I’m having the weirdest self imposed dilemma right now, I had a great plan worked out for tonight, I thought maybe when I get home I’m gonna so some exercises, living pretty unhealthy atm and it’ll be good to get some in maybe help improve my mood it’s all good shit

Then on the bloody way home I get some little 14 year old Grime-loving shits give me lip on the way home saying like “Ahhh fucking look at him he’s got tits” and of course as any British man would, I invited him to suck on said tits and flicked him the V’s

But now it’s like well shit if I do exercises now I’ll be playing right into there hands, or maybe it’s reverse psychology where changing my plan at all is playing into there hands, WHICH IS IT? HOW DO I ESCAPE THE TRAP? So I looked up exercise and i’m gonna do them all except any that helps lose fat around the chest area, THAT’LL SHOW THEM. It won’t show them, I’ve spent way to long thinking about this

I’ll Let You Keep That False Sense Of Superiority

It’s coming up to 5 minutes past 3
And before us all the best holligan repelling bars
Are coming under lock down in front of our very eyes
My platoon has no choice but patrol the slums
The kind of bar filled with seedy salary man
The ones who turn a blind eye to personal boundaries
The kind of gross specimen I find side by side with my rendezvous
With a sigh I walk on over to be introduced

You then turn in my general direction
Tilt your head like you would a toddler
Carrying the burden of a hastily cast, plaster cast
And put on the pout on your lips
At the news of my autistic blood
You tell me how your so sorry
How that’s such a shame for me to be this way
How I’ve roll the dice and got snake eyes

I find that funny you would talk to me that way
Like a old fisherman’s pup, missing a hind leg
Because your not to know this, but me and your ex lady
The one you’ve been awkwardly gyrating on the dancefloor
Receiving the same reactions as an electric bill in the mail
Yeah we’ve been at it for the last month
You make comments about I can’t do things like the normies
Oh she doesn’t seem to think so not at all
Reading back the reviews it’s clear I’ve surpassed you
No I might not be the talkative lad at bars
Sometimes the washing up can be confusing
But is that really a price to pay for what I gain?
You won’t admit it but you’d kill to be me right now

*Written For National Poetry Month – 28/30*

A Pack Of Mayfair By Any Other Name

Never you dare judge a book
By it’s tatty #yolo hoodie
And two sizes too small discount jeggings
These are the teachings of mine mother
Oh Kerrinequia-Jane-Willow Faith
They always misjudge your radiance
When they hear though the grapevine
You took that bottle of cola from the cantine
And took yourself to heaven in the bushes behind smokers
And they think they somehow know you
But I know behind the scales under your eyes
The gob splattered on the streets like breadcrumbs
And screeching Charlie XCX as you walk home
Lies a heart of gold, waiting to come out
I see it when you kiss your pet staffy
When you cry after dropping your new iPhone
When you tear the hair off a bystander
For daring to eye up your mans new Reebok’s
Oh what must I do to get you sat on my lap?
On the curb outside of the corner shop
And stealing my nuggets to get some fags
Smokin’ them all before mummy gets back
Cos I hear your fella’s in the dog house
For dealing in front of Go Banana’s again
Thank the skies above, now’s my chance!
To swoop in like a seagull to a discarded bag of chips
I’ll run my fingers though your faded ruby locks
Pushing all the dandruff to the centre of your scalp
Come on babe lets put these fingers to good use
I heard they left the disabled toilets unlocked again

*For National Poetry Month – 5/30*