Fatal Scenarios, Midst Daydream

The hideous prospect, constantly replaying
What if I up and faded away?
What if it were to happen today?
And I don’t mean visualize the worth of my life
The tears shed, the funeral they’d throw me
All the sweet things they’d say on the pulpit

I mean think of all the loosened threads
That’d lead to a point without an ending
No lessons learned, No glory gained
Unsavoury and unsatisfying to say the least
I’d walk out and their perception would be left intact
“The little shit head toerag, never good for owt”
Their vision will be immortalised for all time
That I didn’t have the talent to tie my shoelaces
I’d never get to see their stupid mugs
As I would slip form behind the smoke
Onto centre stage of a pristine coliseum
Like a prosecutor with the fingerprint results
It’s there in plain view, all the bias, all the bullshit
Trapped in your filter, distorting your view
Cos I’m standing a hell of a lot higher then you
To think of being late to THAT appointment
Courtesy of faulty brakes on a Ford Focus
Really materializes the time limit in my mind
I know these things take time, you gotta be patient
But these words can’t express how tragic it would be

If anything were to cut this story short

Lnc0

Fragile

There’s only so many times you can ignore
The little warning signs pulsating under your skin
The skipped beats, the little tremors and aches
That doesn’t mean I’m not gonna give it a try though
Hands over the ears, and the neurons
Running on performance specs from decades gone
Nothings gonna stop me from having fun
The spirit is willing, The soul is willing
But I’m willing to bet
It’s all due to collapse any second

Another round down during the next gig night
I’ll whisper in your ear all the things I’m gonna do
The velocity of youth still regulates in us all
But on my way out an objection creeps in
The shades turn Rouge, Ruby and Cinnabar
My legs unfold and constrict
I reset my stature with every twitch
“NOT THIS AGAIN, NOT NOW!”

I can’t even keep up with my own fabrication
The after image has overtook on the inside
Despite how I smirk or pose it can’t be denied
My bodies giving way to my limits
The man can never shape up with the myth
Another flutter in my chest as I protrude the mucus
How ever I came into the scene
I’m leaving as a mockery of the human form

“NO!” I fucking screech out
As I claw my way up the pavement
Blood trickling down my grip
As I tremble I grasp out into the air
To grab expression to fuel me
To grab a friend to help me
To grab a lass to love me
Anything to claw my way back to the living

My breathings heavier, my feet are collapsing
My ribs protrude further into my chest
Stab deeper into my lungs, hampering arteries
I’m coughing up something new everyday
The shell has failed me again
The bloody things one job it had
To spike the interest of the onlookers
Now they’ve gathered to see a corpse crumble
“Don’t just fucking gawk love
Slap the mirrors from your eyes
And help me up yeah?
My insides are begging to emigrate”

And I merge with the scene
Smelling of lynx and asphyxiation
The rise and fall of respiration
Transpire again and again
It may be too late for me
I may of wasted my time in self bondage
My primes passed me by
And I’m struggling to stay awake
Let alone be anyone’s best use of time
Let alone stave of a worthless title

Lnc0

The Inconvenient Youth [Aggy first draft]

Oh man you hate me don’t you?
I feel the tremors your golden plated artificial organs
You look at me on the street like a living cancer
Toting rags we’ve masqueraded as fashion
Look at him with the shoes on his feet
Look at him with the charisma in his psyche
You feel it’s not enough isn’t it?
All that moola you make from leaching of papa’s gut
That 6 figure cash drop you did fuck all to earn
You deserve that more then I deserve the Tesco’s everyday on my plate

You hate me don’t you?
You hate the way I have to take charity to survive
Hate the way I can still thrive in my suffering
Despise the way I get more from my ability to converse
What you couldn’t get from your 12 inch Gucci branded magic hand
Designed to inspire kinship in the masses
A gap in your balance just to get people to know your alive
I can garner that shit with my plastic in the minuses

God you hate me don’t you?
Hate the way I crack your view of a perfect society
The way I make you afraid for the well being of your future kids
The way I crush the glasses and make you see
The carnage you leave in your wake in your pursuit of a comfy life
That pesky tax bill in the way of another TOWIE fitness DVD
That pesky tax in the way of florescent lights for your car
That pesky tax bill that can save someone from sleeping on the gutters
That pesky tax bill that us ‘frauds’ have to fucking cough up on too
Semi-luxury? Fuck I’d hate me too

Shit man you reeeaalllyy hate me right?
I’m just another number on your balance sheet
Just another raindrop on your conscience right?
Remember when we could just gorge gorge gorge without can fucking guilt?
God I’m such a nuisance I feel it
Every one with paper in their wallets patrolling the streets
I see it in their looks they want me dead
If I was murdered in my sleep that’s one less kid on the dole
If I stopped breathing that’s more tax to go on the MP’s new car
If my heart stopped beating that’s one less vote against the wealthy

Stop the fucking pleasantries you HATE me I know it
You’d love nothing me to see me layed out on the streets
Choking on the air begging for crumbs
Fuck why even wait?
Come round at night and choke me in my bed
Smell that fucking tax cut as you feel the oxygen leave my trachea through your fingers
See the life drop from my eyes hear me choke in my sleep
But fuck it just another bum on the dole right?
Another less student to demonize
One less to antagonize when you learn they don’t align with the blue
One less to blame for your shit grades and crappy job
One less too force into the labour you wouldn’t do for gold, for just peanuts

Fuck your background or your family name
You fucking hate me but we’re the fucking same!
The destroyed youth squirmed under the heel of a boot
How can you not feel sympathy for your like?
When young people aren’t even on young people’s side what the fuck is wrong with everything!?
Who the fuck isn’t an enemy around here anymore?

– Lnc0

An Innocent Enquiry

168 hours feels just like a few minutes
Spent staring at the hieroglyphics on a plastered wall
Laying with the company of plates of unfinished dinners
Tea stains on the bed, sauce stains on my shirts
Seeing the opportunity to cleanse their karma
People came and went and recited lines
From a prepared scripted emulating admiration
That was never there back when the woman took in air

I was still clutching my hands to that old DS
Bruising of the D-Pad etched into my fingers
Still on the same save file as I was that week
I never averted my eyes from the display
I couldn’t bare the images of them carrying you out
To be scarred into my mind every time I look at the stairs
I couldn’t bare the thought of acknowledging this
As the world outside this screen, with the way things are

They wanted me to come back to the world of outside
But what wonders could possibly be out there now?
I hear the moans of the spoilt lobe stretched army
Caressing the creases of a spare 10 pound note
When the anniversaries of their mothers birth rolled around
They don’t know what it is they really have

I hear boring boys prepared to put there lives on the line
All for the vine, for the retweet, for the reblog
They want to make there families feel how I feel now
They don’t know what it is they’re really doing
I hear the cries of distressed souls bleeding from their hearts
Playing roulette with the choice of life or the choice of death
The kinds of choices people have taken out of their cold hands
They don’t know what it is they’re throwing away

Even when you came back to class
We couldn’t help but notice an absence
What happened to the boy we used to know?
Who was this corpse that now carries your name?
We asked why it was you never spoke anymore
We wondered why you weren’t as funny as you used to be
You couldn’t even muster the will to crack a smile
Let alone crack a joke

Only the few of us that had the nerve to gossip knew
While collecting scraps of the article you left behind
Oh we didn’t know what we were saying to you
What could we say to a boy like you?
You carried yourself between the corridors
Like you were being carried by the breeze
Your body may have been alongside us
But I don’t think you were ever really there

As Preformed By Domestic

– Lnc0

26/03/06 > 03/04/10

I sit in the aftermath of a rotten moment
Bathed in the darkness of modern designs
Head perched in hands my mind fades back
And I move my head to your direction

I could swallow domestic sadness on any other day
But on the eve of parental celebration I do struggle
The guest of honour was never expected to show
It still seems impossibly so

I’m sorry I never think of you, as much as I should
But I never had the heart to do so before
Somehow if I tilt my head towards the heavens
I think my words reach you, where ever they go

I’m sorry I never speak to you, as much as I should do
It’s not as if I couldn’t speak about you
I’m sorry I moved on too fast, the others needed me too
Stability is the only thing I could do
I’m sorry if I kept it all to myself, no one would see me through
To be a burden is something I won’t do
I’m sorry if this all isn’t needed, but I felt I had too
On the eve on a day dedicated to you

I’m sorry for the sharpness of my tongue; I pardon myself for my French
I’m sorry for the distance I keep; I know you wouldn’t agree with it
I’m sorry for my wild instincts, your furniture deserves better
Even if you can’t hear, I feel I should’ve still
There’s still a while to go, I still couldn’t do you wrong
I only hope

I’m sorry for every time for the times, I’ve moped about all day
I know you’d kick me for acting that way
I’m sorry for how I tired to soften the blow, and kept you away
I just wouldn’t know what else to say
And I’m sorry it took so long, for even through song to say
As we slowly approach the month of may
This is the last time I’ll use you now, to vent my selfish ways
I promise next time we’ll talk on a good day

Just cos I never came through till the end
Don’t think I never loved you
When I forgot to call you back when I was out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I locked myself upstairs and refuse to come out
Don’t think I never loved you
When I freeze at the sight of tears
Don’t think I never loved you
When I stayed downstairs when I heard you moan
Don’t think I never loved you
When I didn’t cry when it was all over
Don’t think I never loved you
When I saw that smile on your passing face
I knew you finally found peace
And when I grinned after I left your room
But it was only cos I loved you

Dedicated to ma’