Tag: borderline

Detachment Blues

I feel like I’ve been chewing on
The contents of a Sunday morning
Ever since I told you to go fuck yourself
And you complied with my demands

Just feels like the clouds hurdle around now
And the vibrance seeps from the canvas
The victim of all my favourite thoughts
My favourite page when going through the memories
Feels like I’m resurrecting from my grave
Simply when I populate your atmosphere
Every time you validate my appearance before you
When you specifically call me to the plate
It’s the closest I’ve come to a believer
When I see the image of god in your eyes

Your imprinted in my cellular make-up
But I’ve had to have you extracted
A chips appeared in the narrative facade
And I got to cut of the dead weight
Cos I’ve seen you gather that surge from another
And it breaks my heart to know your vision
Doesn’t interpret me in your life
The same way I do to you, in mine
Your welcome to add the beauty to their world
I welcome back the erosion of mine

But that doesn’t mean your positions been filled
Heck it doesn’t mean your even fired
I’m hoping for that grand parade of invasion
Where the walls collapse from you to me
For the sake of that grandiose apology
Then you’d reattach your veins to mine
And I can accept god in my life again

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Elatiamania World Paris

Let me indulge in it a little
God knows It’s rare I get like this
So elated I start to alienate
Like a ticking time bomb; half dynamite, half confetti
Lets take full advantage of this!
Course I can’t afford it, but who gives a fuck!

Let’s hop on the train to a fairy tale chapter
All the places you said you wanted to go
Sketch all the cafe’s you dreamed of
London, Paris, The rings of Saturn

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

Why wait? Lets fuck off right now
Lay in the most poorly lit field
4am will fly right by us
Steal our dad’s strongest punch from the stash
Till technicolour lights escape imagination
And grace a tour stop in the grim reality

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

Lets stare into each others eyes
I’ll tell you if you ever left I’d fucking die
I’d karate kick the ghost and sprites
Until the moonlight respites

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

We’re in the backyard of the pensioners and politicians
But if you feel the earths burn too
Then I offer myself to your whims
It’s a new shirt but a noble sacrifice
You can leave as much evidence up and down my body
As your little wildheart desires

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

Take every watt of electricity and let it possess you
Every sector reprogram’s the husk in another way
I become every soul on the planet at once

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

It makes each blade of grass feel like a wave
From the crutches of Niagara

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

I don’t want to live without this

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

I can’t live without this

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

thisthsithsiihTHIShtithsi

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~
~~ I’m so scared right now ~~
~ I’m so scared right now ~
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now

For Mental Health Awareness Month

Lnc0

Your Armageddon, My Distraction

The simple stroll has gained significant difficulty
No matter the surface I traverse I track dirt
5cm thick of mud and grass
As I pass hour 2 walking on concrete
6cm … 7cm … 8cm
I’m shocked they let me into the cafe

I can’t make it out with my eyes
But I feel the eyeball coming out of my palm
And the tentacles coming out of my pours
What to believe in the end?
The sight or the follicles
Each one making an argument for being ground in reality

Maybe there’s only one way to find out
Give into the quirks my twitches alluded too
And act on that split second desire
To tear myself apart just to see how that goes
Grab the Gillette and disconnect the webs of my fingers
Pull the eyelids from my brow
Peel back the banana skin like Krokodil
And see if any of it is really there

Feels so real to the touch
Even that which can’t be seen
But again who am I to believe?
I’ve not had a witness corroborate it in days
Even so they might feel it too
To terrified to admit it to the world
Are we all deluded by the creature underneath?
Like Lovecraft, would it drive us mad to really know?

This coffin is suffocating, I’d love to rip it all off
But the outsiders concern confirms what’s reality
Least in the ballot of the consensus
Even then is that to be trusted?
Cos the soil is still sticking to my feet
Yet the floor remains spotless

Lnc0

Meeeeeeeeeeer [W.I.P]

I grow tired of it
Of everyone blindly gabbing on my praises
Such a clear fucking lie
It’s why people can’t connect the opinion to the man

I bow down to peoples feet
Before clocking them on the chin
I run my hands through their hair
Before yanking a chunk of it out
I cry when they go
I groan when they stay
I buy any myth people throw my way
And keep the blindfold on the whole time
Only for my stomach to retch
At the revel of the sequels

But I’m the sight to be retched at surely?
Bruises and lashes from the tongue
All posed to the recipients
While keeping the answer book to myself
Not even a hint, not even a clue
If they can’t figure out, they don’t deserve to know
That’s the fun-loving logic you could deserve
When you strike a convo with that sulk at the bar

But now the documents leaked
And the stage by stage analysis is in public hands
Does it answer anything? Did it fill you in at all?
Does it make you see me as less of a nutcase?
At the very least does it explain
Why I kiss the feet of people who deserve a smack
And smack the people who deserve a kiss?
And if it does explain, do you understand?

Cos right now when the opinion reaches anyone’s ear
I have a hell of a job explaining the false advertising

Lnc0

CBT: Round 1

Apprehension, fear, paranoia, intolerance
Brattyness, stubbornness, unhelpfulness
Worse cocktails have been mixed on Clacton’s shores
I know it must taste like champagne in comparison
But you can’t just ignore those scrunched up mugs
“Oh god” They go “THAT’S why your here?”
Even the convicts scoff at that
“I’ve done a murder, but holy geez I weren’t a prick about it”

…Maaaybe they didn’t actually say that
I am filling the blanks of prolonged silence
But it’s grim to see your deplorable self
As the version you get up an pronounce publicly
On file, like the main cut from a DVD
Not a B-side, but as the lead single
Don’t like it? Great, join the club
I’m not here cos I’m fond of it myself y’know?

Abandonment issues are ugly
The rapid from self-pity to vanity is ugly
Every ounce of guys is ugly
It’s all fucking ugly really ain’t it?
So lets just get on with it
Hang out the dirty washing
And set the whole thing on fire
Before putting the ashes in your morning brew

“Lol wuteva, that ain’t me mate”

Lnc0

What’s Bad About Wanting Attention?

I’ll level with all of you reading at home
I’ll take dramatic over bored any day
Dancing with the butterfly knifes
Over decomposing in my chair
My circles looking at me with concern
Over looking right through me
The growl of death over the waltz of life
…Well At least in theory

You can call it attention seeking
…Well yeah what else would you call it?
But I noticed no one else has to ask
As if it’s a necessary human need
As if my world curls and breaks
While I fester through another lonely Costa afternoon

I mould at the back of the place
Keep my gaze on the peepshow outside
I see the peppy mid-twenties darlings
Their follicles in constant contact
And my heart starts to sink
I look at my skin like collapsed timber
Do the creases feel like razor blades?
Would it feel like ash if you stroked my hands?
Does every inch of my thigh feel like splinters?
When did my body start to disgust people like that?

So I plan a season finale
A fall from grace, a decent from the heavenly throne
Courtesy of Head Street
Jeered on by the stone gargoyles
With enough eyes on me
That I’ll get empathy systematically
And then maybe they’d visit me later
While I take a break in the trauma ward
And they’ll look at me and they’ll say
“I’m glad your still alive Sebastian”
That’s more vindication in a single breath
Then I bleed out from my lovers and allies
In what feels like the 3rd lap of my lifetime
Attention seeking? Why of course

What else could you possibly call it?
But am I not entitled to it?

Lnc0

You Have To Want To Help, Therein Lies The Problem; You Don’t

I bid them adieu
I say sayonara, au revoir
As everyone who kept close
Starts to board for smoother seas
They’ve grown so tired of my shit
They don’t have to say
Especially in the current climate
Where I take a look away as a stab in the back

It’s always a bad prophecy
Like a siern’s perish song
Any resemblance of affection
Always destined to change
Under the blood moon’s ray
Into venomous slurs and bile

I see your attention fading
A sure-fire sign
I know it’s gonna sting
So why prolong it?
I always bombard you with tragedy
Your loved ones put a price on my head
Objectively I make your life worse
So why not rip the band-aid early?
So you can avoid any guilt
I’ll just get it over with and tell you to fuck off

There’s no prayer that can save me now
I’m too deep into it now
Drop the flash grenade
And head for the hills
Cos once your marked
It’s impossible to wash it away
And it can only end in tears
Unless you really can save me
Keep an ear out for my cries
Douse the fire in my soul
But I know you’re all the same
If it’s not an obligation to domestic misery
It’s the flipside: a full-time infatuation sceptical
A much better use of your time
Then to be used on a lost soul like me
So don’t get my hopes up, stay away from me

Lnc0

The Still No Title

Am I really writing to you again!?
Well yes, despite all the time passed
Circumstances has crept you into my mind again
Indulge yourself with a flashback to the youthful days
We joked perched on wooden stands
That we were only a few chromosome short of each other
Well turns out we were wrong, it’s even less
The spikes of hyper irregularities
A foggy question for either of us
And a distressing one for the other one
But no need to swipe medical records for a cheat sheet
I’ll replicate with clarity what they told me
That our similarities have become borderline symmetrical
And yes that pun was definitely intentional

I can’t help but speculate how the sequel would unfold?
Can it go from weird to fucking fairytale-esk?
It’s not above this silver screen reality to change the lines
And rig the ballot so we end up clashing again
I can see where they’d choose the set now
A shitty bar on the dizzy side of a night out
Coursing the flow of audio through my fingertips
My word, My melodies, My dad jokes
Whatever I did to justify my place on that stage
You’ll look into my eyes through a Disaronno glass
And you’ll know
No one would’ve given you and hints
The T.V guide kept it a trade secret
But I know you’ll take one look and you’ll know
Be it either emulation, or the tells of the ilk
Through the frequency of brainwaves
Or fuck the science we’ll just call it fate
Against all common sense you make your approach
Swimming through the currents of the room
Each sway and stroke with frightening precision
I’ll keep up as much as a little boy can
Meeting your every sway
Arrogant enough to comment I topped some
We’ve been hunting through the shallows you and I
Looking for the one living thing on this earth
To explode in a technicolour brigade of symmetry
And I know it couldn’t be with anyone else

Squeal poem to this relic: http://thetartanprelude.tumblr.com/post/51090248284/the-no-title