She Paints

She paints, but there’s not much else to her
Least nothing she could find
No peak as you bypass the skin
No shocks when you feel the neuro
She paints, that much is certain
But what hooks could that provide?

She paints, but who else does?
And even when they do too
That’s no basis for a connection
She paints, but not like they do

She paints, but it’s the origin of isolation
“I’ve suplexed 9 condo’s into the lava
Then saved 6 magical girls from Satan
Before making my 3rd million at poker
But enough about me, what have you been up to?”
She paints, but that’s all she ever does

She paints, as she lets life pass her by
Absent from the pub
Absent from the gigs
Absent from the work due
And they all know where she is
No matter what the last minute text says
She paints, as she cowers from the window
She paints, but swallow regret all the while

She paints, when there’s no one around
No one can make the coffee date
“My misses has the day off work”
No one can join the shopping day
“My boyfriend wants to watch some movie”
She paints, but she has to wonder
Would it be so frequent with someone at her side?

She paints, she paints, she paints
She paints, the whole world away

Lnc0

Fragile

There’s only so many times you can ignore
The little warning signs pulsating under your skin
The skipped beats, the little tremors and aches
That doesn’t mean I’m not gonna give it a try though
Hands over the ears, and the neurons
Running on performance specs from decades gone
Nothings gonna stop me from having fun
The spirit is willing, The soul is willing
But I’m willing to bet
It’s all due to collapse any second

Another round down during the next gig night
I’ll whisper in your ear all the things I’m gonna do
The velocity of youth still regulates in us all
But on my way out an objection creeps in
The shades turn Rouge, Ruby and Cinnabar
My legs unfold and constrict
I reset my stature with every twitch
“NOT THIS AGAIN, NOT NOW!”

I can’t even keep up with my own fabrication
The after image has overtook on the inside
Despite how I smirk or pose it can’t be denied
My bodies giving way to my limits
The man can never shape up with the myth
Another flutter in my chest as I protrude the mucus
How ever I came into the scene
I’m leaving as a mockery of the human form

“NO!” I fucking screech out
As I claw my way up the pavement
Blood trickling down my grip
As I tremble I grasp out into the air
To grab expression to fuel me
To grab a friend to help me
To grab a lass to love me
Anything to claw my way back to the living

My breathings heavier, my feet are collapsing
My ribs protrude further into my chest
Stab deeper into my lungs, hampering arteries
I’m coughing up something new everyday
The shell has failed me again
The bloody things one job it had
To spike the interest of the onlookers
Now they’ve gathered to see a corpse crumble
“Don’t just fucking gawk love
Slap the mirrors from your eyes
And help me up yeah?
My insides are begging to emigrate”

And I merge with the scene
Smelling of lynx and asphyxiation
The rise and fall of respiration
Transpire again and again
It may be too late for me
I may of wasted my time in self bondage
My primes passed me by
And I’m struggling to stay awake
Let alone be anyone’s best use of time
Let alone stave of a worthless title

Lnc0

Value Of Worth

I could never impress you
No matter the accolade or goal post
It couldn’t even give a millimetre of a raise
Must be boring to hear any of it

But sometimes we forget the world
When we’re keen to chalk down the self
To statistics and levels
Like picking out puppies in the pen

A giggle and a nod
That’s all it came down too
Not what I said but how it was said
That’s how I earned the lean in
And when I think about it
That’s how you hooked onto my heart

And suddenly all the lifetime achievements
Feel like finger paintings on the fridge
Compared to making you laugh
Making you smile through the tears
When you lurk around the outskirts
It’s evident a good feelings all we seek

Lnc0

So Are You Just… About Now?

I just wanna swarm you like paparazzi
Cos I got so many questions to relay on to you
When exactly did you come back around?
To roam the streets and to haunt my beats?
But like a Sirens hiding the Kraken beneath her seas
Those sparkling head lights still make me weak at the knees

Could I hit the roulette on lucky 13?
And be graced with the report that you still remember me
The smile you flash as you scan my way
Implies your memory hasn’t progressed another day

Your glitz, your sleaze, the perfection of your tease
Your lips, Your curls, my minds on a downward twirl
The way you add class to every damn place
Are you sure your still of the human race?

You’ll be at awe of the abysmal excuse I’ll use
When I’ll relay a love note, with the digits I swore I’d lose
The time you’ve cameoed in my life has been slight
But now nostalgia’s grip on the synapse is tight

Lnc0

Before Her Time

Eyes as blank as the first semester canvas
Waiting for context to give ‘em colour
She’s wasting away in a half price deck chair
In the cage where dust fuses with dust
Spit collects in her mouth
Tears collect in her eyes
Momentum can’t cease this soon she thinks
She’s gotta have a few years yet till Ragnarök

She chisels hieroglyphics into her skin
So she can stay as a historical landmark
To remind the world she’s to be preserved
To inspire a committee before she’s lost her youth

Slinking through the pavement, under the fire of stares
But what does it even mean?
When like gargoyles in the heart of Paris
The embody the idea of being alive
The fast claws away at her life force
Down her throat and between her legs
Can anyone look at that collection of marble
Like a Tate modern tenant, just lost in the wild
Statistically that’s ridiculous, clearly they will
But when conversion is a thing of the past
The frost reaching the womb, dictates perception

Comparison can only thrive in this crater
How can she make the seals clap again
With the hypnotism hitting their eyes
In a way only the one possessed by Eros could
Fill the pigments with a hot pink grip
Before turning blood red from the tears of heartbreak
Emulating winces and frowns
In the sceptical that only youth allows

Only a year has gone by
And the visage remained beautiful
So what happened?
Why do the seas remain calm?
These eyes that used to grip their gaze
Dead
These legs that would be traced with their tongues
Dead
The tights that would interrupt their thoughts
Dead
The origin point of the nutrients that would invigorate
Dead
The whole world has died around her
And she’s lost all life as a result
The earth has forgotten her as time thrives
A glacier victim to decay, at just 24
No eyes will objectify her ever again
What a fate for one, which solitude only brings danger

Lnc0

Hesitant, Hesitant

The blood vessels have clocked in overtime
The interpretive belts have tightened around my face
The moisture inside does a pas jeté
Skyward into the atmosphere’s stage
Time’s edging closer off the skyscraper
And the garrotte just gets tighter and tighter
If only I could get my nails under my skin
Tear it to shreds and let the flesh elevate

Because only the espers know what lies underneath
A rotting corpse? Or a coating of amethyst?
And I know wherever you might be hiding
You’ll only notice me in the corner of your eyes
If I’m radiating the elements from my shell
The late night album parties
The all day game marathons
I’ll beat it all down to a bloody pulp, so it’s bitesize

You think your orbiting a million miles away
But when you hear the way
I’ve turned molten obstructions of a waitresses grind
Into golden temples, broken down into their binary forms
Your perception will gain a fuchsia mist
And your heart will invent indents where I’ve touched it
But there’s no way the damage can be cultivated
When my tongues strapped to my molars
And I’m letting life pass me by
Your my greatest motivation, to unfasten the straps

Lnc0

A Life Time Of Love In Review

We’re coming up to the half a year anniversary
But I’m not feeling so vapid come this time around
Maybe it’s cos a familiar question is orbiting my lobes
And quite frankly I don’t have an answer this time around

What it is I’m even asking the stars for?
That which I could pluck from the gardens of my fellows?
With only the addition of readiness to entice the deal
Is that what it all boils down too?
Not a search for beauty, or for enchantment
But a treck for the treasure of convenience?

Maybe I don’t want a blue bird to show for my efforts
I just want the whirlwind of the engagements
The chest pains as I walk up to the meeting place
The stutters in my speech, the grasping for topics
Before tearing the walls down with our finger tips
As the distance between us regressed to decimals
Does it matter how it actually ends up?
If the means to get there were so joyous?

As I vocalize it, it becomes apparent
That we put love into such bizarre quantifiers
So many ounces of attractiveness
They have to hit a quota of earnings and possessions
Maybe those I’ve looked down on had it right
Nothing about them has to blow your mind
I just want to be liked in the most infantile way
For them to like me, like the way I talk
Like the way I dress, like my glass shattering laugh
Like my pointy nose, Like my scraggly hair
Like the way I write, Like the way I love
But above all that shite, the one thing they have to like
Is like the way I like them too
Maybe this isolation wasn’t in vain, to figure that one out

Lnc0

Confused For The Sake Of Being Confused [2016 Remake]

For a romantic debut, I think I could’ve done better
Just to think, nary 2 nights ago we were rolling in the mud
Exerting hot air with no substance to it what so ever
But does it matter? Two teeny bopers shooting the shit
Aiming nothing substantial to be immortalised in the stars
I can’t think of nothing more beautiful in hindsight

Such a cosmic contrast to a classic Essex bust up
Hanging on the thread of another request to be put on hold
Twiddling my toes, finding ways to kill time
While a flood of possibilities pass me by the roadside
Did you do it in the cubicles? Or in the cinema?
Fantastic ways to waste your time on the weekend
I’ve no doubt your trading sucker punches with another fella
Already a jab on it’s own, but the part that really stings
Is the confirmation that love wasn’t the motive to this crime
You just could, that’s it

I try to put it to the back of my mind
This is my first love, and maybe I just don’t know any better
Maybe everyone goes through this too! It’s just process
That’s the key I use to get out of this prison
I’ve curated for myself with absolute precision
With every imagine conjured up designed to incite anguish

So I get my coat and stroll out
The evening’s air has done nothing but aid me thus far
And then I’m greeted by a gorgeous sight
The sight of you patrolling the night with him round the bend
We exchange the looks
I want to scream out, but my mouths locked tight
It’s the restraints I used to lock myself back in the prison
But not before I turn my head to check what I had seen
To check that’s it’s really the end
It’s agony

So I’m back to serving my sentence
Except my imagination’s become fact
A buzz on the phone
The sounds of a moan
I think I knew it all along
But confusions a great delaying tactic ain’t it?

Lnc0

————————————————————————-

As hinted at above, this poem is a remake, infact it’s a remake of THE VERY FIRST POEM I EVER ‘PROPERLY’ WROTE. I’ve never posted it cos y’know Tumblr wasn’t a thing in my life in 2007, but here it is, written by 17 year old me in all it’s embarrassing glory:

By the time the moon has made the lap another 2 times
Your off slinging your hooks with some other guy
To think 2 rotations ago i was sure you was mine
But now i’m a victim of change and at the mercy of why

I wanna be at home and to go alone
I’m not sure anymore
From When to Who and Why and back to Where
I’m shrouded in doubt

Doubt that love was ever the motive behind this most henious crime

I’m strolling about the town again, to find a preaty sight
The sight of you and 2 other guys patroling round the bend
We exchange the looks;
sad in
glad out
but the mouths are shut tight
I turn my head for one last check, to check it’s realy the end

I wanna be close and i wanna be away
I’m not thinking anymore
I rush back home, but i’m feeling regret in confort
I’m left wanting more

So i sit here, on the night alone, only with a brew to call my own
A buzz on the phone
The sounds of a moan
Just please, i need a minuite alone

You can’t put me down for being mad for wearing this frown
It’s just that i can’t bealive i was up aginst half the fucking town

[17 year old] Lnc0

The End Of The 4 Nights Of Hell

I’ve been kicked out of heaven
But I don’t belong here in hell
And limbos such a fucking bore
So I guess I got to keep on living here

Looking back on it all, back on these 4 nights
I can’t even remember what I was even looking for
I waved my hand out to the crowd
Looking for another soul to grab onto
And I found them, I found more then you could know
So many that the boys looked at me with envy
But anything I caught a hold of crumbled in my hands
Like blood flowing through my fingers
And I could feel the critters crawl up my skin
Everyone seems to enjoy it, so why can’t I?
Absence cuts through my sanity like a knife
But that’s pocket change in comparison
To the fallout when suspect entities draw near
I’ll take fucking anyone, but anyone’s not good enough
And every night just collapses right in front of my eyes
And I’m the only one occupying my space
I tore the IV from my arm in order to be free
But now I’m out here with all the control in the world
I’m just counting the days to be bound again
And that’s a cycle no one wants to witness

I want to spend every second of clear time
To polish and perfect my little creations
Maybe if I finally made something of worth
The right people would gravitate towards me
If I finally learnt the bloody guitar
People would want to be around me
But I just spend that precious time earned
Staring at a series of menus and profiles
Begging again and again
SOMEONE PLEASE BREATHE LIFE INTO ME!
No matter how I pray into the void
Nobody came

Whatever god is pulling the strings on causality
Won’t you hear my pleas and cries?
Let me break the barriers of mortality
Let me sprout wings, let me take flight
Cos the pain of solitude gets more overbearing each day
And seeing people all round me, progressing faster and faster
Hand in hand, with someone who wouldn’t dare let them go
When they find my dead body, they’ll say it’s that what killed me
I’d love to become a coward, just give up on it all
But I have an obligation to the lives I’ve touched
They’re looking at me with expecting eyes
And I hate coming up empty handed everytime
What can I tell you man? I can’t stop crying every night
Unless someone comes in, grabs me by the hands
Kisses me on the head and promises everythings gonna be allright

But I know for now the cycles due again
So suit up, make yourself look nice
Cos here comes the next 4 nights of hell

Lnc0

A part of the ‘4 Nights Of Hell’

Dear Daddy

It’s just the kind of world we live in
I could transcribe a perfect line portrait
But even with all the evidence and testimonies
But alliance is a fucking bitch, fucking efffooorrttt

So this recap is just for myself
Cos everyone knows it, even if they choose to forget it
But I’m struggling for the words honestly
It feels like nature at this point
The birds sing, the wind blows
And your the embodiment of evil
Your voice makes me shudder
I can stand to have you in my sight
You’ll take out anyone so you’ll stay the victim
You’ll play kids of against each other
You know your worth nothing
So you’ll beat everyone down to beyond anything
So you can stay on the top billing
And you’ll hold her grave hostage to get your way

There’s no word for a evil so concentrated
Just know I hurt myself in some way everyday
To make sure I can bleed your gene’s out of me
To remake myself in any other image

Lnc0