Jan

Jan, hey Jan, help Jan
Broken jam jar’s are Jan’s jam
My pay slip smells like mouldy coffee Jan
Get Jan on that!
Jan’s on checkouts
Jan’s also on help desk
Jan’s in every strand of my DNA
I need a Jan to help with my son’s grazed knee!
Quick where’s Jan with her awkward racist Christmas joke!
Classic Jan that, CLASSIC
Isn’t that the JANIEST Jan you Jan’d
That’s dead Jan that
Buying the coffee mug that says ‘Cock’
BEEEP BOOOOP Jan alert
And alert designed to go off when Jan does a Jan
Can’t get enough of Jan, oh Jan’s dead good
I dislocated my jaw to fit more Jan in my life

My newborn has the sacred birthmark
Of a youth destined to be the manager of a Canvey superstore
The doctor leans in and whispers
“That’s Jan as FUCK”
Jan’s in Jan school to be as Jan and can be
Planning out her one story:
>Jan falling in the pond
>Jan called Mike, Mark in 1998
>Jan ate 5 crackers at break, FUCKING MENTAL
And when Jan Version 1.250 goes for cracker number 6
The SWAT team come in and blows her brains out
Cos that’s bridging into Jade territory that
No Jan can cotain such ‘What a laugh’-ness
Not for you Jan no no!
Now tell us how your 2 quid fell in the loo?
Or how your dog Janice barks sounds like ‘Fuck off’
Oh Janny Jan Jan Jan Jannarooo Jan Jan
Jantiy Jan Janiccsseeyy Jan Jan Jan Jan Jan FUCK

Sebasitan Noël

Christmas Shopping [W.I.P Ver.1]

I turn my head to the tidal waves in the ceiling
I play a game of Dig Dug with the pipes
With sprites that just aren’t there in the mortal plane
Sunglasses toting tennis balls armed with 45’s
Firing lemons at the purple ball clan
I think it says something about your psyche
If you lose in you’re fictional arcade game
That’s pre-determined in your own head
Is it a sign of my own lack of confidence
To carry out the convictions in my life
Do I just assume I will fail in any task I take on?
Or is it a statement that try as I might
I cannot overcome the will of the masses?
And actually… Why have I put myself in a situation
Where I would even think about this tat?

Picture if you DARE a decaying charity shop
Wrestling for dominance in between the temptress
Of the stench of fresh ginger bread coming out the over
And the harmony of the latest electronic fairytales
Forced to be ensnared as a spectator
Bound to a cm ledge by the window
That’s like a blade digging right into the snug of my erase cheek
It’s the only thing reminding me that I’m still alive in this limbo
As I watch my betrothed repeat another contradiction

“I thought you said you wanted plaid clothes?”
“Yeah but this particular number has a thicker collar
Which of course recontextualizes the entire thing
Changing it’s status in the flow of modern fashion
From something that obeys the current trends
To something you could infer satires and glorifies them
From an outsiders point of view”

I wish someone would recontextualize me
Changing my status from the flow of modern fashion
From something that obeys the current trends
To something you could infer satires and glorifies them
From an outsiders point of view
And by that I mean punch me in the face, slit my throat,
And burn the corpse via a holy ritual
So that even my ghost doesn’t have to endure this shopping spree any more

“We have many factors to consider young patron
If I were to make a transaction of funds
For which context sensitive scenarios
It would be appropriate to utilize the piece I have in front of me
But considering the possibility that next time at Jan’s
There could be a recreation of the seven plagues of Moses
Right in the middle of shropshire! COULD HAPPEN!
Then if that where to occur it would blend with the colour of the shoes
Unlike if I wore the same ones in Blue that I have at home”

I would moan, but I can’t say I was any better
Switching back and forth in the record store
Between the Record Store day 2012 exclusive single
With the version of the obscure B-side that came with Frosties boxes
That’s 12.4 seconds longer with a slightly different flute
Or the other super rare vinyl with the outtakes
Of hit 2013 radio single, which is just the singer humming the baseline
Clearly both treasures would come into my possession
But with a agonizing week long wait in between
A 40 minute session of deciding was very warranted
It’d of been 45 but I do have them both on mp3 so it’s fine
…I feel it was just, why did my companion look so annoyed?

As preformed by Domestic

– Lnc0