Honest Lovesong

You’re an apex of affection in someone’s life
Don’t that mess you up?
Someone mirrors your gaze of an unrelenting infatuation
Doesn’t that proper fuck you up?

I know over time it’s gotta grate
How I take an off cuff I love you
Not a face value, but begrudgingly
Like a Evangelist at a Prehistoric museum
But I wish I could convey it correctly to you
How absurd it is your here with me tonight

I know you mean well, I know your heart swells
But when you put my name at the end of your love
It feels like I’ve jumped in from another timeline
A history free from my glowing failures
You say my name but you gotta mean someone else
It only makes sense if your seeing anyone else

It should go without uttering a single syllable
That I adore you even on a molecular level
Like ivy climbing up a historical abode
I’m a intrusive element feeding on another beauty
So when you tell me the ways I bring a smile
It feels like hieroglyphics on a birthday card
It feels like mercury spreading on my skin
It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t feel right
I fucking hate how this feels
Please I just need to be left alone tonight

Oh of course I love you too
But you’re treating poison like porcelain

Sebastian Noël

Logical

The sins of my ancestors become the sins of the now,
When my tongues honed where it could clash with a katana.
But my targets are the ones who pat me on the back,
Naturally the usual response to that is a stab in the back.

He opens up his chest and I’m straight on the defence,
What the fuck does he mean when he says that?
Is he trying to brush my pain aside to make a point?
He says “I mean it’s not like how you go through it.”
The fact he didn’t take a decade to proof read every sentence,
That can only be a slight against me, perfect and precise.
So how about I take my drink and show him 2 fingers,
The most logical course of action to that.

He scratches the record to a screeching halt,
“What the fuck’s the matter?” He intervenes.
I wanna tell him how’s he’s not seeing me,
But who on the earth is seeing me,
If me hasn’t been me for this long,
Are they even me, is me even me anymore?
“I dunno.” As I stall for for some amount of time.
He came to this war with a bouquet and I still grazed him.

That’s the catch 22; I’m not seeing him,
A few Thyroids short and I’m not seeing anyone.
I’m seeing words and phrases that I’m trying to recognise,
Clutching my bug-net looking for the bogeyman.
THERE! I know someone who talked to me like that,
A past abuser from a eon gone by.
You thought that’d one would slip by me?
“What have I done to be suspicious?” He asks.
What you’ve done? Well you’ve done nothing,
But everyone at one point done nothing,
Until they start to do something,
And out of nowhere they’ve done everything.

Burn a bridge on a hunch,
Carjack your heart out on a probably,
I’m so dependant on the kindness of others,
While still backed up against the wall.
When a scratch goes down like decapitation,
You can’t take any chances on that.
Treat my company like a rental,
One wrong move it’s revoked from you.
“How can I be expected to love someone
Whose hand is always circling the eject button?”
Like I dunno man, but what’s the alternative?
Cos I’m getting too old to nurse another wound,
When it’s week 2 chained to my bedroom,
Keeping my psyche together with PV glue,
As yet another chance to succeed is doomed.
Another degree flies on by, another career down the drain,
The hand outs will stop, and I’ll be marking my grave.

– Sebastian Noël (For Mental Health Awareness Week)

Never Trust A Compliment

“Oh Seb, why do you have such low self-esteem?”
While a magnitude 7 transpires in my pocket,
As if to answer that very question.
A letter in the bandwidth arrives on my shores,
Meticulously designed to remind me:
I was born of flawed clay and to there I’ll return.
Any avenue not filled they’ll find there way;
Whatsapp, Insta or Kik. It’s all game.

Don’t tell me the lens focuses ‘Too much’ on the anti,
Cos every pleasantly is temporary.
All smiles turn into frowns, if given time.
Offers to hang out turn into reaching excuses.
She’ll let you know “Boy you’re so valid.”
She’ll say “You try so hard to illuminate those in your gaze.”
Two crumbs of Twix on her shoes later however:
I’ll epitomise a callous generation of dregs.

Danni holds my hand by the riverside,
When I accidentally get some water on her dress.
“I never asked to be with such a mental case.”
She advises me to get the 47 bus home.

Allie smiles over her mocha on our anniversary,
When I ordered a gingerbread latte when I meant hazelnut.
“You don’t know how to love anyone, and never will.”
I’m left alone with a cold drink I didn’t even want.

I’m staring Christine down the alter,
Her hand in mine, as we say our vows.
With a decade of hardships behind us,
With an extra year or two of love to call our own.
I look my bride longingly in the eyes,
And accidentally put the ring on her index finger.
“Everything they said about you is true, you’re such a cunt.”
SEB!? WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH LOW SELF-ESTEEM!?

I can be the apple lodged in someone’s eye
And a thorn infesting their side by tomorrow.
The slander is what sticks,
While compliments are temporary,
Until you start to taste foul in their mouths
And we all know that nothing is succulent eternally.
So I believe what everlasts,
Not what only stays present on good behaviour.

Sebastian Noël

Acting Submissive With The Clubbers Of Colchester [2016 Edit]

You don’t have to yell at me so loud
I’m trying my hardest to have a good time and crack a smile
But in the midst of this murder of scavengers
The type that pick apart the scraps of poor lost lambs
Who have lost the sparkle in their eyes
I see you spread out in the back like a cramp
I wish I could obey the green lights at the racetrack
But I can’t find the heart to reach out and take it

Oh and you make your disappointment in my discomfort known
~If I had a penny for every time I am under criticism
Cos’ I refused to fall in line for the male stereotype
I’d of brought the taxi home to save you the embarrassment

I wish I could tear your focus away from your phone screen
Trying to gather the scraps of a good night out
I just want to happen upon the magic words
To cast merriment upon your comotose gaze
And reprogram the vibe that’s caught the night
Run your hair inbewteen my fingers
And plant the sweetest embrace
But you’ve lost your paitence along the way
You just want to sink into the seats
I wish I knew what I did wrong…

Oh please let me go!
I can’t stand to see you like this anymore
You fidget and squirm like a child in a push-chair
We just aren’t comfortable together it would seem
I didn’t mean to be such a disappointment
I didn’t mean to make you so sad
I didn’t mean to fail you as a man
Maybe it’ll be better if I just went home

Sebastian Noel

Compliment Poem

Thick [2016 Edit]

After our friends fuck off for a fag break
We find ourselves standing side to side
With our backs to the receding wallpaper
Under the sinking spotlights
It highlights the dread in your golden eyes
No matter how many times you lick those lips
You can never reach out and claim what’s rightfully yours
You never could let a good thing just be a good thing

You stare down at your feet, looking quite forlorn
You lament how they used to call you thick
The kind of girl that couldn’t solve 2 x 4
While stuck in the middle of a Casio showroom

I know you’d rather pass a kidney stone
Then to hear about how your the apple of my eye
But god every second I see you stuck in the dumps
It sucks away my spirit like a black hole

You stare down at your shoes, like I hit a trigger
You recall how they used to call you thick
The kind of girl that receives the sniggers
While deciding on a desert in the cafeteria

Please listen to the gospel that I’m shouting
Stop using what the dregs used to say
As an excuse to not shoot for what your wanting
I’m on my knees, please baby just embrace me!

I want to tickle your toes in the bathtub
Feed you strawberries by the lakeside
Trace circles on your palm during the book club
Turn you into a god when the confidence has died
Feel you hold my arm when your overcome with fright
To see you stamp your feet when I don’t pick up the slack
Kiss you on the head and make-up after a fight
Gnaw on your neck while you leave slashes on my back

Please, I’m fucking begging you now
Just listen to tremors coming from your chest
Before I start to grow callous
And my faith turns into dust

Sebastian Noel

The 4th Dimension – Part 2

We’re on the subject of eyes again
Cos they won’t stop looking
It’s always stare stare stare
Yeah stare stare stare stare stare
Maybe it’s high time I crossed back

Cos despite still residing in an invisible world
They cut through the 4th dimension anyways
Feel me in the same world they inhabit
They can’t understand what it is they found
But do they really want to know?
If I stepped back onto this world for them
Would they be disappointed by what they see?
Would they care about the real me?
They’d rather keep me a mystery I bet
Like the Sasquatch in the woods, or Nessie in the lake
Things are better kept legends
No need to spoil their illusion with fact

Cos no one accepted me in the 1st dimension
How am I to believe now would be different
Their content at staring at me
Like a freak in their favourite brand
Better to be alone in the 4th dimension

Lnc0

The 4th Dimension – Part 1

The 4th Dimension
It’s where I’ve been hiding for a very long time
To cower from any context looking to dilute
I’m barely holding together, the cracks glued by Pritt Stick
It’s safer to hide in the 4th Dimension

At the very least till my trail has gone cold
“How are you and…?” “Weren’t you with…”
“I ain’t spoken to you since….?”
I hide out of sight till they stop surveying
And those who look for me thin out
Then until they forget me
They might track me like lighthouse when I’m out
But I’m never really there
They can’t interact with that in the 4th dimension
So they stare, but remain still

But maybe it’s time I vacated
Back into a world where people do more then see me
I’m so scare of the scorn, the indifference
I want to believe however, I got to have faith
Someone wants me out of the 4th dimension

Lnc0

The Rest Of Known Existence Has Gone Home

We’re past the Tequila’s abilities
To alter your perception of the night
Somehow I don’t think having a sober one
Would’ve stopped the waves from flowing over you

12 feet high, takes the lighting down with it
Full of neon colours, galaxies and stars
Phasing through the Bourbon glasses and furniture
There’s no man alive who could outrun it now
You should’ve seen this unnatural disaster coming
When the fuel tanks started to run dry
But you were so damn sure you could get it all back
I dunno where exactly you were thinking the oasis lied
From locking lips with a love born from the smokers bench
Maybe as the nocturne’s fills up your hollow husk
Or perhaps after you shove the 3rd spirit down your throat
But you should’ve known, you can’t get back what you lost
Your friends have no idea what it’s about
But you know it all to well
As your arm slips from the melting bar counter
And the faces of your platoon soon follow suit
While the friendly modnation nursing his beer in the corner
Takes the form of Baphomet under the shadows cover
Beckons you over in order to answer your call
The one you made as the Nymphs united and loneliness took you
The colours trade places at the blink of an eye
Your ability to recall anything slips through your fingers
None of the others can tell what’s going on
And you wouldn’t dare let on what is
So just smile through it, and keep yourself together
For heavens sake, please just keep yourself together

Lnc0

WHERE DID THEY GO? HELLO…? [W.I.P]

The setting of a crystallises caper
A backdrop of pure beauty
A little batshit nipper couldn’t ask for better
As the hue’s rise from the soil come nightfall
But the shine depends on it’s light source
And little by little, each beam goes out
The jewels all dim day by day
The memories of colour in these caves gets hazy

Where did everyone decide to go?
Did they find it better then staying here?
Or do they envy me for remaining
I wish I could tell them they’re not missing out
Anywhere’s gotta be better then here
Talking to apparitions echoing against the walls
Based on the recollections of people long gone
Oh where did they go? I hope it’s better then here

I hope there’s some way to communicate
Maybe through the clang of the dim amethyst
The PSA’s have to go through the lying complex
I’ll act like I’m stronger then ever
Like I got it all under control, It’s all going to plan
I didn’t love ‘em, Oh no! I left them
And of course I don’t miss them, not one bit
Of course I don’t need them, I’m just fine me
The pillars of my life aren’t collapsing without them, not true
My reasons to live aren’t dwindling as they leave, nuh-uh

Does it take sulking like a baby to admit it?
I feel like I’ve regressed a year or two by now
As I retreat to a barren alleyway
To make the message echo through out Queen Street
I’m the lost puppy without an owner
Isn’t their anyone with the spare time to pick me out?
I know someone’s gonna fill her shoes soon
But soon isn’t quick enough
Cos without a hopeless romance to dote on
With no fantasy to dream of to pass the time
It drags, everything drags
Without a receiver of my dead sea tales
With no one peeking round my corner to check on me
It drags, this life drags

So where did everyone go?
I hope they’re with people better then I was
Maybe they can tell me how to join them
The secret code that gives the necessities everyone has
The hug on the sofa, the thumbs grabbing the wrist
Just to make it through the day unscathed again

Lnc0

She Paints

She paints, but there’s not much else to her
Least nothing she could find
No peak as you bypass the skin
No shocks when you feel the neuro
She paints, that much is certain
But what hooks could that provide?

She paints, but who else does?
And even when they do too
That’s no basis for a connection
She paints, but not like they do

She paints, but it’s the origin of isolation
“I’ve suplexed 9 condo’s into the lava
Then saved 6 magical girls from Satan
Before making my 3rd million at poker
But enough about me, what have you been up to?”
She paints, but that’s all she ever does

She paints, as she lets life pass her by
Absent from the pub
Absent from the gigs
Absent from the work due
And they all know where she is
No matter what the last minute text says
She paints, as she cowers from the window
She paints, but swallow regret all the while

She paints, when there’s no one around
No one can make the coffee date
“My misses has the day off work”
No one can join the shopping day
“My boyfriend wants to watch some movie”
She paints, but she has to wonder
Would it be so frequent with someone at her side?

She paints, she paints, she paints
She paints, the whole world away

Lnc0