Paranoid Patty: Decent

That’ll be £5.50 for the underground,
Just to come face to face with another educator,
As they deconstruct the many ways you fucked it this time.
Face sunk into your own scarf, revelling in your stench,
Clutching your Yabba-Fro-Chino, passing Euston.
Tastes like shit, makes your plasma pass at a snail’s rate,
Eons better than pushing trash down to avoid hunger.
Already feels like your insides are gonna give out.
Heart attack on the Hammersmith line, no hope there,
They’d sooner kick your corpse on the tracks to make it home.

The world around you is coming apart,
And that’s to say nothing of the world inside.
Millions of miles before anyone knows your name,
Even then it’s usually in infamy.
Ping! From your Facebook;
“Why can’t you come to this party you can’t afford?”
Ping! From your inbox;
“Why can’t you come home for xmas?
Fake a smile and share some crap food
With the very people who left the scars on your mind?”
She looks down, traces the cuts on her hands,
She wasn’t even sad when she made them last night.
She just wanted to get the same reaction from the outside,
As they’d give if they could see her insides.
The sigh from the bus driver, the looks from her classmates,
From being scared, broken and ruined.

She covers her mock exam results when she gets them.
She doesn’t wanna know if she’s fucked it all again.
She doesn’t wanna know if her momma were right.
She doesn’t wanna know if the voice in her head called it.
Little trip past the corner shop on her way home,
Maybe a little wine to shred time off this episode.
Gets to her room, collapsed in front of the screen.
She’s crying for help but she doesn’t know what she wants,
Cos she doesn’t believe when her friends say they miss her,
Cos she doesn’t believe it when her boy says he loves her.
What Sasquatch or deity is she looking for?
What they gotta say to make it all go away?
Her skin sags like it’s not connected to her body anymore,
Her psyche feels like 5 years out of sync.
Just reminds her she’s got no control of her body.
Anything she could be proud of is pouring from her fingers;
She can’t write any lines no more,
She can’t fuck to save her life no more,
And everytime she vocalises that, she makes someone cry.
So sit tight, mouth shut, as it all melts away.
Scratch your scalp as your hair’s coming out,
Readjust your eye as it’s falling from your sockets.
Your hearts beating extra drums out of sync,
Bed sheets ruined, as your life seeps out of your pores.
Finish the wine, try and lose consciousness for tonight,
Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.

That’s what you said last night.

Sebastian Noël

Gone (W.I.P)

She shatters the sound barrier
With a silent mouth and detached glass
As the respiratory routine escapes her
It’s time to dissolve from the very time itself

With her iris now pillaging it’s shade
From every other faucet of her surrounding
As the scalp’s flowing red keeps the sunlight
Peeking from the fringe to survey the surrounding
Grasps turn into scuttles
As the portal’s to the gazes overpopulate
There’s no direction to go to incite some relief
This is the reality of the rest of the night henceforth

A̵̯̓ͯ̈́̊ͭͯͩ̀̚Ă̡̹̟͉̫̖̖̗̫̜̓ͦ͜Ā̷̭̙̪̭̪̙̖̔̍͂Ȁ͍̞̦̻̫̪̙͛ͬ́̿ͨ̓̿͛͢͡͞ͅA͒ͤ҉̭͞ͅA̧̡̬͎̬̪̝ͩ̓ͪ̚H̍̐̉̂ͣ́҉̘̲͈̟̺̪Ḧ̵͙̫̤͚̳͈̗̰̜́͂̍̄̂̍͢H̨̏ͯ҉͚͔͖̲̺R̨̩̹̩̅ͤ̊̋̄͂ͥ͝Ŗ̳̩̫ͫ̓̒̊̊͘U̥̱̱̗͉͚̜̯ͫͤͤ̅͛ͪ̉̒Ų̦̩̮͕̗̞͈̼͂̔ͣ́G̙̖͚̦̠̞͙͎̩͐͂̍̐̊̐̈́̚G͍̲͓̝̖̦̺̠̑̿ͨͅH̙̣̰͈̟̫̫̊̔̊̅ͮ̇̆͊͆Hͤ̇ͦ̋̋̚͡͏̝͉A̡̛̳͈͔̘̜̔̓͜Ḁ̫͗͒̊̽͊A̜̬̳̜̲͆ͯͯ͑̂́Ḁ̢͕̤̮̬͛͌͋̇̊ͨͪ̓̋͜ͅA̗̭ͮ̈́̇̔͋ͤ̈̉́͘G͐̈̅̇̚҉̢̗͍̲͕͟H̶̛̭͓̯̦͊̾ͭ̾͊̆́ͅH̴̷̛̹̃ͥ͆̅H̰̪͚͇̟̤̝͚ͣͤ͒̈́̈́ͪ͞Ḫ̗̟̭̇͛̎̏́̚ͅ

She’s gone, gone gone gone
Gone to somewhere beyond comprehension
He tries to follow you with tap water and lexicons
But such things don’t exist where she is now
With shutter eye visionscape
Stitched facial features
As the voids they covet send you straight to hell
A stethoscope prison, a smartphone filter ghetto
Gone gone gone gone gone

And he’s gone gone
Course he did what else would he do?
Why would he appear this time?
With the knowledge to set you free
Course he ain’t bloody here
Gone, gone, as I am too
I can’t return as is
She’ll have to enter stasis again

Sebastian Noël

Sad, Except Not? But I Guess I Am Now

Abort! Abort! Operation could not be found!
What a bizarre sensation
When decay visits your head-space
But comes too at a loss
What’s dedication to a feeling without origin?
It’s just like trying to cry with dust
Pointless and painful
Everything’s getting better
But your hearts missed that memo
What a confusing bus ride this is

I’m a float belly first
In a flood of a profound melancholy
For what fells like decades
The mere notion…. Everythings okay!?
My heart rejects it
“You thought this last time!”
There’s never a point in your time
The laser points, NOT aimed at your head!
You might crave happiness, but rest assured
These endorphins lead only to pain again

So stay as you are
Holding back dry tears
Cos the bus is gonna be 5 minutes late
To arrive to the appointment you don’t have
The way your shoes feel today?
Spots on your skin? Yeah cry over that too!
Trust me man, it’s so much safer this way
So cry your little heart back to safety

Lnc0

It’s Hard

Oh lady i’m starting to get the shivers
As the thunder clouds start to close inn
Blocking the light from your eyes
All to pull that face like a slapped arse
When you see my brain hasn’t sent a single signal
Up this vertebrae of mine
To pick you up from the living room floor
When you’ve spent all day throwing a paddy on top of it

Oh lady I’m finding it hard to pluck at the strings
When I see you’ve nailed your own feet to the ground
When you’ve tied your own hands together
When you’ve taken the bunny sheets from your bed
I just find it hard to care

Oh lady you know I’d suffer a variety of wounds
From a number of firearms all in your name
I’d give you my inner workings just to see you spring alive
But you can put your own plaster on that scrape
And you can tie your shoes just fine

I know you say you can’t do things yourself and your right
Not until after you’ve dealt a sling or to in my direction
To be a villain for the greater good, I guess i’ll play ball
I know it’s your favorite role of mine for a grey day
I’m sure your sisters in arms know all about it

Ally IV

If we were ever to cross paths again
I’d imagine it to be in a rusty old post office
You with your man, picking out cards
For his friends, sisters 2nd born’s birthday
We’d cross eyes once then again to double check
Time heals all wounds, and we wouldn’t even think about it
You’d tell me about your life and your new job
I’d tell you about my masters degree
We’d joke about how we used to wag P.E
Sitting underneeth the oak tree

I wanted to run into you again but not like this
Just shy of a minuite to midnight
It’s just about as cold as the stare you give the pavement
Seeing you slumped down outside of the bull
Tear stains on your favorite hoodie
The one I told you not even a mother could love you in
Hey don’t worry about all that stuff before yeah?
Just talk to me okay hun? What’s the matter?

Then you lifted your head and stared into my eyes
With those dead retinas, drenched with a scarlet tint
Babel has fallen, Yggdrasil has mossed over
What could’ve done this to you babe?

A shuffle in my arms later to the end of the bar
Just two shots of jager to bring your vocals chords back
Well why change a method that’s tested and true
There’s no need to go into detail at all
This isn’t the first wound you’ve suffered nor will it be the last
But none before have taken the wind out from your sails
I double take some of the testimonials that come from your mouth
The once great madam reduced to telling me she’s worth no more,
Then the soggy coasters our coping mechanisms currently rest on
I clench my fists and tell you to shut your mouth
Sitting their with your defeatist look, This isn’t you!

Then you lifted your head and stared into my eyes
With those dead retinas, drenched with a scarlet tint
Oylimpus has dissolved, Niravana’s been destroyed
What could’ve done this to you babe?

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter
Just talk to me, please talk to me
Whatever i’ve said, I never ment it
Just sit down, please sit down
Whatever you want to talk about, or even if you don’t
Just come back to mine, Please just come back
Just don’t do anything rash, I beg you please don’t

If not for yourself, then for me, please