Proud Spastic (W.I.P)

An interaction goes fine, proceeding streamline
But uh oh something’s amiss
I spoke too tactless, pronounced my ‘um’ too harsh
Place a ‘come on’ where it shouldn’t go
That’s all it takes for young minds to rage
For the olive to transform to a thorny rose
On the surface your fine, hey your just defending yo’ self
But better should’ve known then to talk to a retard right?
Well like your crocodile smile, the output don’t align
With the intention of inside being sublime
If you hear me out, I just wanna help man
But that’s an ear too much for ‘one of us’ I guess

Diagnosis on the rise, we’re gonna take over in our prime
It’s an epidemic in the USA, we’ll have to start to carry in time
Carry empathy, an extra beat, a shift in social attitudes
It’s a fucking PC nightmare I tell ya dude!
It’s in the food, it’s on the television
It’s in the water, it’s in the vaccines
Cut the vax, let the little Christian child shiver in his bed
Cos his mumma would rather he die then become one of us
Nah your right, bring back the penalty just for us
Missing the cue from that joke: Get the chair
Wall flowering at the party: Get the injection
Truly death is our only salvation

Oh it’s a slasher fic in my room
You guessed it, another NT gettin’ tetchy
Oh god the spastics out, proper blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Well I ain’t gonna shy from no blah’s
I’m spastic plain and simple
And I won’t curb my tongue when I’m excited
I won’t sit still and bind in the corner
I repeat jokes, I spit when I pronounce my P’s
I miss the punchline, I misinterpret the word
I mistake being condescending for agency
I trip over my big-ass tongue every sentence
But if that’s your do or die, what’s that say about you?
Sorry I bring discord to your community
Sorry I put a kink in your perfect victim complex
Sorry I was born, and I promise I’m sorry I exist
But neither me nor any of us are going anywhere
But man you love us on the job right?
“You lot are good with computers right?”
“He comes in everyday and doesn’t complain”
Oh yeah THEN you can’t get enough of us, don’t need no cure
But when your one to one at the end of a coffee mug
And you realize you have to suppress the freedom on your tongue
Then it all goes out of the window don’t it?

Another scar on the arm, but no skin off my nose
I take my technicolour mind, and inspire on someone else’s time
I’ll create on someone else’s time
I’ll advise on someone else’s time
You can talk down to me on someone else’s time
Talk about me like an animal on someone else’s time
Like when the plastic activist raises a brow
“Is this spastic talking back to me?”
Like when masculinity erodes in my hands
“Is this spastic squaring up to me?”
Yeah this spastic make’s a point too
He’s got more to him then a stagnant shot straight mind
Shock! He knows the facts you need too
Shock! He can understand the opinion of others
Shock! He can socialize, hell even start a conversation
Shock! He can bring the charm if he chooses too
Out done by ‘one of them’, yeah you bet
I’ll forget more then you’ll ever know
My comment lands harder then your entire routine
I draw in, in the time it takes you to repeal
And you bet when I hit the sheets, it’s fucking Armageddon
While they Bambi to the phone to call in sick for work
They ask me how on earth I do me?
You know, I know, everyone should already know
It’s the same reason I cast the comments and scream it loud:
I’m a proud spastic!

Sebastian Noël

I supposed those last two poems described the fucking topsy turvy kind of time I’ve had moving to London :L

There’s so much good to this place and to my new life, but discovering yourself exposes you to a lot more to the darkness of the world then ever before. But I didn’t come this far to be deterred by that. Whatever happens it cannot be worse then from where I came! I can only grow as an artist and as a person

No Empathy (W.I.P)

You come to me with testimonies and expect empathy?
I’m supposed to share the pain I’ve felt this whole time?
Where’s your credentials? Where’s your references?
Check the year, it’s time to prove your rape

Did you not record the walking on eggshells?
Did you not snapchat them saying “No one else does this”?
Did you not video them calling you pathetic cunt?
Did you not get a witness when you couldn’t see your friends?
Did you not get a time sheet of when they were your best friend
Only to desert you when the 2nd woman comes by?
Did you not get an x-ray of them invading your space?
Along with a voice recording of you saying no
Each and every time their claws came around?
Then why would I believe you at all?

Your opening up is phoney
Your cries are all fictional
Your standing up is hurting us
Your experience is stereotype
Your suffering is invalid
You can’t prove a damn thing to me

This is the state we’ve been reduced
A victim can’t just be a victim, you must prove your rape
Your abuse isn’t as abusey as their abuse
That’s an abuse of the abuse tag!
It’s now a world where the walls of speaking up are higher
It’s not the just the gaze of the predator you gotta avoid
Now empathy is a thing to earned, not received
And the victim is more silent then ever before

Sebastian Noël

No Ambition Blues

I’m an A student running on D fuel
You put that together and you get a C life
And that was a fine way to live for me
I definitely never asked for the greenlight to ascend
But with your eyes drenched in tears
And your hands tied by a freshers wristband
You’re not letting me have a choice in the matter
Progress or perish, the narrative my Dear John contains

Nirvana is what we make of it, so what if mine’s on the ground floor?
With the ice cold burgers from the local caff’
Decor as gloomy as the staff, as miserable as the weather
You’d look up at me from your mouldy egg sandwich
Playing D.I.Y Pictionary with a few napkins and my Biro
But still ‘Gone With The Wind’ is out of my artistic scope
You fight through the aesthetics and conjure a smile
That’s when I theorised that we could withstand any pressure

But you’re content to get other people involved
“You could do so much good for the world”
But I don’t want to do the world any fucking good
I just want to do you some good
Evaporate the floods from your vision
Flow life back into your tired face
Fill a silent living room with your laughter
Calm you down when the family sends an opinion
That’s all the good I wanna do
Thoese are the accomplishments I hang on the fire place
Don’t send me off on a Hercules errand
I have no will to harness what I’ve got to offer
You’re where the ambition starts and ends
So let me sink the flag pole with you and a call it a life

Sebastian Noël

But what should arrive on an unassuming afternoon?
With grace powerful enough to make renaissance portraits blush
And the charm to talk a bullet back into it’s chamber
You could hear the Velcro damn near tear as she pulled me from the wall

Sebastian Noel   

Pacifier (W.I.P)

Everything fine, but is that the danger?
It’s okay from a progressive standard
But it leaves him feeling a little mismanaged
The employee tag says devoted other
But I don’t think that’s what she sees
She can call him useless to Karen down the pub
But it’s all smiles and well wishes
When she gets home and prepares the roast

Getting onto month 5 on the dole
It’s no one’s fault in theory
When the agency feels like rolling the dice again
It’ll all be back to the normal for the lad
He’s not the kind of boy they keep an eye out for
Only to be given grace, never given a chance

Until then he’s left to monitor the ticks of the clock
For the time the nursing home loosens her cuffs
His heart gives rise at the sight of her
Her heart sinks as the side job merely begins
He can’t seem to get anything right
He can’t enjoy her cooking try as me might
He couldn’t remember the chores in time
He coudln’t remember her favourite colour
He struggles to find the right words to say
Every word he digs from his pockets go down awfully

Why doesn’t his brain work like everyone else?
Why can’t he just do these simple fucking things?
Why is he such a stupid fucking cunt?
The questionnaire that pushes past her fangs
His dream is growing callous working the machine
To keep his life in permanent stasis
Did her patience eroded over time?
Or maybe he just didn’t notice it was always like this
Her eyes uncover, a lover; pacified
The feeling that fastens over time, before his very eyes

Sebastian Noël

This is myfavvy photo from ‘Every Rumour Is True’ because I think it encapsulates what the entire book is about.

This one comes from fan favourite poem ’14/02/16 – And A While Prior’ and if you recall that was dedicated to a specific lady. I remember having some great memories with her, one that always comes back is we were walking from mine back to hers, and as we’re passing near Bridge Bar area, we see some construction going on, specifically like a huge crane with a box full of heavy construction stuff and they were going to drop it on a spot. So we just sat that chatting and chilling waiting for a good 30 minutes for this huge ass box too, drop. Then it did and it was pretty neat.

Thing is trying to recapture that photo as seen bellow is impossible, the constructions gone and the student flats built, the image despite being so intricately tied to the writing is now irrelevant, alien, foreign. The testimony is all the evidence that the moment even happened, to me that’s the entire book, bathing in nostaglia despite the fact the very town itself has moved on, trying to convince people Colchester used to be something else before it’s what it is now. The ultimate goodbye to the town I’ve loved so dearly…. but it’s time I moved on too

Next Season Previews

Drying my feet in the ensuing turbulence
Cos I’ve just dipped my toes into a wormhole
I can’t quite believe what my eyes have witnessed
I’ve seen stone return to it’s fleshy form
As social fossils reanimate from the soil
Did the screams from the soul piqued their hearing
Gasping for air fighting against the cesspool’s tide
Become deaf to the group chat drama for but a moment

It goes no further then a snapshot in time
But in another life it’d serve as the prelude
To a 5 part symphony ringing through the halls
That ends with a parting nocturne outside your door
But not discredit the ringtone minuet currently occurring
Even the Nokia hardware would shake my soul
It’s the calling card left at the crime scene
Clueing me in, what I thought I lost, isn’t quite dead yet

If I blinked enough, I could trigger a hallucination
My skin would start looking fairer, my voice softer
And the only things that would exit these lips
Would be the passions I’ve carried with me
I know were I wanna go, I’m not lost just on a detour
Ambition given is ambition to be returned
Eye contact goes headlights as you start to perform
You know where you wanna go, you know how your getting there
The outlook surpasses greed and nothing shows our youth more
Mrs. Roosevelt would christen us as great indeed

The last 4 years suddenly feel invalidated
I slipped into stasis for a spell while the time kills
Now I’ve slipped back into my suit
I’ve returned to a boy of 20 years
When I’m so close to abandoning my soil
Maybe this has all become a sign?
That I’m not leaving home, oh no
I’m coming home world!

Sebastian Noël