HypoFantasy

Oh my beautiful hypothetical fantasy
You do the unthinkable to me
You check in on me when I’m feeling blue
A fucking fantasy in 2018

I think of my beautiful hypothetical
They plan a fun little day out for me
On the anniversary of my mother’s dip into the Nether
Sounds so reasonable, but it’s still a fantasy in 2018

The idea that we can defeat our own apathy
Just feels like a pipe dream, never to be true
You feel you give so much, then you realise
You’re a hypocrite, cos you’ve given nothing too

Oh my sweet hypothetical, we’re too far gone
Too combat callousness and ascend
To bring out our best version, the final edition
And become high beings, amongst mortal men

Instead I’m tied to the hyper reality
Where compasion is dead, and we’re stuck in the muck
We’re lucky to coexist in one piece
Just moving, gassing and then sometimes fuck

Oh my beautiful hypothetical fantasy
You’re all the things, we really oughta be
You don’t care for clout, gender, sex, bodies or minds
That’s how I know you’re of a kind, I won’t live to see
Such an empathetic soul born of this society?
I can safely say it’s never gonna be…

Sebastian Noël

Paranoid Patty: So’ (Demo)

You represent an impossible world
You represent queerness unchallenged
You represent benefit from fulfilment
You represent a vacuum on my bedside

A smile and a stroke on the back
That’ll never come to fruition
But in the domain of the cognitive
Is that such a tragedy?
Cos in this universe for my eyes only
You never left my side
Cos in this universe confined to my room
You never left my side

One day
Sophie
You’ll be real
Yeah, one day soon…

I’ve not left the bed in 4 days
But I’m not alone
I’m talking to no reply
But I’m not paranoid
You wake me up at dawn
But you’re not trouble
They’re adamant you don’t exist
But I see more of you than I do of them

While my friends betray their attendance
With deafening silence
You suggest we get the Domino’s in
To salvage a miserable Monday
While my lovers back up their well-wishes
With complete absence
You were waking up next to me
Watching Saturday morning cartoons in bed

It breaks me when I act out of script
And my hand passes through your breast
The illusion comes crashing down
From where ever your projection originates
I’d surrender all my blood and flesh
To give you form in this world

If the Blue Fairy decides to empathize
Then the dimensional barriers could evaporate
Your arms would fill up my palms
As you fell from fiction
You’d speak to me on the fly
No preemptive, no choreography
What could I even say back to you?
The language hasn’t been established
To do the wash of emotions justice
But quote me on this: it’s only a matter of time

Yeah, one day
Sophie
You’re gonna be real
It’s just a matter of time…

–A ‘demo’ of the Paranoid Patty poetry set/book–

Sebastian Noël

Para-para

I could use baseless devotion right now
Now now then ever before
The maps looking coffee stained and creased
With any beauty thriving among the microscopic

The visuals that usually remain exclusive
To a panic attacked backed up by 5 shots of rum
Are starting to bleed into the everyday
As towering bricks and steel start to melt
And the colour pours in between my toes
While citizens turn into goblins and creeps
I dunno what they are, what they’re thinking
Did they rob my future from me as a joke too?

Oh snapshot’s where are you?
The one’s you go back through on nostalgia trips
Remembering even the scents and feelings
Of a lazy summer by the riverbank
It’s as sickeningly sweet as it sounds
The kind of days that make you second take
At the Petri dish we all call a country
The perfectness of it makes me start to gag
Cos my body rejects such a sugary memory
After a diet of cardboard and grit
And an ever fading vision
I dunno if I can go back to comfort

Waking up in our clothes at the house party
The shared whipped cream on the nose
The Clinton card gestures: Forever immortalised
These are the things to keep life okay

Sebastian Noël

A Life Time Of Love In Review

We’re coming up to the half a year anniversary
But I’m not feeling so vapid come this time around
Maybe it’s cos a familiar question is orbiting my lobes
And quite frankly I don’t have an answer this time around

What it is I’m even asking the stars for?
That which I could pluck from the gardens of my fellows?
With only the addition of readiness to entice the deal
Is that what it all boils down too?
Not a search for beauty, or for enchantment
But a treck for the treasure of convenience?

Maybe I don’t want a blue bird to show for my efforts
I just want the whirlwind of the engagements
The chest pains as I walk up to the meeting place
The stutters in my speech, the grasping for topics
Before tearing the walls down with our finger tips
As the distance between us regressed to decimals
Does it matter how it actually ends up?
If the means to get there were so joyous?

As I vocalize it, it becomes apparent
That we put love into such bizarre quantifiers
So many ounces of attractiveness
They have to hit a quota of earnings and possessions
Maybe those I’ve looked down on had it right
Nothing about them has to blow your mind
I just want to be liked in the most infantile way
For them to like me, like the way I talk
Like the way I dress, like my glass shattering laugh
Like my pointy nose, Like my scraggly hair
Like the way I write, Like the way I love
But above all that shite, the one thing they have to like
Is like the way I like them too
Maybe this isolation wasn’t in vain, to figure that one out

Lnc0

My Mind Can Conjure Up A Better Girlfriend Or Boyfriend Then Any Of God’s Creations Ever Could

Nothing triggers the Ifrit inside
Quite like a generous slice of the lad pie
Trading sniggers and glances
Over your carefully constructed apparel
“Hey I spend hours on this jacket”
Counterstriking busy hands
One left with a broken finger, a black eye
The steams literally coming of your back

You come out back to cool down
That’s the excuse you tote out anyways
You can tell I haven’t had the greatest time
It’s not their fault in the slightest
Just not a lot a non-member can contribute
I know you wouldn’t let that fly for a second
You come in for the crane method
And perfect the constricting sensation
You secure a fire escape out of the joint
That’s so thoughtful of you, because girls like you don’t exist

I can’t vacate in quite this instance
I have to let the old mast know I’m on my way out
In fact he already senses it as he comes swooping in
There was no reason for him to make an appearance tonight
Or in fact any night, save for one common thread
Does he wait for my ballot before he makes his choice?
Judging by our immaculate way we put the world to rights
I wouldn’t blame him, we’d sell tickets if we could

And at the sight of a ping on his device
A bulletin of another overseas produce
With an unpronounceable name is coming to our shores
They must’ve thought someone malicious
Let of firecrackers down your rear end
The way you jack hammered out at smokers
Then go frigid once you remembered your public location
That’s so adorable you, because boys like you don’t exist

Acting Submissive With The Clubbers Of Colchester

You don’t have to yell at me so loud
I’m trying my hardest to have a good time and crack a smile
But in the midst of this murder of scavengers
The type that pick apart the scraps of poor lost lambs
Who have lost the sparkle in their eyes
I see you spread out in the back of the bar like a corpse
I wish I could obey the green lights at the racetrack
But I can’t find the heart to reach out and take it

Oh and you make your disappointment in my discomfort known
If I had a penny for every time I am under criticism
Cos’ I refused to fall in line for the male stereotype
I’d of brought the taxi home to save you the embarrassment

I wish I could tear your focus away from your phone screen
Trying to gather the scraps of a good night out
I just want to grab you by the wrist, and pull you up
Into the phantasm of the violet lights
And dance the dread away, loosen up them thighs
Run your hair inbewteen my fingers
And plant the sweetest embrace
But you’ve lost your willpower you just want to sink into the seats

Oh please let me go!
I can’t stand to see you like this anymore
You fidget and squirm like a child in a push-chair
We just aren’t comfortable together it would seem
I didn’t mean to be such a disappointment
I didn’t mean to make you so sad
I didn’t mean to fail you as a man
Maybe it’ll be better if I just went home

Created as a counter part to this poem
http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/84961086712/acting-domineering-with-the-clubbers-of-colchester

Just Four Words

I feel like anything I’ve claimed to have cherished
Is slowly sieving through my fingers like sand
Their’s no place to call my home
Their’s no person to call my own
Laying on a loaned mattress in a loaned domain
I feel like the batteries aren’t included now more then ever
I have no idea what was going through my mind
When I picked up the only thing keeping our door ajar
And against any intelligent thinking
Send you a message of just four words

Just four little words to let you know
You still come into my thoughts every now and then

What a massage to a broken ego our time was
In the company of those who would call me worthless
You let me know my words captivated your heart
In the company of those who would call me incapable
You made me feel like I could be a real man
In the company of those who would call me detestable
You grabbed me from the public eye so I could be all yours
Just four words to tell you how much that meant to me

Just four little words to let you know
How much I could use your company right now

When you get my little fortune in your cookie
What exactly will happen?
Will you drop the ban you’ve placed on yourself
And get the first method of transport to my house
Knock on the door exactly three times
And lay your arms around me in an embrace
Tell me you never meant anything by it
And that you want to make up for lost time

But probably not
And the guarantee we’ll never cross paths ever again
Will only grow stronger like a gaping chasm
Now I’ve sent you those four little words

Just four little words to let you know
I’m still thinking about you
Just four little words
I really miss you

*Written For National Poetry Month – 27/30*