The Rest Of Known Existence Has Gone Home

We’re past the Tequila’s abilities
To alter your perception of the night
Somehow I don’t think having a sober one
Would’ve stopped the waves from flowing over you

12 feet high, takes the lighting down with it
Full of neon colours, galaxies and stars
Phasing through the Bourbon glasses and furniture
There’s no man alive who could outrun it now
You should’ve seen this unnatural disaster coming
When the fuel tanks started to run dry
But you were so damn sure you could get it all back
I dunno where exactly you were thinking the oasis lied
From locking lips with a love born from the smokers bench
Maybe as the nocturne’s fills up your hollow husk
Or perhaps after you shove the 3rd spirit down your throat
But you should’ve known, you can’t get back what you lost
Your friends have no idea what it’s about
But you know it all to well
As your arm slips from the melting bar counter
And the faces of your platoon soon follow suit
While the friendly modnation nursing his beer in the corner
Takes the form of Baphomet under the shadows cover
Beckons you over in order to answer your call
The one you made as the Nymphs united and loneliness took you
The colours trade places at the blink of an eye
Your ability to recall anything slips through your fingers
None of the others can tell what’s going on
And you wouldn’t dare let on what is
So just smile through it, and keep yourself together
For heavens sake, please just keep yourself together

Lnc0

WHERE DID THEY GO? HELLO…? [W.I.P]

The setting of a crystallises caper
A backdrop of pure beauty
A little batshit nipper couldn’t ask for better
As the hue’s rise from the soil come nightfall
But the shine depends on it’s light source
And little by little, each beam goes out
The jewels all dim day by day
The memories of colour in these caves gets hazy

Where did everyone decide to go?
Did they find it better then staying here?
Or do they envy me for remaining
I wish I could tell them they’re not missing out
Anywhere’s gotta be better then here
Talking to apparitions echoing against the walls
Based on the recollections of people long gone
Oh where did they go? I hope it’s better then here

I hope there’s some way to communicate
Maybe through the clang of the dim amethyst
The PSA’s have to go through the lying complex
I’ll act like I’m stronger then ever
Like I got it all under control, It’s all going to plan
I didn’t love ‘em, Oh no! I left them
And of course I don’t miss them, not one bit
Of course I don’t need them, I’m just fine me
The pillars of my life aren’t collapsing without them, not true
My reasons to live aren’t dwindling as they leave, nuh-uh

Does it take sulking like a baby to admit it?
I feel like I’ve regressed a year or two by now
As I retreat to a barren alleyway
To make the message echo through out Queen Street
I’m the lost puppy without an owner
Isn’t their anyone with the spare time to pick me out?
I know someone’s gonna fill her shoes soon
But soon isn’t quick enough
Cos without a hopeless romance to dote on
With no fantasy to dream of to pass the time
It drags, everything drags
Without a receiver of my dead sea tales
With no one peeking round my corner to check on me
It drags, this life drags

So where did everyone go?
I hope they’re with people better then I was
Maybe they can tell me how to join them
The secret code that gives the necessities everyone has
The hug on the sofa, the thumbs grabbing the wrist
Just to make it through the day unscathed again

Lnc0

Aarrgggggghhhh what is the best time to post poetry so it gets the exposure it deserves? I sware their’s never a consistent time, I’m not throwing a paddy over note count, just get scared people arn’t seeing my shit if they really want too :L

Or maybe everything I’m writing lately is shit and I’m in denial :L

Fatal Scenarios, Midst Daydream

The hideous prospect, constantly replaying
What if I up and faded away?
What if it were to happen today?
And I don’t mean visualize the worth of my life
The tears shed, the funeral they’d throw me
All the sweet things they’d say on the pulpit

I mean think of all the loosened threads
That’d lead to a point without an ending
No lessons learned, No glory gained
Unsavoury and unsatisfying to say the least
I’d walk out and their perception would be left intact
“The little shit head toerag, never good for owt”
Their vision will be immortalised for all time
That I didn’t have the talent to tie my shoelaces
I’d never get to see their stupid mugs
As I would slip form behind the smoke
Onto centre stage of a pristine coliseum
Like a prosecutor with the fingerprint results
It’s there in plain view, all the bias, all the bullshit
Trapped in your filter, distorting your view
Cos I’m standing a hell of a lot higher then you
To think of being late to THAT appointment
Courtesy of faulty brakes on a Ford Focus
Really materializes the time limit in my mind
I know these things take time, you gotta be patient
But these words can’t express how tragic it would be

If anything were to cut this story short

Lnc0

Strats

A cacophony of cheers and guffaw
With the bare minimum of effort
The meek clashing pints with serial killers
Like rain drops falling and grass growing
Insane in the eyes of the sane
But they’re in triple digits, while I remain with the one
That makes me re-evaluate my odds
Who’s the truly mad one here?

I weigh up all the dialogue trees
It’s never just ‘Howdy, how’s it going?’
They take to your honey coated wingspan
And suddenly thugs and lords are banging at your door
It’s probably best to ferment in the void
Treat my free time like crown jewels
So they see my appearance like a Bigfoot sighting
Keep the invitations a V.I.P basis

Lnc0

Better And Better

The arches bend, the teacups break
Just who the hell are you?
As mist pours from below her hip huggers
Directing the audience to it’s source
So damn sure, so damn keen
The mark of a bloody wolf like you’ve never seen
I rub the back of my neck nostalgically
The wounds still sting a little from our time
Cherry picking the Adonis herd sulking at the back
The kind bred to be her perfect surrogate
To see the sequel in full force is a strange thing
I was once an equal, now I’m just small time
Do you stalk the lands for another challenger?
Or are you content squishing underlings with your heel?
Either way it’s clear the spectacle will take place
In another dimension to mine

Lnc0

Intended Abstinence

It’s the wound I fashioned myself
From the knife I fashioned myself
A violent scroll through the system menu
As the lighthouse gaze shines my way
Your gorgeous and serene
Your tendency to loom shows your keen
We could step to a beautiful choreograph together
But the prospect is so sudden, so raw

My bags start to drag on the floor
Where phantoms and claws have prevented any rest
The GP’s notes on my file are getting longer
The list of substances taken is growing longer
That’s a lot for a Twisters regular to take on
When buried under Grungey Gary Model 2k16
I’ll excel beyond the mortal line sometime
But not yet, I’m not that well yet

Lnc0

So it’s that time of year again, bereavement day, I think we’re at 6 or 7 years since I lost my mum

I guess this year in particular is special, just basicly due to everything leading up to today. I’ve been doing a lot of therapy and the like throughout this whole year, getting more help then I ever did but especially as of late it’s been casting a blazing light over my upbringing and childhood in general, cos y’know it’s therapy so of course it has. I’ve found great comfort as of late in expressing this with the ‘ol poetry, like about being disappointed my mum didn’t stand up for me from my abusive dad, y’know pretty standard stuff for a boy in my position :L and I guess that’s weird cos I’ve just submitted and taken to the opinion of you have respect the dead in every way, just view them as angels, be standard sad every now and then and get on with life. In a way this was like a bind and didn’t allow me to grieve properly not like I have been this past year. Sounds like sprialing down the rabbit hole but I know I’m healthier for it

But I guess the frustrating thing is expressing that causes people to jump the gun and assume a lot of things, like I won’t be sad today because I hate my mum and curse the very soil she’s buried in, but bereavement isn’t that fucking easy or straight forward. A lot of these frustrations about my upbringing is flat out due to absence, that’s where a lot of the anger for her comes from. She died without answering for herself or even knowing that she did anything wrong cos fuck I didn’t know I was having a shitty time when I was a kid or a teen why would I? In that environment you don’t know any better cos it’s all you know. That’s a really hard thing to swallow when your becoming more mentally healthy and it becomes more apparent your upbringing was kind of abusive, you just wanna get mad and demand answers, why she let my dad treat me how he did and why she never stood up for me, but you can’t there’s no one there to yell at or get mad at, nothing! That’s what these OTT poems I do on this blog about my mum are for, just a way of venting that anger out.

But here’s the thing about that, for me to be so angry I have to feel betrayed and If I just hate my mother now how can I feel betrayed? Don’t feel like that about my dad cos he’s lived as a cunt and will die as a cunt. But of course I feel so mad cos I do love my mum and miss her so much, it’s just baffling in my family’s little abusive circlejerk that any criticisms laid on a person means your going against everyone and everything. Cos duh right? Hearing them criticisms puts them in the spotlight and maybe makes them realise they arn’t the greatest family members themselves. But why do that when you can make the ‘difficult’ child shut up?

Like I guess what I’m getting at, it’s kind of sad I have to keep every member of my family away in order to grieve properly, in my way that’s kind of disappointing. Also that having that angry feeling doesn’t mean you don’t miss or love someone, having someone be absent really can just fuck a person up like that and sometimes it’s not as straight forward as worshipping them as a god or condemning them to hell. You flip-flop between both as any human would, and that’s normal and it’s okay just give the grieving the room to do so and do NOT by any means judge them or try to silence them based on where on the scale they are. They just need time, we all do