I Still Got It

I still got it, got it, got it
Half a year on and I still got it
Still got that euphoria
Stemming from a more balanced wardrobe
From when the aesthetics keep people guessing
Even when catching the war gaze
Still got it, got it
Always had it, only now getting it
Finding the real me, only now just grabbing it
That hole in my soul, only now just filling it

But what I had to do to get it
My love, my mind, my status: All gone
Lovers saw the path, didn’t wanna walk
Say they love us, but couldn’t love me as one of us
Staring down the chambers, from every form of print
Reeling to see old friends, hesitate to lend to a hand
What else are they thinking? But never thought to say
Cos it wasn’t relevant, now it’s fucking relevant
Nothing to distract, from daily onslaught
Little fun with some company, notion long lost
All the smiles, turn into wretches of disgust
Liked better when they could squint, act like I was a man
Now they gotta see me, they don’t wanna know
My love, my mind, my status: All. Fucking. Gone

But there’s no way I’m gonna lose it
Not when I worked so hard to get it
It’s just a long process to wait
For everything in your life so far
To shrivel up, mould away and die
So summant better can take it’s place

Sebastian Noël

UK Trans Blues

[CW: Transphobia, suicide mention]

Wake up, butter toast, go shower
Check phone, read your notifications
Get reminded of the bounty on your trans ass
Swallow bile, shake off the fear
Knowing the demise of your people’s being planned
By bored white soccer mums after the book club meet
Trying to slide in behind the scenes
Unsheathe concern culture while backs are turned
*Vrrt Vrrt* Check notifications
Looks like they’ve poisoned political parties too

They wanna keep you battered and obedient
To keep you considering going back on commin’ out
Leaves me in front of the mirror shouting “Marco”
To no reply like you’ve been visited by Nosferatu
Gotta drive a steak in my ears and stop listening
Cos living wrong’ll lead to the noose
And they’ll turn a blind eye while you choke
“Oh that’s awful” they say from the VIP seats
Meanwhile they lobby behind the scenes
Praying to god to get the suicide rates higher

Trying to preach to the world about womanhood
They go “Mmmphf Mmmrr Mrrph”
Ah sorry, hard to understand what your saying
With all that Nazi cock in your mouth
Daddy slaps his trunk on your cheeks
Before handing over your pocket money
“Good girl” he sends you on your way
Suddenly propaganda appears in the ladies toilet
Suddenly the Kickstarers get funded
But I’m sure it’s just a coincidence

I’d love to dismiss ya without a seconds notice
The last kicks of life of a hate group on it’s way out
Occupy the same space in the history books
As the British nationalists and psychos
But this shit’s contagious, inspires insipid minds
Like those looking to clean the gene pool
Down at the local swimming pool
Two women blocking a 6 year old from changing rooms
All cos they can’t stop thinking about little kids fucking
But instead of being put on a register
They get put on a slot on daytime TV
Jammie Dodges and a cup of tea in the green room
Schofeild checks in to see if you need a refill
First class treatment for the type that’d put a bullet in a kid’s skull
Bet they’d spread their legs and piss on the corpse while they’re at it

Might I suggest your feminism stinks?
When you fight to keep a patriarchy intact
As you hold the door open for all your friends:
Eugenics Nazis and anti-abortion evangelicals
As they try and keep the men superior
Keep ‘em an Aryan squeaky clean
Trying to keep women inferior
Defined solely by their oppression
What for? Cos you know once the binaries broken
That you’ve dedicated your entire life to a fight
The white woman’s fight, losing the spotlight
That you’ve defined your entire identity
Based solely on the hole you piss out of
What’s a few trans lives to keep the delusion alive?
That’s why you let him slap your jaw with his bellend
Maybe Parker and Davies can join in a double team?
They do the boober and balls, while you take the rimjob
Anything to keep the worst men happy and in charge

Happy #NationalPoetryDay
I’ve snapped

Sebastian Noël

Even during the times you can’t tell
When stimming looks like a quirk
When spacing out resembles eye contact
When Echolalia becomes so refined
It’s indistinguishable from dialogue
And the end of the day: Nothing’s changed

Sebastian Noël

Toerag’s coming to the blog!

So um, my followers here probably weren’t to know but I do drawing a faaaiirr bit aaaannddd I just released my first issue of my comic: Toerag, so I hope you’re ready for this blog to become a Poetry/Comic combo cos yeah that’s the plan

Tho honestly considering the content of my poetry I think it’s fair to say it covers similar if not, the exact same subject matters haha even if it’s a lot more light hearted tone wise, I like to think you will all like it!

Legit just got blocked by someone after they read this blog, which is the wake up call I needed that existential poetry maybe isn’t the best way to woo someone lol