I sigh entranced by the husk of cheap larger
Clawed onto the wood of the desk
Never has the fate of my psyche rest so delicately
On the fringe of a single number

Oh who knows what lies behind
The other side of reactionary protocols
Did you answer my pleas?

Or did you leave the screen on
While you open another bag of caramel popcorn?
Did you grit your teeth
As you reluctantly offer an arm?
Did your eyes start to moisten
As you demand to know of my lack of heart?

The entire globe can be undone, just after a click of the button
I’ll pull back my chair and make another brew downstairs
“After this one I’ll find out, though I said that 47 brews ago
But I swear I mean it this time!”

As I pour brew number 53
Into the mug you got me for my birthday
I slowly drag my heels up the stairs
And into your line of sight once again

I don’t deserve to have even gotten your attention
I don’t pray for much, but please god…

Poison

All I ever wanted to do was shower them with prizes
To latch onto as they travel through the darkest days
The kind they’d open up a jewelry box to their grand kids
And tell them exaggerated tales of the golden years
But as I watch them fall head first into the night, time and time again
As a common denominator you do have to wonder don’t you?

I’m the doubt in their voice
I’m the pause before the retreat
I’m poison
I’m the doubt in their abilities
I’m the sigh in the night
I’m poison

All I ever wanted was to see my girls sore into the night
With or without me by their side, eyes dilated with glee
Whatever the method may be, no matter the price
Because If I have to see another one fall from grace
I may just put the next bullet in my brain instead
I don’t want to do it to them anymore, not again

I’m the lack of scale in their thoughts
I’m the bar that’s been set low
I’m poison
I’m the cracks in the mirror
I’m the 2 for 1 concealer
I’m poison

Once Again

I guess it all went according to plan
I could hear the bomb ticking off in the pit of my gut
I knew you couldn’t take another hit not in your state
It was time to push you out of the blast radius, and keep my heart shut
I knew exactly who to sacrifice to save my own hide
It’s the one who you referred to with spit protruding from your jaw
Them sorts of girls with no heart tend to be the invincible type
Returning every blow I throw at them, exposing my flaws
Now i’m sat in the badlands next to her carcass
Scrubbing the scent from the bottom of my lip
To leave you in the arms of a man more capable then me
Yeah that was the plan, one I was never meant to let slip

I’d love nothing more then to be the bigger man in all of this
But my dear the bare facts are these: I can’t keep myself away from you
The most mundane of accomplishments allways makes me reminisce
From petting the cat to whipping up a bacon-syrup breakfast
In the midst of complacency you forget how dull the world can be
People staring at their own reflection all day on the coffee table
Oh honey you can do absolutely anything you want to me
Kick me, bruise me, line me up on the receiving end of a curb stomp
Recite to me each any every crime I’ve committed under your watch
Shower me with hate, while clutching his hand tighter and tighter
Take everything you ever thought of me and throw it down the hatch
Oh anything just to hear them vibrations from your throat in my life
Once again

If you wish misfortune on me
Please be the one to rig the roulette wheel
If you want me to break down
Please be the one to say I told you so
If you want ruin my image
Please be the one to spread the rumors
If you wish me dead
Please be the one to deal the final blow
If it was you I wouldn’t mind
As long as your a part of my life
Once Again

T.M.R.R MXXIII

The very marrow has been ripped from my bones
The nerves in my head have been shot
Can’t you see I’m in need of your attention
You’ve never seen eyes so pathetic from behind the glass of the classics

An agent sent down by god to keep your crosshairs on me
To nail my feet to the brickwork for a second time
You’d forgive me for believing in divine apparitions
When you give me that look from behind the beacon of your phone

You’ve seen me as a soulless wreck
You’ve seen me as a vengeful soldier
You’ve seen me as a heartless monster
And yet you still stick around

Oh darling you won’t hear me complaining at all
Especially when you shake the scrabble board
By brushing on my shoulder like that
I know this time round we’ll be playing the robbers, but I don’t mind
It’s like you said ‘What’s the need for sonnets
When you have an incendiary grenade?’
I hope you’ll forgive me for this one my dear
But it’s getting hard to hide my grin

The last time you took my visage, you embraced it and ran
But for the sequel I hope you’ll be wearing it the next morning

Someone’s Aunties 30th

It all starts with a question, asked so innocently enough
It’s hard to be honest, ‘We’re doing fine I guess’
A family ocasion, as if to postpone my lifetime
But it doesn’t work, it makes it worse

Another meal for 50 for 15, on a summers after
From the old stories, to the awkward catch ups
Nods for the outsiders, Hugs to those in the loop
Don’t worry about it, I’m doing fine

It all kicks off with a story, ‘Was she, Is she, Does she?’
All to keen to voice a view, Gathered like jackels
She’s quiet in the corner, nestling her Bacardi coke
I didn’t come to see a mauling, it makes it worse

After a meal for 50 for 15, on a summers eve
From the recycled jokes, to the awkward goodbyes
Nods for the outsiders, Hugs for those in the loop
Don’t ask me again, I sware I’m fine

Overstaying my exit to understate the moment
Drunken ideals and sobering jokes, A new boyfriend and a old flame
More cake then conman sense
A witch-hunt for the wounds, That solidifies the myths
All I can do is mull into myself, all I can think about is myself
I’m stuck thinking of myself, I’m stuck with myself
While i’m stuck in this frame that never ends
I can’t take it anymore, Not anymore!

Oh it starts with a feeling! From the pit of my gut!
You want me to be honest? I just want to fucking die!
I already know what you want to ask, what you want to hear
I just wanna, go home

But no I’m stuck here, in the dead of night
Holding back the flood, with selected brands of sugar
The distraction of charades, can only last so long
Of course i’m not fine, lets go

Oh it starts with the alarm, in the next morning
I can’t live this way any longer…

Ally IV

If we were ever to cross paths again
I’d imagine it to be in a rusty old post office
You with your man, picking out cards
For his friends, sisters 2nd born’s birthday
We’d cross eyes once then again to double check
Time heals all wounds, and we wouldn’t even think about it
You’d tell me about your life and your new job
I’d tell you about my masters degree
We’d joke about how we used to wag P.E
Sitting underneeth the oak tree

I wanted to run into you again but not like this
Just shy of a minuite to midnight
It’s just about as cold as the stare you give the pavement
Seeing you slumped down outside of the bull
Tear stains on your favorite hoodie
The one I told you not even a mother could love you in
Hey don’t worry about all that stuff before yeah?
Just talk to me okay hun? What’s the matter?

Then you lifted your head and stared into my eyes
With those dead retinas, drenched with a scarlet tint
Babel has fallen, Yggdrasil has mossed over
What could’ve done this to you babe?

A shuffle in my arms later to the end of the bar
Just two shots of jager to bring your vocals chords back
Well why change a method that’s tested and true
There’s no need to go into detail at all
This isn’t the first wound you’ve suffered nor will it be the last
But none before have taken the wind out from your sails
I double take some of the testimonials that come from your mouth
The once great madam reduced to telling me she’s worth no more,
Then the soggy coasters our coping mechanisms currently rest on
I clench my fists and tell you to shut your mouth
Sitting their with your defeatist look, This isn’t you!

Then you lifted your head and stared into my eyes
With those dead retinas, drenched with a scarlet tint
Oylimpus has dissolved, Niravana’s been destroyed
What could’ve done this to you babe?

Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter
Just talk to me, please talk to me
Whatever i’ve said, I never ment it
Just sit down, please sit down
Whatever you want to talk about, or even if you don’t
Just come back to mine, Please just come back
Just don’t do anything rash, I beg you please don’t

If not for yourself, then for me, please

We ain’t nothin’ about nothin’

A buzz to click you back into conciseness
The bigwig is calling for your appearance
A bead of sweat travels down the skull
You reluctantly agree to be grilled for the day

You rearrange the paper cooler cups by size
To postpone the transaction of self esteem
He heaves his heavy body up from the chair
And starts to head to the throne room

He gives it his best, and it still wasn’t up to spec
When has it ever been too their spec?
The spec is a speck to you now

You’re a zero, nothing more than a zero
You were born from zero and their you stayed
And if you forget they’ll be too quick to remind you

A bus ride back to the lady’s apartment
Lagging by an hour, with the stench off commoner
You knew from the start this visit was business
She gotten sick of your face, and your excuses for being late

Greeted by her screams of fictitious events
What can you say? When words seem useless
A sigh of disappoint will have to suffice
The love as gone back to that familiar zero

He gives it his best, and it still wasn’t up to spec
When has it ever been too her spec?
The spec is a speck to you now

You’re a zero, nothing more than a zero
You were born from zero and their you stayed
And if you forget she’ll be too quick to remind you

Walking back carrying months of your life on your back
Rainy night, the sky just oozes with delight
When all seems lost to you now, a pleasant sight
Your mate stuck in the gutter with a bottle of gin in one hand

Patrolling about the town, as he leads you to the heard
Telling the exaggerating tales of a Wednesday evening
A pat on the back, a charity shot of vodka
And suddenly the comfort zone has returned, he says:

‘I gave it my best, and it still wasn’t up to spec
When has it ever been too the spec?
The spec is a speck to me now

But now my best goes into these friends of mine
And the results are a guarantee’

But we’re all zeros here and nothing more
We was all born from zero and their we shall remain
We don’t need reminding we’re all in the same boat

What better way to spend a Wednesday evening?