Never Trust A Compliment

“Oh Seb, why do you have such low self-esteem?”
While a magnitude 7 transpires in my pocket,
As if to answer that very question.
A letter in the bandwidth arrives on my shores,
Meticulously designed to remind me:
I was born of flawed clay and to there I’ll return.
Any avenue not filled they’ll find there way;
Whatsapp, Insta or Kik. It’s all game.

Don’t tell me the lens focuses ‘Too much’ on the anti,
Cos every pleasantly is temporary.
All smiles turn into frowns, if given time.
Offers to hang out turn into reaching excuses.
She’ll let you know “Boy you’re so valid.”
She’ll say “You try so hard to illuminate those in your gaze.”
Two crumbs of Twix on her shoes later however:
I’ll epitomise a callous generation of dregs.

Danni holds my hand by the riverside,
When I accidentally get some water on her dress.
“I never asked to be with such a mental case.”
She advises me to get the 47 bus home.

Allie smiles over her mocha on our anniversary,
When I ordered a gingerbread latte when I meant hazelnut.
“You don’t know how to love anyone, and never will.”
I’m left alone with a cold drink I didn’t even want.

I’m staring Christine down the alter,
Her hand in mine, as we say our vows.
With a decade of hardships behind us,
With an extra year or two of love to call our own.
I look my bride longingly in the eyes,
And accidentally put the ring on her index finger.
“Everything they said about you is true, you’re such a cunt.”
SEB!? WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH LOW SELF-ESTEEM!?

I can be the apple lodged in someone’s eye
And a thorn infesting their side by tomorrow.
The slander is what sticks,
While compliments are temporary,
Until you start to taste foul in their mouths
And we all know that nothing is succulent eternally.
So I believe what everlasts,
Not what only stays present on good behaviour.

Sebastian Noël

Ab-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b

I can’t call it what it is
My genetics haven’t earned that yet
I don’t know what you’d call it then
Maybe we ain’t gotta call it anything
Cos even without a name it’s marks made clear
The apprehension that colours the bar
As a Walkers crisps ash haired beauty comes through
Clashing teeth on her fraying wool
That’s just like a darling like you
I guess?
But I can’t help but feel you’ll make a mug of me
The blame for that rests a million miles from you
I don’t even need to think much about the one responsible
You can find her like an aging marble of Magdalene
Surrounded by eggshells of her own creation
Stuck on a menacing grin
All her declarations are interchangeable
All her loves are replaceable
That’s when affection loses it’s value
That’s when defection loses it’s weight
But without a source of verification
Who’s gonna verify that outside of the two of us?
Who’s gonna babysit the love that blooms?
I’ve been beaten down to the state of an infant
Burning any bridge I called my own
For a 1/100 odds of a pacifying narrative
Cos freedom isn’t the sobering conclusion it once were
Like a spatula on sunburn, it’s agony
How’s a spade a spade in a world like this?
How’s anyone chatting honestly under surveillance?
You hide the rouge tinted mitts behind your back
None of this is your handiwork you reiterate
I don’t see anyone else with the keys to my coat
If anxiety is the excuser of all malice
Then boy are WE all fucked!

Sebastian Noël

You Cannot Claim Isolation, Then Swipe Away The Hand That Heals

Hey Seb, Please Seb, Why Seb,
Please talk to me Seb, Hey Seb
Why Seb, How Seb, Please Seb
Can’t you see me? Can’t you hear me?
Please Seb, Hey Seb, Answer us Seb
Can’t you feel me? Can’t you touch me?
Let me know I’m still real, Please I gotta know
That you can see me, that I can still be?
Open the door Seb, Please Seb
Or did you give up? And only a spectre remains?
Why Seb, Answer the phone Seb, Please
Why did you decide to see through me
Is that why I can’t prophesize you
Stay alive, Please, Why Seb
Don’t you see me? Don’t you need me?
You could’ve called me anytime
Why wait till your writhing
You can end the suffering anytime
You know you could
Why keep going Seb? Please stop it
Touch me Seb, Why, Love me, Please
Don’t you believe me? Please
Why continue not to see me?
Why can’t you embrace me?
What keeps you in the torture chamber?
Come on Seb, Please, Why can’t you? Please
Illuminate my collided crystallines
Permeate my gilded leather
Contextualize my deserted skin
Oh god why? Anything Please, I can’t watch
Penalise my eyes, bypass corroded ties
Why do you want me to watch you die?
Anything to brutalise
The one man you want to pulverise
Stop it Seb, We care about you Seb, Stop, Please
Why you wanna hurt so bad?
How can you hate anything that bad?
Why Seb, Please Seb, No Seb, Stop Seb

Sebastian Noël

Legion

An ancient infantry tactic, resurrected and rebranded for 2016
I think they call it “The Esteem Team” these days
All to get out of meeting your lost love’s gaze
Cos who knows what it’d stir if we got empathy involved

Surrounded by the lighthouse beacons
Why you gotta show me your back again?
With your eyes fixated on nothing
Acting like your above the entire planet?
But your scouts gave up the ghost
Giving me the up and down, filing the scriptures
Like a flock of bees relaying to their queen
You can see everything without looking at me once

But that begs the question, why the cabaret?
What is it your hoping to keep out of view?
Don’t you like the implication that naturally follows
With looking a fellow homosapien in the eye?
It’s the only indicator that you still kept a part of your humanity
But what then? When the weasels whisper back to your ears?
I’m not gonna stay invisible for your convenience
I won’t flash puppy dog eyes to fuel your narrative

Cos I know it’s not what you wanna hear
But I’m doin’ just fine, even if unlike you
I may be lacking the trench coat romance
But maybe I’m better then ever
Free to say what I do and don’t like
Without a vice grip choking my personality out

And does it creep you out
To see all the boys and girls in the bar
Handing out stares like they’re charity?
Creating more and more evidence as they go
That life continues outside your storybook
And that we’re not waiting on the bench
Counting down the seconds to be written back in
Cos the sequel might just outsell the original

So while the platoon’s still in the legion formation
You best retreat to the corner of the place
Cos what you saw as power, was sweet life blooming
And that’s something that is no ones to take
You see these vanilla cream enlistees?
The one’s you spoke of like a raisin in a Victoria Sponge
They offer me the Parma Violet quips
All while intending to leave me intact
Somehow, I think I’ll survive you

Sebastian Noël

Explaining Borderline: The Poem

So to pre-face and explain the beginning of this poem, when preformed live this poem is intended to INTERUPT the performance of another poem, so I wrote some generic love poem lines here but the poem that’s interrupted by the 2nd character can literally be any other poem
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We were granted pause for one summer to explore
But I don’t think we liked what we found
It makes (SEB!) you reach by instinct
For nostalgia’s blanket (SEB!)
You and me Lying (SEB!) on the bedroom floor (SEB!)
And (SEB!) You uh… (SEB!)

SEB! SEB! SEB! SEB! SEB!

SEB! Stop with all this lovely stuff and consider your health
Cos if you don’t get us some much needed attention
I’ll make you hurt yourself
And not just a few scratches I promise!

So many thoughts going through the brain

SEB! Your friends haven’t spoken to you in a week!
Tell ‘em to fuck off, you could be getting better friends

It’s giving me a migraine

SEB! Look! She choose to meet that date over you
Split on that bitch! Get a new best friend, don’t matter who

I would literally walk tip-toe through hell

SEB! That’s the 5th happy couple you’ve seen today
So for fucks sake, make a shitty comment to keep ’em at bay!

To able to control my thoughts for a spell

Cos the Sertraline doesn’t work
Cos the Mirtazapine doesn’t work
Cos the Citalopram doesn’t work
Cos the Dopamine boosts don’t work
Cos the Qutetiapine doesn’t work
Cos the Lithum doesn’t work

My cells are slowly depleting
My heart rate’s increasing
The borders of my vision are blurring
But still she’s always lurking

SEB! You’re 23 and haven’t found someone to love
Or even some who even likes you? I’m losing hope
If you can’t find someone to help us soon
I’ll wring our hands around our fucking neck!

Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Seeeeb! Seb Seb Seb!
Sebby! Seb! Sebarrgoo! Sebbby! Seb!
Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb! Seb!
Se-Bas-Tee-On! Seb! Seb! Seeeeeeb!

Hey Seb! Our best friends are lovely aren’t they?
Let’s fantasize about how me we love them all fucking day
Hey Seb! Fuck it let’s just ask them all out, like a proper tit
Fuck the consequences let’s just do it, even if we don’t feel it
Hey Seb! We look like fucking shit
Let’s pour millions into clothes till something hits
Hey Seb! You never got that text from Sally!
So let’s get so pissed we wake up, fucked in an alley
Hey Seb! It’ll all be worth it for cheap thrills
It’s not like we’re gonna be hit with a huge phone bill
Hey Seb! No one fucking cares if we live or die! L-O-L
So let’s try and commit suicide off the cathedral bell

Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!
Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb! Hey Seb!

I’M NOT GONNA FUCKING LEAVE YOU ALONE
TILL YOU INDULGE WHAT I’M TELLING YOU SEB!

SEB!

Sebastian Noël

The Non Title Too

The clothes on my back, the limbs on my torso
I’d trade it all in for the cheat code
To tell me what keeps me out of reach
But never out of their sight
Oh gracious, were you waiting for a signal
Waitin’ for me to swallow my pride, and writhe on the floor
Well consider my ego digested and gone
And my muscles in a state of constant voltage

And I always wondered
What if I caught you one day
Sipping on cream coolers in the sun
Would it be proper to get down on my knees
Or grab you by the collar and scream
“You’re not in that hell you go through on your own
Cos baby I’m right there too, dying all this time
So for the love of god, please help me!”
But would you?

Would you put a hit out on me?
If my personal leaked to your ears
Would it recontextualize years of malice
Into empathy and symmetry
I already knew the answers before I asked it
What a ridiculous notion to believe
But with no baseline to play too
Your mind conjures fantasies while stuck in the pipeline

Lnc0

The Rest Of Known Existence Has Gone Home

We’re past the Tequila’s abilities
To alter your perception of the night
Somehow I don’t think having a sober one
Would’ve stopped the waves from flowing over you

12 feet high, takes the lighting down with it
Full of neon colours, galaxies and stars
Phasing through the Bourbon glasses and furniture
There’s no man alive who could outrun it now
You should’ve seen this unnatural disaster coming
When the fuel tanks started to run dry
But you were so damn sure you could get it all back
I dunno where exactly you were thinking the oasis lied
From locking lips with a love born from the smokers bench
Maybe as the nocturne’s fills up your hollow husk
Or perhaps after you shove the 3rd spirit down your throat
But you should’ve known, you can’t get back what you lost
Your friends have no idea what it’s about
But you know it all to well
As your arm slips from the melting bar counter
And the faces of your platoon soon follow suit
While the friendly modnation nursing his beer in the corner
Takes the form of Baphomet under the shadows cover
Beckons you over in order to answer your call
The one you made as the Nymphs united and loneliness took you
The colours trade places at the blink of an eye
Your ability to recall anything slips through your fingers
None of the others can tell what’s going on
And you wouldn’t dare let on what is
So just smile through it, and keep yourself together
For heavens sake, please just keep yourself together

Lnc0

Detachment Blues

I feel like I’ve been chewing on
The contents of a Sunday morning
Ever since I told you to go fuck yourself
And you complied with my demands

Just feels like the clouds hurdle around now
And the vibrance seeps from the canvas
The victim of all my favourite thoughts
My favourite page when going through the memories
Feels like I’m resurrecting from my grave
Simply when I populate your atmosphere
Every time you validate my appearance before you
When you specifically call me to the plate
It’s the closest I’ve come to a believer
When I see the image of god in your eyes

Your imprinted in my cellular make-up
But I’ve had to have you extracted
A chips appeared in the narrative facade
And I got to cut of the dead weight
Cos I’ve seen you gather that surge from another
And it breaks my heart to know your vision
Doesn’t interpret me in your life
The same way I do to you, in mine
Your welcome to add the beauty to their world
I welcome back the erosion of mine

But that doesn’t mean your positions been filled
Heck it doesn’t mean your even fired
I’m hoping for that grand parade of invasion
Where the walls collapse from you to me
For the sake of that grandiose apology
Then you’d reattach your veins to mine
And I can accept god in my life again

Sebastian Noël

A part of the XXXXXXXXX series

Elatiamania World Paris

Let me indulge in it a little
God knows It’s rare I get like this
So elated I start to alienate
Like a ticking time bomb; half dynamite, half confetti
Lets take full advantage of this!
Course I can’t afford it, but who gives a fuck!

Let’s hop on the train to a fairy tale chapter
All the places you said you wanted to go
Sketch all the cafe’s you dreamed of
London, Paris, The rings of Saturn

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

Why wait? Lets fuck off right now
Lay in the most poorly lit field
4am will fly right by us
Steal our dad’s strongest punch from the stash
Till technicolour lights escape imagination
And grace a tour stop in the grim reality

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

Lets stare into each others eyes
I’ll tell you if you ever left I’d fucking die
I’d karate kick the ghost and sprites
Until the moonlight respites

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

We’re in the backyard of the pensioners and politicians
But if you feel the earths burn too
Then I offer myself to your whims
It’s a new shirt but a noble sacrifice
You can leave as much evidence up and down my body
As your little wildheart desires

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

Take every watt of electricity and let it possess you
Every sector reprogram’s the husk in another way
I become every soul on the planet at once

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

It makes each blade of grass feel like a wave
From the crutches of Niagara

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

I don’t want to live without this

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

I can’t live without this

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~

thisthsithsiihTHIShtithsi

~ It’s so dangerous to be this happy ~
~~~ I’m so scared right now ~~~
~~ I’m so scared right now ~~
~ I’m so scared right now ~
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now
I’m so scared right now

For Mental Health Awareness Month

Lnc0