No Future For Us

I can tell they’re uncomfortable when I talk about it
I know it goes against every fairy tale they were ever taught
The idea that life’s virtues aren’t a guarantee
Sends a damn chill up their spines
That a house, a family, a spouse or a kid
Ain’t just gonna fall on your lap before you hit 30
That you can expire from this life just fine without them
Or even worse; that maybe forces unseen keep them out of your reach

But sit your typical ass down, you’ll do just fine
But my little autistic self ain’t safe for it at all tho
I’ve seen the future all nice and clear
I adjust my vision every time, but the image is the same
It’s me uttering my last words to an audience of no one
Even the flowers in the vases seem glad to see the back of me
Sadly no one could make it for my death you see
Their schedules are full with work and the kids
They couldn’t find the time to see me snuff it
Typical, we all only die once too….

I can’t imagine my future with the lil’ picket fence thing
Where the money coming from? Who’s renting?
Who’s hiring a spastic like me so I can afford the mortgage?
Who’s sticking around long enough to co-inhabit with me?
When the only successful love I’ve felt is on borrowed time?
Who’s thinking me man of the house, when I reject that masculine bullshit?
And even if I hid it all, brought a beautiful son or daughter into the world
Who’s to say social services ain’t watching my every move?
Terrified of the empathy I could teach a generation
Ready to kick the door down, medical papers in hands
Take my kids away, and breed them compliant in the orphanage
Who’s to say every inch of depravity wasn’t planned from the start?

But I’m getting ahead of myself here
Cos I’m still at the point of disgust at first sight
In a social ecosystem designed to keep us out
You got 3 replies to inspire their attention
When replying at all drains the energy out of you
And god help you if it ain’t about The Walking Game Of Bojack
That’s where we’re at, our down time has been streamlined
Did you spend it doing what you love? Or did you spend it correctly?

From that petty stuff to the real insidious shit
Like your co-workers looking at you like Bigfoot
When you dare walk in 5 years older, still not a wife, not a mother
They talk to you in the same tone as they would refugees
What possible calamity could’ve befallen you to be this way?
Diddums, poor girl, they ask what’s wrong with you?
No quicker way to feel the reaper crawling down your neck
Tapping his fingers on your back in time to the tick of the clock

But what the fuck do these people expect?
When they still can’t cope with us finally being the real us?
“It’s really unattractive when…” “that’s so unmanly if…”
Too queer for the straights, to straight for the queers, you know how it is
No matter how much self love you got on reserve
There’s no way you can’t view yourself defective after all that
But of course “Having no confidence is so gross”
You gotta laugh, they’ve designed our exile from affection perfectly
Designed so my brothers don’t pass enough to have ever had it
Designed so that my sisters are forced into it before they’re ready
And if they’re not ready? They’re happy to let the bio clock time out
Cos they don’t want us to breed if we don’t step in line

“Entitlement” or some shit like that right?
Heaven forbid we crave what the typicals are given in spades
That we crave a little security in our lives
That we crave a little love to come home too
That we crave feeling like our lives are equal to yours
That we crave feeling like we’re not alien
That we crave someone enjoying our company
That we crave someone lusting for our bodies
That we crave the right to feel safe in our homes
That we crave the right to feel safe being off kilter
That we crave having a little hope
That we crave having a way to stop feeling doomed
That we crave some sympathy when the sensory overloads
That we crave some sympathy if it takes us a while to talk back
That we crave thinking we can make something of ourselves
Or even that we crave feeling like people don’t want us dead
That we crave knowing people don’t hate us
That we crave knowing people don’t think us inferior
That we crave a little fucking time to figure it out
That we crave just another year to get a handle on it
Heaven forbid we wanna live like you
Heaven forbid we want love like you
Heaven forbid we get up in the morning
Heaven forbid we co-exist with you
Heaven forbid I inhale oxygen in my lungs
Heaven forbid I exhale that CO2 out of them
Heaven forbid I live at all
Heaven forbid….

Proud Spastic (W.I.P)

An interaction goes fine, proceeding streamline
But uh oh something’s amiss
I spoke too tactless, pronounced my ‘um’ too harsh
Place a ‘come on’ where it shouldn’t go
That’s all it takes for young minds to rage
For the olive to transform to a thorny rose
On the surface your fine, hey your just defending yo’ self
But better should’ve known then to talk to a retard right?
Well like your crocodile smile, the output don’t align
With the intention of inside being sublime
If you hear me out, I just wanna help man
But that’s an ear too much for ‘one of us’ I guess

Diagnosis on the rise, we’re gonna take over in our prime
It’s an epidemic in the USA, we’ll have to start to carry in time
Carry empathy, an extra beat, a shift in social attitudes
It’s a fucking PC nightmare I tell ya dude!
It’s in the food, it’s on the television
It’s in the water, it’s in the vaccines
Cut the vax, let the little Christian child shiver in his bed
Cos his mumma would rather he die then become one of us
Nah your right, bring back the penalty just for us
Missing the cue from that joke: Get the chair
Wall flowering at the party: Get the injection
Truly death is our only salvation

Oh it’s a slasher fic in my room
You guessed it, another NT gettin’ tetchy
Oh god the spastics out, proper blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Well I ain’t gonna shy from no blah’s
I’m spastic plain and simple
And I won’t curb my tongue when I’m excited
I won’t sit still and bind in the corner
I repeat jokes, I spit when I pronounce my P’s
I miss the punchline, I misinterpret the word
I mistake being condescending for agency
I trip over my big-ass tongue every sentence
But if that’s your do or die, what’s that say about you?
Sorry I bring discord to your community
Sorry I put a kink in your perfect victim complex
Sorry I was born, and I promise I’m sorry I exist
But neither me nor any of us are going anywhere
But man you love us on the job right?
“You lot are good with computers right?”
“He comes in everyday and doesn’t complain”
Oh yeah THEN you can’t get enough of us, don’t need no cure
But when your one to one at the end of a coffee mug
And you realize you have to suppress the freedom on your tongue
Then it all goes out of the window don’t it?

Another scar on the arm, but no skin off my nose
I take my technicolour mind, and inspire on someone else’s time
I’ll create on someone else’s time
I’ll advise on someone else’s time
You can talk down to me on someone else’s time
Talk about me like an animal on someone else’s time
Like when the plastic activist raises a brow
“Is this spastic talking back to me?”
Like when masculinity erodes in my hands
“Is this spastic squaring up to me?”
Yeah this spastic make’s a point too
He’s got more to him then a stagnant shot straight mind
Shock! He knows the facts you need too
Shock! He can understand the opinion of others
Shock! He can socialize, hell even start a conversation
Shock! He can bring the charm if he chooses too
Out done by ‘one of them’, yeah you bet
I’ll forget more then you’ll ever know
My comment lands harder then your entire routine
I draw in, in the time it takes you to repeal
And you bet when I hit the sheets, it’s fucking Armageddon
While they Bambi to the phone to call in sick for work
They ask me how on earth I do me?
You know, I know, everyone should already know
It’s the same reason I cast the comments and scream it loud:
I’m a proud spastic!

Sebastian Noël

Pacifier (W.I.P)

Everything fine, but is that the danger?
It’s okay from a progressive standard
But it leaves him feeling a little mismanaged
The employee tag says devoted other
But I don’t think that’s what she sees
She can call him useless to Karen down the pub
But it’s all smiles and well wishes
When she gets home and prepares the roast

Getting onto month 5 on the dole
It’s no one’s fault in theory
When the agency feels like rolling the dice again
It’ll all be back to the normal for the lad
He’s not the kind of boy they keep an eye out for
Only to be given grace, never given a chance

Until then he’s left to monitor the ticks of the clock
For the time the nursing home loosens her cuffs
His heart gives rise at the sight of her
Her heart sinks as the side job merely begins
He can’t seem to get anything right
He can’t enjoy her cooking try as me might
He couldn’t remember the chores in time
He coudln’t remember her favourite colour
He struggles to find the right words to say
Every word he digs from his pockets go down awfully

Why doesn’t his brain work like everyone else?
Why can’t he just do these simple fucking things?
Why is he such a stupid fucking cunt?
The questionnaire that pushes past her fangs
His dream is growing callous working the machine
To keep his life in permanent stasis
Did her patience eroded over time?
Or maybe he just didn’t notice it was always like this
Her eyes uncover, a lover; pacified
The feeling that fastens over time, before his very eyes

Sebastian Noël

The Right To Fall From Grace [W.I.P]

Fuck right off with that
Holding a straight jacket to your chest
Blocking out the sun with your left hand
Letting little bullets of malice seep into your brain
You’re at the diving board
You’ve already knocked on the devils door
When did the placement of your bones and nerves
Dictate that your one of the good guys?

You pick up the local schemes leaflet
Looking at the dolly faced girl like a reflection
The discouragement hits you like concrete
But don’t let the brand of apparatus
The complimentary you both share, deceive you
Your a villain and you can’t hide it
I’ve seen the long line of broken hearts you leave
There’s sick on your collar due to the fact
There’s been no rest until your next voyage
You’re a mess, You’re chaos, You’re a heartbreaker
And call me masochistic but I want to be next in line

Criminals, killers and date rapists parade the bar
But there’s no doubt your the most dangerous thing here
Like a sabertooth entered in a dirt rally
You show your fangs like your still in your element
They come with inflated egos, and knighthood dreams
But leave with a bruised lip and a black eye
There’s no force that can stop you
From having the time of your life
Dancing with shots and scrapping in the garden
Until the dawn shows up and you can’t see straight
Don’t let the condescending tone from the day light
Of well wishes, family advice, and ego driven boys
Make you feel any less larger on our shared earth
Because down here your just scum like the rest of us
You can be dreg you were always born to be

Ally III

Oh man if only you could should see her now
With that smug ass look painted onto her face
Complete with her new limited edition man in tow
Oh wow how she fucking loves it

But if you could just spare one thought
In that tight schedule of yours
For all the late nights
And all the things I’ve done for you

Now don’t get me wrong, I never in a million years
Want to see you alone, being made to suffer
As you watch the gaggle of ladies during feeding time;
Mistreat their carers like unwanted dogs in a kennel

But I’ve seen these things happen so many times before
These boys that can’t handle the constant requests
They tell you they want a girlfriend not a service user
Then they leave you to wilt as they jump into their cruiser

I’m not trying to rationalize jealousy
At least i’m sure of that this time
I just don’t want to see you suffer
We’re all just worried about you bubba!

Well then! Fuck you, you little flid-y slut
I wish for you, to truly suffer!

Ally I

On a that fated day, in the presence on the glorious sun
In the birthplace of great schollers and inventors
You uttered them beautiful words into my ear
‘What the fuck happened were you in a car crash!?’

And many marbles, pogs and trading lunches later
We’re sat on my bedroom floor, debating like the greats
‘I don’t think a Snorlax for a Base Set Gastly is a fair trade’
‘Nah my uncle works for Nintendo and he said it’s rare!’

There’s no one in the whole world i’d rather sit down with
And watch Millions get poured into colourful presentations
Of Charlie Adler just talking to himself
While your mum cooks us susages and chips
And I mean that from the bottom of my heart

Over staying our welcome by and hour and half
Bearing witness to the polpulation of london
Fighting to the death claw and teeth, over a decrpid pub
Beacuse my mum’s been at work all day
Man I wish we watching the charming Roy Walker
Losing his faith in humanity over a gameshow

Next day side by side on the educational plan
They told you to sit next to me
They said something about a ‘Supporting my needs’
But you just wanted the awnsers to last nights homework

I said ‘Fine but you need to help me in math’
‘How can you be stuck? The nine times table is easy!
You just need to get out your fingers then…’
And then the penny drops

There’s no one in the whole world i’d rather sit down with
And watch Millions get poured into colourful presentations
Of Dan Green just talking to himself
While your mum cooks us Fish Fingers and Waffles
And I mean that from the bottom of my heart