In less “My personal life suucckkss” news my poetry hiatus will be over soon…. I mean regualrs will know this ‘hiatus’ is a brief pause compared to my uh…. usually SEVERAL MONTHS long breaks from before :L but this was intentional this time, I feel i’m at a new point in my life now, had a lot of stormy waters that i’ve just overcome and suffered like…. huge losses with family and friends, but I feel i’ve come out another person, like reborn

So consider all poetry from this point like a new wave, like a “Season 3” as I call it of Domestic, hopfuly this means with a new lease on life I can make better poems….. and not this be a pre-warning for when I go super shiiity haha

I made the mistake of thinking of trying to get back into Poly communities in the UK/East Anglia again, looked online and jesus there is NOTHING the only things are really fetish based rather then people looking for a relationship which y’know… far from a prude but that isn’t really what I was after. Dating sites? Fuggedabout it, unless there’s a secret one I’ve missed: Nothing

Ugh I hope the Cambridge community is better, a little out of the way but got a meet-up comming up next week, seems a lot more romantic based so I hope I can find luck there with like at the very least meeting like minded people for advice!

Cos if not well…. guess it’s a life of repressed Monogamy for me!

Why Me? [Draft]

I just can’t do it
Rimming around the outskirts of my mocha
Trying to grab the clauses from the air
To build us something resembling small talk
Cos that’s what sane people would do right?
Keep it all composed
Shoot eachother satin laced nods and smiles
Where so happy to hear that of each other
Except we couldn’t possibly be in reality could we?
Just tell me why, why didn’t you come?

Where the fuck have you been?
I remember during toaster filtered summer nights
Tearing up in your bedroom, clutching my paws
You were so afraid we’d drift so far apart
You said you didn’t want me to ever leave
That you wanted to do everything to keep me around
I bet you applauded yourself for that one, Oscar worthy even
You can count me among those who fell for it

I know how much more stimuli you get now
From your new life with all the temporary high cads
But when your alone at night….
Who am I kidding? A girl like you is never fucking alone
A slightly fawning cough and they run up in miles
But lets say you could bring yourself to be alone once
Do you never flick thorough the blackbox
And remember the times you said you’d be there
The times you said it killed you to see me hurt
When I’m veiled top to bottom in sulking tears
With my arms covered in blood
Concealing the blade in my jacket pocket
Did you ever think that got any better with time?
Do you just not care anymore?
And if you don’t…. Tell me why?
What made you stop caring?
Weather or not I lived or died?
Why… What did I do? Why me?
Aren’t you worried about me? …Why?

I know I got more rancid as time went on
I arrived as a beacon of lost hope
And turned into a broken brake light
I got so much worse as time went on
I stopped trying to look any good
My hair got more shit and grim
I got so much more fatter
I stopped being someone you could show off
I kept feeling sick around your friends
Because how embarrassing it must of felt to be around me
I could never be like the ones you fawned over
Never be clean cut, Never be cute and nerdy, Never be a virgin
Was that a mistake when you first met me?
Did you smile start to drop when it dawned on you
The real me
The worse me
The fucking worse and worse and worse me
Wrong in every fucking capacity
Then why? What business did you have with me?
Tell me why? Just… Tell me why?
What’s happening to me?
Why me?

With new interactions there are only two settings:

* Way too excited and way too chatty

*Cold and distant as the night, when secretly you wanna be the above

The Best, The Least Likely

A Vocalized culinary of extraterrestrial psychotic suggestions
A back and forth badminton of complications over nations and cities
Has captivated my intrigue, more then a collection of synthetic collisions
And I’ve yet to even see you in the flesh

When are you coming back?

Lnc0

The Empathy Age (W.I.P)

Oh there’s nothing you can do, they’re all dead
No future for your favourite people, they’re all dead
Destined to smile though a bruised jaw
And a demolished ego, boy they’re already dead

Try as I might to babble through textbooks
Of analogy, quotes, self help propaganda
It appears I just don’t have the tongue for it
To get you see the spade as a spade

If only you were the only one
Ping, Ping, Ping, all day long
A breakdown censored by the sweetest smile
From all over Essex county

It feels like a task intended for meta-humans
To convince people they don’t deserve this
To be tendered and made to feel like dirt
If they have the audacity to think themselves human

What can I do if they’re already long gone?
I can’t convince them, they’re better then dead
How much empathy can I spare,
If the dead can’t find it in them to cling to life?

Does it earn attention away from my beloved?
To share the strain of empathy
Almost to strip the awards from her hands
For knowing she’s worthy of humanity

Oh what a horrible thing to say, to even think
But my heart can’t bear to ache anymore
Is it right to leave you to your grave
And spend that time tending to my wounds?

Lnc0