Pacifier (W.I.P)

Everything fine, but is that the danger?
It’s okay from a progressive standard
But it leaves him feeling a little mismanaged
The employee tag says devoted other
But I don’t think that’s what she sees
She can call him useless to Karen down the pub
But it’s all smiles and well wishes
When she gets home and prepares the roast

Getting onto month 5 on the dole
It’s no one’s fault in theory
When the agency feels like rolling the dice again
It’ll all be back to the normal for the lad
He’s not the kind of boy they keep an eye out for
Only to be given grace, never given a chance

Until then he’s left to monitor the ticks of the clock
For the time the nursing home loosens her cuffs
His heart gives rise at the sight of her
Her heart sinks as the side job merely begins
He can’t seem to get anything right
He can’t enjoy her cooking try as me might
He couldn’t remember the chores in time
He coudln’t remember her favourite colour
He struggles to find the right words to say
Every word he digs from his pockets go down awfully

Why doesn’t his brain work like everyone else?
Why can’t he just do these simple fucking things?
Why is he such a stupid fucking cunt?
The questionnaire that pushes past her fangs
His dream is growing callous working the machine
To keep his life in permanent stasis
Did her patience eroded over time?
Or maybe he just didn’t notice it was always like this
Her eyes uncover, a lover; pacified
The feeling that fastens over time, before his very eyes

Sebastian Noël

I’ll Let You Keep That False Sense Of Superiority

It’s coming up to 5 minutes past 3
And before us all the best holligan repelling bars
Are coming under lock down in front of our very eyes
My platoon has no choice but patrol the slums
The kind of bar filled with seedy salary man
The ones who turn a blind eye to personal boundaries
The kind of gross specimen I find side by side with my rendezvous
With a sigh I walk on over to be introduced

You then turn in my general direction
Tilt your head like you would a toddler
Carrying the burden of a hastily cast, plaster cast
And put on the pout on your lips
At the news of my autistic blood
You tell me how your so sorry
How that’s such a shame for me to be this way
How I’ve roll the dice and got snake eyes

I find that funny you would talk to me that way
Like a old fisherman’s pup, missing a hind leg
Because your not to know this, but me and your ex lady
The one you’ve been awkwardly gyrating on the dancefloor
Receiving the same reactions as an electric bill in the mail
Yeah we’ve been at it for the last month
You make comments about I can’t do things like the normies
Oh she doesn’t seem to think so not at all
Reading back the reviews it’s clear I’ve surpassed you
No I might not be the talkative lad at bars
Sometimes the washing up can be confusing
But is that really a price to pay for what I gain?
You won’t admit it but you’d kill to be me right now

*Written For National Poetry Month – 28/30*

Poor Daisy

I wish I could say it straight to you
Why I feel like I have to get behind the curtains
And then disappear in a splash of doves in front of your eyes
Why I bring attention to the flaws in my psyche
Only to keep the explanations under a timed unlock
Why I ripped out my hair, over the buzzwords in your greetings
Before acting like nothing had happened to following day
And I dismiss all the above with “You haven’t caught me on a good day”

But it matters not how much of a heart a gold Daisy has
A human can only tolerate so many questions thrown their way
Especially if someone’s ripped all the answers out from the back
Daisy stops making the effort to come and see me
Daisy stops telling me that she thinks the world of me
Daisy stops wanting me to hold her hand in the street
Daisy starts to detonate the dynamite whenever she can
Make the very earth around us shatter and sink into the ground
Puts me at the very forefront of domestic carnage itself
Daisy smashed my nose, Daisy smashed my copy Pokemon
Daisy slashed the ropes that kept this bridge hanging, Daisy slashed herself
All in thin hope she could goat me into something resembling a reaction
But as much as I rummaged in my pockets for a spare one, I couldn’t provide
All I could fine was a spare 3.50 in coppers and nuggets
Perfect to walk out the door and leave her self-destructing
In the pursuit for one more gin and tonic and maybe a pint of pale ale
And maybe if I keep pumping it into my body and rummage around my head
I could find something resembling an emotion, But I couldn’t find one

*Written For National Poetry Month – 26/30*

Failed Integration

Dear diary, it happened again
Society has shown me the back of it’s hand
And all I tried to do was coexist
Dear diary, it happened again
Society has spat on my brand new shoes
And all I tried to do was understand it

I tried to let my guard down again today
Attempting to slowly peel away
The years of perfecting the perfect persona
But like a moth to flame I never learn
I have no idea what it is I did
Now they’ve illuminated me with their bright red glares
It’s time to slink back away to the drawing board
And stitch together a new persona all over again

Do you see the bloody towels?
And the birthday gifts gathering dust?
That’s what’s left of your last attempt
To integrating with the everyfolk
An animal can only learn to mimic human mannerisms
No matter how convincing the mask and the dance
They can see right through you like jelly
The closer you get the harsher the kickback

Dear diary, it happened again
Society has shown me the back of it’s hand
And all I tried to do was not get in the way
Dear diary, it happened again
Society has spat on my brand new shoes
And all I tried to do was ask why it had to be this way

I’m all out of fight, I submit to your will
Just tell me what it is you want me to do
I’ll sit gag, bound and tied up by the hands
And you can pick me up by the strings
And make me act like everyone else
The type of person people are glad to see
A version of me that wasn’t born in this defective way
Maybe it’ll make them happy
Maybe it’ll make me happy…

*Written For National Poetry Month – 22/30*