It’s all going to plan
I didn’t love ‘em, Oh no! I left them
And of course I don’t miss them, not one bit
Of course I don’t need them, I’m just fine me
The pillars of my life aren’t collapsing without them, not true
My reasons to live aren’t dwindling as they leave, nuh-uh

Does it take sulking like a baby to admit it?
I feel like I’ve regressed a year or two by now
As I retreat to a barren alleyway
To make the message echo through out Queen Street
I’m the lost puppy without an owner
Isn’t their anyone with the spare time to pick me out?
I know someone’s gonna fill her shoes soon
But soon isn’t quick enough
Cos without a hopeless romance to dote on
With no fantasy to dream of to pass the time
It drags, everything drags
Without a receiver of my dead sea tales
With no one peeking round my corner to check on me
It drags, this life drags

So where did everyone go?
I hope they’re with people better then I was
Maybe they can tell me how to join them
The secret code that gives the necessities everyone has
The hug on the sofa, the thumbs grabbing the wrist
Just to make it through the day unscathed again

Lnc0

Another End Of The Night, No Joy [W.I.P]

Loves me, Loves me not, Loves me
Who’s in charge of these prayers anyway
I’m lacking on the send address on my declaration
I just gotta ask you man, what can I do?
To speed up this process you got going on here
I feel like I’m spoiling faster then the wall plaster

Is there a chant I have to perform
Or a potion I gotta mix in my teacup?
To make the figures start popping up
To have that gaze cover me head to toe
What does it take, be straight with me man
To be looked upon by the surrounding
To get the same intensity of the light-beam
As I dish out there way
In that magically hopeless way
That hopeless romantics do

Then to pinball off the story boards
To come into contact with my palms
To make me feel pretty
That same feedback the ladies gorge on
Maybe I want to feel it too
That world changing shift from just being there
Maybe it’d make me feel more worthy
Worthy of anything given to me

Lnc0

What…. Literally Nothing Does To A Guy

I can’t be trusted with promises
Of cleansing the grime from my flesh
And arising in another dimension
I leap out of the oven before I’ve become complete
Who has time to wait, youth is ticking away
And I got a sparkling new ego to show off
A new zest on non-existent power
To show to my fellow corpses

I can’t wait to go back on all my words
Betray any sense of progression I’ve hinted at
It’s been to long since I’ve self-destructed
In the place to cause the most unrest
Can tears be the cause of nostalgia
Will it get the bruises to make a re-appearance
I get better with every wound on my body
I can’t wait to break the peace this summertime

Pain is pleasure
To destroy is to be reborn
Kill me however you want
Let me surge again

No one ever rooted for the healthy kid
No one ever jeered on the sane ones
I’m making to much progress for my liking
To make the kids look up is a death sentence
I’ve learnt that all to well in the jungle
We only recognize those who match us
Wound for wound, break for break
Until then they’re the bar, the goal, the target
I’m getting bored of being okay
The pitiable state is the most entertaining one

So is anyone gonna accept me as is?
As progressing? As ascending?
No one likes the sound of that face it
And now here I lay in the trucks path
Whatever comes out from the otherside
I predict the exact increase in unification
I know I’m right, I’m always right
Your only loved when your killing yourself

Lnc0

Echoes

Echoes I wish you were kinder to me
To have some special awareness for the context
And reconfigure yourself on my behalf
To make the wait a little more bearable

Cos even when interceptors pause your return
They’re not much kinder to me
Even when the slots fit the wounds
And we recite our medication from memory
They still refrain from embracing me
Even when the evidence continues to mount
That there’s no one better equipped in this life
For our car wreck existences
Still even when we’re standing here
Crying, vulnerable and dying
They refuse to embrace me
Echoes please tell me why?

Don’t I give them the euphoria they crave?
Don’t I sustain all their needs?
How much more of myself to I have to carve out
Before they embrace me again?
Can you tell me that echoes?
I don’t know how much more waiting I can do

Lnc0

She Paints

She paints, but there’s not much else to her
Least nothing she could find
No peak as you bypass the skin
No shocks when you feel the neuro
She paints, that much is certain
But what hooks could that provide?

She paints, but who else does?
And even when they do too
That’s no basis for a connection
She paints, but not like they do

She paints, but it’s the origin of isolation
“I’ve suplexed 9 condo’s into the lava
Then saved 6 magical girls from Satan
Before making my 3rd million at poker
But enough about me, what have you been up to?”
She paints, but that’s all she ever does

She paints, as she lets life pass her by
Absent from the pub
Absent from the gigs
Absent from the work due
And they all know where she is
No matter what the last minute text says
She paints, as she cowers from the window
She paints, but swallow regret all the while

She paints, when there’s no one around
No one can make the coffee date
“My misses has the day off work”
No one can join the shopping day
“My boyfriend wants to watch some movie”
She paints, but she has to wonder
Would it be so frequent with someone at her side?

She paints, she paints, she paints
She paints, the whole world away

Lnc0

What’s Bad About Wanting Attention?

I’ll level with all of you reading at home
I’ll take dramatic over bored any day
Dancing with the butterfly knifes
Over decomposing in my chair
My circles looking at me with concern
Over looking right through me
The growl of death over the waltz of life
…Well At least in theory

You can call it attention seeking
…Well yeah what else would you call it?
But I noticed no one else has to ask
As if it’s a necessary human need
As if my world curls and breaks
While I fester through another lonely Costa afternoon

I mould at the back of the place
Keep my gaze on the peepshow outside
I see the peppy mid-twenties darlings
Their follicles in constant contact
And my heart starts to sink
I look at my skin like collapsed timber
Do the creases feel like razor blades?
Would it feel like ash if you stroked my hands?
Does every inch of my thigh feel like splinters?
When did my body start to disgust people like that?

So I plan a season finale
A fall from grace, a decent from the heavenly throne
Courtesy of Head Street
Jeered on by the stone gargoyles
With enough eyes on me
That I’ll get empathy systematically
And then maybe they’d visit me later
While I take a break in the trauma ward
And they’ll look at me and they’ll say
“I’m glad your still alive Sebastian”
That’s more vindication in a single breath
Then I bleed out from my lovers and allies
In what feels like the 3rd lap of my lifetime
Attention seeking? Why of course

What else could you possibly call it?
But am I not entitled to it?

Lnc0

Things A Boy Can Never Be

Grabbing galaxies from your palms
As they linger a meander in the atmosphere
Cos to say you had the world in your hands
Would be a gross understatement

You command the eyes with your sways
You dodge the gazes like lasers in a 80’s flick
But made damn sure they were still looking your way
Everytime you touch their cheeks
You can see their gods die in their eyes
There’s no value in faith of the unseen
For the night, your all they believe in now

So desired, so admired
They flock around you like magpies
Such lust, with a little warmth
And if you allow it maybe even a little love

It cuts me up as a bystander
I’m not in the queue with a ticket in hand
I have my eyes on a bigger prize then that
I don’t wanna be with you, I wanna be you

To have each step treated like a tremor
With people dashing from their seats
Just for a chance of a gamble to be in proximity
And feel like I have a reason to be anywhere
To have every crook of my body
Analysed and immortalised in verse
To have the eyes of envy gaze longingly
Then have the eyes of jealousy mark me

I can’t stand to see it so out of my reach
I’m swaying with loaned energy on the floor
But if they’re not looks of bewilderment
Then it’s nostalgic gaze of malice
I’ve no reason to be anywhere, it’s clear
As they back away to get out range

To be as loved as her
To be as desired as her
To be so admired as her
Just a handful
Of the many things
That a boy can never be

Lnc0

Know oneself, Know Nothing else [W.I.P]

Plump, full and pristine
They make the act fulfilment look easy
Success stories plastered all over the tag
But like a Polaroid sex selife
That’s a lot of effort put into looking effortless
“I’m like this all the time” through crocodile teeth
Thanks for the vote of self-consciousness
Cos surely, oh surely it isn’t just me
Screaming for affection, echoing back retaliation
Looking at success and content, like a Roswell autopsy
I recognize elements for sure, but they’re so far from me

Surely I’m not the only one beating their heart against a wall
Drawing dust from the monument of the lovers call
It wouldn’t be so bad if I was packing with ignorance
We’re all twiddling our clits and dicks on a conveyor belt
Picking our social barraging chips from the shelves
A pinch of E for you, a doctors prescription for me
What I mean to say is I never wanted the barrier to increase
For the quota to get even more precise then before
But you’d think I’d just struck the gold mine
Ticket tape parades on the park benches
Congrats! Now you know a lot more about yourself!
But now I know less about my world then with my eyes shut

Now, I don’t mean to be cynical but this doesn’t feel better…

I can’t repeal the ideal outcome from my mind
A single bedroom pad, with resources seconds away
Come barging back from another book signing
The Queen and The Goddess both turn in tandem
Grasping salvation in my hands; a family meal deal
And after they both pin me down, teeth gritting, demands in hand
Complying line by line, like a good slave oughta
There’s no doubt in the efficiency the format provides
As we’re recovering our vitality arms in arms
To white trash youtube until the break of dawn
But in a world of keyword comms, what’s of point of it?
1,000 pets and funnymen won’t posses the quota of wit

Cos surely, oh surely it can’t just be me?
That’s had every dream and idea, slowly taken away?

Irrelevant

Oh I’ve never felt so irrelevant in my life
Like a Scooby Doo sticker covered in fluff under the settee
Stuck gathering moss under the covers of the shadows
It’s been so bleeding long since I’ve set foot out here
With the humans, the social, the cultures, the oxygen
I can’t begin to relate to the models parading the streets
The pubs don’t sell my drink anymore
The bars don’t play my songs anymore
No one says ‘kicking about’ anymore
I don’t belong on the outside anymore

But I can’t stay secluded anymore
All my old roommates have left the couch by now
Not content with the dust they’ve entered their cocoons
Metamorphosed into a Footballer’s sticker
Paraded among many a child’s collection world wide over
I can only seem to shift into a Street Sharks set
At least it was warm under the chairs
On the streets, it’s cold and wet and full of dog piss

I remember the old days, the glory, the infamy
A heard of smiling faces to my left
A horde of sneering mugs to my right
Not even a eyebrow lift as a enter the room
They don’t welcome unfamiliarity
“That’s not the way WE have fun these days
Fun is experienced in this shape and form twat!”
They heckle and spill drinks on your shirt till you leave

I’m 22, not a 35 year old Bhs sales man
Unaware of the ways of the young hearts
Truffle Shuffling to the Harlem Shake
What happened? When did everyone get so cold
When did everyone stop having fun
When did I get so Irrelevant?

– Lnc0

So’ – Part 0

I’m petrified of losing my senses or losing my mind
To smash the towers looming over my the wooden refuge
A place made on a shoe string budget to keep my thinking in check
To smash the towers by my hand and to explore every possibility
Obsessively nit pick every possibility in every multiverse
Until my backed myself into a corner, cowering at the idea
Of the victories being outnumbered by the failures
To imagine a world where what I have lost could be regained

It’s torture
With my back against the mattress I’m at my own mercy
I’ve never known an opponent so merciless and cruel
It’s agony

Smack bam in the middle of pitch black vision deprived brainstorms
A compilation of features resembling your smile, your hands
And that dumb noise you do when you breathe through your nose
Lays by my side, scraping the underbelly of my limbs
Making sure my mind stays in coherent sand dunes near the city
Rather then writhing with self inflicted mirages away from society
Scrapping just that little bit harder every 6 times to make sure I’m still awake
You’re always here for me, I just don’t think you’ve come to know it yet

Part 1
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/80710036191/so-part-1

*Written For National Poetry Month – 29/30*