Good Attention

You taught me the value of good attention

It wasn’t long into a muggy Friday morning
That I could feel each individual cell of my makeup
Being analysed to their very atoms
With the same curiosity a infant gives it’s surroundings
Diagrams and graphs in your mind
As you burn holes into my sides
Like a figure in a collectors shelf
I surrender my life as a mere visual for a moment

It’s something I’ve needed for months now
Kisses and caresses with just a look
It engulfs the creases of my stomach
The stretches on my sides, the hairs on my back
You just say; “keep doing what your doing”
All you wanna do is give good attention
It pushes the blood in my veins
It places a good personality in the cockpit
It contradicts the paranoia
That gaze refutes a million doubts in one swoop

Declarations can be overwritten, promises can be broken
But there’s no refuting the value of good attention
And when the weight of observation becomes too heavy
You cradle your head upon my lap

Sebastian Noël

Paranoid Patty: Jig Is Up (Draft)

The jig is up, the jacket’s off,
The sigh, cause and effect.
Ask me all you want, you know I’d never answer honestly.
Cos yes, maybe it was what you said that made me do it.
And if you see them, maybe it’s the only way to talk,
The only way you’ll listen without interrupting,
When I try improvising a verse together.
Cos I’ve never tried to speak about this before.

Something’s happening molecularly;
An absolute dissolution of my entire being.
People are closer then ever before,
But when they are, they don’t smile like before.
It used to give me a sense of purpose,
To give people the means to smile.
But people started to ask what I wanted too,
Now I’m at a loss for words.

Maybe what I want; you can’t give.
The fulfilment, the direction,
Something to put on my tombstone.
The support, the first response,
When the mind turns on itself.
The control, the peace,
As I learn to maintain myself.
It’s not fair to expect that from you.

He asked “then what can I give you?”
And it felt like a few seconds extended to hours.
I just nestled into his arm, as we lay on the settee,
Put my feet back in the blankets, as his cat lays on my lap.
Then it dawns on me the answer is: “Nothing.”
You’re just a spectator in the event called: Me.
You can’t be my hero, my mediator, you’re sort off; nothing.
Of course it doesn’t feel good to say that,
Plus I couldn’t even say no one else could be those things for me.
It really just… Depends

But for now, if you’ve a roof to cover me,
And there’s still a heart to occupy,
With a shit take away to fill our bellies
Maybe for now, that’s enough.

Sebastian Noël

They Don’t Give It A Name (V.2)

Improvising the last act on the Bakerloo Line,
Finding any excuse to waste the lingering hours.
It didn’t need to be a crescendo or a climax;
Just to be in proximity, slap a seal on it; that’ll do.
I know that’s the kind of lie you’d spin to polish small talk
But I reckon you really meant it.

I’m nearly on the end laps of my 20’s
But I’m still so fucking terrified.
Each second planned in my company,
The responsibility has me shaking in my boots.

I’m putting your hands on the trigger
And I’m trusting you not to pull,
Even though you should probably shoot.
Statistically you should shoot –
In fact it only benefits you to shoot –
But the curiosity comes in seeing whether or not you do.

And it’s not like I’m getting down on one knee,
If you think I’m gonna drop a ‘Love You’ now,
You’d better expect this song to end a 4/4 early.
But when we’re rationing the heat in our bones,
Inside a Turkish pop-up sandwich shop,
As the carousel casts a neon shine upon your profile:
It gives me something I ain’t had in a while,
It gives me a motive to crack a smile again

We’re taking refuge from the spacial oblivious and decidedly blind,
It’s as if we’re avoiding being in the shot.
While the taste of cigarettes on your breath lingers on mine:
My favourite cuisine to a freezing Sunday evening.
I’m gonna remember this night, no matter
When I’m dribbling in rocking chairs, I’ll remember it.

In the declaration age all this has gotta come off underwhelming,
But if only I could articulate what it meant.
Cos I felt so safe, warm, I felt cared for
Yeah, we’re beautiful, impossible, we’re invincible.
For you that’s gotta be just another weekender,
But if only I could tell you what that meant.
I ain’t gonna break out the engagement ring or mortgage,
But can I see you again? Can I see you again always?

Sebastian Noël

As Three (If Only)

Wedding bells, wooden cribs
Holding hands as indie singles turn vintage
A sure shot if the soul didn’t prevail
But a noise roared from the inside
And the silence becomes deafening
It must’ve agonising to recognise it
As momentum comes to a snails crawl
But do you remember who gave my heart language?
She was 20 years just like us

You had to have noticed off the bat
When a sadness ever present before
Begins to make itself absent
Around the time she crept into conversation
Then when we started to gather together
It was closest I’ve gotten to drinking from heavens canals
Your optimism complimented her cynicism perfectly
You tried to pick up her frown at the kids park
But nothing we did could stop what was hurting her
We were exactly what was hurting her
Her condolence and passive words weren’t without motive
And it’s not like I weren’t reciprocating

Oh baby can you ever forgive me?
For treating you both with equal agency?
I don’t mean to belittle our legacy
But with just one of you something feels empty
It’s such a tough thing to describe
I wanna give you every second of my time
But she’s keeps intruding into my mind
The casual perfection of her eyes
Her jeans barely containing her thighs
Ignoring the guilt that gives rise

Oh god I adore you so much, how could I?
I’m in love again and it’s a terrible thing
It was supposed to be so pristine, so secure
But I can’t stand us when she’s not there
I want her there was we lay in the living room
Commenting with spite of trash reality TV
Then when the time settles on the night
She’d be resting on my shoulder
And you’d nuzzle on my right
I’d kiss you on the lips
While I run my fingers through her hair
I’d work my way down to biting your neck
Before running my tongue down her breasts
Helping each other get undressed
We’d collapse in the aftermath on our king size
All lose consciousness hand in hand under the sheets
And regain it in the morning the same way
I want to kiss you goodbye for work
And kiss her good morning in the kitchen
I didn’t want to betray you, I didn’t want to destroy you
No one was meant to get hurt
It was meant to be so good, it was gonna be so good
This wasn’t meant to happen

Sebastian Noël

Niche

Another list of things to keep you quiet
Another horde to make your day subpar
I need to skirt around the sinking masts
Courtesy of a beverage named for a faded patriot

The snarl to keep some distance draws you nearer
No one leaves a scar unless they’ve truly earned it
In a sea of lambs it makes a nice change of pace
“Hey darling what’s your name” the message in my Stella
I spose the scowl can vacate to answer that
Just another kid ready for a scrap or two
It leaves a sour taste in your peers mouth
That malice can’t be passed unchallenged
But it brings intrigue to your eye
As bratty as a mutt, as loyal as a dog

I’m all the things you need, ain’t that obvious!?
…No, not really
Can’t you tell from the spit on my sleeves
Where they spat me back out from the taster?
A niche, in a niche, in a niche, in a niche
It’s a miracle your gaze got trapped for this long
I’m a believer, but I’m hardly resurrected
Revive the ego and I’ll make your dreams come true

What’s got you so surprised?
Your faith in other people is disgusting
Haven’t they treated you the way they treated me?
How can you think they’d see what you see?
Your hearts split between your eyes
Your soul hasn’t shrivelled up and died
You can sieve through the perceived lie
You know that words are pointless and speak with your thighs

I’ll give your sweat glands a run for their money
Leave your nerve endings black and blue
I’ll connect leather and flesh
In any context you desire
It’s the reward you deserve
When you pick the mutt from the wolves

Sebastian Noël

Meoph surcreh tona

The moon’s leaving bags in the night sky
As it descends at an alarming rate
While we walk to a haven, here on London’s backside
Sponsored by Prosecco and post sell-by date Rosé
Hosted by late naughties sketch comedy
I think it may of been another night at the take out for you
Picking me out like ordering a number 58 with extra sauce
But I don’t think you knew what you were doing that night
You were turning stone back into flesh
Returning excitement back to it’s rightful place

Cos I’ve been stuck in the pits for a year
It’s tough to dismiss the wounds as scratches
But a year’s a long time to collect dust and moss
Your limbs and joints bound by the narrative it creates

But trapped in the surgeons chair, you get used to the idea
Of being a spectator to love’s sweet rose garden
The little coffee dates, the negotiations in the park
The walls coming crashing down after glass 3
It’s a ritual of another design, another dimension
You can only smirk through a smile as your skin decays
The pebbles fall from your marble skin
If I was permitted for romance, it wasn’t for today

But what should arrive on an unassuming afternoon?
With grace powerful enough to make renaissance portraits blush
And the charm to talk a bullet back into it’s chamber
You could hear the Velcro damn near tear as she pulled me from the wall
With a smile that can alter paradigms
All while finding the time to subvert Medusa’s gaze
She brings me back to the 3rd Dimension
Reviving my pigments back from the earth
I never meant to make you entertain any doubt darling
It’s just elation’s a hard suit to get comfortable in again
I lack the talent to produce the stanza’s to let you know
How it felt to see you bide your time through my stillness
I was in there for sure and you came upon me eventually
I just hope the toffee lives up to the chocolate that preceded it

Sebastian Noël

No Ambition Blues

I’m an A student running on D fuel
You put that together and you get a C life
And that was a fine way to live for me
I definitely never asked for the greenlight to ascend
But with your eyes drenched in tears
And your hands tied by a freshers wristband
You’re not letting me have a choice in the matter
Progress or perish, the narrative my Dear John contains

Nirvana is what we make of it, so what if mine’s on the ground floor?
With the ice cold burgers from the local caff’
Decor as gloomy as the staff, as miserable as the weather
You’d look up at me from your mouldy egg sandwich
Playing D.I.Y Pictionary with a few napkins and my Biro
But still ‘Gone With The Wind’ is out of my artistic scope
You fight through the aesthetics and conjure a smile
That’s when I theorised that we could withstand any pressure

But you’re content to get other people involved
“You could do so much good for the world”
But I don’t want to do the world any fucking good
I just want to do you some good
Evaporate the floods from your vision
Flow life back into your tired face
Fill a silent living room with your laughter
Calm you down when the family sends an opinion
That’s all the good I wanna do
Thoese are the accomplishments I hang on the fire place
Don’t send me off on a Hercules errand
I have no will to harness what I’ve got to offer
You’re where the ambition starts and ends
So let me sink the flag pole with you and a call it a life

Sebastian Noël

VHSVCRABC

Thing about memories is that they’re like a VHS
Record over those junk food recollections
With a brand new call back
All it takes is pressing REC with me

We’ve been broke from our silky confines
With new forms, with new names
Yet we can’t ignore the guarantee
Left behind by our predecessors, as a memento

Cos I can see a future not to distant from ours
I see eyes trying to escape to the back of your head
I see nail marks down your spine
I see a smile crack through Armageddon

Summers been actin’ mundane thus far
The nights haven’t delivered on their promises
The day to day starts to blend with no spike in sight
Didn’t you say you weren’t doing nowt after your shift?

Cos yours is a face I wanna collide with in the dark
I hope mine’s a face you wanna keep a fugitive in your thighs
I hope I’m still the kind of boy you wanna make mischief with
The sugar facade hiding syrup clad intent

I’m only in town for a month hence
But you can dictate the rest of my days
Towering above you, or bowing at your feet
You got me by the choke collar girl
I ain’t going anywhere not without your say-so
So take your possession to Pasteur, and lets make your night

Sebastian Noël

D8

A quick cut to the prints of your cortex
Under the guise of a time waster under the pines
Half synced as you request a history lesson
Eyes on me, mind elsewhere, as you recall the rules
But your first move, betrays your aloof persona
As the pawns moves aside, to give his holiness access

As I prepare the peons to form a impenetrable wall
There are two ways in which you wouldn’t accept that
“Why take up the mantle of an educator
You; who has all the markings of a creator?”
As you prep your knight in a beacons rate
That’s two ways the walls come crumbling down

5 pawns, a knight and a bishop make up my casualties
We don’t break eye contact for the entire match
As you ring your finger around the rim of my Corona
That’s two ways you firmly plant yourself in my territory
As your priest breaks the perimeter
That grin never leaves your face all the while

You always wanted to be an actress
Ever since your first pantomime as a nipper
Your iris widened and your belly started to growl
Life’s to be chewed up and spat out in your image
Pawn takes bishop, king and rook castle
You ain’t gonna rest till your name’s covering that venue

You know your being drip fed
Knight takes pawn, queen takes pawn
The legions in full force, nary a document leaks
Like on the board; I defend until I’m dragged out
Bishop takes queen, you take what you get
Cos scraps you got warm your heart

You like the unfolding puzzle type
It suits your playstyle; aggressive, get ‘em where you want
Nothing makes me more at ease
Then regaining consciousness, tucked in your bed
Rook takes bishop, check
Now you got me, I don’t wanna break free

Rook takes knight, the final blow’s in sight
Until my comrade surrounds and halts the fight
We’ll never know who would’ve taken the game
But I know you got a mind of steel
With a third eye that sees 5 moves ahead
You had me right where you wanted me: In sight
But you’d hear no objections from me receiving the sweep
I’m your prisoner of war, you play me how you like

Sebastian Noël

Optimistic Clairvoyance

Sugar cube crystals pouring from the kitchen side
Infusing my blood stream as it lands in my veins
It brings a technicolour focus to your moves
The way your shakes bend the support beams
Shift and shapes the claustrophobic closets
To a blooming lotus flower over shadowing a dead town
That way you sway it’s a catastrophe
Sounding off your unique brand of light beam

Girl I’m a prisoner, I always was
So before I suffocate completely
Tear the foundations apart and set me free
Self-destruct our fractured lifestyles like visionaries
No kindness, No bullshit, Let the heart unabashedly beat
Grab my hair, trap me in between those thighs
Embrace every cubic-second of me
Only we can understand and produce the perfect synergy

What do I have to do
What bones of mine do I have to break to show you
It’s do or die here tonight
And I’ll die again and again
Take any form it’ll take
To grab your eyes into that reality
Cos if it’s not you it’s constant misery
And I’ll ripen from the world tree till I get it right

Sebastian Noël