Nah

For a victim, you’re sure not above devious tactics.
But did you really think that shit would fly a 67th time?
Drip feeding your attention like it’s a show above 40 karat gold?
I’m sure we got better things to be getting on with.

So go on: What brought it on this season?
The realisation your admirers where out of sight?
Has your ego been feeling dry as of late?
Just fuckin’ bored?
Or maybe you’ve come to THAT conclusion again?
No matter how you try and drag new blood to your feelers,
The talk is small and minds are minuscule.
They have the charm of software programmers,
And the grip of a Rich Tea biscuit.
Oh they’re all so stupid compared to us, aren’t they darling?

The cheek of it, to clap your hands
And expect the patter of little feet on your inbox.
But my dear don’t you think;
That after 7 years perched on the pedestal
Maybe be a year too long with fuck all to show for it?
Do you honestly wanna make it 8?

Is it really too much to bare?
To see other people provide the things I need?

Sebastian Noël

They Don’t Give It A Name (V.2)

Improvising the last act on the Bakerloo Line,
Finding any excuse to waste the lingering hours.
It didn’t need to be a crescendo or a climax;
Just to be in proximity, slap a seal on it; that’ll do.
I know that’s the kind of lie you’d spin to polish small talk
But I reckon you really meant it.

I’m nearly on the end laps of my 20’s
But I’m still so fucking terrified.
Each second planned in my company,
The responsibility has me shaking in my boots.

I’m putting your hands on the trigger
And I’m trusting you not to pull,
Even though you should probably shoot.
Statistically you should shoot –
In fact it only benefits you to shoot –
But the curiosity comes in seeing whether or not you do.

And it’s not like I’m getting down on one knee,
If you think I’m gonna drop a ‘Love You’ now,
You’d better expect this song to end a 4/4 early.
But when we’re rationing the heat in our bones,
Inside a Turkish pop-up sandwich shop,
As the carousel casts a neon shine upon your profile:
It gives me something I ain’t had in a while,
It gives me a motive to crack a smile again

We’re taking refuge from the spacial oblivious and decidedly blind,
It’s as if we’re avoiding being in the shot.
While the taste of cigarettes on your breath lingers on mine:
My favourite cuisine to a freezing Sunday evening.
I’m gonna remember this night, no matter
When I’m dribbling in rocking chairs, I’ll remember it.

In the declaration age all this has gotta come off underwhelming,
But if only I could articulate what it meant.
Cos I felt so safe, warm, I felt cared for
Yeah, we’re beautiful, impossible, we’re invincible.
For you that’s gotta be just another weekender,
But if only I could tell you what that meant.
I ain’t gonna break out the engagement ring or mortgage,
But can I see you again? Can I see you again always?

Sebastian Noël

As Three (If Only)

Wedding bells, wooden cribs
Holding hands as indie singles turn vintage
A sure shot if the soul didn’t prevail
But a noise roared from the inside
And the silence becomes deafening
It must’ve agonising to recognise it
As momentum comes to a snails crawl
But do you remember who gave my heart language?
She was 20 years just like us

You had to have noticed off the bat
When a sadness ever present before
Begins to make itself absent
Around the time she crept into conversation
Then when we started to gather together
It was closest I’ve gotten to drinking from heavens canals
Your optimism complimented her cynicism perfectly
You tried to pick up her frown at the kids park
But nothing we did could stop what was hurting her
We were exactly what was hurting her
Her condolence and passive words weren’t without motive
And it’s not like I weren’t reciprocating

Oh baby can you ever forgive me?
For treating you both with equal agency?
I don’t mean to belittle our legacy
But with just one of you something feels empty
It’s such a tough thing to describe
I wanna give you every second of my time
But she’s keeps intruding into my mind
The casual perfection of her eyes
Her jeans barely containing her thighs
Ignoring the guilt that gives rise

Oh god I adore you so much, how could I?
I’m in love again and it’s a terrible thing
It was supposed to be so pristine, so secure
But I can’t stand us when she’s not there
I want her there was we lay in the living room
Commenting with spite of trash reality TV
Then when the time settles on the night
She’d be resting on my shoulder
And you’d nuzzle on my right
I’d kiss you on the lips
While I run my fingers through her hair
I’d work my way down to biting your neck
Before running my tongue down her breasts
Helping each other get undressed
We’d collapse in the aftermath on our king size
All lose consciousness hand in hand under the sheets
And regain it in the morning the same way
I want to kiss you goodbye for work
And kiss her good morning in the kitchen
I didn’t want to betray you, I didn’t want to destroy you
No one was meant to get hurt
It was meant to be so good, it was gonna be so good
This wasn’t meant to happen

Sebastian Noël

Explode!

The tick of the clock is maddening

The frozen peas look antagonising

Your horror movie nights laid out

With no chance of deviation

Your soul screams but it gets the gag

But it’s not enough to give you silence

Your old school mates at the bar tonight

As he slides a what if question your way

What would he say? Would he like it?

Has he done this before?
What’s he into?
Has he seen you like this for long?

Does he imagine you naked in his bed?

What does his neck taste like?

How would his fingers feel down your back?

You tally up the results

I don’t think you wanna accept what you found

Feel the chains around your arms

As they tighten round your chest

The bombs in your hands

And your fingers are tracing the detonator

Feel the blood around your lips

As it all turns into the dust

The glacier begins to thaw

Breathe it in, breathe it in

With a clear conscience

For the very first time

You go home, and you can only remember he said no

His name, his face, become bonus features

The narrative isn’t up to scratch anymore

Your sense of control has fucked off home

Look at him chewing on his mashed potatoes

Without a care in the fucking world

You see red, you shoot daggers at his head

The keys to the cell are in sight

End the plight, take back control of your life!

Pull the trigger, come on baby! Let it explode!

Sebastian Noël

Niche

Another list of things to keep you quiet
Another horde to make your day subpar
I need to skirt around the sinking masts
Courtesy of a beverage named for a faded patriot

The snarl to keep some distance draws you nearer
No one leaves a scar unless they’ve truly earned it
In a sea of lambs it makes a nice change of pace
“Hey darling what’s your name” the message in my Stella
I spose the scowl can vacate to answer that
Just another kid ready for a scrap or two
It leaves a sour taste in your peers mouth
That malice can’t be passed unchallenged
But it brings intrigue to your eye
As bratty as a mutt, as loyal as a dog

I’m all the things you need, ain’t that obvious!?
…No, not really
Can’t you tell from the spit on my sleeves
Where they spat me back out from the taster?
A niche, in a niche, in a niche, in a niche
It’s a miracle your gaze got trapped for this long
I’m a believer, but I’m hardly resurrected
Revive the ego and I’ll make your dreams come true

What’s got you so surprised?
Your faith in other people is disgusting
Haven’t they treated you the way they treated me?
How can you think they’d see what you see?
Your hearts split between your eyes
Your soul hasn’t shrivelled up and died
You can sieve through the perceived lie
You know that words are pointless and speak with your thighs

I’ll give your sweat glands a run for their money
Leave your nerve endings black and blue
I’ll connect leather and flesh
In any context you desire
It’s the reward you deserve
When you pick the mutt from the wolves

Sebastian Noël

Who’s Really On The Side?

His mind’s slowly escaping his grasp
As he’s trying keep his feet planted in reality
And give the Sunday roast his full attention
Masquerading the neighbours new car as interesting conversation
But it’s no use, his short term memory is relentless
He’s staring at his wife’s face but nobodies home
It all ends up becoming flashback
To 2 night’s ago in a grotty hotel in Hull
Just him and an ethical side bea
She’s whispering clairvoyance in his ears
And it’s not long before the results are in
The predictions start to parallel our time line
As her lips leave a trail down his stomach
While his wrists turn blue from the discount restraints
Her eyes peek from above the belt line
As the leash drags him back… Into the present that is
Cos it’s time to pick up his daughter from tennis club
He kisses his wife with absent conviction
All while he pretends to be excited for tonight
When he’ll meet back with her in the bedroom

She notices the mark on his neck
She notices the burns on his wrist
She notices the lipstick on his chest
She notices the perfume on his musk
It’s not like her schedules barren
It’s not like her sides have fled for winter
It’s not like her secondaries fall short
It’s not like she’s tasting the backside of a veto
Her loins turn blue
As her face goes red
She hums a forced gleeful tune
As her hubby goes out the door

A werewolf in Sylvanian families
A hurricane in full house
It’s not my job to give a fuck
Your name’s on the contract
And I’m out to get mine
A 150 hotel roam doesn’t scream apprehension
Shred your plastic guilt
You want nothing else
Now apply your restraints
Let me veto your right to abstain
I know you can’t stop thinking bout me
I’m the trauma to your PTSD
I’m creepin’ when the mundane thrives
Tax returns with the wife, I’m there
Visiting the parents, I’m there
Arguing about being late, I’m there
Sitting through your kids recital, I’m there
Checking texts on the train, I’m there
Candle lit Tesco’s finest, I’m there
The car ride to Great Yarmouth, I’m there
Bills come in the post, I’m there
Looking forward to getting out the house, I’m there
Dreading having to vacate the hotel room, Cos I’m there
You can’t escape me, I’m always there

Sebastian Noël

Intended to be preformed by a trio

Proud Spastic (W.I.P)

An interaction goes fine, proceeding streamline
But uh oh something’s amiss
I spoke too tactless, pronounced my ‘um’ too harsh
Place a ‘come on’ where it shouldn’t go
That’s all it takes for young minds to rage
For the olive to transform to a thorny rose
On the surface your fine, hey your just defending yo’ self
But better should’ve known then to talk to a retard right?
Well like your crocodile smile, the output don’t align
With the intention of inside being sublime
If you hear me out, I just wanna help man
But that’s an ear too much for ‘one of us’ I guess

Diagnosis on the rise, we’re gonna take over in our prime
It’s an epidemic in the USA, we’ll have to start to carry in time
Carry empathy, an extra beat, a shift in social attitudes
It’s a fucking PC nightmare I tell ya dude!
It’s in the food, it’s on the television
It’s in the water, it’s in the vaccines
Cut the vax, let the little Christian child shiver in his bed
Cos his mumma would rather he die then become one of us
Nah your right, bring back the penalty just for us
Missing the cue from that joke: Get the chair
Wall flowering at the party: Get the injection
Truly death is our only salvation

Oh it’s a slasher fic in my room
You guessed it, another NT gettin’ tetchy
Oh god the spastics out, proper blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Well I ain’t gonna shy from no blah’s
I’m spastic plain and simple
And I won’t curb my tongue when I’m excited
I won’t sit still and bind in the corner
I repeat jokes, I spit when I pronounce my P’s
I miss the punchline, I misinterpret the word
I mistake being condescending for agency
I trip over my big-ass tongue every sentence
But if that’s your do or die, what’s that say about you?
Sorry I bring discord to your community
Sorry I put a kink in your perfect victim complex
Sorry I was born, and I promise I’m sorry I exist
But neither me nor any of us are going anywhere
But man you love us on the job right?
“You lot are good with computers right?”
“He comes in everyday and doesn’t complain”
Oh yeah THEN you can’t get enough of us, don’t need no cure
But when your one to one at the end of a coffee mug
And you realize you have to suppress the freedom on your tongue
Then it all goes out of the window don’t it?

Another scar on the arm, but no skin off my nose
I take my technicolour mind, and inspire on someone else’s time
I’ll create on someone else’s time
I’ll advise on someone else’s time
You can talk down to me on someone else’s time
Talk about me like an animal on someone else’s time
Like when the plastic activist raises a brow
“Is this spastic talking back to me?”
Like when masculinity erodes in my hands
“Is this spastic squaring up to me?”
Yeah this spastic make’s a point too
He’s got more to him then a stagnant shot straight mind
Shock! He knows the facts you need too
Shock! He can understand the opinion of others
Shock! He can socialize, hell even start a conversation
Shock! He can bring the charm if he chooses too
Out done by ‘one of them’, yeah you bet
I’ll forget more then you’ll ever know
My comment lands harder then your entire routine
I draw in, in the time it takes you to repeal
And you bet when I hit the sheets, it’s fucking Armageddon
While they Bambi to the phone to call in sick for work
They ask me how on earth I do me?
You know, I know, everyone should already know
It’s the same reason I cast the comments and scream it loud:
I’m a proud spastic!

Sebastian Noël

Pacifier (W.I.P)

Everything fine, but is that the danger?
It’s okay from a progressive standard
But it leaves him feeling a little mismanaged
The employee tag says devoted other
But I don’t think that’s what she sees
She can call him useless to Karen down the pub
But it’s all smiles and well wishes
When she gets home and prepares the roast

Getting onto month 5 on the dole
It’s no one’s fault in theory
When the agency feels like rolling the dice again
It’ll all be back to the normal for the lad
He’s not the kind of boy they keep an eye out for
Only to be given grace, never given a chance

Until then he’s left to monitor the ticks of the clock
For the time the nursing home loosens her cuffs
His heart gives rise at the sight of her
Her heart sinks as the side job merely begins
He can’t seem to get anything right
He can’t enjoy her cooking try as me might
He couldn’t remember the chores in time
He coudln’t remember her favourite colour
He struggles to find the right words to say
Every word he digs from his pockets go down awfully

Why doesn’t his brain work like everyone else?
Why can’t he just do these simple fucking things?
Why is he such a stupid fucking cunt?
The questionnaire that pushes past her fangs
His dream is growing callous working the machine
To keep his life in permanent stasis
Did her patience eroded over time?
Or maybe he just didn’t notice it was always like this
Her eyes uncover, a lover; pacified
The feeling that fastens over time, before his very eyes

Sebastian Noël

Next Season Previews

Drying my feet in the ensuing turbulence
Cos I’ve just dipped my toes into a wormhole
I can’t quite believe what my eyes have witnessed
I’ve seen stone return to it’s fleshy form
As social fossils reanimate from the soil
Did the screams from the soul piqued their hearing
Gasping for air fighting against the cesspool’s tide
Become deaf to the group chat drama for but a moment

It goes no further then a snapshot in time
But in another life it’d serve as the prelude
To a 5 part symphony ringing through the halls
That ends with a parting nocturne outside your door
But not discredit the ringtone minuet currently occurring
Even the Nokia hardware would shake my soul
It’s the calling card left at the crime scene
Clueing me in, what I thought I lost, isn’t quite dead yet

If I blinked enough, I could trigger a hallucination
My skin would start looking fairer, my voice softer
And the only things that would exit these lips
Would be the passions I’ve carried with me
I know were I wanna go, I’m not lost just on a detour
Ambition given is ambition to be returned
Eye contact goes headlights as you start to perform
You know where you wanna go, you know how your getting there
The outlook surpasses greed and nothing shows our youth more
Mrs. Roosevelt would christen us as great indeed

The last 4 years suddenly feel invalidated
I slipped into stasis for a spell while the time kills
Now I’ve slipped back into my suit
I’ve returned to a boy of 20 years
When I’m so close to abandoning my soil
Maybe this has all become a sign?
That I’m not leaving home, oh no
I’m coming home world!

Sebastian Noël

Every Rumour Is True

I hate to admit it’s the case
But maybe it’s time to vacate
Resort to a back tracking slate
And join those who told me so late

They said Colchesters beyond repair
And all it ever breeds is despair
But was that always the script?
I feel like I’ve given up on you
Your’s was the pristine setting
Of a spotless prime time family sitcom
I would’ve let go of so much ambition
Just to be cast in that security
But why didn’t you want it too?
Every attempt leads me to be refused
I rip the canvas apart to be true
But your content to leave me black and blue
The vacant stares, the missed messages
The short talks, the disappearing effort
You never used to turn down my love
What on earth’s changed, to earn your disdain?

I just want to time travel my soul
My morals, My outlook, My cells
Back to walks in the forest
And awfully planned picnics in the park
In the pouring 4AM rain, just passing the sunset
Eating peanut butter sandwiches in the shade
Who was that with? Krissy, Rosie, Nikki?
I don’t know anymore
Their faces have degraded into blanks
The memories are becoming fabrication
Who’s memories am I stitching together?
They feel like strangers in my own remembrance

Tears are making a comeback in my eyes
Cos the town I’ve loved with all my heart
It doesn’t recognise me anymore
It wants me out, It can’t stand the sight of me
I’ve happened upon your corpse wondering Yomi
Your face twisted and contorted
Am I a foreign object, pollen to be excreted?
Cos that’s exactly how it feels
Apathy poisoning my pours
My skin dries and my heartbeat slows to a crawl

Colchester… I don’t recognise you anymore
I don’t feel as safe on your soil like before
This love isn’t healthy, for a creature of my imagination
I need out of you, as much as you need me out too

Sebastian Noël