Even during the times you can’t tell
When stimming looks like a quirk
When spacing out resembles eye contact
When Echolalia becomes so refined
It’s indistinguishable from dialogue
And the end of the day: Nothing’s changed

Sebastian Noël

I Wish Someone Told Me

I don’t know you, know if I’ll ever know you
Know if you’d ever wanna now me too, but dear you regardless
Cos I see you, my brothers and sister of the same mind
With your head 40 degrees up and your eyes another 40 down

I know the world feels alien, more and more each day
No matter the time you clock in, it never gets less cryptic
You always feel like your just a few steps out of time
And your peers look more like aspirations then reflections

But it doesn’t mean as much then you think it does
Ya’ll probably sick of being told that, but damn it’s true
That’s coming from a fellow spastic, no condescending here
That stepping in line doesn’t afford you the magic key
The key to make normal conversation: Nah
The key to feel belonging in a room: Nope
The key to streamline the life stream: Hell no
There’s no shortcut, but you weren’t heading that way anyways

I wish when I were young; another aspie was around
To give me permission to feel, like I was okay
Okay to like the things you like, talk about what you like
And if anyone goes for the gag then they’re the cunt
If anyone’s got an issue with your excitement: Drop ‘em
Wish they told me that it’s not normal when people hone in on differences
The clothes you wear, the food you eat
The words you use, the things you like
To be so obsessed with your taste buds, your nerves, your time
That’s weird man, it’s on them not you

I wish someone was there to tell me sexuality isn’t a race
That virginity isn’t a stigma, not to hand it over to any two-bit
And that when you cross the finish line to keep an eye open
That people will exploit your naivety for their own gains
That they’ll tell you how you’re a pussy if you don’t let them in
Get you too drunk to consent, as there eyes light up
What dabbling in a little assault to make your ex jealous?
Wish I was taught to cover my ears
To those who say violence, sex and destruction is masculinity
To not surrender your body, your health to the malicious

Wish I was told to not keep a lid on my troubles
To not take “Oh you could never tell” as a compliment
You should be able to tell, that’s an embarrassment otherwise
We’re everywhere, some basic adjustment isn’t a luxury
Wish I was taught never to pass, was told my behaviour is uncomfortable
Fuck it, I’ll click my Rubix Cube, stick my tongue out when thinking
Info dump all the bullshit facts I can remember, pick my nose in public
If your irritated: Fuck you, you don’t get the grace of our company

Yeah, of course I know it now, I never let anyone trample on my toes
But like you it was terrifying getting there
So bothers and sister heed my words
Whether your killing time institutionalised, wasting on the dole
It’s a fucking brutal life for people like us
But the world is ours too, to live in not just survive till the grave
If people try and curb anything your proud off: Fuck ’em
If people wanna use your fears to recruit you: Fuck ’em
It’s you or fuck you, your time and life have value
No one gonna tell you that, so let me repeat myself:
Your life and time are the most valuable thing you have
And a million people are gonna tell you different
You’ll be the punchline, the meme, the anti
Well you drink their milkshake, encroach on their space
You tell them “You’re threatened by by me?”
And you walk knowing your stride’s worth 24k
No one will tell you, I know cos they never told me:
But you got the makings to be above human

– Sebastian Noël

Proud Spastic (W.I.P)

An interaction goes fine, proceeding streamline
But uh oh something’s amiss
I spoke too tactless, pronounced my ‘um’ too harsh
Place a ‘come on’ where it shouldn’t go
That’s all it takes for young minds to rage
For the olive to transform to a thorny rose
On the surface your fine, hey your just defending yo’ self
But better should’ve known then to talk to a retard right?
Well like your crocodile smile, the output don’t align
With the intention of inside being sublime
If you hear me out, I just wanna help man
But that’s an ear too much for ‘one of us’ I guess

Diagnosis on the rise, we’re gonna take over in our prime
It’s an epidemic in the USA, we’ll have to start to carry in time
Carry empathy, an extra beat, a shift in social attitudes
It’s a fucking PC nightmare I tell ya dude!
It’s in the food, it’s on the television
It’s in the water, it’s in the vaccines
Cut the vax, let the little Christian child shiver in his bed
Cos his mumma would rather he die then become one of us
Nah your right, bring back the penalty just for us
Missing the cue from that joke: Get the chair
Wall flowering at the party: Get the injection
Truly death is our only salvation

Oh it’s a slasher fic in my room
You guessed it, another NT gettin’ tetchy
Oh god the spastics out, proper blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Well I ain’t gonna shy from no blah’s
I’m spastic plain and simple
And I won’t curb my tongue when I’m excited
I won’t sit still and bind in the corner
I repeat jokes, I spit when I pronounce my P’s
I miss the punchline, I misinterpret the word
I mistake being condescending for agency
I trip over my big-ass tongue every sentence
But if that’s your do or die, what’s that say about you?
Sorry I bring discord to your community
Sorry I put a kink in your perfect victim complex
Sorry I was born, and I promise I’m sorry I exist
But neither me nor any of us are going anywhere
But man you love us on the job right?
“You lot are good with computers right?”
“He comes in everyday and doesn’t complain”
Oh yeah THEN you can’t get enough of us, don’t need no cure
But when your one to one at the end of a coffee mug
And you realize you have to suppress the freedom on your tongue
Then it all goes out of the window don’t it?

Another scar on the arm, but no skin off my nose
I take my technicolour mind, and inspire on someone else’s time
I’ll create on someone else’s time
I’ll advise on someone else’s time
You can talk down to me on someone else’s time
Talk about me like an animal on someone else’s time
Like when the plastic activist raises a brow
“Is this spastic talking back to me?”
Like when masculinity erodes in my hands
“Is this spastic squaring up to me?”
Yeah this spastic make’s a point too
He’s got more to him then a stagnant shot straight mind
Shock! He knows the facts you need too
Shock! He can understand the opinion of others
Shock! He can socialize, hell even start a conversation
Shock! He can bring the charm if he chooses too
Out done by ‘one of them’, yeah you bet
I’ll forget more then you’ll ever know
My comment lands harder then your entire routine
I draw in, in the time it takes you to repeal
And you bet when I hit the sheets, it’s fucking Armageddon
While they Bambi to the phone to call in sick for work
They ask me how on earth I do me?
You know, I know, everyone should already know
It’s the same reason I cast the comments and scream it loud:
I’m a proud spastic!

Sebastian Noël