Gross To Me

Is it cynicism? Is it jealousy? I dunno
But happiness just seems gross to me
Like eczema on the back of your leg
The person inside of me, needs tending
Always poping up on the places of my body
When I’m making my way through existing
There’s nothing wrong with that devotion
A singular narrative with two combined lovers
But I think of it like a three-legged race
Like it or not, somethings gotta give

Where ever you roam, breaking out on your dome
They’re there with a smile and a comment
Does it really have to be this way
Does it have to be so symbiote?
Like a wayward bumper car ride
Can’t love bloom through collision?
Guests in each others home
Visitors on the path
I want you to be forever by my side
But if you were to appear in front of me
Or lagged on behind me
I just have no idea of what I’d do

To greet the next coming day
Hand in hand, always connected
But without doubt, we’re in our own universes
But our proximity is what defines us
Defines us as lovers, as soulmates
You intrude when I need you
You book the day off when I need my own time
All with the chains, staying firmly in our heads

Can such a love not bloom?
In a chasm of uncertainty?

Lnc0

The Gaze

We always fall prey for the routine every time
While we’re still imprisoned under the gaze
This is no time for honestly or vulnerability
It’s time to re-pose the action figure
Arms behind your head, back arched
Not a glimpse of even a fraction
Of the crippling pain that washes over you
And makes you cry into your pillow every night

And what about when an innocent bystander
Decides to wander into the cross-hairs
And decides they want to be a part of your fable
How can you disappoint those sweet eyes?
Pull back the curtain and reveal
Your feeling just as much hurt as she is
And what if the gaze catches a glimpse
Of your weakness, of your humanity?
So just keep the power pose on auto
And maybe if we lie hard enough
The fallacy can become the reality

But isn’t that how it went last time?
To me and the owner of the gaze?

Lnc0

Why Me? [Draft]

I just can’t do it
Rimming around the outskirts of my mocha
Trying to grab the clauses from the air
To build us something resembling small talk
Cos that’s what sane people would do right?
Keep it all composed
Shoot eachother satin laced nods and smiles
Where so happy to hear that of each other
Except we couldn’t possibly be in reality could we?
Just tell me why, why didn’t you come?

Where the fuck have you been?
I remember during toaster filtered summer nights
Tearing up in your bedroom, clutching my paws
You were so afraid we’d drift so far apart
You said you didn’t want me to ever leave
That you wanted to do everything to keep me around
I bet you applauded yourself for that one, Oscar worthy even
You can count me among those who fell for it

I know how much more stimuli you get now
From your new life with all the temporary high cads
But when your alone at night….
Who am I kidding? A girl like you is never fucking alone
A slightly fawning cough and they run up in miles
But lets say you could bring yourself to be alone once
Do you never flick thorough the blackbox
And remember the times you said you’d be there
The times you said it killed you to see me hurt
When I’m veiled top to bottom in sulking tears
With my arms covered in blood
Concealing the blade in my jacket pocket
Did you ever think that got any better with time?
Do you just not care anymore?
And if you don’t…. Tell me why?
What made you stop caring?
Weather or not I lived or died?
Why… What did I do? Why me?
Aren’t you worried about me? …Why?

I know I got more rancid as time went on
I arrived as a beacon of lost hope
And turned into a broken brake light
I got so much worse as time went on
I stopped trying to look any good
My hair got more shit and grim
I got so much more fatter
I stopped being someone you could show off
I kept feeling sick around your friends
Because how embarrassing it must of felt to be around me
I could never be like the ones you fawned over
Never be clean cut, Never be cute and nerdy, Never be a virgin
Was that a mistake when you first met me?
Did you smile start to drop when it dawned on you
The real me
The worse me
The fucking worse and worse and worse me
Wrong in every fucking capacity
Then why? What business did you have with me?
Tell me why? Just… Tell me why?
What’s happening to me?
Why me?

The Best, The Least Likely

A Vocalized culinary of extraterrestrial psychotic suggestions
A back and forth badminton of complications over nations and cities
Has captivated my intrigue, more then a collection of synthetic collisions
And I’ve yet to even see you in the flesh

When are you coming back?

Lnc0

The Empathy Age (W.I.P)

Oh there’s nothing you can do, they’re all dead
No future for your favourite people, they’re all dead
Destined to smile though a bruised jaw
And a demolished ego, boy they’re already dead

Try as I might to babble through textbooks
Of analogy, quotes, self help propaganda
It appears I just don’t have the tongue for it
To get you see the spade as a spade

If only you were the only one
Ping, Ping, Ping, all day long
A breakdown censored by the sweetest smile
From all over Essex county

It feels like a task intended for meta-humans
To convince people they don’t deserve this
To be tendered and made to feel like dirt
If they have the audacity to think themselves human

What can I do if they’re already long gone?
I can’t convince them, they’re better then dead
How much empathy can I spare,
If the dead can’t find it in them to cling to life?

Does it earn attention away from my beloved?
To share the strain of empathy
Almost to strip the awards from her hands
For knowing she’s worthy of humanity

Oh what a horrible thing to say, to even think
But my heart can’t bear to ache anymore
Is it right to leave you to your grave
And spend that time tending to my wounds?

Lnc0

Not My Home To Demolish

If you un-fastened the straps on our mind
Then you’d see neither of our intentions are righteous
You can drop the nice guy bollocks now
No good boy sulks around this part of town

I got personality painted demons to quell
Plus another night of suicide to postpone
And I’ve been where you are now too many times
I’d recognize that shit eating grin you wear on anyone

I don’t know what she did to incur your wrath
But I hope it cuts her up inside
When you print a molar shaped insignia
Right on the showcase angel that is my neck
I hope the bridges you were aiming for get burned
As you cup the silhouette around my breast
And I hope you start to feel sick
When you look upon my glorious disease
Inside your bedsheet the next morning
And you realise the gravity of what you’ve done

And the gravity of the devil you’ve now committed with

I Never Thought I Could Say It And Mean It

No time for concern
No time for solace
Too busy with bathing in your flower bed
No windows in inhaling family matters
No gaps in soaking up romantic rewards
No pauses in revealing in your network

Here’s to the loneliest week of my life
No one’s got the time to check around
Under their boots, behind the sofa
For those of us without units
No friends to share a drink with
No family to send well wishes
No lovers to wake up with
Nobody at all on Christmas day

This has become the loneliest time of year
The isolation has turned me
Into a holiday special villain
I can say without doubt for the first time

I fucking hate Christmas

Lnc0

The Drunken Statment [W.I.P]

When the hunger escalates into a roar
All the fellow young ears start to perk
Spurned on by the illusion of a lovers ultimatum
The age fiction is over, let the hunger scream

Cos I’m young, free and innovative
Hexing Unagreable angles into a renaissance
None of you will know the alterations
As you gaze on my flawed image with awe

Cos we’re young, free and uncanny
And we won’t invigorate ourselves
So plug your thumbs into my neuro-network
And create a deva among deities

Lnc0

There’s No Point To This Poem, There’s Nothing To Gain, It Can Only Do Damage By Existing Right Here, And Yet I Can’t See Any Way Around It Exisiting

You only ever acknowledge me when you need help
You only come round when your boys mad at you
Your objectively an awful person, yeah I know
But I can’t help but take a few more lashes
Cos you’ve got your claws around my beating chest
It may pass hands, but it’s your name inscribed inside

I’m always gonna be here for you
And I’d be damned if you reciprocate what you receive

Despite the pantomime I put on
I’ve never loved any less as the days pass
And worry has crystallised distress
My heart drops another foot
When you wander into the headlights
You do it every bloody time I take my eyes off you

I’m always gonna be here for you
And I’d be damned if you reciprocate what you receive

If I mega-morphed into a giant golden,
Caricature of myself, with all crafts perfected
Then that wouldn’t cover even 1%,
Of the criteria I’d need to deserve you

I’m always gonna be here for you
And I’d be damned if you reciprocate what you receive

It cuts years of my life span to see you weep
To see the world, the fuck boys attack you so
There’s only so much a bystander can do
Is it my purgatory to see you die 1,000 times
In front of my very eyes
Like Caesar in the coliseum sittings

I’m always gonna be here for you
But christ man how much is this going to go on for?
If reciprocating my love is the only way out of this cycle
Then I’m going to exit stage right, and turn a blind eye

Lnc0

Paranoia Blues

Be it the oxygen count or the chemtrails in my tea
But the paranoia’s creeping above it’s climax
I could regulate with mental stimuli any day you like
Except today’s the day I met the love of my life

Constantly wrestling with the grit in her teeth
An attitude as rotten as summers milk on xmas
Stenched with a coalition of an underbellies delight
Everything I could ask for in a lovers highlight

She brings me over to ask for the time
While surrounded by Dahli’s Compilation
There’s been no excuse weaker, adorably see through
She takes my paw to administer a mixtape disco
Each drip of audio more familiar then the last
Bit-crushes her sways into technicolour video

Her whispers hints
Her yelps imply
And by the time we’re collapsed on someone’s acre
Met by the silver lined abstract above
Her confession reveals all
As we make physical calculations
She wraps around any semblance of form
Tells me she never wants to orbit another
Ah if only I wasn’t convinced it was all a lie

Is there any interaction as misleading as conversation
Everyone’s carrying a hunger on their backs
Everyone’s got a profit margin to hit
All in my packs is a lump of scars
So even when my love peeps into my eyes
The only conclusion present; is that it’s all a lie

Lnc0